Chapter 4

Four

Angela

Throughout my years at the seminary school, I've taken away quite a few lessons, but one sticks out in my head right now:

Trust the soul.

Everything about the man in front of me screams danger. It screams that I should run in the opposite direction, but something more pulls me closer to him. It's almost spiritual in nature.

I've made poor judgment calls in the past regarding people's character; the only way to know for sure if I'm doing the same with this man, Lobo, is to give him a chance.

I'm scared, though. So scared.

"What the fuck do you mean you are sleeping here? Where do you live?"

He snarls at me, and I force myself to stand my ground. I'm ashamed, but I'm not going to back away from the reality of it. I haven't made enough money yet to find a place to stay, and I don't know if I'm staying here long enough to bother getting a permanent residence.

"It's fine. The weather is nice, and there are no animals around. It's like camping." I smirk and try to play this off.

"The hell it is. Can't you call someone? Don't you have family?"

I look away from him and wrap my arms around myself. My family is the one who put me in this situation to begin with. There's no way I'd even think about calling them for help.

"No, I have no one." The words taste like bitter acid on my tongue.

"Fucking hell." He grumbles before he turns his back to me for a second and kicks one of the rocks lying on the ground.

"I can't leave you out here," he says as he turns back in my direction.

"You have no responsibilities to me. I'm sorry I ran off like that, but I promise you I'm fine."

"The fact that you ran off like that only proves that you're not fine. What are you running away from?" Lobo glares at me, but I keep my mouth shut. There are some things that I'd rather not share with anyone. The less people know about Miguel, the better.

When I don't answer him for a few moments, he huffs out another breath and puts his hand out.

I'm not sure what he wants. I look from his face to his hand, then back to his face. "What?"

"Come on."

"No."

"Look, either I sleep out here with you, or you come with me, and I find you a room or something for you to sleep indoors. I'm not going to leave you on your own. If you don't want to tell me what the problem is, fine, but don't expect me to turn a blind eye to this." Lobo's words are meant to comfort, I assume, but his tone makes me believe that he is fighting against something deep within himself.

"Let's go." He says again, but I still don't move.

"Don't make me throw you over my shoulder." He takes a step in my direction, and I jerk back hard.

He raises his hands again to show me he's not a threat. I hate that I have such a deep mistrust for people now. I've never been like that before.

"Remember what I said? I'm not going to hurt you. Please just let me help you. Please?" He softens his voice, and I close my eyes, trying to decide what to do.

Every night that I've laid my head down out here in the wilderness, I've prayed to God that he would send me some relief. Is this man the answer to my prayers? Is this gruff and somewhat rude man the response I've been waiting for?

I nod my head and take a step in his direction. He drops his hands and turns on his heel, waiting for me to follow behind. I do my best not to get too close in case it turns out he's really out here doing Miguel's bidding and I need to get away fast once again.

We walk in silence for a while. We pass the bakery and the road that leads down to the compound the woman Coca was telling me about.

"I thought you were taking me to your clubhouse?" I ask when we don't turn down the road.

"I would, but it's not finished yet. There's a small inn not too far from here that most of us have been staying at. I can check to see if they have any open rooms for you," Lobo replies.

"Okay, I appreciate it," I whisper in reply. I should be on my hands and knees kissing the ground this man walks on. It's been so long since someone has shown me any kindness. It’s not that the nuns back at school weren’t kind, but they were more rigid in their teachings.

"How long have you been sleeping outside?" Lobo asks as we continue to walk down the road.

"Not very long. Just a few weeks."

"A few weeks? That's too long." He scoffs and shoves his hands in his pockets. "Are you going to tell me what you're running from that would have you willing to sleep outside?"

I sigh and glance up to the sky for strength. "It's better if I don't. After all, my tormentors are not yours to fight."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Lobo squints in my direction.

"It means my cross isn't yours to bear."

"Cross? It's been a while since I've heard anyone speak like that."

"I take it someone like you isn't very religious?"

That pulls Lobo to a stop, and he turns to stare at me. “Someone like me? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You think because I'm wearing a vest and have tattoos I can't believe in God?”

I've never felt more ashamed of my judgmental nature than I do right now. "No, no, no, that's not what I meant. Of course you can believe. Faith is free to everyone. I shouldn't be so critical. I shouldn't have said that." I quickly apologize, and Lobo shakes his head before he continues walking me down the long road.

It's getting later, and the little bit of light that I was getting from the setting sun is long gone.

I'm really giving this man more than just the benefit of the doubt right now. If he were to try to do something to me, it's not like I could stop him. He's so much bigger than me.

I clench my hands together in front of me and say a swift prayer that not every man is the same as Miguel.

"What are you praying for?" Lobo asks.

My initial response is to tell him it's none of his business, but I think I might have offended him enough for one day.

"My safety. In case you haven't noticed, I don't really know you." I smirk and shrug one shoulder.

"Well, at least you're smart enough to realize this isn't the norm. Like I said before, though, you don't have to worry about me doing something to hurt you. Coca sent me over here to check in on you, and that's what I'm doing. I'm just going to make sure you're good and safe."

"And what of tomorrow? You going to follow me every day?" I chuckle.

"I'd follow you for the rest of my life if I had to." The words slide out of his mouth almost as if he wasn't expecting to say it. He clears his throat and points into the distance, trying to change the subject. "That's where we're going."

I look in that direction and see a large house that looks more like a bed and breakfast than a hotel, but I do see quite a few bikes and cars parked outside. I guess this is what passes as a hotel in this small town. I'm grateful it's not so far from the bakery. I don't want to be late in the morning.

Lobo and I walk into the already bustling hotel, and there are a few men all wearing the same vest he is in the hotel already.

"That was fast," one of the men laughs and stares straight at Lobo.

"Shut the hell up; it's not like that." He shoots the other man a deadly glance before he focuses his attention on the reception desk. "We're going to need another room."

I watch as the woman's face drops and her eyes open comically. "Lobo, I'm sorry, we have absolutely no more rooms left. Even some of you guys had to double up. We're completely booked up." The woman swallowed hard, and I noticed the fear flickering in her eyes. I wonder what she could be so scared of when it comes to Lobo; maybe I'm not as safe as I think I am.

"It's fine. I'll find somewhere else to go. It's no big deal, really." I do my best to backpedal, but Lobo grabs hold of my wrists and keeps me from moving too far away.

"No, you're not going anywhere."

I yank my arm, but he doesn't let me go. "What the hell are you talking about? I'm not your prisoner. I can go anywhere I want to go." I snap at him, but instead of that being enough for him to let me go, he only tugs me hard once, forcing my body to fall against his.

"Angela, you're on a foreign island, sleeping out in the open with no money or family to help you out. Honestly, I'm the only option you have. I'm not going to leave you out on your own. I meant that when I said it before. Just trust me a little bit." He turns back to the reception desk. "Do you have a rollaway cot?"

The receptionist's eyes light up, and she nods her head a few times.

"Great, have it placed in my room." With that, Lobo grabs hold of my hand again, and we walk to the stairs that lead up to the second floor.

"Don't hurt him, baby," one of the men downstairs yells up behind me and starts to laugh. My face burns with embarrassment. I don't think I'll ever get used to people being so crude when it comes to sex. I know it's the way of the world; I just wasn't brought up like that. Sex was a bad thing, at least when it came to me.

Lobo completely disregards the people talking behind us and nearly drags me behind him toward a room. He opens the door with a key he pulls out of his pocket and gestures with his hand that I should go in. I'm stuck in the doorway, just looking into the small room. I'm not sure what he's expecting, but no good could come from me stepping into a room with a man I'd only just met.

This is what the nuns would say is setting up for a sin.

It's not like I'm tempted. Sure, he's handsome, and he did take the time out to try and help me, but the last thing I'm thinking about right now is being with a man. The last experience I had with a man will be my first and only. I never want to do it again.

"I can sleep out in the hall," I whisper and look over my shoulder at Lobo, who only rolls his eyes and gently pushes me forward so he can come in behind me.

My body begins to shake when I hear him close the door behind me.

"Maybe I should find another woman to sleep with? Wouldn't that be better?" I ask, turning and focusing my attention on him.

“All the women are bunked up in two rooms; there's barely enough space for them, let alone another. You heard the receptionist. The hotel is completely booked up. Get comfortable."

I could make a run for it, but like he already drilled into my head, I didn't have anywhere to go, and it did feel nice to have somewhere indoors to lay my head. Not having to worry about the elements felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders.

Slowly, I slipped off my shoes and lined them up neatly in the corner before I sat back in the chair with my hands folded in my lap.

Lobo walked around and picked up a few pieces of clothing, possibly to make it more appealing for me. "You can sleep on the bed." He pointed to the small full-sized bed.

"No, I thought you told them to bring you a cot. Isn't that for me?" I'm confused.

"No, the cot's for me. I'm not the one who's been sleeping on the floor the past few weeks. You need the bed more than I do."

As Lobo finishes speaking, there's a soft knock at the door. My heart races, and I glance at him, unsure of what to expect. He walks over and opens the door to reveal the receptionist, who wheels in a cot.

"Here you go," she says, her voice a mix of professionalism and concern. She quickly sets it up in the corner of the small room, her eyes darting between Lobo and me, as if trying to gauge the atmosphere.

"Thanks," Lobo replies, his tone clipped. She nods and leaves, closing the door softly behind her.

My eyes are glued to the cot as he continues to roll it into the room. He places it right at the foot of the bed and opens it up.

He must have seen me staring because he chuckles, “It’s just some place to sleep Angela. We’re not doing anything wrong.”

“I know. It’s just I’m not used to sharing a room with a man.” I admit.

“Well you don’t have to worry about me trying anything. I’m too tired, all I want is to get a good nights rest. You should do the same.” He gestures with his chin to the bed and I let out a sigh.

He’s right, it doesn’t seem like he’s going to be changing his mind any time soon. I crawl into the bed, pulling back the sheets as I do.

“Wait! You’re going to sleep in that?” he points at me. I’m still wearing the same clothes I had on earlier. I have a small bag of clothes I managed to buy at the shops over the last few weeks with the earnings Magda had given me but I didn’t think to pick it up as I ran for my life.

“I don’t have anything else.” I whisper.

He groans and sits up on the cot, “ Madre Dios … hold on.” Getting up he leans over to a small bag he’s got in the corner of the room and pulls out a plain t shirt that he flings in my direction. “I’ll get one of the ladies to give you something to wear inthe morning.”

I want to object, tell him that I didn’t need his help but just like him I was too tired to put up any more of a fight. “Thank you.”

I balled the shirt up against my midsection and walk over to the bathroom. Closing the door behind me I quickly strip out of my clothes and slide on the shirt Lobo gave to me. By accident I looked up into the mirror and what I see makes me want to cry.

It looks like I’ve aged a decade since I’ve been away from my father and brother. My usually bright eyes are dull and guarded. My cheeks are drawn and my skin looks splotchy. There are even a few errant bruises I don’t remember getting.

I’m nothing but a shell of what I used to be and it’s all Miguel’s fault. I hate him for what he’s done to me. I don’t know why this happened to me but I swear I’ll never let it happen again. I don’t care if I never trust another person for as long as I live.

With one final look in the morning I turn my eyes away, lift my chin and walk out of the bathroom with my clothes folded neatly in my hands. I place my clothes directly on top of my shoes in a perfect pile.

“Good night.” I say as I crawl into the bed but Lobo only grunts in my direction. His eyes are focused on the ceiling as if he were trying to see straight through the concrete and look onto the stars.

The tension in the small room is palpable and no matter how many times I try to close my eyes they wind up popping back open as I wait for Lobo to get up and try to hurt me.

I chance another glance in his direction and he’s still looking up at the ceiling but now his jaw is clenched tight and his hands are balled up into fists. It raises a thousands questions in my mind. The one that blares louder than the rest is am I really going to trust this man. After all Miguel was supposed to love me, he was supposed to protect me and he wound up hurting me worse than anyone has ever hurt me.

Lobo has no allegiance to me.

I can’t help but wonder if instead of finding somewhere safe I’d just jumped from the frying pan into the flame.