24. Bianca

24

BIANCA

There is nothing but pain and betrayal in Alexei’s eyes as he looks at me.

Part of me isn’t surprised he found me. What does surprise me is the fact that he’s shown up covered in blood and reeking of god-knows-what.

“Alexei…”

As if me speaking his name snaps him out of a trance, he blinks and looks at Dr. Waite.

“She’s pregnant?”

My vision starts to blur as I observe the fury on his face. He can barely even stand to look at me.

He doesn’t want this.

“She is, yes.”

Alexei nods, his eyebrows pulling together in a deep frown.

I hold my breath as he shuts the door behind him.

My fingers itch to reach for him, to feel the warmth of his touch.

“Let me see.” He stalks across the room to stand beside Dr. Waite .

Tears trail down my cheeks as Dr. Waite adjusts the probe and brings up the picture on the monitor.

“There’s your baby.”

A strangled sob escapes my lips as I look from the screen to Alexei’s face, at the coldness in his expression.

“How far along?”

“About seven weeks.”

Alexei nods.

I want more than anything for him to look at me.

Seven weeks would put the baby’s conception at the night in my art studio. The very first time we slept together, and I saw a side to Alexei that I was growing to adore. Perhaps even love…

That side seems so very far away now.

He crosses his arms over his chest. “Are we done here?”

I have to look away, humiliated and hurt by the way he’s acting.

Dr. Waite nods and slowly removes the probe.

“Yes. I’ll have Rebecca at reception schedule another ultrasound for twelve weeks.”

“Fine.”

“Alexei—”

He shakes his head. “Get dressed. I’ll be outside.”

He leaves, closing the door behind him.

The moment the door clicks shut, I can’t hold the tears in anymore.

Dr. Waite works quietly to clean me up and then he leaves me to get dressed alone.

My fingers tremble as I pull on my jeans and tank top.

I knew he’d be furious when he eventually found out about me sneaking out. But I had hoped that seeing the baby, our baby, would soften the blow, and he’d understand why I did it .

What I was not expecting is this coldness. At worst I thought we would fight and scream and yell until it was out of our system.

But Alexei can barely stand to even look at me, and now I have to go home with him. And know we both know that I’m carrying his child.

There’s no way I could sneak past him and make a run for it, and deep down, I don’t want to. I want to talk about this. I want us to get to a place where we can have a proper discussion about what we’re going to do, but it’s hard to do that when Alexei is giving me the silent treatment.

Wiping under my eyes and smoothing down my hair, I take a deep steadying breath and open the door to Dr. Waite’s office.

Alexei is leaning against the wall opposite, his arms folded across his chest, and his eyes fixed on the floor.

His white shirt is covered in blood, and I spy dark purple bruising along the backs of his knuckles.

“What happened to you?”

He pushes away from the wall. “Let’s go.”

I hesitate, wanting to push him further, but then he reaches out a hand for me to take. The gesture is enough to shatter the last of the walls around my heart.

“I-I’m sorry.”

He takes my hand, pulling me along next to him as we walk down the corridor toward the reception desk.

His fingers are cold and there’s nothing tender in the touch.

I try to pull free, but he only tightens his grip.

“Alexei, you’re hurting me.”

“We’re done here.”

I don’t miss the way the blonde girl shrinks back as Alexei glances in her direction .

This is not the man I know.

This is not the man who built me an art studio and sat with me for hours while I painted.

This is not the man who made love to me in his bed for hours until we both fell asleep, tangled in each other's arms.

This man is nothing but a stranger.

“Alexei…”

He drags me outside to where the hummer is half abandoned on the sidewalk.

“I-I drove Zara’s car?—”

“I’ll deal with that later.” He throws open the passenger door, bundling me inside.

I can barely see through the tears as I climb into the seat.

Alexei reaches over and buckles me in, and I catch a waft of his scent.

It’s his usual musky smell, but there’s a coppery twang to it from the blood that almost makes me gag.

Is this who he’s been all along? Have I just been too blind to notice?

I hold my breath as he finishes securing my seatbelt and slams the door shut, making me flinch. Whereas before he would steal a touch, brush his fingers along my thigh or press his lips to my hair, it’s as if a switch has turned off and he’s nothing but repulsed by me.

It’s like a knife to the heart. A hundred times worse after just finding out that I’m carrying his child.

Alexei stalks around the front of the car and climbs into the driver's seat.

I keep my eyes down and my hands in my lap as the engine roars to life.

I wait for the explosion. For the anger and disappointment. For him to tell me how betrayed he feels that I would be so reckless, especially after everything he’s done to make sure I’m safe.

But it never comes.

Alexei stays silent.

The only indication he’s angry is the way his bruised knuckles turn white as he grips the steering wheel.

We’re almost at the house, and I don’t want to have this conversation in front of Dimitri or Zara. It has to be now.

“Alexei…” My voice cracks as I twist in my seat. I take in the beautiful lines of his face, his dark hair and hint of stubble that I’ve grown to crave against my skin. “Say something.”

The muscle in his jaw ticks, but he stays silent.

“ Please. ”

He turns down the driveway, the sight of the enormous mansion making my stomach knot.

I can’t stay locked up in that house with him, not when he’s like this.

“Alexei!” I slam my hand down on the dashboard.

The car grinds to a halt, and Alexei switches off the engine, his eyes still trained forward.

“Tell me what you’re thinking, please.”

His chest heaves as he takes a breath, and I brace myself for what’s about to come.

I’ll take whatever he throws at me. I don’t care. Anything is better than this silence.

“Go inside.” His voice is barely above a whisper.

I almost laugh.

“That’s it? You’ve got nothing else to say to me?”

“Trust me, Bianca. I have plenty to say.” His voice is low and cold, and he still won’t look me in the eye.

“Then just fucking say it! ”

His jaw ticks, and I think for a moment he might actually snap, but he only tightens his grip on the steering wheel.

“Go. Inside. Now.”

I stare at him for a second longer. At how far away he is even as he sits right here next to me.

My Alexei is gone. I lost him.

As my heart crumbles, I unbuckle my seatbelt and climb out of the car.

I climb up the front steps and open the front door, my tears blinding me as I try to escape to my bedroom.

“Bianca?”

I glance up and see Dimitri hurrying down the stairs into the foyer, an anxious looking Zara following behind him.

“Dimitri, my office, now ,” Alexei demands from behind me, his voice like ice.

“Bianca?” Dimitri glances between me and Alexei.

“You can catch up later,” Alexei snarls. “But first, we need to talk.”

Zara opens her mouth to speak up, but I shake my head and glance toward the kitchen. She narrows her eyes at Alexei but darts down the stairs, bypassing Dimitri to follow me. Neither of us speak until the sound of their footsteps disappears upstairs.

Zara holds my hand. “What the hell happened?”

I can’t breathe. The weight on my chest is crushing, and bile starts to make its way up my throat.

I dart straight for the sink and hurl up my guts, my stomach wrenching as it brings up the crackers I’ve managed to keep down over the last few hours.

“B…” Zara rushes to my side. “Are you okay? ”

She rubs soothing circles on my back.

“I’m fine.” I turn on the tap and splash some cold water on my face.

Closing my eyes for a second, I take a breath.

More than anything, I want to know what Alexei and Dimitri are talking about, what he actually thinks about this baby, but I know if I go storming up there, he’ll shut down again.

I hope that Dimitri can get through to him better than I can.

“I don’t know how he found out. He called Dimitri out of nowhere and said you were at the gynecologists. How did he know?”

I turn around and lean against the counter, wiping my mouth on the back of my hand. “My phone.”

“What?”

“Mikhail put a tracker in my phone and I didn’t think to leave it behind. I should’ve realized.” I almost laugh at how ridiculous it all sounds. “I can’t even go to the fucking doctor without being followed.”

“Bianca, this isn’t normal. You can’t stay locked up in this house for the rest of your life.”

“Try telling that to Alexei.” I sigh.

I look sidelong at Zara, and her green eyes shine with tears.

I reach for her hand and squeeze it tightly.

Zara squeezes back. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I-I can’t even bear to be around him when he’s like this. You should have seen him when I was having the ultrasound, Zara. It was like he was a completely different person. It…it scared me.”

“Come home with me, B.” Zara pulls on my hand.

“You know I can’t do that. Regardless of if he is happy or not, if I thought he was being overprotective before, it’s about to get ten times worse.”

We’re both silent for a moment. This might be the last time I see Zara for god knows how long.

“How was I so stupid to think that he might be happy about this?”

“Maybe he’s just in shock. It’s a lot to take in. Not that I’m excusing his behavior, but he might just need Dimitri to talk him down. Becoming a parent is a big deal, and he might just need some time.”

“But what about me?” My voice cracks, and I have to blink back the tears that are threatening to spill down my cheeks. “I don’t know the first thing about being a mother. Hell, I never even met mine! I needed him today. Not the cold, distant version, but the Alexei that I have grown to…care for. I’m fucking terrified, Zara.”

I know it wasn’t right doing any of this behind his back. I know I was wrong hiding my pregnancy from him, but I still needed him.

This may be partly my fault, but… I never thought he’d react as he did. That he’d shut me down like that. That I might lose him forever because of this.

I think I love him. I can’t lose him now. Not because of this.

But what if I already have?

“I know you are.” Lara wraps an arm around my waist. “I wish there was more I could do.”

“You’ve done more than enough. Thank you…for everything.”

“That’s what best friends are for.”

I glance at her and almost crumble at the smile on her face .

She really is like a beacon of light that breaks through my cloud of darkness.

And I don’t know how I’m going to get through this without her.