5. Claire

When I walk out of Julian"s office, I can"t stop thinking about last night. The way he felt in my hands, the way his fingers felt inside of me, his tongue, his touch…it"s everything I want and more.

My mind continuously plays the scene in my head, dissecting every minute to see where I went wrong. The sound of Ms. Marzano snapping her fingers at me brings my attention to her. Bianca Marzano is stunning with wavy dark brown hair and a dress that shows off a very flattering figure for a woman of her age. She"s gorgeous, but her attitude is as toxic as a biohazard dump.

"Is there something else I can get for you, Ms. Marzano?" I ask her. I already had chairs pulled out of empty offices for them to sit on as they waited for Julian to return.

The way he's been avoiding me tells me that a repeat of last night is most likely out of the question, but I want it to happen again. I want him to take my virginity. His fingers are nowhere near the weight of his cock, and that thing is supposed to go inside of me. My pulse races, my nipples harden at the mere idea of him claiming my virginity for himself.

"You know what you can get for me, Claire? Out of my son"s home," she says with disgust rippling down her face.

"Excuse me?" I ask, moving toward my desk to tend to the dozens of tasks Julian"s assigned to keep me busy. I know it"s his way of stopping us from being alone together. He"s probably scared of what"s going to happen if we give in to what we want the most.

"You heard me. You"re old enough now." She grimaces. "I had no idea what the hell Derek was thinking when he named Julian as your godfather. If I had any clue?—"

"Wait a minute," I stop her as my pulse races and my face heats up. I'm tight with anger. "What are you suggesting about my dead father?"

Bianca"s reply is cold. "Your father was always using Julian and now so are you. I think it"s time you moved out and moved on. You have a trust. You can access it and do as you see fit. You"re stopping my son from reaching his potential by simply existing. You"re like a child without any of the benefits. He can"t marry a woman with someone like you hanging around."

"You are way out of line, Ms. Marzano. I haven"t done anything to you or to Julian." My eyes well with tears I beg not to fall in front of her, but I can"t stop the overwhelming emotion flooding through me.

"Huh, those crocodile tears say otherwise. Is that how you keep him on such a short leash? Julian won"t date, he won"t even deal with any woman on his own, let alone anyone I recommend for him." She clicks her tongue and rolls her eyes. "I"ve been trying to get him to bring Miranda Jacobs to this event, but all he can talk about is you."

"What event?" I ask her.

"The one on the 15th, of course. It"s a shame if you don"t make it, but Julian will understand."

"The event that"s for my birthday? The one you helped pick out dresses for me to wear?" Confusion blends with rage as I remember why I despise speaking to this woman. It"s as if I"ve become the competition in a game I never signed up to play.

"No. Eileen picked out the dresses based on what I told her the event should embody. She told me you picked the most flamboyant one of the trio. You sure do like to be the center of attention, don't you?"

"I don"t know what bug—" I stop myself from telling off the woman who birthed the man who"s disrupted his entire life to take care of me. Instead, I take a deep breath and change the subject. "I apologize. I think the coffeemaker is empty. Let me go check to see if the filters for it have come in."

The words don"t have to make sense as long as it gets me away from her. I text Julian that I"m heading home for the day and to let me know if I need to stay. I have no desire to confront his mother again.

When his reply comes back that he"ll see me tomorrow, I know not to expect a display like last night. We"re going to be in our normal routines and ignore the raging romance igniting between us.

Listen to me. Raging romance? More like a wet dream thrashed by reality. Bonnie"s waiting for me in the parking garage, opening the passenger side door to let me in. I need to talk to someone about this.

"Julian"s mother is up there. I didn"t think there was anyone I could dislike more than Fiona, but they both treat me like a child. I didn"t ask to be here. I didn"t ask Julian to hire me. Why can"t they just leave me alone?" I pout and stare out the window.

"Are you done?" Bonnie asks with a lopsided grin.

"Maybe. You know she blames me for Julian not dating anyone?" I shake my head. "As if me being around alters his decisions."

"It does," Bonnie says.

"What? It doesn"t. Julian literally does whatever the fuck he wants to do." Except fuck me, of course.

"You don"t have to look after anyone but yourself, Claire. It"s different when you want the best for someone else. When you"re charged with keeping another human being alive, it"s a big responsibility if you care about not fucking it up. Look at me and Danny."

I huff and sigh. "At least you two have each other. I"m stuck with Julian, his rude mother and creepy dad, who looks at me funny."

"Funny how?" Bonnie asks with concern.

"It"s not often because Julian keeps me away from his parents. I"m beginning to see why, but every time I"m in the room with Charleston Blackwell, he makes me feel like I"m his favorite flavor in the ice cream shop."

Bonnie laughs with slight discomfort. "That sounds gross. But see? That"s what I mean when I say Julian alters his decisions based on taking care of you. He"s a grown man who can"t be around his father because his father has a penchant for young women, and one as beautiful as you happens to be in his care. Of course, Julian"s going to protect you. Worrying about protecting someone means sacrificing parts of yourself. Don"t feel bad because like you said, Julian does whatever the fuck he wants to do."

"Yeah, and?"

"And," she smiles, nudging me with an elbow. "That means taking care of you is something he wanted to do. He didn"t have to. He could easily have made sure you were adopted by some family just as wealthy as him. He didn"t have to become your guardian. He respected your parents" wishes. Take it easy on him. Well, not on him, but think about that before you listen to either one of his parents."

"Fine, I will." I relent and let my anger go. Bonnie has a point. Julian doesn"t have to keep me around. He never had to take me in.

We arrive home where I stand on the veranda of Blackwell Manor, taking in the majesty of the large house. Sprawling green lawns with spear-shaped pine trees patrol around the perimeter for privacy. A cobblestone driveway circles around a fountain with a grand entryway. The sound of lawn mowers reaches me and I realize there"s staff on the property today.

Instead of heading inside, I make my way to the side of the house, where a massive garage holds a few of Julian"s favorite cars and motorcycles. There"s also equipment for the landscaping team to use when they come to tend the grounds. A huge truck with the company"s logo sits inside as someone on their team leans against it, eating an apple.

He has to be close to my age with dark hair buzzed short and a shabby tank top that only looks like a tank top because he tore the sleeves off of it. There"s a barb-wire tattoo snaking around his arm, and everything about him says danger. He"s fucking hot, but not in a sophisticated way like Julian.

Dark brown eyes finally notice me staring. He holds his apple out toward me. "Want a bite, Princess?"

"Um, no, thanks. Who are you?" I ask him, taking a timid step closer.

He shrugs and takes another chomp of the fruit. The way he grins as he lets the juice of the apple run down the side of his mouth makes him look more ridiculous than cocky.

"Devon Shaughnessy, love." He winks at me before the sound of the radio on his hip chirps. He holds up a finger, urging me to keep quiet as he answers it. "Yeah, Tony?"

"Bring the truck around and don"t drive over the grass, asshole." The radio chirps to end the relay.

"Duty calls, Princess," he smirks and walks around to the driver"s side. I turn to head back into the house, grateful for someone else to think about other than Julian letting me feel him up before running away from me like I"m a love repellant.

The engine roars to life, but then something explodes through the late afternoon air. The screams escape me as I dive to the ground. Fear shakes my body from the inside out and has me trembling in a fetal position. The heat of the tears streaming down my cheeks are a stark reminder of why I live with Julian in the first place.

I can hear my father"s voice from the darkness of my memories…

"Please, you can take the car. Just let me grab my daughter. She"s asleep in the back seat. Please…"

The sobs of a man begging for the life of his child are silenced by three gunshots that jolt me to full alert inside the car. I can feel the angry grip of someone pulling me from the back seat and tossing me onto my father"s bleeding body. His cold lifeless eyes stare at me as I hug him tight, begging for him to get up as someone speeds off in our car.

I don"t know how long I"m stuck in my memories, but the moment I feel hands touching my shoulder, instincts kick in. Anger and a need to protect myself take over to replace my fears as I grab the hand and twist it at the wrist.

"Shit, for fuck and Christ, let go of me!" Devon shouts as I hurl him to the ground, and back away. He yells at me, grabbing his wrist with pain in his glare. "Who the fuck are you? The Transporter? What the fuck? It was just the truck backfiring. I"m sorry."

He puts his hands up to indicate he meant no harm as Bonnie comes running to my aid with her weapon drawn. Devon scoots further away with his palms in the air toward us.

"Listen, listen, I don"t know what Kill Bill shit I walked in on, but I"m sorry. I was just trying to help her." Devon pleads with Bonnie as she glances at me.

"You okay, Claire?" Bonnie"s voice helps calm me down, but my pulse is still racing.

"I"m good, just a little shook up, Bonnie." I tell her and look at Devon. "Shit, I"m sorry."

Bonnie holsters her gun and waits for Devon to get up. He tips his head toward us both. "It"s cool. They just need me to bring the truck around back. Cool? Can I go do my job?"

Bonnie nods. "Yeah, get out of here. Come on, Claire. Let"s get you inside."

I follow her into the house, where I can"t stop shaking. She pulls me into her arms and allows me to cry my eyes out. Eventually I make it to my bedroom where the tears finally stop, but I need to see them, my parents. Inside a bureau with a stuffed lavender rabbit, that"s no longer lavender, there"s a tablet full of memories I only pull out in case of emergency.

Videos from days after my mother found out she was sick. Some have my father in it, but not as many because unlike her, he didn"t know his time was coming. The sound of her voice is as soft as a morning breeze. It brings a different kind of tear to my eyes. Longing for what I never had. I only wish there was a way to capture the way her hugs felt. To be held in her arms so I can remember. I want to remember so badly, but I can"t.

I peel myself out of my clothes and fall asleep crying to the sound of my mother telling me bedtime stories as she holds a tiny version of me in her arms. I'm jealous of me as a baby because that version of Claire gets a mother who loves her, cares about her, and today? Today I"m being told by someone else"s mother to get out of their son"s life.