Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

Jane

" T hank you for seeing me." I rubbed my hands together, terribly nervous.

"Of course," said Paige. She sat in one of my fluffy chairs. "I don't believe what they're saying about you, just for the record, so please relax. You're making me nervous."

That didn't actually make me feel any better, but I smiled at her and took the other seat. "Thanks. I'm not really sure what to think, but I need your help."

"Anything." She reached out and placed her hand over mine. "Jane, we were friends before all this, and it broke my heart when you disappeared. I hate what's going on now. The Elders are behaving like idiots."

I waved a hand. "They're listening to someone they believe is wise," I said. "Humans do the same thing. I need you to tell me everything you know about my old life. What did I tell you? I need to know who I was."

She tilted her head. "Nothing has come back to you?"

"No, but it turns out that I have some secrets. I can't do anything about what's going on around me, but I don't want Siroc—I mean, the warlord—to suspect that I am here to sabotage him."

Paige's brow rose. "Siroc, eh? You've become quite familiar with our leader."

"It's been hard not to. I spent all my time with him—twenty-four seven for over a month. We got to know each other very well. We talked." I shrugged.

"Talked? Is that all you did?"

I wasn't sure how much to reveal to Paige about my involvement with Siroc. I was fairly sure the rumors about us were intense. When we were out in public, before all this started, it was probably obvious for all to see. The way I looked at him had to have revealed my feelings. And looking back, he'd looked at me the same way. There had been attraction there since the start. It had just taken us a while to act on it.

"I think if circumstances were different, and he and I had met under normal conditions, there would be something there." I answered this as carefully as I could, and I was not lying. But I could not tell her that I'd had sex with the warlord. Even if she told no one, it would be an awfully big secret for her to keep. Plus, she had a mate whom I did not know. I did not want her to be forced to keep the secret from him as well, or worse, tell him, and then have it get out and become common knowledge. It could only spell damage for Siroc. And for me.

But Paige's gaze was astute and she nodded slowly, as if picking up what I was not saying. "Well, I hope one day the two of you meet again under different circumstances. When I used to see you both out in the halls, it was obvious there was a connection and some chemistry." She flashed me a quick grin and wiggled her eyebrows. "To be honest, all of us women were rooting for you and him. There were some bets on how soon the two of you would declare yourselves an item."

I gave her a shaky smile. "That was before the Elders turned everyone against me."

Paige shrugged. "Not everyone thinks that. Some think the Elders are the ones in the wrong. We like the warlord."

"But?" I winced and waited.

"No but," she said, and held up a finger. " However , the last warlord held a lot of power among some of the older Mitrans. They're a little more cautious. They want our warlord to listen to the Elders and their voices are loud."

I nodded. "Very loud. Loud enough to make Siroc concerned."

"Let's let him worry about that," said Paige. "So, you want to know about Jane."

I waved a hand. "Yes. But the old Jane."

"Let's see." She folded her hands and leaned back, gazing at the ceiling. "The old Jane liked yarina wine and mystery novels. She dyed her hair." Paige pointed at my head, which had about an inch of light hair. "You were a dark brunette and you said it was your natural color. I will say, the old Jane was very quiet about her past." Paige looked at me with a cautious look. "Honestly, there was a part of me that wondered if you were running from something. There was a sense that you were always looking over your shoulder."

"Really? And I never talked about what that might be?"

"Never. Once or twice, I called your name and you didn't answer. Especially in the beginning. On the transport ship out here, you said that you'd chosen to come to Thrail Praxan because it was underground and, I quote, ‘not just anybody could walk into it.'"

"I was definitely hiding from something," I said wistfully.

"Or someone." Paige narrowed her eyes. "I used to catch you sometimes rubbing your ring finger." She did the same, demonstrating to me exactly how I did it. "So maybe you were married and maybe he wasn't a good guy."

"That would explain a few things." I pressed the skin between my brows, trying to dispel the tension. Wishing I could bring up something. Any sort of memory would be welcome, no matter how disturbing.

"You talked about how much you missed bread and, boy, you loved the bread that the Mitrans make at mealtime. It was almost arousing, watching you eat it." She laughed. "I get it—the Mitran males make amazing bread, but you savored that stuff. And you mentioned that you were so happy to be able to eat whatever you wanted."

"Maybe I had to be skinny for some reason?" I thought about my body, which had been emaciated when I woke up in the infirmary, but now was a strong, healthy weight.

"It's possible, if you were with someone who was super-controlling and horrible to you."

The thought made my stomach turn. "I wish I'd kept a diary or something."

"I never saw you writing in anything. It seemed pretty clear that you wanted to leave the past behind. I hoped that one day you would talk to me about it, but I wasn't going to push."

"Do you think the Mitran male I was getting involved with knows anything about my past? Do you think I told him?"

She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "If you want my honest opinion, Jane, I think it was because of your past that you broke up with him. That you couldn't get past it and felt dishonest. Think about it. If you were actually married to someone on Earth, you might've felt some guilt about potentially binding your life to somebody else." She shrugged with a sympathetic expression. "It's just a theory, but I actually wondered if you'd been abducted by whoever you were running from—maybe an ex?—when you first disappeared."

"It's a good theory," I said. "But no human did this to me."

"You don't know who or what did?"

"No. Siroc is trying to find out." I dared not tell her about the entity that controlled me. "Do you think I was in love with…what was his name—Cigra?"

She smiled sadly. "I think you wanted to be in love with him. He was handsome and nice to you, and gentle. But there wasn't exactly a spark. I don't know, I probably don't know what I'm talking about."

"What about you and your mate?" I asked. "There's a…spark there?"

She laughed. "Oh gosh, yes. I can't keep my hands off him. We're terrible."

I smiled, enjoying her immediate show of joy. "I'm surprised you guys haven't started a family yet."

"Well, that part hasn't been as easy for us," she said. "I passed all the physical tests before coming here, and my fertility is fine, but it just hasn't happened yet. It could be him. We'll get more testing done if we don't conceive soon."

"I hope you do," I said warmly. "You'll make a wonderful, generous mother. Your future kids will be so fortunate to have you."

She smiled at me, eyes bright. "That's why we're friends," she said softly. "You are a kind person, Jane. And you always take the time to think of others, even when burdened with problems of your own."

"Oh." I looked down and blinked. "I'm glad the old Jane was a good person."

"Maybe old Jane isn't all that different from new Jane," she said, reaching over and pulling me into a hug, which felt so good, tears came to my eyes. "And whoever you were before either Jane, well, that person ran from her old life for a reason, and went to extremes to do so. This is you , Jane."

This was me. Except for the alien parts in my body that couldn't be removed and the fact that a strange entity called me Siku and was likely going to try to make me do terrible things.

I had to stop him. I had to find a way to break his power over me before it was too late.