16. Lev

16

LEV

It takes every ounce of energy I have to get me up the stairs to my shithole of an apartment. Knowing that I have less than an hour before I need to get back to Elle’s place makes my body feel heavy.

I’m beyond exhausted, and my muscles ache with every step I take.

Normally, I would have another coffee and just power through the tiredness, but the blackout the other day scared the shit out of me.

If I were to blackout when I was with Elle and something happened to her… I’d never forgive myself. I can’t risk her life like that, so I need to start prioritizing sleep, even if it is just an hour here and there.

The obvious solution is to not go sneaking into Elle’s apartment again and staying up most of the night watching her sleep. But it’s become a sort of nightly ritual for me.

It used to be enough for me to just sit in my car with my eyes fixed on her window. Knowing she was up there, safe and asleep, used to bring me comfort, and I felt safe enough to catch ten minutes of sleep here or there .

But since the blackout, if I don’t physically hear her breathing, I start to panic.

At least, that’s how I explain the tightness in my chest and my racing heart whenever I’m not near her.

It could also be due to the fact that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about getting her off, which has my body permanently wound up. I’ve dreamed of being able to touch her like that for years, and to finally hear her sweet cries as she climaxes for me has had my blood heating and my cock thickening at all hours of the day and night.

What I would give to be able to do that to her every night. To worship her body with my tongue, to have her scream my name as she comes…

But that can never happen.

It was wrong of me to cross that line, to take advantage of her trust like that. She doesn’t know who she’s falling for, and I’m too much of a selfish bastard to tell her.

But maybe I should. Maybe then she would walk away, and everything could go back to the way it used to be. With me watching her live her life, knowing that I can never be a part of it.

The thought weighs heavy on my chest as I climb the last set of stairs.

Elle has a day off today, and she tends to sleep in, so I figured it was safe for me to slip away for an hour to try and catch up on some sleep.

Though it seems Pyotr has other plans for me.

As I approach the top floor of my apartment building, I find my only friend leaning against my front door carrying a coffee container and a paper bag.

“What are you doing here?”

“Thought you might need a little pick me up.” He holds up the tray of coffees. “Plus, I have something I need to speak to you about.”

He looks impressively put together, considering the fact it’s not even six a.m., wearing a freshly pressed white shirt and navy slacks beneath his overcoat, with his hair neatly styled, and his jaw free of stubble.

I look down at my own attire and cringe.

“They invented phones for that very reason.” I reach into the pocket of my jeans for my keys. “I only have an hour, Pyotr , and I really need to get some sleep.”

“I’ll make this quick.”

Pyotr steps aside so I can unlock my door before following me inside.

“I like what you’ve done with the place.” He looks around my virtually empty apartment.

He sets the coffees down on the kitchen counter before turning to face me.

“Are you going to tell me why you’re here?” I grab the take-out bag, helping myself to a donut.

My stomach growls as I take a bite, and I realize I can’t remember the last time I ate.

Pyotr folds his arms over his chest as he regards me.

I know I look like shit, my stubble slowly turning into more of a beard, and my black jeans and hoodie look like I’ve slept in them, which is nothing short of ironic.

“Nina’s been looking for you.”

My sister’s name has my body tensing.

I should have guessed that that’s what Pyotr wanted to discuss. Why else would he want to see me in person at this hour?

“Why?” I try to sound unbothered, but I know Pyotr doesn’t buy it.

“Because you’re her brother? ”

“I haven’t been her brother for years Pyotr .” I rub at my jaw. “I can’t even remember the last time I saw her.”

Nina and I were close, once. But that was a long time ago. A lot has changed since then.

“Well, maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to call her.”

“Why? After cutting her off like I did, I doubt that she’s wanting to call just to catch up.” I finish my donut and reach into the bag for another.

Nina and I always had a complicated relationship growing up. Being eight years older than her, it made it naturally difficult for us to have that close sibling bond that I know she craved. Not that being closer in age would have helped. My brother Maxim was only a year older than me, and I couldn’t stand the prick.

Though that was likely down to my father.

He liked to pit all of his children against one another, having us fight it out for his affection. He never hid the fact that he was disappointed that he had a daughter, which made Nina naturally jealous of Maxim and me.

So, she spent most of her time with her mother, at least until she died.

But our relationship grew stronger when Nina was a teenager. I started to reach out more, purely out of loneliness, and for a while, things were good between us. Almost… normal .

For years, she became the person I called when I was in trouble, which was often, and she would help me through the blackouts. She was the only one who could calm me down afterwards when I would panic at the gaps in my memory.

That was, until I learned the truth of what I had done during one of those blackouts and decided that Nina was better off not having me in her life.

“A lot has changed, Lev. She’s married now, with a kid.”

Nina has a kid? Since when?

The last time I saw her, she was dreaming of coming to New York to study ballet before joining the American Ballet Company. She wanted to spend her days on the stage, dancing to the music that she used to listen to with her mother as a child.

What the hell happened?

“Good for her,” I mutter.

It’s been years since we last saw each other. It’s likely she left her dream of being a dancer behind a long time ago, swapping it in for a new dream. One with a perfect family and a white picket fence.

What I wasn’t expecting was for the news to make me feel so empty .

Maybe that’s because life has moved on for everyone, except for me.

“Who’s the guy?”

I don’t miss the way Pyotr hesitates, and I brace myself for what’s about to come out of his mouth.

“Who is it, Pyotr ?”

“Anton Koslov.”

I almost choke on my coffee. She’s married to a Koslov ?

“You’re joking.”

“Not in the slightest.” There isn’t a hint of amusement in Pyotr’s eyes, and I fight the urge to launch my coffee cup across the tiny kitchen.

“ Fuck .” I run my hand over my face. “How the fuck did she end up marrying a Koslov? There’s no way my father would have allowed that.”

This doesn’t make sense. What the hell is Nina doing ?

“And she has a kid too?”

“A girl. She’s only a few months old.”

“A girl…”

“I guess that makes you an uncle.” Pyotr chuckles.

My stomach sinks even more.

This has my father written all over it.

“From what I can gather, your father tried to use Nina to gain information from Anton, but it ended up backfiring.”

“Clearly.” I scoff. “Fuck, this isn’t good.”

If Nina’s looking into me, it’s likely because her husband has asked her too. There’s no way the Koslovs don’t know the truth about her heritage, and they’re likely counting on me being ignorant to her marriage to gain information.

“This is really not good.” I set down my coffee, bracing my hands on the counter.

Having Elle directly linked to the Koslov bratva through her cousin was risky enough. And now Nina is married to the Pahkan’s cousin?

It seems I’m never going to escape them.

Maybe that’s the universe’s way of punishing me for what I did.

After all, I’m the reason the previous Pahkan and his wife are buried six feet under the ground.

“Call her, Lev.” Pyotr pulls out a piece of paper from his pocket and sets it on the counter. “She’s worried about you.”

“She doesn’t need to be. I’m fine.”

“Are you?”

I grind my teeth at Pyotr’s accusatory tone.

“Do you have anything else for me? Because I really need to take a shower.”

“Not at the moment. Your father is proving to be very hard to look into. ”

“He’s no stranger to being followed by PI’s. Alexei’s been after him for the best part of a decade, so he’s gotten good at covering his tracks.”

“No shit.”

“I appreciate you stopping by, and for the food.”

“No problem. And you know you can call me anytime right?”

I nod, my throat too thick with emotion to speak.

Pyotr gives me a parting slap on the shoulder before grabbing his coffee and letting himself out.

The second the door slams shut, I reach for the piece of paper and unfold it to find Nina’s number scribbled inside.

Calling her is risky. Any one of the Koslovs could be listening in.

But after learning about her child, I have an urge to check in, to warn her to be careful. My father is a cruel man, and he would think nothing of using his own grandchild as a bargaining tool.

Before the silence of my apartment grows too heavy to bear, I head into the tiny bedroom, which has nothing but a bare mattress on the floor and an open suitcase filled with some clothes.

My maternal grandmother might have left me a fair amount of money when she died, but I have no desire to spend it on furnishing a place I’m never in.

Material things don’t matter to me.

Only Elle does.

I find one of my many burner phones hidden among my clothes. At least this way, I can be certain that she or any of the Koslovs can’t track my location.

Perching on the edge of the mattress, I dial Nina’s number and hold my breath as the phone starts to ring .

“Hello?” My sister’s voice has my chest feeling like it’s being ripped open. “Hello? Who is this?”

“Nina?” My voice cracks, and I clear my throat as I wait for her to reply.

“Lev.” She sighs. “You’re alive.”

“Are you alone?”

“For the most part.” I catch the sound of a baby crying in the background, and I fight the urge to hang up the phone. “Things have changed a lot since we last spoke.”

“Are you happy?”

“I didn’t know what happiness was until recently… Anyway, how…how are you? Have you spoken to dad recently?”

“Have you?”

“No… I’m not exactly in his good books right now.”

“Welcome to the club.”

She laughs quietly, and my lips twitch at the sound.

“Does he know?” I can’t bring myself to voice my concerns directly, but Nina seems to catch on to what I’m saying.

“Yes, but don’t worry. He’s not getting anywhere near my daughter.”

“He has his ways, Nina.”

“And I’m taking every precaution necessary. Is that why you called?”

I say nothing, gripping the phone so tightly my knuckles turn white.

“It’s nice that you care.”

“I should go?—”

“Her name is Lilya.”

I freeze. “After your mother.”

“She looks like her a lot, actually.”

There’s rustling in the background followed by another cry from the baby that has a wave of loneliness hitting me like a ton of bricks.

“So, how’s Elle?”

I stiffen at her question.

“How do you know about Elle?”

“My brother-in-law, Mikhail, mentioned about her having a stalker.”

I should have known Lucia would find out and go blabbing to her husband. It’s another reason I need to be more careful around Elle.

If they were to learn of what happened between us the other night, I would be dead within hours. And then who would be around to make sure Elle is safe?

“So?” I pinch the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger. “It could be anyone.”

“A stalker with scarred hands.”

“What are you implying, Nina?”

“I wasn’t sure if it was you or not, but from the way you’re reacting, I’m guessing it is you.”

“Our father was behind her kidnapping. I’ve simply been making sure that she’s safe.”

“As long as that’s all it is.”

“I really should go.”

“There’s something else I wanted to ask you.”

I squeeze my eyes shut. “Go ahead.”

“Alexei and his brothers think that their parents are dead because…” She takes a deep breath, and I brace myself for what she’s about to ask me. “Because of you. Is that true, Lev?”

Her voice is thick with tears, and I grind my teeth as I try to think of how to answer without hurting her more than I already have.

“Honestly? It’s possible. ”

“What does that mean?”

“All I know is that I blacked out that night. It wasn’t until years later that Igor informed me of what happened, of what I’d done.”

“Oh…”

“I don’t know what to think anymore. But one thing I do know is that no harm will come to Elle. I promise you that.”

“Are you still having the blackouts?”

My mind fills with the memory of waking up on the side of the interstate, and I cringe.

“I’m taking care of it.”

My hour is almost up, and I need to get back to Elle before she wakes up.

So much for getting some sleep.

“Lev—”

“It’s best you don’t contact me again.”