Chapter 10

10

Mount Haven’s Christmas tree farm boasted sleigh rides, hot chocolate, and lots of treats. The kids were excited of course, bouncing around their grandparents and Tahlia. Their father had taken some convincing to go because he claimed he wanted to use the time to finish work he’d begun the night before, but between the kids begging and Ophelia’s subtle guilting, it didn’t take long before he capitulated. Tahlia knew his decision rested more on the kids imploring brown eyes; he couldn’t resist them for long.

The farm was a quick car ride from the lodge, but Tahlia blasted Christmas music anyway. Jed’s gravelly voice was a welcome addition to the chorus of tunes, complementing his wife’s alto tones. Nelson remained stubbornly silent. Not that the kids cared; their father was in the car and joining them for a tradition he’d missed multiple years in a row. Tahlia knew they were ecstatic.

That excitement was made clear when Kaiden and Maddy jumped out of the car as soon as their father parked and sprinted toward the rows and rows of green pines. Their grandparents were close behind them while Tahlia and Nelson took up the rear. Tahlia had quickly realized on this trip she could take a back seat while Jed and Ophelia were around. They enjoyed spending time with the children and Tahlia didn’t want to get in the way.

“Are you enjoying yourself, Miss Jameson?” Nelson asked suddenly, catching Tahlia off guard.

“Enjoying what?” His company? Was he being sarcastic? Did he notice the red on her face?

“The trip,” he clarified. “It is Christmas. You shouldn’t feel as though it’s all work.”

“Oh!” Tahlia puffed out a laugh, relieved. “To be honest I don’t think about the kids as work, but yes, I’m enjoying myself.”

“That’s good to hear,” he murmured. For a little while there was companionable silence between them. They watched the kids and the grandparents dart from tree to tree, searching for the perfect one.

“You can call me Tahlia, you know. I’d actually prefer it.” Tahlia glanced at Nelson with a friendly smile. “I’m not terribly formal.”

He snorted in amusement. “I’ve noticed.” He paused. “I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”

“Your choice.” She shrugged. “But at this point you’re the only Nelson who calls me by my last name. Your parents aren’t big on formality, either.”

“No,” he sighed. “My mother was once. She’s mellowed in her old age.”

“I like her,” Tahlia murmured, already thinking fondly of Jed and Ophelia. “I like both of them.”

“They like you, too. I’ve never seen them take to one of the kids’ nannies like this.”

“Do you really think so?” she asked, despite overhearing Ophelia’s comment at the restaurant. It was nice to have it confirmed by somebody else, especially Nelson. He had many faults, but he wasn’t a liar.

“Yes,” he replied. “Mind, so far it’s been a revolving door of nannies, so they didn’t really get a chance to know them.” He grunted low in his throat. “The kids made sure of that.”

Tahlia hid a smile. “Maddy’s said a few, um, boastful things about that. She’s very fond of practical jokes.”

Nelson huffed. “I’m not surprised. She and Kaiden have made their feelings very clear over the years.” He looked at her, curiosity lighting his eyes. “Which made their quick affection for you so…frustrating.”

“Frustrating?” Tahlia met his gaze with a frown. The wind picked up and she shivered before wrapping her arms around herself.

“The other nannies were good people,” Nelson explained. “I made sure of that. Everything about them was perfect. On paper. But they weren’t what my kids needed.” He stopped walking and Tahlia paused as well. Nelson fixed his eyes on his children, who were pointing excitedly down the row of trees. “I’m always wrong about what they need. I guess…I guess I’m not a very good dad.”

Tahlia, surprised by his candor, wasn’t sure how to respond or if she should. Nelson must have taken her silence for agreement because he laughed bitterly.

“It’s alright. I’m not looking for confirmation of the fact.”

“May I be blunt, Mr. Nelson?” Tahlia asked. He looked at her warily.

“That you of all people is asking permission scares me.”

She gave him an embarrassed smile. “I promise you’ll survive.”

“Okay,” he said slowly then, with a grimace, “go ahead.”

“You’re not a bad father. You love your kids. It’s obvious you’d do anything for them.”

Nelson eyed her. “But?”

“What makes you think there’s a ‘but’?” She scowled, even though there very much was a ‘but’; she was just reluctant to voice it.

“There’s always a ‘but’.”

“Not always!” Tahlia protested stubbornly.

“Okay. Is there in this case?” Nelson blinked innocently at her, but Tahlia noticed a tug at the corners of his mouth. It was sort of cute. Annoying, but cute.

“Fine,” she huffed. “There’s a small ‘but’.”

“Which is?” he prodded.

Tahlia gazed appraisingly at him for a moment, wondering if she was again overstepping. However, she’d asked and he’d given permission.

“I think you forget how much they love you, too.”

A silence thicker than the snow at their feet fell between them. Nelson worked his jaw as if he were chewing through whatever he couldn’t say aloud.

“How the hell do you do that?” He didn’t sound angry. Honestly, Tahlia couldn’t tell what he was feeling.

“Do what?”

He opened his mouth but hesitated. “Never mind.” He turned away and started walking again.

Tahlia looked after him for a few seconds. She thought they had reached a point of honesty, but apparently, he wasn’t ready to share. Disheartened, Tahlia shuffled after him, growing colder by the second and wishing she’d worn another layer on top of the two she put on beneath her coat. Her eyes were on the snowy ground, so she didn’t see him stop and ran straight into him. Tahlia stumbled back in surprise to find him staring down at her with his signature scowl.

“I know they love me.”

Okay. That was definitely a defensive tone.

“I didn’t say otherwise,” she pointed out. “I said you forget. ”

“I don’t forget,” he insisted. Tahlia had to exert extra effort not to roll her eyes.

“Alright, alright. Never mind, I’m wrong. I’m sorry. Can we forget this?” she asked. Leave it to her incessant need to fix broken things to screw up what had become a genial relationship.

Stick to machines, Jameson.

Nelson clenched his jaw and blew air forcefully through his nose, reminding Tahlia of a bull about to charge. She would have laughed if the angry tension in his body hadn’t deflated and he ran a gloved hand through his hair.

“You’re not totally wrong,” he admitted reluctantly, with a glance over his shoulder toward his kids. “Sometimes…sometimes I wonder…” his face experienced a plethora of changes as he struggled to find words.

Tahlia remained quiet but he gave up searching for what to say and looked at her helplessly. She was viscerally reminded that he was, at his core, a lonely, single father who was trying to do his best. Perhaps he didn’t always know what the best was and maybe he got distracted along the way, but he was trying.

She placed a mittened hand on his arm. “Stop wondering,” she said gently. “They love you. They want to be around you. All the time, if they had their way. Trust me.”

“You know something strange?” he murmured after a few heavy seconds. “I do.”

As he gazed down at her, his eyes took on what Tahlia might call an affectionate gaze if she didn’t know better. There was a brief moment - or maybe it wasn’t brief at all - during which Tahlia was captured by that gaze. Deep brown, almost black, and flecked with amber, reminding her of the night sky. Infinite and wondrous.

So pretty, her brain - again being very unhelpful - added.

A wracking shiver broke whatever spell had fallen on her, causing her teeth to chatter, and she hugged herself again.

“Cold?”

“W-what do you think?” she snipped. Nelson pressed his lips together, hiding a grin, Tahlia thought, and he held his arm out. Tahlia eyed the proffered limb in confusion.

“Take it,” he said. When she hesitated, he rolled his eyes. "I can’t have you freezing to death. The kids’ll never forgive me.”

While she was fairly certain this was a greater breach of decorum than him calling her by her first name, Tahlia was cold enough not to bring up the irony and looped her arm through his. She stepped as close as she could into his side, making a beeline for his body heat. It wasn’t a perfect fix, but she had to admit it helped a little.

“Thank you.” She looked up at him with a relieved smile. Nelson gave her a small smile in return and for that smile to be meant for her and her alone was enough for Tahlia to blush. In that moment she was grateful for the cold, because he wouldn’t be able to tell why her face was suddenly so red.

“Daddy! Daddy, we found it!”

Kaiden and Maddy’s chorus drifted down the row of trees and pulled Tahlia and Nelson’s attention back to the task at hand. They walked quickly to where the kids, Jed, and Ophelia were gathered around a tall, fluffy tree with a slightly crooked top branch. Tahlia knew the angel the kids had brought would lean when they put it on.

“Hello, dears,” Ophelia greeted, a pointed - somewhat smug, Tahlia thought - glance at where Tahlia and Nelson were joined. Nelson must have noticed the look, too, because he gingerly removed Tahlia’s arm from his. Tahlia tried not to be morose about it, even though the cold returned with more force than before. Ophelia looked as if she were hiding a smile but turned toward the kids and Jed without saying anything.

“Daddy!” Maddy ran up and grabbed Nelson’s hand to drag him to the tree. “This one!”

“It’s crooked,” her father pointed out.

“It’s perfect,” Maddy responded with a pout. “Do you like it, Tahlia?”

Tahlia grinned as she considered the tree. “I like it very much, Maddy.”

“Tahlia likes it, daddy,” Kaiden said, as if her choice was the deciding factor. Nelson threw an amused look at Tahlia.

“I guess if Tahlia likes it, it must be the one,” he said, not taking his eyes off her. A smile slowly spread across her face; no more ‘Miss Jameson’.

“Alright, kids,” Jed lifted the axe provided to them by a nearby farm employee, “I got this!”

“Jed, don’t you dare! You’ll throw your back out again!” Ophelia protested.

“Dad, why don’t I do that?” Nelson quickly took the axe from his now grumpy father. “Everybody stand back!”

Tahlia and the other Nelson’s returned to the middle of the path so that he could move freely. Once he made sure everyone was safe, Nelson removed his big overcoat and gripped the axe.

If Tahlia focused a little too much on the way she could see his back muscles move through his sweater as he swung the axe at the tree, that was her secret. Watching him, Tahlia warmed, her brain having supplied a certain fantasy of a certain man as a plaid-clad lumberjack, before she shut it down. No good would come of that.

After a minute or so he straightened up. “Kids,” he called. “Want to help?”

The twins scrambled over and together, Nelson, Maddy, and Kaiden shoved at the tree until it cracked and fell to its side.

“Timber!” Nelson called with a laugh that was echoed by his children. His eyes found Tahlia’s and his smile turned just a mite roguish. Tahlia found herself grinning right back, one fondly-thought word popping into her head.

Scoundrel.