Chapter Sixteen

Tobias

My alpha really was into the moment, was making it clear that he wanted us to move forward, to do what came naturally to mates, but I was still hesitant. My bear was in full agreement with our mate and even more was demanding that we move in together and make a life.

But I was not at all sure of what to do. I had done that once, thought the person in my life cared about me until they showed their true character. How could I trust that I wouldn't make the same mistake again?

Leon had been nothing but a gentleman and kind, and he'd not done a thing to make me feel otherwise. It wasn't his fault if I didn't know how to trust myself enough to just go for it. But if I moved to his house and things didn't go well…if I threw my lot in with him entirely and it didn't work?

I'd have no one to blame but myself.

Would I?

No.

And I had more than myself to consider now. Before, when things went sideways, I packed up and left. But now, I would be responsible for making a baby homeless. Why hadn't I suggested we use protection at least until we knew one another better? Wouldn't that have been the logical choice?

But no, just like last time, I jumped in but at least I hadn't gotten pregnant before. The very idea of my ex having impregnated me, of having a connection like that to him forever gave me chills. But as far as protection, that ship had sailed and I was carrying a baby who belonged to Leon just as much as me.

A decision that should have been made when I knew my own mind better. Why…why didn't I think before acting? And why did that jackal have to be so damned sexy? And kind. And warm. And caring…

But was it real?

It didn't help that the food issues had moved into nausea for weeks, making it hard to get the nutrition my body was demanding. I trudged into the kitchen and opened my refrigerator, looking for something appealing. Although I had not worshiped the porcelain god for a few days now, I was still being oh-so careful. Eggs. No. Bread. No. Cheese… Nah. Bacon? The one thing that had set me off at the beginning was now the only thing I wanted to eat. I pulled the pound out and got a half dozen strips sizzling in a skillet. As I hovered over it with a fork in hand, my phone rang.

"Hi, Tobias. What are you up to?"

"Just making something to eat." I turned a couple of strips, inhaling the delicious aroma. "You?"

"I was just checking to see if you wanted company this evening." His voice held such hesitance, my bear growled. "What was that?"

"My beast says hello," I muttered, feeling like a real ass for making him sound that way. For making him feel unwelcome when I really wanted him here with me. I knew if I let him stay over, I'd get some sleep, which wasn't happening much right now.

But wasn't that using him?

"Why don't I bring some dinner?" he asked. "I promise not to overstay my welcome."

Ouch.

"Please come over. Just bring yourself and stay for a while?"

"All right. I'll see you in a half hour."

We hung up, and I finished cooking the bacon and ate it while I waited. Then I went in the bathroom and looked in the mirror, horrified by the mess that looked back at me. The very least I could do was clean up before he got there. I'd had the day off and hadn't even showered yet.

With not a lot of time, I stripped down and took one more glance at myself before climbing under the spray. My belly protruded out, but not too far yet. Still, I felt like everything about my body was puffy and unhealthy looking. Ugh.

The shower helped a little. At least my swollen form was clean, and I brushed my teeth and combed my hair then dressed in the one pair of jeans that would still zip up…most of the way. My formerly baggy jeans were now the ones I couldn't sit comfortably in. I stripped them off and replaced them with my flannel pajama pants and a T-shirt I'd picked up the day before in a size larger than usual. My mate deserved better, but all I had to offer was me.

The bell rang and I headed for the door, my steps speeding up as I got closer. I wanted him so much, and I wished I was sure enough to take everything he had to offer. Like the night we mated when for just an hour or so I was. Why couldn't I be that now?

He'd been asking me to go to the healer for some time. Could he be right? No. I'd know when it was right.

I opened the door, saw his face, and burst into tears. Leon led me inside, sat on the couch, and pulled me onto his lap. He would stay as long as I let him and then go home. Again. Why did he tolerate me at all?