9. Caplan

Hollis is happiest when she's hosting. I told her this once, and she said she just loves attention and being the best at something. My first real memory of her was in her backyard, at a party.

It's a backyard meant for sledding, a corner house, with a long, gentle slope. When we were younger, she used to host everyone each year for the first big snow. All her siblings would invite friends, kids in their classes, kids on the block, and they called it the sledding carnival. The first time, we must have been nine or ten. I remember I thought it was strange to be going to hang out at a girl's house, but Quinn convinced me to go because he'd overheard Hollis on the playground describing how it felt to sled on her lawn. She'd said it was like flying. There was hot chocolate on the porch and more Christmas lights than I'd ever seen in one place. I remember the lights and the trees and the marshmallows and the back of Hollis's head, long strawberry braids sticking out of a blue knit cap, flying ahead of me on a sled, fast as a blizzard, as childhood, fresh and bright and sharp like the first time you realize girls are so pretty.

Tonight the air is warm and heavy, and she's turning eighteen. When I come around the side of the house, I see her balancing on a stool trying to hang a paper lantern, blowing a bit of hair out of her face, in my TDHS track T-shirt and cutoffs. Out of nowhere, I feel really fond of her, and then also sort of sad, but I can't tell why. When she sees me she smiles, then groans, and holds her hand out to me. I put her on my shoulders to help her hang the rest, her thighs sticking to the sides of my neck in the heat. When we're done, the lanterns stretch in a swoop from the top of their tree house down to the porch railing. We go inside for her to change and to have sex.

The sun sets as everyone arrives and the lanterns get brighter. The firepit's going and some of the boys are playing beer die on the big piece of plywood she's had set across two stools for most of high school for just that purpose. Quinn has to leave early because he still does community service on Friday nights, but just before he does, we flip the plywood together to reveal his present. I've been helping him out, letting him know when Hollis and I were off somewhere together, so he could paint the bottom in secret. Now it's green and gold and says TWO DOCKS HIGH SCHOOL CLASS OF 2016, and beneath that in more gold, A TOAST TO THE HOST: LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. Around the letters is a rough map of our town, all the places we live, Two Docks High, the lower schools, Little Bend River, Orben and Sons' diner, Pond Lake, all our spots. It was an awesome moment, seeing her face when we flipped it, but Quinn was the only one who could have painted it, with massive graffiti and perfectly clean lines. I realize I should have gotten her something else, too.

After she takes a thousand pictures of it, she goes and gets a bag of Sharpies and asks people to sign their names inside the white block letters. She checked with Quinn first before he left, and he told her she could dance on it till it snapped in half if she wanted to. It was hers. When I sign it, I write happy birthday top girl, love Cap. I take some shit for it, but I don't really care.

When Mina calls me, I go to meet her in the driveway. She looks so tense, with her arms crossed over her bag, that I have the instinct to take her hand or something just to make her uncoil, but that wouldn't do any good. We walk in, and I wish Quinn were already back, cause he's so good at making her laugh, but Hollis calls out to me and waves us over.

"Your backyard looks so beautiful," Mina says, looking up at the lanterns.

"Come, look what Quinn did!" Hollis pulls Mina to the table, a bit bossy, but unlocking her posture all the same. Everyone is setting up flip cup, and Hollis makes them all pause so Mina can sign the table.

"There," says Hollis, "now we've got everyone," and Mina actually smiles. She pulls a book out of her bag.

"You brought a book?" Becca says.

I hate Becca.

"Um." Mina looks around at everyone and then down at the book. "It's for you." She holds it out toward Hollis, who is staring at it like she'd never seen one before. "It's from Caplan," Mina says quickly. "He chose it. I just picked it up from Dusty's."

"He forgot it there, didn't he?" she says, rolling her eyes.

They both laugh, and suddenly everything is very normal.

"We could mark the trail of your lost items on this map," Hollis says, pointing down at the table. "It spans the town."

"Oh, I think the Michigan news just distracted him," Mina says.

"Michigan?" Hollis looks at Mina and then at me.

My heart falls into my ass. I desperately try to remember when I told Hollis I got into Michigan. I must have told her. How could I not have told her?

"You got in?"

"Yeah," I say, "I totally thought I—" And then she hugs me.

"Congratulations," she says into my neck. I'm so relieved that I kiss her.

Becca, still looking sullen, tries to pull Hollis away to take a shot, but Hollis stays put, and they have a very fast, furious silent argument.

Becca turns to Mina. "Right, also, Mina, I wanted to say sorry for being a bitch this week in the hallway," she says.

"Oh?"

"When I brought up the puppy dog joke. I thought I was being funny, but, yeah. I wasn't."

"Don't worry about it," Mina says. "We're all feeling nostalgic."

"Exactly, totally!"

Hollis, looking pleased, winks at me and then goes to put the book safely inside.

"So what book did I choose specially?" I whisper to Mina as she drifts back to me.

"It's called My Brilliant Friend."

"Fitting."

"I'm sorry, I panicked. I thought everyone would bring her presents, and then I felt weird, and—"

"No, you saved my ass. I didn't really get her anything."

She shakes her head at me.

"And I have no idea how I forgot to tell her about Michigan."

"Do you enjoy flying so close to the sun?"

"Everyone does," I say. "Isn't that the point of that story?" I step up quickly to flip my cup and drink my beer and then fall back again. "So what's the puppy dog joke?"

"Oh, I don't even remember."

It's close to a nevermind, but I let it go, because she still looks on edge. "It's good that you came," I say instead. "It made her happy, I can tell."

"I can't believe Quinn put my house on that map," she says.

"Course he did. Can't do mine without yours."

"Where is he, anyway?"

"Oh, he's at his community service. He'll be back soon."

"It's a really wonderful gift," she says, looking down at the table.

"Yeah. I mean, I helped," I say. "I got her out of the house and stuff."

Then someone stops the music, and two of the girls come down the back porch steps with a cake. Everyone sings for Hollis, who beams around at us all, the only person I've ever met who knows just what to do with themselves when they get sung "Happy Birthday." Mina gives me a little push, and I go to stand with her. Hollis kisses me and then closes her eyes and takes her time wishing. After she blows out her candles, everyone cheers. Someone calls out asking her what she wished for.

"Don't answer," I say into her ear. "Fuck 'em. Keep your wish."

She takes the handle of vodka sitting on the table, holds it up to us all, and says, "For six more months of June!"

Someone's shaken up a bottle of champagne and starts spraying us. She takes a pull and passes the vodka to me. They turn the music back on, and everyone is dancing and hugging each other, even Mina.

"TAKE A KNEE!" one of the boys shouts, and he goes around pouring the vodka into people's mouths. Hollis is kissing me, dripping and sticky with champagne, and I open my eyes just in time to see Mina. It happens so quickly, everyone banging into each other and passing between us. Someone holds the bottle out to her, an arm thrust from the mess of people, connected to no one. She shakes her head, and maybe they don't see or don't realize, but they don't stop the arc of their arm, raising the bottle, tipping it, and Mina is shrinking away with her mouth clamped, blocked in by the people behind her.

Then she is soaking wet. So is everyone, so am I, and everyone is laughing and dancing, but I see her face turn. I pull away from Hollis and get to Mina one second before her knees give out. She's hyperventilating. People start to realize.

I half carry her to the house. People turn to look, in slow drunk time. Hollis comes running after us, asking what's wrong. I ignore her.

As soon as we're inside, Mina starts to sob. I carry her down the stairs to the basement, where there's a bathroom with a shower. When I turn on the water, she comes back to me a little. She's still breathing too fast and shallow, but she takes off her glasses, turns the water hotter, and tells me to go.

"I'll stay."

"Go, I've got it."

"Mina."

"Please go back to the party." Her back is to me. "Please go act normal."

I sit outside against the bathroom door, listening to the water, trying to hear if she's crying.