Four

N ova's hand trembled, so he tightened his grip to keep from dropping the toothbrush in the sink. It wasn't his first warning sign of an impending episode, though. After a night of little sleep and several tumultuous dreams, he'd woken with a tight jaw and skin which had felt foreign. It was like someone had flayed him to the bone and shoved him into someone else's flesh where the nerve endings didn't align properly or something. His senses were misfiring.

Staring at his reflection in the mirror, Nova raked his gaze over his bare torso, looking for…What? Proof that he'd been abducted by aliens, altered, then returned to earth? Jesus. He was losing his damn mind. Still, Nova's attention landed on the scar on his lower abdomen. Most of it was covered by the waistband of his shorts, but seeing it reminded him of Jimmy and his damned list. Get back on a bike .

Nova had earned the battle wound while trying to prove he was a normal kid. He'd been scared to death to try out Bobby Jackson's homemade ramp and for good reason. Nova had loved the sensation of going airborne, but he hadn't stuck the landing. He'd panicked, slammed on the brakes, and flipped over the handlebars of his bike, knocking the air from his lungs and managing to cut himself on a piece of broken glass. His mother had been so pissed, but for one shining moment, he had earned the respect of the neighborhood kids. The stitches had totally been worth it.

What had Jimmy's experience been like? Jimmy. Jimmy. Jimmy. That's all Nova's subconscious had fixated on when his brain had allowed him to sleep. Except in his version of Jimmy's adventures, the cute guy wasn't alone. He was right there with him, offering encouragement and hands-on instruction. And the enigma with cinnamon freckles and amber eyes had loved every second of Nova's tutoring. He had woken up hard as a spike and resentful as hell that this stranger could manage to ruin his sleep and make him hornier than he'd felt since he was a teenager.

He'd momentarily felt guilty as he reimagined some of the hotter dreams while jerking off in the shower, but the shame vanished when pleasure spiked throughout his body. Once his postorgasmic bliss faded, it allowed for earlier doubts to creep back in—most of them centering around Scott and his pending announcement.

By the time Nova had toweled off and pulled on underwear and a pair of shorts, his tension had triggered a slight tic at the right side of his mouth. Nova had decided to face his fears head-on. If not, things would only get worse when Scott arrived. He squeezed toothpaste on his toothbrush and began scrubbing his teeth. I'm a scientist . We troubleshoot and solve problems . But what exactly was the problem?

He was afraid of losing Scott. Afraid of change. And that wasn't fair to the man who'd been his best friend since they were ten years old. Nova's eyes snapped down to the scar on his abdomen. He ran his fingers over the jagged line which had turned silver over time. When the other kids had gone back to bullying him, Scott's regard had never wavered—not through middle school, high school, college, and even after their marriage failed.

Other than his parents, Scott was the last person who'd ever want to hurt Nova. That thought was the one to finally ease the worry inside him. It didn't hurt that Millie started banging on his bathroom door.

"I'm starving. Can you make pancakes?" Millie asked.

"Papa is coming over soon and bringing us donuts."

"Is it your birthday?" Millie wanted to know.

Nova laughed as he unlocked the door. Millie pushed it open and peered up at him. She was still in her jammies, and a few strands of her blonde hair had escaped her braids. Nova wasn't surprised because his princess tossed and turned a lot during her sleep.

"Well, is it?" she asked.

"Nope," he said, then returned to brushing his teeth. She followed him to the sink and cycled through a dozen or more guesses by the time he finished. Nova returned his toothbrush to the holder and swished mouthwash around.

"Is Papa coming to tell me he's buying a horse?" Millie asked excitedly.

Nova spat out the mouthwash before he could swallow it or choke on it. After wiping his face, he turned and looked at his precocious angel. Nova had hoped she'd forget the idea but should've known better. "I don't think so, Millie."

"Damn," she said, stomping her right foot.

"Camilla June. What have we told you about swearing?"

She rolled her eyes. "Not until I'm sixteen."

"That's right. Save it for road rage, baby girl," Nova said, smiling down at her. "Have you brushed your teeth?"

"Yes," she said, batting her eyelashes at him.

"Millie?"

"Fine. I'll go now." She stomped out of the bathroom, allowing Nova to finish getting dressed.

When he exited a few minutes later, Nova could hear her gurgling her mouthwash. He'd been fooled by this ploy before and stepped inside her bathroom. He lifted her toothbrush out of the holder and saw that the bristles were dry. "Nice try," he said. Nova squirted toothpaste on the brush and handed it to her. "Someday, you'll thank Papa and me for being toothbrush tyrants."

Millie grumbled something, but her words were muffled by a mouthful of toothpaste.

"Don't forget your tongue, cheeks, and roof of your mouth. That's where the bacteria like to hide."

Millie pulled her toothbrush from her mouth and spat into the sink. "What's backyteria?"

"Bacteria," Nova said. "It's an invisible enemy that causes rotten teeth, bad gums, and stinky breath."

Millie's eyes widened, and she doubled her efforts on cleaning her entire mouth. "Is this good?" She opened her mouth wide, stuck out her tongue, then stretched her lips apart with her fingers to show her teeth.

"Perfect."

"No backyteria monsters?"

"Bacteria, and no." Nova dropped a kiss on top of her head before taking down her braids and running anti-frizz serum over the wavy strands.

"Mermaid hair," she whispered. "I love it, Daddy. Thank you." She spun around and hugged Nova's waist.

"My favorite mermaid is always welcome," he said. "How about you get dressed while I go downstairs and start frying some bacon to go with Papa's donuts."

"Don't forget coffee. Papa loves it."

"I know."

"Is Kai coming with Papa?" Millie asked as they headed out of the bathroom. To her, Scott and Kai were a pair. She expected to see one when being with the other.

"I don't think so." They stopped outside Millie's room, and Nova tapped the tip of her upturned pixie nose. "You love Kai, don't you?"

Millie nodded. "He's funny and makes Papa laugh."

Nova felt a pang in his chest. He wasn't pining for Scott, so it wasn't jealousy. Kai had never overstepped with Millie either, so he didn't think the guy was trying to replace Nova in her life. Then, it hit him like a donkey kick to the balls. It was longing. He wanted to discover the same kind of happiness Scott had found with Kai.

"Are you okay, Daddy?" Millie asked, sounding nervous. Had she worried that she hurt Nova's feelings? Kids were so much more intuitive than adults gave them credit for.

Nova wasn't okay; he felt shaken by his little epiphany. Furthermore, what was he willing to do about it? Yes, Nova was lonely, but he'd have to open up to strangers if he hoped for a shot at finding love. That just wasn't something he was prepared to do. The mere thought of having a Tourette's episode in front of a prospective boyfriend was enough to trigger his alarm.

Millie slipped her hand into his much bigger one and squeezed. "I still love you best."

Her words and action snapped Nova back to the present. "Oh, Millie. I never doubt how much you love me." He picked his daughter up and held her in his arms. "There's no contest, baby girl. Your heart is big enough to love all of us, okay?"

She looped her arms around Nova's neck and squeezed. "Okay."

Nova allowed her unconditional love to soothe his troubled heart, then set her back down after a few moments. "Go get ready. Papa will be here any minute."

"I'm getting a horsey," Millie said as she skipped into her bedroom to get dressed.

"Not my problem," Nova whispered to himself as he headed to the kitchen.

Scott arrived as soon as Nova lined the stove-top griddle with bacon. "Do I smell coffee?" he asked when he walked into the kitchen.

Nova had never felt comfortable just walking into Scott's house, even though his ex-husband had given him a key. Scott, on the other hand, had no issue with it. Maybe it was a difference in their personalities, or perhaps Scott's comfort was from having lived there for several years.

"Oh, bacon," Scott said. "I told you I was bringing donuts." He hoisted up the pale-blue pastry box.

"Papa!" Millie squealed as she ran into the room with her arms raised in the air.

Nova glanced over his shoulder in time to see Scott set the pastry box on the counter and lift their daughter into his arms. "My June Bug," he said, kissing her face until she squirmed to get down.

"That's some outfit you got on there, Camilla June," Scott said, then smirked at Nova. "She has your sense of style."

Millie twirled in a circle, showing off a lavender sundress with a frilly skirt, a yellow sweater, and a pair of black rubber boots with rainbows and unicorns all over them. "Do you like it, Papa? I don't have real boots. Can I wear these?"

Scott looked between Millie and Nova. "Where are you taking her?"

Nova lifted the corner on one piece of bacon to see if it was ready to flip yet. It wasn't, so he returned his attention to Scott and shrugged. "I thought we'd check on the progress at the planetarium this afternoon, but it doesn't require a special outfit."

"Oh," Millie said, clapping her hands. "Can I do the goddess voice again?"

The planetarium's theater was equipped with a killer sound system and microphone. It allowed the tour guide to talk to the audience while they viewed the scenes projected overhead. Millie liked to repeat lines from The Wizard of Oz into the microphone, which Nova's team loved. One of them told her she sounded more like a goddess than a wizard. It had gone straight to his princess's head.

"The theater is undergoing major renovations this summer. I'm afraid the microphone isn't working right now."

"Damn," Millie said.

"Camilla June," Scott said firmly. "What did we tell you about curse words?"

"Not until I'm sixteen."

"Uh-huh," Scott said. "What about dating?"

"Not until I'm thirty-five or have my doctoryit," Millie replied.

"Doctorate," Scott and Nova said.

"Whichever comes first is fine with me," Scott said.

"Mmm," Nova said. "I still think thirty-five is best. That way she can reward her hard work by traveling all over the world." Maybe by then, Nova would be ready for her to experience her first heartbreak. More likely, she'd be the one breaking hearts.

"I'm going to be a famous keyologist," Millie announced.

It took Nova a second to realize she meant archeologist. "Millie June and the Temple of Awesome," he said.

Scott cringed. "Sounds like a cult."

"Jesus," Nova whispered as he turned around to flip the bacon.

"Well, that explains the boots," Scott said to Millie.

She looked down at her colorful rain boots and back at Scott. "These are for riding horses, not digging for treasures."

Scott looked at Nova, who grimaced. "Riding horses?"

"Does anyone want fried eggs to go with their bacon and donuts?" Nova asked, hoping to derail the conversation.

"Ew, gross," Millie said. The child had loved eggs until she'd turned six, and suddenly they were the grossest things on the planet. But there were other ways for her to get protein that didn't include cholesterol, so Nova skipped the battle.

"You and Millie are going horseback riding?" Scott asked Nova.

"Daddy says that you're going to buy me a horse, Papa. Does Kai know yet?"

Scott's mouth gaped open comically, then he gathered himself. "How could Kai know? I didn't even know I was buying you a horse." Scott quirked a brow at Nova. "Something you'd like to share?"

"It's not my fault," Nova declared before explaining how their daughter had taken his simile as gospel.

"Is it a boy or a girl horsey?" Millie wanted to know. "Can we braid its hair?"

"Mane," Nova corrected.

"Nova," Scott said firmly. "You didn't think to debunk her wild theory?" Scott asked.

Cringing, Nova said, "I thought she'd forget. You know how kids are."

"And you know our daughter is nothing like them." It was true. Their Camilla June was extraordinary.

Nova turned back to his bacon, giving it another flip, and listened as Scott told Millie that his yard wasn't big enough for a horse either. She was disappointed but recovered quickly. "June Bug, can I speak to Daddy privately for a minute."

Shit. Either Scott was furious about the horse, or he wanted to get right to "the talk."

"Okay, Papa. I'll go put on my flip-flops if I'm not going to ride a horse today."

She galloped out of the room on an imaginary horse, leaving the two men alone in the kitchen.

Nova stared at the sizzling bacon and waited for Scott to break the silence. When the lull worked against Nova's nerves, he set down the tongs and faced Scott. His ex-husband took a deep breath and released a long sigh. "The imagination on our kid." Scott walked to the refrigerator and removed the carton of eggs. "I'll take two."

"Hard or over easy?" Nova asked him.

"I'm in the mood for hard."

"That's what Kai said," Nova said without thinking.

Scott gasped, and it felt like he sucked all the oxygen out of the room. Then he collapsed against the counter in a fit of laughter. "Oh my…I can't…Oh my God." Scott laughed harder between every failed attempt to respond. The sound was so contagious, Nova couldn't help but respond in kind.

"I…don't know…what possessed…me," Nova managed to say in between guffaws. Their carefree laughter reminded him of when they were kids. Nova pulled himself together and clapped Scott on the shoulder before wiping his eyes. "I didn't mean any disrespect. You know I like the guy, and Millie loves him. She said he makes you laugh a lot."

Scott smiled. "He doesn't let me take myself so seriously. I need that."

Nova had the reverse effect on people. His overanalytical and uberliteral mind could suck the fun out of every situation. "You have my blessing, you know."

"Huh?" Scott asked. "For what?"

"To ask Kai to marry you. Isn't that what you wanted to talk to me about?"

Scott chuckled and shook his head. "I've been asking Kai to marry me at least once a month since we met."

"He's turned you down?" Nova's voice rose as his shock grew. "Really?"

Scott nodded, a sweet smile pulling at his lips. "Yeah. He said I wasn't ready to make the commitment yet. I think he's convinced I'm still in love with you."

"You're not." It wasn't a question. Nova knew Scott wasn't in love with him. He hadn't been for a long time, and Nova wondered if Scott had ever been in love with him.

"No, I'm not, but you can understand his hesitation. You and I have been together longer than we've been apart. There are firsts I shared with you that I cannot give him."

Frowning, Nova said, "He knew you were a divorced father when you started dating, right?"

Scott nodded. "Knowing something isn't the same thing as understanding it, though. I could recite dozens of astronomical and science-nerdy terms I've learned from you over the decades, but I wouldn't understand a damn thing I said."

"Kind of like I can appreciate your artwork and animations without knowing how you do it," Nova replied.

"Exactly," Scott said. "When Kai says I'm not ready, what he really means is he isn't ready to believe I'm in it for the long haul."

Nova felt awful and wondered if he'd done or said something to make matters worse for Scott.

"Huh-uh," Scott said. Nova jerked his gaze up to see his ex-husband wagging his finger. "This has nothing to do with your interactions with Kai or me. These are just the kinds of issues you run into when you date someone who's younger or has entirely different experiences than you." Another reason his attraction to Jimmy was nothing more than a folly, not that he had plans to follow through on it.

"And here I thought I was lonely," Nova whispered. "Dating sounds exhausting."

"It is, but anything worth having takes effort and energy." Scott nudged Nova out of the way and transferred the bacon to a plate lined with paper towels to absorb the grease. "Hand me some eggs."

Nova opened the carton and pulled one out. "So, what's your exciting news if you weren't coming here to talk about your engagement?"

Scott accepted the egg, and Nova noticed the way his fingers tensed around the shell. His ex-husband cracked it against the edge of the griddle, then broke it over the center of the hot surface. The egg sizzled as it fried. Scott held out his hand for another egg, but Nova didn't hand it to him. He seemed unable to move as his brain started cycling through all the things his ex-husband could say. Scott turned and looked at him.

"Disney offered me a contract as a head animator on a future film," Scott said.

Nova set the carton of eggs aside and gaped at him for a few seconds as he processed the news. Then he pulled Scott in for a back-slapping hug. "Congratulations. That's your dream job."

Scott smiled. "It is," he said. "I still can't believe it." He didn't sound as excited as Nova would expect, which made him uneasy.

"So, what's wrong?"

"If I say yes, I'll have to go to California and work in their studio."

"Oh, for how long?" Nova asked.

"At least the summer." And Nova finally understood why Scott was so nervous. There's no way he'd go three months without seeing their daughter. Did Scott expect Nova to do so? "Hey," Scott said. "Don't go borrowing trouble. Hear me out."

Nova stepped back. "You want to take Millie."

"Not for the entire summer," Scott said softly. "I'd never ask you to go three months without seeing our daughter."

"We can't fly her back and forth each week," Nova said.

"We could," Scott countered, "but it would drain my finances and everyone's emotional energy."

"What do you propose? Biweekly visits?"

Scott grimaced. "I was thinking monthly."

A whole month without Millie? No, he couldn't do it. Just the idea made his fingertips twitch. Nova shoved his hands inside his pockets to hide his reaction from Scott.

"Don't," Scott said, pulling Nova's hands free. He laced their fingers together so he'd feel every quake. "No hiding."

Nova closed his eyes and pictured himself lying on the beach and staring up at the night sky. He let the imaginary twinkling stars on a backdrop of black and blue seep into his soul. When he reopened his eyes, Nova felt much calmer.

He could say no, but then what? He'd force Scott to choose between his professional dreams and their daughter. Nova was experiencing the best of both worlds this summer, so why wouldn't he want both for someone he professed to love?

"I'm not taking her away," Scott told Nova before he could respond. "You're not losing me either. We're a family, Nova."

He replayed those words on an endless loop until they sunk in. Nova let the problem-solving-scientist part of his brain take over. "Can we start out with biweekly visits? I'm not saying no to a month-long visit, but can we ease into it?"

"Of course."

"I can afford to pay for the flights if—"

"Absolutely not," Scott stated.

"I can't just hand our daughter over to a flight attendant, though," Nova said.

"No way," Scott agreed. "We can work out the logistics later, but Kai said he'd travel with Millie June. You have the big overhaul at the planetarium going on, and I don't want to interfere."

"Oh," Nova said. "That's so sweet of him."

"He crazy loves our girl."

"Because he's smart," Nova said. "I'm happy for you, Scott. I don't just mean the contract with Disney. Kai is a great guy."

"He is," Scott said. "I'm hoping to convince him to take the plunge soon. We'll have unlimited access to the theme park. Maybe I can use the magical environment to sway him."

"Are you sure there's nothing I can do or say to help?"

Scott shook his head. "I'd be happier if you put your energy into finding your own Kai."

"So you're the reason Millie told me I needed a date. I was leaning toward my mother planting the idea in her head."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Scott replied. Unlike their daughter, his ex-husband couldn't look a person in the eye and lie. Then he looked down at the scorched egg. "I've suddenly lost my appetite for eggs."

"I'll stick to bacon and donuts," Nova agreed. "There better be a Boston cream in there for me."

Scott turned off the stove and returned the eggs to the refrigerator. He picked up the pastry box and opened the lid. Nova saw three of his favorite donuts nestled amongst the others.

"You're forgiven," Nova said, even though unease still simmered in his gut. Scott was right, though. They were a family, and they'd figure out a way forward together. Still, he gave Scott his most menacing look. "Mention my pathetic love life again, and I'll make sure Millie doesn't forget about the horse."

Scott opened his mouth to laugh, and Nova shoved a glazed donut between his lips.