3. Rose

3

Rose

“Goodbye, Miss Trudeau!”

I waved at the gaggle of students walking toward the schoolhouse door. “Goodbye! Enjoy your weekend!”

When the last of them were gone, I exhaled deeply and leaned back in my chair. I usually loved teaching, but sometimes the work drained the life out of me, leaving me exhausted by the end of the week. This was such a week. My students were preparing for the French exam I’d scheduled for next Wednesday, and they were filled with nervous energy, making many of them irritable and difficult to deal with.

Thankfully, it was Friday, which meant it was time for the usual end-of-week rituals and celebrations. Tomorrow night, the festivities would continue, because both weekend evenings were our ‘fun’ nights before the long and often boring Rite of Communion on Sundays.

I loved those seemingly endless nights. Music, dancing, offerings, storytelling, food, and drinks, all around the bonfire and ritual huts. I only wished I could take part in more of the fun, due to the urges and twinges I often felt when I saw the aspects that were forbidden to a woman like me.

With a sigh, I stood and left the schoolhouse, keeping my chin lifted as I reminded myself of my place in the community. I was a celestial virgin. One of the four blood moon idols, more specifically.

My life had been dedicated to the most sacred of rituals since my birth, and it was a great honor. I needed to remember that. But even though I always tried my best to do just that, I still felt a pang in my stomach when I looked at the other women in Alderwood. A few of them were jealous of me because of the status I was afforded, and they had no idea that I occasionally longed to be them.

Alas, it was not for me. My path was decided for me the moment I was born, taking my mother’s life in the process. I could not allow her sacrifice to be in vain.

“Rosamund?”

A lilting feminine voice called my name, and I turned to see Alice Leclerc hurrying toward me. I lifted a hand in greeting. “Hi, Alice. You can just call me Rose, you know,” I said, smiling warmly.

She offered me a shy smile of her own. Just a few years ago, she was one of my students, so she was probably a little nervous about approaching me. “I was wondering if you could give me some advice,” she said, interlocking her fingers and twiddling her thumbs.

“Of course.”

Alice hesitated, gnawing at her bottom lip. “It’s my first proving ritual tonight,” she finally said in a low voice. “I, um… I wanted to know… well…”

My eyes widened, and I took her arm and pulled her away from the busy main street. “Alice, please don’t tell me you’ve lost your purity,” I said in a harsh, urgent whisper.

Recently, I’d seen her spending a lot of time with a boy her age, and they were often laughing and touching each other’s arms. If they’d done more…

“No! Of course not!” she replied, tone filled with righteous indignation. “My purity is intact.”

I let out a long sigh of relief. “Oh, thank heavens,” I muttered. “Sorry. You gave me a bit of a fright.”

She let out a nervous giggle and tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. “No… I’m sorry. I find this sort of thing very awkward to talk about,” she said. “I just wanted to know what it’s like, or if there’s anything special I need to do to prepare. I didn’t want to ask my father, and I can’t exactly ask my mother, can I?”

I nodded understandingly. Like me, Alice had been motherless since birth. “You’ll be fine as long as you’ve truly honored your vow of chastity. The test is quite short, and there’s nothing you need to do to prepare beyond ensuring you are clean.” I briefly hesitated and lowered my voice, a small smile playing on my lips. “Unless you really don’t like any of the healers, in which case you are free to not bathe beforehand.”

Alice giggled again. “Thank you for reassuring me,” she said, shoulders sagging with relief. A question appeared in her eyes, and her head tilted slightly to the side. “What happens to celestial virgins who fail to maintain their purity?”

As soon as the words left her lips, a wave of unease washed over me. My mind raced, scrambling for a coherent response while the weight of her gaze bore into me.

I forced a weak smile, hoping it masked the anxiety that her question had stirred within me. “I don’t think that has ever happened, so I’m not sure,” I said. “It’s not something you need to worry about.”

“Really? It’s never happened?” Her eyes widened. “Not once? In all these years?”

Her insistent curiosity made me wonder if she was telling the truth a moment ago, when she claimed she hadn’t lost her purity. Why else would she be so interested in the answer?

“Never,” I said firmly. “We all know how sacred our duty is.”

“I suppose so, yes.” Alice nodded slowly. Then her face and body perked up. “Thank you for talking to me about it. I should go and bathe. See you tonight!”

“Of course.” I watched her go, unease still stirring in the depths of my soul. It wasn’t just her I was concerned about. Sometimes, I worried about my own purity. Wondered if I truly deserved to claim that I’d thoroughly maintained it over the years.

Don’t be silly, I told myself, lifting my chin high again. Of course I was still pure.

I went home to bathe and prepare for the evening festivities. When the sun finally dipped below the horizon, casting long, shadowy fingers across Alderwood, I left my house and made my way toward the closest forest clearing.

The path was well-trodden and warm from the light of the flaming torches that lined it, but tonight, it also seemed to carry a sense of foreboding, as if the nearby trees were whispering secrets in the cool evening breeze. I pushed the strange feeling aside, along with a low-hanging branch, and stepped into the clearing.

It was an enormous space, marked by the history and reverence of countless Covenant rituals. Effigies hung from surrounding tree branches, crafted from twigs, straw, and fragments of old cloth. They represented the spirits of the forest; our protectors who watched over us every day and night. Scattered across the ground were piles of rocks, carefully stacked to form cairns, each a testament to the prayers of past generations.

A roaring bonfire lay at the center of the clearing. In front of that stood a great stone altar, adorned with antlers and animal bones. The bones had been bleached white by the elements long ago, forming intricate patterns on the altar border that spoke of life and death. The antlers framed it like a crown, and the ground beneath it was strewn with fresh, colorful flowers and sweet-smelling wild herbs plucked from the forest.

“Rose! You’re finally here!” A girl I’d grown up with took my arm and pulled me toward one of the tables that had been set up on the left side of the clearing. She’d obviously been here for a while already, judging by the deep purple stains on her lips and the giddiness emanating from her.

“Here you go,” she said, handing me a cup of wine. “Even the virgins are allowed to drink, aren’t they?”

I detected a barb beneath her seemingly innocuous words, but I ignored it and smiled. “Of course. Thank you, Ana?s.”

“I won’t be able to drink for much longer.” She pursed her lips. “Albert and I are taking part in the fertility ritual tonight, so I may very well be pregnant soon.”

“That’s wonderful.” I lifted my cup to clink it against hers. “I wish you the best of luck.”

“Thank you.” She tilted her head. The vaguest of smug expressions had appeared on her face. “I wonder… do you ever wish you could be like one of us?”

“No,” I said, forcing another smile. “I know my place. I must serve the Covenant in the manner that the Entity has laid out for me.”

“Hm. Well, good for you.” Ana?s was definitely drunk. The glazed look in her eyes made that clear beyond a shadow of a doubt. Not to mention the brazen, inappropriate way she was questioning me. “Anyway, I must eat something. You should too. You’re looking a little pale.”

Without waiting for a response, she made a beeline for one of the feast tables, which was practically groaning under the weight of all the food laden upon it. I turned and looked at the center of the clearing, slowly sipping at my sweet wine.

The air was buzzing with anticipation as villagers gathered in clusters, their excitement barely contained. Tonight was a momentous occasion. Alice’s proving ritual was happening soon, and it would be followed by the monthly fertility ritual that Ana?s had mentioned earlier.

I spotted my father standing by the altar, flanked by some of the other Alderwood elders. They were all dressed in the crimson hooded robes that were traditional for high-status men during ceremonial activities.

When Papa saw me looking, he smiled and waved before turning back to confer with the others. As the Alderwood governor, he was far too busy to spend the evening by my side. I understood that, just as I understood my place in society.

I took a seat on a log by the edge of the clearing, warming myself under one of the flaming torches that lined the space. The night was alive with laughter, music, and the shared joy of the villagers, but something still felt off.

I swallowed thickly and stared into my cup of wine, wondering what was wrong.

Alice. It was her. She’d really made me nervous earlier, with all her questions about the proving rituals and impurity. I’d passed every single one of my annual proving rituals, meaning my purity shouldn’t be in question at all, and yet, it was in question. To me, anyway. The things I’d thought… the things I’d dreamed… the things I’d done…

Stop it.

I downed the rest of my drink and stood, deciding to join some of the other villagers in a dance. Anything to distract me from my wicked thoughts.

The warmth of the firelight danced along with us, casting flickering shadows all over the place. The wine was quickly working its way through my veins, a heady blend of berries and spices that made my cheeks flush and my steps feel lighter. The music changed, and the air filled with the rhythmic beat of drums, pulling me deeper into the euphoria of the dance.

I swayed and twirled, the forest clearing spinning around me. My head felt pleasantly light, my earlier worries dissolving into the cool night air. A fellow dancer reached out to grasp my hand, our fingers intertwining as we spun in a circle. The faces around me blurred into a tapestry of smiles and bright eyes, all sharing the same blissful abandon.

Until I saw him.

There, in the midst of the revelry, was a face that shouldn’t be there. Half-shrouded in the black and white of a skull, the other half breathtakingly handsome.

Handsome and unmistakably familiar.

My breath caught in my throat. It was him ; a man I’d had visions of years ago, all the way up at our boundary fence. The same man who’d silently and secretly threatened my purity with the wanton dreams and impure thoughts he’d caused me to have.

I’d prayed for a very long time after I started seeing him everywhere, and I’d long since realized that he wasn’t real. Couldn’t be real. Not with that ghastly, touched-by-death appearance. And yet, here he was, his half-skull face a stark, haunting reminder of all the things I’d tried to forget.

Another dancer bumped into me, jolting me back to the present. I blinked, and the tall, skull-faced man was gone, swallowed by the night. I turned and scanned the crowds of dancing and feasting villagers, trying to catch sight of him again, but his devilish face was nowhere to be seen.

I’m seeing things, I realized, touching a hand to my flushed face. It was just the wine and the twirling shadows playing tricks on my mind. I forced out a laugh, shaking off the unease that had clung to me all day like a second skin.

A horn sounded to mark the beginning of Alice’s proving ritual. We all moved closer to the altar to bear witness. She looked nervous, eyes wide and fingers clasped tightly together.

Her role was not as paramount as mine—she would not submit beneath a Tetrad blood moon—but it still held great significance in our community. Next year, after the Tetrad was complete, she would submit to the Entity under a regular blood moon. It was a great honor for her. Every act of devotion and submission helped to keep the Darkness from entering our world.

One of the village healers approached her, commanding her to lie on the altar. My father and the elders looked on, black hoods pulled low over their faces.

Alice’s white gown was lifted, and the healer slid his hand between her thighs. The villagers collectively held their breath, and the clearing fell into a tense silence. My heart was in my throat.

Please, Eternal Master. Let me be wrong about Alice. Let it be that she was just questioning things as any young person would.

The healer raised his head and pulled his hand out from Alice’s gown. “She is pure. Praise the Entity!”

A great cheer erupted from the crowd, echoing through the forest. I joined in, shoulders slumping with relief.

“Praise the Entity,” my father repeated, stepping forward. He lowered his hood and gazed out at the crowd, lips stretching in a wide smile. “It is now time for the fertility rituals. Please, make your way to the hut!”

That meant it was time for the children to leave, so those who were tasked with their care gathered them up and headed back down the path toward the village. Anticipation hung heavy in the air as more torches flared to life, preparing to guide the rest of us to a second clearing that lay down a different path through the woods.

The couples who had been picked for the ritual went first, walking arm-in-arm into the depths of the forest. I watched from the outskirts of the crowd following them, heart heavy with envy and resignation.

A rhythmic chant filled the air as we finally stepped into the second ritual clearing. A large wooden hut lay in the center of this one, instead of a bonfire and altar.

Inside the hut, away from prying eyes, the couples would perform the fertility ritual. First, they had to pray with each other, and then the woman needed to imbibe a sacred elixir that welcomed abundance. One of the healers would work their medicinal magic next, and then, with the blessing of the other villagers echoing throughout the clearing, the couple would emerge to consummate their union in front of everyone.

Almost half of the women would find themselves pregnant within the next few weeks. For them, the ritual had worked its magic. For others, the ritual would fail, and they would need to return to repeat it later. For others still, the path to parenthood remained elusive, no matter how hard they tried. But that was okay. It was the natural order of things. The will of the Entity.

Once the last of the couples had completed their ritual, the rest of the available villagers joined in the drunken, lustful revelry, consummating their relationships all over the clearing—on the grass, up against trees, over logs. The unavailable villagers—like myself—and those who weren’t interested simply drank more wine and observed from the sidelines, chattering amongst themselves.

Another pang of envy twisted in my chest as I watched all the bodies entwining in passionate embraces. I knew my place was to remain pure and submit myself entirely to the Entity’s divine will, but I couldn’t help the feelings from swirling inside me anyway. It didn’t seem fair. Why did the Entity choose me ? Why wouldn’t he allow me to experience the joy of intimacy or the wonders of love?

“You must stop,” I chided myself in a low voice, rising to my feet. I’d enjoyed far too much wine tonight, and I was allowing it to taint my thoughts.

I was lucky the Entity chose me. My work in Alderwood was of the utmost importance. We were keeping the whole world safe here, and it was my duty to submit to him as part of this work.

“Stop what?”

I turned around, unsteady on my feet, to see my father smiling down at me. Undoubtedly, that smile would fade if he knew what I’d just been thinking.

“Oh… er, I was just telling myself that I need to stop drinking,” I replied, averting my eyes. “I feel a bit sick.”

“Let me walk you home,” Papa said, stretching out an arm. “I’m retiring for the evening myself. I think I may have also had a bit too much wine.”

I couldn’t help but giggle at that. He always seemed so calm and collected, so it was hard to imagine him drunk, even if he claimed to be in such a state.

“You’ve had a lot on your mind tonight,” he said as he interlinked his arm with mine and guided me down the path away from the clearing. “I’ve been watching you. You seem… troubled.”

For a second, I thought about spilling everything to him—the impure thoughts, the skull-faced man I’d frequently fantasized about and drunkenly hallucinated tonight, the jealousy I felt for the other villagers—but I knew I couldn’t. Not without risking a Confession.

I had to admit something, though. He was astute enough to observe my troubled expression, and I knew he wouldn’t stop until he had an answer.

“I was just thinking about the outside world,” I said, looking at the shadowy path ahead. “I worry about it sometimes. The toxicity of it all, based on things I hear from the men. You included.”

Papa nodded. “It can be a dangerous place, yes. But you mustn’t worry. Everything we do here keeps the Darkness from penetrating it. You know what that would entail, of course.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Things would be far more dangerous out there if that happened.” He patted my hand. “But don’t worry. It’s natural to wonder about the outside world sometimes. You don’t need to be ashamed of that.”

He was right. It was perfectly natural to wonder on occasion about the things we weren’t allowed to have or do. Sometimes, in my most private thoughts, I even wished I could leave Alderwood to experience the outside world for a day or two.

The men were allowed to leave sometimes to trade with outsiders or attend secular universities that equipped them with special knowledge to keep our village running smoothly—healers, building engineers, alchemists, and secular law. But women were forbidden to leave.

That rule was never explicitly stated to any of us, but we all knew it anyway. Our duties were considered far too important for any of us to take the risk of being lost in the outside world. First, there were celestial virgins like me, who were vital in the ongoing safety of the world, and secondly, there were the women who produced our next generation. Men didn’t fill either of those roles, and thus, they were more expendable.

“Besides,” Papa continued. “You’ve been out there before, remember? When you were very young. And you survived, didn’t you?”

I nodded. He was right about that too. When I was a small child, only four and a half years old, I’d fallen ill with a terrible fever. My father was called to the outside world on an important mission that same night, and he’d decided to take me with him. He was scared of losing me the same way he lost my mother—she’d developed a fever during childbirth, which eventually caused her to fade away just as I emerged from her womb—and he didn’t trust anyone else to care for me properly.

And so, as sick as I was, I’d enjoyed my first and last journey to the outside world that evening. I barely remembered it, due to my young age and the fever that had overwhelmed my senses at the time, but a few things still stuck out to me. I’d seen a large outsider house, built of stone and wood, and I’d spied a young boy through one of the windows, staring out at me.

He was cute, with dark hair and tanned skin. I tried to picture what he might look like now that twenty years had passed, and to my horror, the handsome man with the half-skeletal face popped right into my mind’s eye.

No. Not him.

“You still seem troubled by something, Rosamund,” Papa said, eyes lingering on me as we stepped inside our house. He really didn’t miss a thing.

“My head is aching.” I pressed a hand to my forehead. “I really shouldn’t have had so much to drink.”

“Take a tincture before bed.” He patted my shoulder again. “You’ll feel renewed in the morning.”

“All right.” I forced a smile. “Goodnight, Papa.”

I picked up a lantern and headed upstairs, heart racing. The skull-faced man was still at the forefront of my mind. The thought of his handsome face and tall, powerful body ignited a spark deep within me, fueling a blaze that surged through my core and enveloped me in heat that spread all the way from the crown of my head to the tips of my toes.

Guilt suddenly lurched in me, like a bruise being pressed, and I pinched my arm as hard as possible until the feeling faded. I’d learned the technique for switching off negative thoughts years ago. My aim was to be in complete control of myself by also being capable of switching off the lusty feelings as well, but I wasn’t quite there yet. The heat inside me remained, pulsing through every inch of my body.

Lord.

My father was right about taking a tincture. It would dull my senses and stop these unwanted thoughts from slinking in, preventing me from giving into the temptation of touching myself.

I walked to my dressing table and retrieved a small glass bottle, using the dropper beneath the lid to add three drops to a cup of water. I swallowed it in one gulp and stumbled over to my bed, eyelids feeling heavy within seconds.

As I succumbed to the embrace of sleep, the vision in my mind’s eye blurred and softened, but one image remained clear: the enigmatic figure with the skull face, his hand extended in a silent invitation.

Without thinking twice, I took his hand and stepped into another world.