6. Rose

6

Rose

I peered out the window, watching my father and Sebastian walk down the front path together.

I still couldn’t believe it. He was here, after all these years. The outsider boy I’d often wondered about, now a fully-grown man. And not only that… he was the same man I’d had visions of in the woods a few years ago. The same man who’d occupied and commanded my thoughts and dreams ever since, haunting me with that handsome yet ghastly half-skull face.

It couldn’t be a coincidence that my vision had turned out to be Miranda Thorne’s son. It couldn’t be a coincidence that he’d first appeared to me looking as if he’d been touched by death, either. The Entity didn’t allow for that. Every single thing in this world happened for a reason, and even if certain things seemed to happen coincidentally, there was always a connection somewhere, hidden away.

I just had to find it.

My eyes lingered on the back of Sebastian’s dark head. It still felt so bizarre, so bewildering, to see him standing here in person. He was enchanting, mesmerizing, and positively terrifying all at the same time.

For so long, the mental image of his face and body had haunted me, laying waste to my intended thoughts of purity. It was shameful and unbecoming for a woman of my station, and the resultant guilt had been all-consuming. I’d barely managed to hide it from the others in the community.

During one particularly difficult phase that went on for a month, I’d woken my father every night with my moans and cries. Whenever he hurried into my bedroom to shake me awake out of concern, I told him I was having terrible nightmares. Truthfully, I was experiencing night after night of sheer, unholy bliss in my dreams, at the practiced hands of the man I now knew as Sebastian Thorne.

Despite my best attempt, I hadn’t been able to conceal my shock and shame when I met him downstairs a few minutes ago. A rush of blood had instantly heated my cheeks beneath the intimidating deep green of his gaze, and my knees had weakened to the point where I had trouble standing.

My father had noticed my strange conduct and reprimanded me for it, but thankfully, I managed to pass off the wide eyes, stunned silence, and flushed face as surprise from hearing the Thorne name when Papa introduced us. That name hadn’t been spoken around Alderwood in a long time.

Not after what happened to Miranda.

I shuddered and shook my head, as if that could shake out the awful images that suddenly filled my mind. The rapid movement must have registered in Sebastian’s peripheral vision, because he suddenly paused mid-stride and snapped his head around to look right up at me.

I let out a startled squeak and ducked down, my insides writhing under the barrage of emotions that his piercing stare had ignited in me. His eyes were beautiful, no doubt about that, but I didn’t want him to look at me, or even perceive me, because the beauty in those eyes was so clearly married to danger and immorality. I wasn’t sure I could ever feel safe under such a sinful gaze. Even now, I could still feel the weight of it upon me despite no longer being in his view.

I bit the inside of my cheek and looked down at the floor, immediately wondering if I was projecting my guilt onto Sebastian. I was the one who’d experienced all the impure thoughts and dreams over the years. I was the one who was filled with sin as a result. I was the one who’d risked the safety of my community by allowing my mind to be flooded with temptation.

Slowly, I rose to my feet and crept back over to the window, lifting the edge of the curtain with my clammy hand so I could peek outside again. Sebastian had turned back to the path, head tipped to the side as he spoke with my father. I breathed a quiet sigh of relief and kept watching, wondering once again why the Entity had sent him here.

Was that even true? Had the Entity delivered him to our village, or was he here at the command of the Darkness? Was it possible he wasn’t even a man but a spirit instead? If so, was he a light or dark spirit?

My first instinct was dark, given the immoral thoughts he sparked within me coupled with the grotesque appearance he’d carried in my vision. At the same time, part of me couldn’t believe that something dark and evil could possibly spring from Miranda Thorne.

Though I was very young when Miranda came to Alderwood, I still remembered her well, because her presence was so out of the ordinary that it immediately seared itself into my mind as a formative memory. She was kind, friendly, and understanding, and in the time she’d spent here, I quickly started to view her as a motherly figure. In later years, after she was long-gone, I’d grown envious of all the girls who had mothers, and then my mind would drift back to her.

My father knew all about feminine matters, such as the monthly moonblood, but there was a stark difference between knowledge and a genuine understanding that came with experience. As supportive as he tried to be when I had the monthly pains, there was still some part of me that resented the fact that he couldn’t truly know my discomfort. Things like that created a strange sort of distance between us; one that couldn’t be helped. If I had a mother, or at least a mother figure, things would be different.

I would’ve liked to have Miranda around for that, if she’d been able to remain in Alderwood forever. Unfortunately, the Entity had other plans in store.

What happened to her in the end was awful, and I wanted to believe that it should never have happened. But it wasn’t my place to question the will of the Entity. Sometimes he did things or brought things into our world for his own unknowable reasons, and it was our job to carry out his will without question, in order to maintain the natural order.

I craned my neck to catch one last glimpse of Sebastian before he disappeared from view. I realized now that I may very well be wrong about him being a dark spirit—or at least here on behalf of a dark spirit—because of his ties to Miranda, but I still wanted to know what his purpose was. Had he come for me like I’d fantasized about on so many occasions? Would he slip into my room in the middle of the night, like I’d dreamed a thousand times, and—

“Stop it,” I said out loud, chastising myself with a sharp pinch on the arm.

With that, I took a deep, shaky breath and sank to my knees, eyes fluttering shut as my hands clasped in prayer.

Eternal Master, please deliver me from this temptation…