16. Bianca

16

BIANCA

Marrying Bianca was something I had to do to gain information on Gilanto. It was the price I had to pay, Dimitri. Our situation is purely business, nothing more.

I’m not stupid. It’s not like Alexei and I are in love, but to hear him talk so callously has my stomach twisting with nausea.

I thought perhaps there was mutual affection starting to blossom between us. The way he’s nurtured my passion for art, how he’s sat and listened to me talk about my mother, I thought he was actually starting to care for me.

Have I really been that blind? Did I trick myself into thinking there was something more between us because the alternative was too painful to consider?

I shouldn’t have listened in on Alexei and Dimitri’s conversation.

Then again, I shouldn’t have done a lot of things, like sleep with Alexei Koslov, but it seems I’m all about the bad decisions these days.

Having Alexei’s brothers here and hearing the news about Mario Gilanto seems to have pierced the sex-hazed bubble I’ve been in for the past few weeks.

It was meant to be a one-time thing. To scratch an itch and nothing more. But one taste of what it was like to have Alexei Koslov buried so deep inside me, to have his tongue devouring me, had me losing all sense of control.

Perhaps I wanted to forget how dangerous Alexei was, and what it was to be associated with his family, to be a part of his family, to ease some of my guilt for crossing the line.

But that doesn’t mean I can let my guard down. I would do well not to forget that Alexei’s first loyalty is to his family, no matter the promise he made to my father.

I fight the tears in my eyes as I head back toward the living room where Mikhail and Danil are lounging on one of the leather sofas.

“Mikhail?” I force a smile. “Alexei said you might be able to sort me out with a phone?”

It doesn’t take Mikhail long to set me up with a new phone. Alexei was right, he had a stack of brand new iPhones in his desk drawer.

I know there was no point asking him not to put in a tracker. His loyalty is to his brother, not to me. So, I watch him work in silence, trying to swallow past the lump in my throat as Alexei’s words play on repeat in my head.

“He’s a good guy, my brother.” Mikhail turns the new phone on. “Whatever he said or did, he would’ve had a reason.”

Am I that easy to read?

I say nothing, trying my hardest to not let the tears fall in front of Mikhail. I don’t want it getting back to Alexei. So, I bite down on the inside of my cheek and dig my nails into my palms to give me something else to focus on other rather than the endless ache in my chest.

Mikhail doesn’t press me any further, so once he hands me my brand new iPhone, I mutter a thanks and dart upstairs to my bedroom, locking the door behind me.

I cross the room to my bathroom, locking that door behind me also. I know it won’t be enough to actually keep Alexei out, but I want to put some distance between us, to try and sort through the mess that is my head.

There’s only one person who’s able to bring me back to reality when I start to spiral like this, and that’s Zara. She’s my voice of reason, and she’s detached enough from this world that she’ll be able to talk to me rationally. To help me make sense of what’s going on between Alexei and me.

I quickly turn on the shower, hoping the running water will drown out the sound of my voice as I unlock my phone and type in Zara’s number.

She picks up after two rings.

“Hello?”

The sound of my best friend's voice has the last of my walls crumbling.

“Zara?” My voice cracks, and the flood gates open.

I sink to the floor of my bathroom, leaning back against the tub as my emotions take full control, the sound of the water running doing little to calm me down. I can barely catch a breath as tears stream down my face.

“B? Is that you?”

“Y-yeah.” I wipe my cheeks on the back of my hand.

“Honey? What is it? What’s wrong?”

She shuffles about on the other end of the phone, the TV goes silent.

“Everything.” A sob tears from me and I clasp my hand over my mouth to try and muffle it.

“Is it Alexei? Did he hurt you?”

My throat feels tight and every time I open my mouth, another strangled sob escapes.

“That’s it! I’m coming over.”

“N-no, you can’t.” My chest heaves as I try to catch a breath. “I-it’s… I’m fine.”

“Bianca, what the hell happened? Because you do not sound fine.”

I close my eyes for a moment and focus on the sound of the shower running.

There’s no way I can explain what’s wrong without telling Zara the truth about my marriage. And if I do that, she’ll be in danger.

The less people who know the truth, the better.

But the weight of my reality is starting to crush me, and I need my friend more than I need to keep my promise to Alexei.

“Bianca, you’re scaring me.”

“If I tell you something…” I press a calming hand to my chest. “I need you to promise to keep this to yourself. You can’t tell anyone . I mean it, Zara.”

“I promise, now tell me what the hell is going on.”

Once I open my mouth, I can’t seem to stop. Everything comes rushing out, and I can barely keep up with my own racing thoughts.

Zara lets me explain the truth behind mine and Alexei’s marriage.

I bypass most of the details surrounding our two families and why our union was needed in the first place, but I tell her the truth of what happened on my wedding day. How my own father blindsided me into marrying a man I had never met, and how over the past few weeks I had grown to care for him.

“I thought he was starting to feel the same. And I know I shouldn’t have slept with him, but I was so lonely, and he was always there. He genuinely acted like he cared about me. I’m so stupid .”

Zara is quiet for a moment after I finish.

My bathroom has steamed up from the shower, and a thin sheen of sweat starts to coat my top lip from the heat. But I don’t want to turn it off just yet.

Zara clears her throat. “This is…a lot.”

“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth. I thought I had it handled, but—” My voice cracks.

“How could Emilio do that to you?” Zara snaps. “He really gave you no warning?”

“Nope.”

“And you’d never met Alexei before?”

“Never.”

“Fuck. Oh, B, I’m so sorry. I knew I should’ve forced you to come back with me after I saw you. Something just didn’t feel right, but I didn’t say anything. I’m so sorry I let you down.”

“I promised my father I would play my part, but then things got complicated…”

“When you slept together.”

“Yeah… Fuck. I should have known better.”

“He really told Dimitri that your relationship is purely business?”

“That’s what I overheard,” I mutter as a fresh wave of tears fall down my cheeks. “Was I that delusional? I mean, was all the art stuff just a way to keep me occupied and quiet so I didn’t do anything stupid?”

“Perhaps…” Zara sighs. “But the fact is he’s been by yo ur side pretty much every day since you moved in when he doesn’t need to be… Doesn’t he have security to keep tabs on you?”

“Yeah…”

“Have you ever seen them?”

I frown.

“They’ve not been needed because Alexei is always with me…”

“There you go! It sounds like he really does have feelings for you,” Zara says. “I think he’s likely covering his own ass by playing it down for Dimitri, especially if your relationship is meant to be purely business. I mean, he went to all that trouble to build you an incredible studio, and now he’s even enrolled you in classes, which is something you’ve dreamed of doing since you were a kid. That does not sound like someone who isn’t invested, B.”

“I don’t know… I-I’ve been so wrong before.”

“Bianca.” Zara sighs. “He’s not Jack.”

I flinch at the mention of my ex.

I thought he was the love of my life, until the day I found him fucking another woman in our bed. I always thought people who said you could die from a broken heart were ridiculous and dramatic. Until I witnessed the worst kind of betrayal and felt that pain for myself.

Not only was Jack cheating on me for months with one of our mutual friends, he got her knocked up too.

My father eventually found out and took care of Jack himself, but it didn’t help. My trust had been broken, and I’ve never been able to stitch it back together.

“I know you have a tendency to think the worst.”

“That way you’re prepared, Zara. I never want to be blindsided like that again.”

“Look, I can’t tell you what to feel. Ultimately, this is a very unique situation, and now it’s become even more complicated because feelings are involved.”

“I know…”

“What is your heart telling you?”

It wants Alexei .

The thought scares me more than it should because it shows how bad of a job I’ve done at protecting my heart.

I knew from the start that getting involved with Alexei would be dangerous territory, but I did it anyway, and now I’m going to have to suffer the consequences.

“It doesn’t matter what it’s telling me.” I try my best to build the wall back around my heart. “I can’t have him, at least not in any way that truly matters. I need to keep reminding myself of that rather than jumping into bed with him at every opportunity. It’s only making me more confused.”

“I get it, but listen to me, B. The way Alexei looked at you… That wasn’t someone who’s only in this relationship for business. Trust me, I think Alexei Koslov is falling for you.”

“You have no idea how much I wish I could believe that.”