21. Cohen

21

COHEN

O bsession was nothing new to me. Something caught my eye. I became infatuated with it. Needed to know everything about it. Every detail. How it worked and what made it tick. Naturally, medicine became my calling, because there was no more curious an animal than mankind.

Some people would throw a label on that. Something like narcissistic personality disorder with compulsive tendencies. Those people were wrong. I didn't love myself. I just knew that I was better. It was fact, not opinion.

But nothing had ever captivated me as much as Emily. At first, scrolling through her socials had been enough. Knowing her class schedule and learning her usual coffee order. Then I began following her home. Back and forth between lecture halls. I studied her like I studied the human body. Waiting for the moment boredom would hit and I'd move on to bigger and better shit. Girls never kept me interested long. A few weeks at most. But it had been months and I just wanted… needed more.

So I decided fucking her would put an end to the infatuation. It usually did the trick. Then I'd find someone or something else that would drive my curiosity in another direction.Which was what had me walking up to her and telling her we were going out. Had me pulling up to her dorm and leading her back to my car.

Watching her close up was odd at first. I had to remind myself to do more than stare. To blend in. Converse. Pretend I didn't know everything about her already.

It took me a good portion of that first night to figure out what it was about her that piqued my interests. But then I realized it was the fact that Emily Shaw was so beautifully broken. And I enjoyed piecing things back together. Repurposing them and making them whole. And she carried so much delicious damage beneath that brittle shell. One quick tap and she'd shatter.

"Eat your food, Emily." I gestured to the nearly full plate in front of her.The restaurant lighting was ambient but not so dark that I couldn't make out every detail of her face each time the faux candlelight flickered in her direction.

I noticed how she moved the food around with her fork more than she ate it. She was hungry. I could tell by the way her pupils dilated each time she eyed her meal. But something in her psyche told her she didn't deserve it. Didn't deserve to eat. To enjoy her food. That same broken something.

She smiled before taking another tentative bite. The girl also smiled a lot. Almost like she was afraid if she didn't, she'd cry. And I was addicted to watching her teeter between the two emotions. Pushing her towards the ledge before yanking her back again.

"Thank you," she whispered, and I quirked a curious brow.

"For what?"

"For tonight. For taking me out to dinner. For… making an effort, I guess." Her cheeks turned that rosy shade of pink I'd yet to see up close. A color that made her eyes so much grayer in comparison.

I reached across the table and closed my fingers around her hand. I could feel her pulse beating at the base of her wrist, the bpms increasing with the slightest touch. "Spending time with you doesn't take effort, Emily. It's one of the easiest things I've ever done."

"You say my name a lot…"

"Do you not like your name, Emily ?" I grinned when that pink deepened.

"Never really thought about it, to be honest. But I do like the way you say it."

"And what way is that?"

She shrugged as she attempted to pull her hand back. I held on tighter. I was making her nervous. I liked making her nervous. "I don't know. Almost like you're tasting it."

Now I was the one grinning. Or maybe smirking. I couldn't tell the difference when the action wasn't forced. "I'd much rather taste something else… Emily."

She sputtered on her water, choking down a few more sips as I gestured for the waiter to bring us the check.

By the time we made it back to my car, I had Emily squirming in her seat. She was doing her best to hide it. To pretend she didn't want me. And maybe she would have been successful if I hadn't studied her mannerisms. If I didn't know everything there was to know about Emily Shaw.

"You missed the turn…"

"I'm taking you back to my place." I kept my eyes straight ahead while catching Emily's glare in my peripheral.

"No, you're not."

The fire was new. I hadn't noticed it before. It was the wounded girl I'd analyzed, not the brat.

"I don't argue facts." It wasn't the right thing to say. But my mask was slipping the more my blood rushed to my cock. Her mouthiness shouldn't have been such a turn-on. It usually wasn't. Like I said, I enjoyed all the broken parts of her. I was attracted to them. At the same time, the thought of her fighting me had me nearly feral.

"Neither do I. And the fact is, while I appreciated dinner, that doesn't give you an open invitation to get into my pants."

"Are you a virgin, Emily?" I knew she wasn't. I'd done my homework.

"What? No!"

"Okay, then what's the problem?" My eyes flicked from the road to her dropped jaw and back again.

"Your entitlement, apparently."

I shrugged. She wasn't wrong. I was entitled. To a certain life. To enjoy myself. To everything that body of hers had to offer me. I kept that bit to myself though. Slammed on the brakes and made a U-turn in the middle of the road.

"Where are you going?" Her voice was much more timid all of a sudden.

"I thought you wanted me to take you home? Or have you changed your mind again, Emily?"

"No…"

"No, you haven't changed your mind? Or, no, you don't want to go home?"

"I… don't know."

"Well, you better figure it out before morning, babe. Wouldn't want you to miss class…"

"How do you know I have class in the morning?"

Oops, I was slipping again.

"Good guess. You look like a morning person."

She wasn't. Emily despised mornings. She could barely function before her second cup of instant coffee. A splash of milk and a packet of sugar—whenever she had it on hand. Otherwise she'd drink it straight black while scrunching up her nose in that way she did.

She was watching me. Studying my profile while I remained impassive. She didn't need to know how much I wanted her right now. That would give her the upper hand. And truth was, I would have her either way… eventually.

"I'm not, you know."

"Not what, Emily?"

"A morning person."

"Hm, guess I was wrong." I was never wrong.

Five minutes later, we were pulling up to her dorm. I slid out of my seat. Walked around the hood of my car and opened her door. She took my hand tentatively, almost as if she were afraid to touch me. She should be. Because her body betrayed her. Her breaths quickening and her chest heaving. It was sheer stubbornness that kept her legs closed. That and the slight friction it offered her with each step she took towards the door that was meant to separate us.

I punched in the code to her dorm, without giving her the chance to question me as I lowered my head and tugged her forward. Her lips parted on an almost silent moan before I slipped my tongue inside her mouth and finally kissed her.For the first time. And realized it would never be enough.