Prologue

"A mother's love is like a waterfall — you can see it, hear it from miles away. A father's love is like a hidden cave — you don't even know that it exists unless you look closely."

― Shon Mehta

Many, many years ago.

Sofiya

"Higher, papa! Higher, please!" I laughed as a lock of my hair tickled my eyelid.

The sun shone brightly, casting a warm glow, and a cool breeze rustled the leaves above, carrying the scent of freshly cut grass and wildflowers. Birds chirped joyfully, filling the clear blue sky with their songs.

My papa gently pushed me on the swing, and with each nudge, I soared higher.

It was a beautiful August day, and my papa had promised to spend the whole day with me. He was going to teach me how to ride a bike and show me how to use the new swing he had just installed in our backyard.

As the sun rose, we got out of bed and spent the morning enjoying the warm rays. I rode my pink bicycle with sparkling fringe while papa followed on his old black bike.

Before we began, he made sure I wore a helmet, insisting on safety. Together, we raced up and down the street, our laughter echoing through the peaceful morning air. A few days ago, I had thrown a tantrum watching my friends Sacha and Leyla ride their bikes past my house. They looked so carefree and confident while I struggled with my bike. Their playful waves felt like mockery, and I couldn't help but feel frustrated with myself.

After seeing them flaunt their biking skills, I begged my papa for three days straight to buy me a bike and teach me how to ride. As his beloved little girl, I knew he couldn't resist my pleas. He always showered me with everything I desired, coupled with a warm smile and a pat on the shoulder.

Although I felt nervous at first, I quickly got caught up in the excitement of the race. Before I knew it, I was pedaling as fast as I could with the wind rushing past my face and my papa's shouts of encouragement spurring me on. As we reached the end of the street, I let out a triumphant whoop, thrilled by my little victory.

After our bike race, we moved on to the new swing set. Papa helped me, making sure I was securely strapped in before giving me a gentle push. I felt the rush of air as I swung back and forth, higher and higher, feeling like I was flying. My papa's huge smile was infectious, and we laughed and talked for hours, enjoying the warm summer day together.

Later, as the sun began to set and the sky turned a beautiful shade of orange and pink, we headed back into the house, exhausted but happy. Papa cooked mama's favorite dish for lunch, beef stroganoff with roasted potatoes, because I didn't want pasta. We rarely ate all together, but when we did, my heart was full, and I couldn't stop smiling.

It was a day I would never forget, filled with laughter, fun, and most importantly, the love of my papa. After just two hours, I could bike around without assistance. Papa was impressed with my progress and called me a quick learner. We went back outside after lunch, and I begged him to play on the swing again. Another laugh escaped my lips as his rough hands tickled my sides before pushing me up again.

"Come on, papa! Higher, please!"

" Angelochek , if I push you faster, you may end up being the first little Russian girl on the moon," he laughed as he slowly stopped the swing and carried me to the house. "Besides, mama said she'll bake some blinis with raspberry jam for a snack. We better hurry because a little bird told me that she and Dasha might end up eating everything themselves," he winked and raced me to the kitchen.

Angelochek. His little angel.

My papa spent the entire day with us, without work interrupting, which hadn't happened in months. Usually, he came very late at night and left very early in the morning, never eating breakfast with us, even if mama baked syrniki , which he adored.

But that day was different.

He woke up early, played with me and Vezuchiye, and even helped mama make breakfast. We sat together at the table, laughing and enjoying each other's company. I remember thinking how wonderful it was to have my family all together, without any distractions or interruptions.

Looking back now, I realize how important that day was.

My mama was a stay-at-home mom who would take me to school in the mornings, pick me up in the afternoons, and then spend the rest of the day and evening with me.

During this time, she would regale me with tales of Russian fairies or recount the story of how my father once discovered a pregnant cat beneath his car and took it to the vet, only to discover that it was carrying four kittens.

They kept one of them and called it Vezuchiye . Lucky .

She would often tell me about how much she loved Papa and that he was her prekrasnyy prints . Her own prince charming.

I never quite understood why she called him her prekrasnyy prints , but I knew it must have been for a special reason. It was a term of endearment that she used to describe papa, a way of expressing the deep love and respect she had for him.

Her whole face would light up whenever she talked about papa, and I could see the love and admiration in her eyes.

On that particular evening, my father soothed me with a rendition of the Russian adaptation of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" while stroking our pet Vezuchiye, who had already dozed off on his lap. I breathed in deeply and caught a whiff of the scent of blinis still lingering in the air.

" Angelochek , do you know where people go when they die?" Papa asked softly, stroking my hair.

I frowned. "Mama said that everyone goes to Paradise where they will eat clouds that taste like strawberries and drink from lakes that taste like vanilla ice cream," I heard papa giggle, "She also said that kittens will fly and Vezuchiye will be the king of them all," I said cheerfully before yawning deeply. "I want to go to Paradise now with papa, mommy, Dasha, and Vezuchiye , so we can stay all together forever and ever and ever," I mumbled.

My papa chuckled.

"Your mama has quite the imagination," he remarked. "But don't worry, we'll all be together in Paradise one day."

I smiled at the thought, feeling content that I would never have to be without my mama and papa. With that comforting belief in my mind, I let out a big yawn and drifted off to sleep, still dreaming of a magical place where clouds tasted like strawberries and kittens could fly.

I thought I felt papa gently kiss my forehead and murmur quietly,

" Ty moy ray, moy Angelochek. You are my paradise, my little angel. "

I snuggled closer to him and drifted off into a peaceful slumber, knowing that at that moment, there was nowhere else I'd rather be than right there in my papa's arms.

However, life is full of surprises.

You never know when the last time will be when you see someone or do something.

And that night, without knowing it, was the last time I ever heard my dearest papa's voice again.

My papa's passing taught me the importance of living in the moment and making the most of every opportunity. Though he was no longer physically with me, his words and lessons stayed, guiding me through life's ups and downs.

While I still mourn his loss, I cherish the memories of our time together and the love he gave me. His absence left a mark on all of us, especially my mama. She was never the same, becoming a shadow of her former self. Every day, I hoped for her cheerful smile to return. Sometimes at night, staring up at the stars, I think about life's biggest questions.

Is it worse to never love at all or to lose someone you love deeply?

To walk this earth alone or to have a brief, beautiful connection only to have it torn away?

Is it better to shut off your emotions or dive in, even if it means getting hurt?

Losing a loved one is one of life's toughest challenges. It leaves an emptiness that seems impossible to fill and can make the world feel dull .

This has been our reality, especially for my mama. The weight of sorrow has made moving forward an uphill battle, and sometimes it feels like an insurmountable task.

Yet, not allowing yourself to experience love can lead to deep regret and a sense of isolation. Appreciating those we love and expressing our feelings is crucial. My mama always said life is full of surprises, and we never know what's coming next.

That's why it's important to cherish the time we have with our loved ones.

I promised her I'd always remind her how much she meant to me.

Unfortunately, I had no idea that the stories I was told were all lies meant to cover up some really messed-up secrets.

It wasn't until I met him that I finally found out the truth about everything.