10. Him

10

HIM

S he hated me. I could taste it in the air as readily as the piece of chewing gum I popped and gnawed on while lost to my thoughts. A smoke was what I really wanted but my eyes were glued to the screen, watching her watching me from a distance. If there was an antidote for what this woman did to me, I'd take it. But short of castrating myself—which wasn't an option—there wasn't much I could do. Outside of killing her. And I wasn't ready for that yet either.

It was like burning a bunch of ants with a magnifying glass. Once they were gone, so was the fun. Thus, Emily and I found ourselves at a stalemate. Neither of us could surrender without the other claiming the win. And I didn't fucking lose. Not since that night. Not again and certainly not to her.

Fool me once and all that bullshit…

I had to kill her. The decision had been made for me. I think I knew it deep down. That this was never meant to be a long-term arrangement. And getting rid of her meant that I finally got to move on. Stop obsessing. Accept my life for what it was and forget about everything it could have been if it weren't for her.

And what she stole from me…

But my cock had a mind of its own. And addiction replaced the obsession. Until I became near animalistic with need. Like a cokehead constantly chasing that high. The truth was, if I didn't kill her, I had no doubt she'd kill me. In some fashion or another. And as much as I didn't fear death, I wouldn't let her take my life from me either. Fuck no, if I was forced to live in this perpetual hell, she sure as fuck would feel the same burn.

That's what really got me going. Her pain, her tears, the sound of her voice when it broke on a sob…

My cock twitched at the thought. And I knew it was too late to do anything but jump on this crazy train and follow its crash course to my demise.

I shot up from my chair. I didn't give a fuck that she was sleeping—or pretending to sleep. Who really knew with this bitch? After all, she was great at pretending. Pushed out of the surveillance room and made a beeline for her door. Emily startled awake the moment it creaked open and slammed shut again.