Chapter 37

37

Dakota

M aisie and I are out for a late afternoon walk. The garden at our bed the points browned and crumbling. Maisie's got a keen eye for beautiful details; I'll give her that. She has managed to find some bright colors on the floor of this orchard—bold reds, golden ambers, and a burnt shade of brown with dark green edges that bring the whole bouquet together.

"You'll make a fine interior decorator someday," I tell her as she walks off to add more twigs to her design. "Or a florist. Wedding florist? No, production designer. Oh, yeah, you'd rock Hollywood from top to bottom with this skill."

It's nice to peer into the future with a smidge of hope.

But the truth is, I will never be able to afford to get her into Prescott Academy. Not on my own. And if the Faulkner triplets do offer to help us with that, I will feel awful and insufficient. I'm used to being Maisie's sole provider, and not being able to give her the resources she needs to thrive and reach her full potential makes me feel like I'm not a good mother. It's a foolish thought, I know, but that doesn't stop me from thinking it.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, honey?"

"Where is Archer?"

I stop in the middle of the pathway, staring at her as she looks back at me. What do I tell her? That I ran away from love and the comfort that Archer and his brothers were willing to give me because I was overwhelmed by the horrific events on our wedding day? Nope, can't tell my five-year-old that.

"He's back in San Francisco," I finally reply.

"I miss him."

"I miss him, too."

"I miss Maddox. And Reed. Trevor must miss me," she says.

I can't help but smile softly. "You miss him, too, don't you? Trevor."

"Yeah," she nods slowly. "He was kinda mean at first, but he's all right now."

"We'll see them again soon. I promise."

I know I shouldn't make a promise that I'm not sure I can keep. I don't know how this will turn out. The guys haven't texted or called me since yesterday. Then again, I've been consistently brushing them off. They're not the pushy type. They're giving me the space I need, but at the same time, I have to admit, I am getting worried that I may have pushed them away for good.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, honey?"

Maisie comes over and gives me her autumn-styled bouquet. "This is for you."

"Oh, it's beautiful!" I exclaim. "Thank you."

"I don't want you to be sad anymore."

The look in her pretty eyes is tearing me apart on the inside. Children are definitely more receptive than we give them credit for. I could cry right here, right now. But I won't. I want my baby to see me happy. I want my daughter to understand that we can overcome obstacles, still smile, and still find passion in living.

I take a deep, shuddering breath as I admire the leaf and twig bouquet.

"I'm not going to be sad forever," I tell Maisie. "We have good days, and we have bad days, honey. I'm just coming out of a few bad days. But I'm always happy when I'm with you; I want you to remember that." I kneel on the hard ground so I can be at her eye level. "I love you, my amazing girl."

"I'm happy when I'm with you, too, Mommy," she giggles and throws her arms around my neck.

I hold her close, breathing her in. Her hair smells like strawberries and cream—her favorite shampoo.

"Come on, let's get back to the inn. I'm getting hungry," I say.

"Yeah, me, too," Maisie replies. "Can we get waffles with maple syrup on top?"

"Absolutely."