38. Devon

Chapter thirty-eight

Devon

I ’ve never felt like a bigger prick than in this moment. The hurt and betrayal that flashes in Jaxcen’s eyes nearly undoes me. Nearly makes me cave. Give in, and ask her to stay.

But that’s ridiculous. Five days I have known this woman. Five fucking days isn’t enough time for me to be asking her to stay. To ask her not to return to her life and be mine and only mine for what? Forever?

What the actual fuck is wrong with me?

No.

She has to leave.

It’s for the best for her and me.

Hell, she has so much life to live now that the blinders have been peeled from her tunnel vision. She’s a sexual being and only just awoken. She needs to explore that. She needs to explore everything on her own, out from under the heavy hand of her parents and their twisted religious beliefs.

“Why?” she whispers, tears welling in her beautiful blue eyes as she wrings her hands together, staring at me.

“It’s for the best. Mr V is dead, little mouse. You’re safe again. You can go back to your life.”

“But… I don't want my old life,” she protests, taking a step closer, and fuck, like a coward, I take another step back.

I have to. If she gets too close, if she touches me, I’ll cave.

“Then change your life.” I urge her. “It’s yours to control now. Not anyone else’s. ”

Her pained expression morphs to anger and her shoulders roll back as she speaks.

“Fine, then I’m not leaving. That is my decision.”

Fuck. She’s not going to make this easy.

“Yes, you are, little mouse. Get in the car.”

“No, I’m not.” She stomps her foot, and fuck if that’s not the most adorable thing I’ve seen her do.

I want to smile, but that will just confuse her into thinking I’ll change my mind, so I opt for the truth instead.

“Jaxcen, you’re not safe with me.”

She frowns, confused, her gaze darting back towards the table where the local woman have congregated. “These women are safe with you.”

“That’s different. They are residents. They aren’t…” I trail off, not sure how to put this, mulling over my words before I speak. “They aren’t mine. You saw what happened with Vincent. You were used against me, and if you’re mine he won’t be the last. I have a lot of enemies, Jax. My family may be powerful, but it comes at a price, and you’ll be used as a tool to hit me where it hurts. You can’t stay. You have to leave.”

“Shouldn’t that be my decision? Shouldn’t I be the one who decides if that’s the life I want to lead?” she snaps, and I shake my head, momentarily looking at Liam for help, but the fucker just looks away.

“It doesn’t work like that in my family. There’s no point in going around in circles about this, Jaxcen. You have to leave. That’s all there is to it.”

She stares at me for the longest moment, a fat tear popping from one eye and rolling down her blazing cheek.

“I could be pregnant.” She reminds me, and the thought has my heart doing a stupid fucking flip.

“Wait… what?” Presley squeaks from her spot by the car, but we both ignore her, our gazes locked on each other.

“Yes, you could be. I do hope so,” I admit and her frown deepens, her anger boiling .

“You make no sense. Why would you want to get me pregnant only to send me away?”

“Because then you’ll both be safe.”

She scoffs. “You forget, I wasn’t safe before you came into my life, Devon. I’ve never been fucking safe.”

Hearing her swear like that is unusual, but warranted. Because she’s right. Her life has been nothing but a series of manipulations, distrust, and abuse.

“I can assure you, that from now on, you will be safe, little mouse. Our child will be looked after financially as a Marx heir, although no one but us will know his or her bloodline, and the little tacker will be loved and raised by you. I think you’ll be an amazing mother.”

Her mouth drops open as more tears spill over, and she bats them away like they are nothing but a nuisance.

“You expect me to be a single mum?”

“Yes,” I answer truthfully, and anger flares in her eyes.

“You’re insufferable,” she snaps and I shrug.

“I know.”

“I hate you,” she seethes, but I shake my head.

“No, you don’t, but maybe you should.”

A loud sob escapes her, and then another before she looks to her sister, who shoots her a sympathetic look and holds out her hand for Jaxcen to join her.

Turning back to me, Jaxcen takes another step closer, leaning towards me, and this time I don’t move.

“Why would you do this to me? I know it’s only been a few days but I really thought… I thought we were happy.”

“Jax. You don’t need me to be happy. You just need to show the world who you really are and don’t for a minute feel ashamed of it.”

My words give her no comfort, her glare chilling as more tears spill down her cheeks.

“Get in the car,” I order her, my tone unforgiving, but she doesn’t move. “Please, Miss Summers. I want you to leave and never come back.”

She flinches back like she’s been slapped, my cold tone and words so final, that I know she understands this is it.

Slowly, her head lowers, those blue eyes disappear from my sight as her shoulders slump and she turns away. When Liam goes to put a black bag on her head, she slaps his hand away and snarls at him.

“I already know where this place is, fuckwit. And as if I would ever tell anyone about it. I would never jeopardise the safety of the women and children here.”

Fuck, the fire in her tone tells me she’ll be alright. She’ll stand up for herself from now on.

“Alright. Alright.” Liam holds his hands up and then looks to Presley. “How about you? You gonna be an issue?” She shakes her head, reaching out to Jaxcen and helping her slip into the back seat, where she joins her.

“Good to see you’re still the ice queen.” Warrick’s fucking irritating voice comes from the side, and by the way he’s leaning against the lamp post, I can tell he’s been watching this whole thing go down.

“Get in the fucking car, War.”

My brother rolls his eyes. “You know, Jen and Elise would love her. Hell, maybe even Lily would come out of hiding to meet this one.”

“Fuck off, already,” I snap at my brother, annoyed that he’d bring our sisters into this.

Jaxcen has nothing to do with our fucked up family, and I don’t like him implying that she’d fit right in.

“Whatever. Until next time, brother.” Warrick slaps my shoulder, and nods at Liam as he approaches the car. “I’ll need the bag. My wife has torture skills I’m man enough to say I know I’ll crack under.”

Liam scoffs at Warrick, but bags his head anyway, shoving him in the front seat and closing him in.

“I’m assuming you know what the fuck you’re doing?” Liam’s brows lift in question, and I scrub my hand through my hair.

“Not at fucking all.”

Liam chuckles. “In that case, I’ll make sure there’s popcorn on the go, since this romantic comedy isn’t over yet.”

“It’s not a fucking romantic comedy,” I snap at my cousin who wags his brows.

“Isn’t it? Seems pretty funny from where I’m standing.”

“Why?” I growl and he shrugs one shoulder.

“Because you think you don’t have feelings for her. It’s fucking obvious to everyone else but you, and man, I hope you come to your senses before it’s too late.”

Liam laughs at my hiss, rounding the car and sliding in before starting up the engine.

I feel fucking sick. Like there’s an organ dying inside me. I just don’t know which one it is, or how to stop it from happening, but I remain rooted on the spot as Liam pulls his car back onto Main Street and drives away with my little mouse inside.

Fuck.

Warrick’s wife’s torture would be less painful than this.

“You okay, man?” Finn’s voice drags my gaze from the fading tail lights as the car disappears around the bend towards the front gates.

“Why does it feel like I’m making a mistake?” I ask quietly, expecting him to say I haven’t. Expecting him to reassure me that this is what’s best.

“Maybe because you are.”

I jerk my glare in his direction, my voice hoarse as I defend my actions.

“She can’t be with me. You know that.”

“All I hear are excuses. You haven’t even tried.” Finn lifts a single brow, and I see fucking red.

My fist collides with his face before I even know what’s happening, and my best mate stumbles back as shocked gasps float over to us from the table in the middle of the street.

“Nice,” Finn snaps, wiping blood from his lip with his finger, before he lunges at me, his fist coming out of nowhere, the smack of his knuckles against my eye socket loud .

“And here I thought when you asked my opinion, you actually wanted the truth. Not for me to appease your precious fucking feelings,” Finn snarls right in my face as I square off to him as he does the same back, almost daring me to take another swing at him.

I don’t. Instead, I take a step back, my breathing ragged as I fight for control.

“You’ll understand if I’m gonna take a few fucking days off,” Finn snaps, before spitting a wad of blood to the road by his feet. “You don’t pay me enough for this bullshit.”

Storming off, Finn leaves me standing there like a fucking fool.

And maybe I am.

Maybe I’m the biggest fucking fool there is.

I’m fucking up everything. I can feel it as much as I know the sun will rise again tomorrow.

But fuck that, and fuck him. I don’t need this bullshit in my life. This is why relationships in organised crime don’t fucking work. Feelings get involved and people start making mistakes.

With the eyes of many still on me, I turn and head into the Palace, crossing through the bar and into my office where I lock the door and crack open my bottle of whiskey.

It’s the only comfort I’ll ever get.