22. Cyrus

22

CYRUS

I should have been devastated to see Nico go, but all I could manage was a sigh of relief. He never would have been happy with me, and I couldn’t be with a man who was stifling his own desires to keep me satisfied.

The longer I sat in silence at an empty dining room table, however, the more the realization crept in that I would have to return to the library and begin looking for a new match.

“Another year or two of waiting,” I said wearily, letting my chin rest in my hands. “At least I can say I tried my best with Nico.”

Dear, sweet Nico. I would never forget that man, not even if I met my soulmate and married someday. He was a part of my life story permanently, and I didn’t have the heart to try to erase the marks he’d left on me.

I went to the library after work the next day, sidling in with full awareness that all heads turned when I walked through the door. How could they not? I had to duck to walk inside, although the library’s door had better clearance than most.

“Professor Cartwright, how lovely to see you,” the Librarian greeted me as I straightened up.

“Likewise.” I smiled.

“I do apologize for the door,” they said hastily when I rubbed the back of my neck, sore from hunching over to fit into buildings so often. “I’ve been asking to put a new one in that’s more accommodating, but you know how long these things take even if people are receptive to the idea.”

“Oh, I don’t mind. I’m rather used to it by now.” I glanced around the room, ensuring that everyone had returned to reading or working. “I was wondering if we might speak in private?” I asked in a hushed tone, leaning in closer to the counter.

The Librarian looked up at me and blinked. “Is this not private enough?”

“I’m afraid not. My voice tends to carry even when I whisper.”

“Very well. Will the matchmaking room suffice?”

“Yes, I believe it will. Actually, that is what I wish to speak with you about.”

Their expression softened. “Ah, I see. Follow me, then, and we can discuss your match.”

I’d made this walk through the library once before when I first submitted an application over a year ago. I thought I wouldn’t have to make it ever again, yet here I was, very much single and very much wishing for a mate.

They moved a few books around on the polished darkened wood shelf before pushing back the entire shelf to reveal a small passage to a secret room. It wasn’t so secret anymore, not since all the humans and monsters in town seemed to desire a perfect match from the matchmaker themself, but the sentiment was still there: this was a room meant for a specific purpose, one that the Librarian and all who entered behind them held sacred.

I lumbered inside and sat down in a chair that was far too small for me. I was afraid I might break the delicate wooden frame, but even as it creaked underneath my weight, the Librarian said nothing about it.

“I take it you’re in need of a new match?” they asked, flipping through the pages of a large, partially filled book. The cover was made of ornately stamped brown leather. The stampings were of monsters of all shapes and sizes, including an orc tucked away in one corner.

“I – yes, that is exactly what I’m here for,” I said, a little surprised by their perceptiveness. “How did you know?”

“I suspected Mr. Ross had ulterior motives from the start.” They clicked their tongue. “Well, he told me as much when he sighed up. But the book doesn’t lie,” they held the massive book up for a moment, allowing me to get a glimpse inside the empty pages, “and I thought perhaps I had misjudged the man. I see now that my first impressions were correct.”

“But if the book doesn’t lie, how could he be the wrong match for me?” I asked.

“Not all matches are perfect. Some are matched up based on specific characteristics,” they explained.

“Such as being an orc.”

“Exactly. Mr. Ross’ fate may well lie in a relationship with an orc, but that does not mean that the match will be perfect from the beginning. Of course, people change over time, sometimes matching up better than they initially did, but sometimes it’s their match who changes them into the partner they were meant to be. Now, I cannot tell you much more without revealing my secrets, but there is some burden on the matches to make their relationship work.”

“Then Nico and I, we were supposed to persist in our relationship even though you yourself have admitted you didn’t think it would work?”

“Ah, now you’re putting words in my mouth.” They shook their head, bronze curls swinging back and forth. “No, what I told you was that Nico had something else in mind when looking for a mate. My worry was that neither of you was ready to be matched up, but I cannot choose when a match occurs. That, my friend, is yet another thing left up to fate to decide.” They snapped the book closed and set it back on the shelf. “Now, everything appears to be in order. I shall contact you when you receive another match, although –“

“I know, I know.” I nodded wearily. “It could take weeks, months, or even years.”

The Librarian smiled again and offered me a small pat on the shoulder. “I’m sorry, Professor. Sometimes life works out differently than we hope. Your match is out there somewhere.”

“Yes,” I said, “and at the moment, he’s in a hot, stuffy kitchen taking orders from a chef who barks at him like a drill sergeant.”

“Hm?”

I shook my head. “Never mind. Thank you for taking time out of your busy day, Librarian. I hope to from you again soon, although I very much doubt it.”

They followed me out of the matchmaking room, sliding the bookshelf shut behind them. “Don’t lose hope quite yet. I know it can be difficult, but these things take time.”

I nodded and thanked them again, although I didn’t really believe what they were saying. If any of it were true, then Nico and I would have been able to work things out. In fact, the longer I thought about what they had told me in the matchmaking room, the more I regretted letting Nico go. Was it really the right decision if we were the best match for each other? Should we have tried harder to make things work?

It didn’t matter if Nico’s heart wasn’t in it, and unless he heard what the Librarian had to say for himself and truly believed it, I could never change his mind. Love was simply not something he was interested in, as hard as it was for me to wrap my head around that, and I had to respect his decision.

I still missed him, though, and when I returned home all alone with no one to curl up on the couch with or climb into bed with me, the reality of my life going forward finally sank in. And the worst part by far was the ache in my heart that had grown twice as painful to make up for the man who wasn’t there anymore.