Chapter 53

Chapter

Fifty-Three

"It is always so simple, and so complicating, to accept an apology."

― Michael Chabon

Alexsei

"Don't mind the... emptiness," I said, the weight of her duffel bag still hanging off my shoulder. "I'm redecorating the place."

Total fucking lie.

I wasn't redecorating a damn thing. After Volk decided to buy my first condo and hand it over to his precious Sofiya, I bought this place, but I never made it mine. Didn't want to. Couldn't. Something in me wouldn't settle. Not when I still had this hope lodged in my head that one day, Caia would be here again.

As we stepped inside, the floor-to-ceiling windows framed the city's glow, casting a dim light across the wide, white marble floors. Central Park spread out below us, twinkling like some fairytale backdrop. Everything looked pristine—modern kitchen, beige countertops, a huge dark-grey U-shaped couch facing an absurdly massive plasma TV. It was all straight out of a designer's wet dream, but it felt like a hotel room—cold, impersonal. Just how I liked it.

Caia smiled, but there was a faint sigh in it. "Thanks for... having me here."

I nodded and motioned for her to follow me. "Guest room's down here, private bathroom too. Get comfortable. I'll try to whip us something to eat, and then we can talk about who the hell might still be after you."

Kristian Mankiev. I had no doubt he was still sniffing around.

Her pathetic father didn't like it when I knocked him on his ass after he tried to guilt-trip Caia into letting him see our son, and she refused. I was dead set on believing he had something to do with Lukyan's death.

After Caia left me, I paid him a little visit, found him passed out in his shit-stained apartment, drunk and surrounded by garbage. Woke him up with a swift kick to the gut. Bastard swore it wasn't him who murdered our kid—claimed all he wanted was to meet his grandson, and now that dream was crushed.

He had an alibi though, said he was at one of our casinos the night Lukyan?—

Anyway, I checked the tapes. Sure enough, he lost 160 grand that night. He was broke, depressed and alone.

"Just like old times," Caia whispered as I dropped her bag by the bed, her voice barely cutting through my thoughts.

Nostalgia flickered in her eyes, and for a second, I felt it too.

"Yeah..." I muttered, giving her a tight smile before stepping out of the room. My throat felt like it was closing up, but I couldn't let her see that.

I poured steaming tomato soup into two bowls, checking on the grilled cheese sandwiches. My fridge was bare, the only survivor being a can of tomato soup. I added a splash of cream and spices, plus some cheese for the sandwiches, whipping up a quick meal that felt perfect for the autumn chill.

As I worked, I heard the shower water stop—Caia was done.

Fuck, I felt as anxious as a kid about to take a test.

Calm down, Alexsei! You're going to freak her out.

I set the table, pouring her a glass of water with a slice of lemon, just like she liked. For the tenth time, I watched my hands, trying to steady my nerves. Then came three soft knocks. I turned, and there was Caia in the kitchen, her hand dropping from the wall.

"I'm done. Do you need... help?" she asked, her timing impeccable. She wore a black silk pajama set, chestnut hair tied back in a ponytail. No makeup, just her natural beauty shining through, making her look so young.

" Nyet . Just sit and eat."

She nodded, padding barefoot to the table, resting her hands on her lap.

"Thank you, Alexsei. This is too much?—"

"Caia, eat."

She smiled and dove in.

We ate in silence, stealing glances at each other, quickly looking away when caught. Caia picked at her food, while I struggled to break the heavy silence. Finally, unable to bear it, I cleared my throat. "Caia, there's something I need to ask you."

She set her spoon down, her eyes locking onto mine—curiosity and apprehension swirling within. "What is it?"

I took a deep breath. "Are you... happy?"

Inwardly, I cursed myself.

Fuck, Alexsei, you're such a fucking idiot!

But I needed to know. I had to know if she had truly moved on, if I was too late. For a moment, the world stood still as her gaze searched mine.

Then, a small, sad smile tugged at her lips. "No, I am not, Alexsei," she whispered, barely audible.

Relief washed over me, twisted as it was. At least we stood on equal ground in our unhappiness. With both of us at rock bottom, the only way left was up.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed forward. "What's been going on in your life?"

She hesitated, her eyes darting away as if grappling for the right words. "I've moved to New York after..." Her voice trailed off, spoon swirling through her soup.

After Lukyan died. After she left me.

"It's okay," I whispered.

A hint of gratitude flickered in her eyes. "Anyway, I work for a private company now, alongside four other photographers. My job mostly involves weddings, birthdays, and bachelorette parties. Sometimes, I even capture animals in zoos," she admitted softly, a faint laugh escaping her lips.

But then, just as quickly as her smile appeared, I noticed tears pooling in her eyes. She reached for her glass, her hand trembling, but before she could take a sip, that faint laughter crumbled into sobs, her head bowing low as she struggled to contain her emotions.

"Caia..." My voice trailed off, heart clenching at her pain. Without hesitation, I moved to her side, wrapping my arms around her. "Shh, it's okay," I murmured, rubbing soothing circles on her back as she cried.

Her sobs were uncontrollable, each one wrenching through her, stealing the air from her lungs. "Alexsei, I'm so sorry for everything, I—" She choked on her words, unable to finish.

My chest tightened. "Caia?—"

Her cries grew louder, each word cracking with sorrow. "Please forgive me for leaving you alone," she pleaded, voice shaking. "I just... I thought you'd hate me for not protecting our baby, for still being alive while he's gone..."

Fuck. Hearing her like this was like a knife twisting in my gut. She thought I'd hate her? I'd spent countless nights haunted by the loss, battling my demons, but hating her? No way in hell.

How could she think that? My heart ached for her, but anger simmered beneath the surface too. Why the hell did she have to carry this burden alone? I'd have fought the world for her, and here she was, drowning in guilt while I stood right beside her.

"Caia, listen to me," I whispered, voice barely audible over her cries.

She shook her head, hands covering her face as she wept. "I can't... I hate myself for what I did to you, Alexsei."

No. I didn't want her to hate herself. I wanted her to see the strength in surviving this nightmare.

"You don't have to apologize," I murmured. "You did everything you could to survive. You were so strong, Caia—stronger than you'll ever know."

In that moment, all I wanted was to take away her pain, to bear it for her, despite my own hurt. But all I could do was hold her close. Suddenly, she slipped away, putting distance between us. She stood a few paces away, lips trembling .

"You don't understand, Alexsei!" she exclaimed, voice wavering, chest rising and falling rapidly. "I—I lied to you!"

My body went rigid, like ice water coursing through my veins.

"What?" The word barely escaped my lips.

She lied to me?

Her face went pale, lips pressed so tightly they'd lost their color. She crossed her arms like she was trying to hold herself together, but her whole body was trembling. "I remembered something about that night... And I—" Her voice broke, another sob ripping free. "I know the person who killed Lukyan is after me because I didn't listen, and I—" Her words came out in gasps, tumbling over one another, chaotic, like they were spilling from a wound she couldn't stop.

A rush of heat flooded my chest. "Caia, stop," I said, sharper than I wanted, but the confusion clawing inside me wouldn't let up. "Slow down. Take a breath and tell me what the hell is going on. Who's after you?"

Fuck, I was so angry I could barely see straight, my mind spinning, trying to grab onto anything solid, anything that made sense. But it wasn't just anger—I felt something heavier in the pit of my stomach, something cold, like a weight dragging me down.

She took a jagged breath. "That night... I was in your study," she began, her voice faltering. "I wanted to surprise you with the pictures I took of Lukyan... but I felt someone behind me. B-before I could turn, there was a g-gun at my neck. The voice... it was a woman. She said she had a m-message for you."

A woman? My chest tightened, a cold sweat breaking out along the back of my neck.

"A woman?" I repeated, my voice rough, disbelief tangling with the fury building in me. "And you didn't think to mention this? What the hell, Caia? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

The memory of that night hit me hard. I could still see her standing there, surrounded by blood, while I held Lukyan's lifeless body. Weeks of begging her to remember, and she'd lied. Told me she couldn't recall anything.

God, it hurt more than anything.

She crumpled to the ground, knees buckling under her own weight. She sobbed uncontrollably, and I didn't know whether to feel furious or helpless. Part of me wanted to shake her for keeping this from me, the other part... couldn't stand seeing her like this.

I should be better than this. Fuck, Alexsei, get your shit together.

I knelt beside her, wrapping my arms around her shaking frame, trying to pull her back from the edge. "Shit, Caia," I muttered, my voice a little softer. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you like that. I just... need to understand."

She gripped my shirt, her fingers curling like she was afraid to let go. "I should've told you, Alexsei. I-I'm so sorry. But I was scared. I'm still so scared."

"But I'm here," I said. "You're safe with me, Caia. I'm not going anywhere."

Her tear-filled eyes locked onto mine, a pleading look that made my stomach twist. She grabbed my hand, squeezing it like her life depended on it. Her voice was so broken, it was barely audible. "She said if I didn't leave you, she'd kill you next. Kill you for what you did to h-her."

A cold, searing chill spread down my spine, tightening my muscles like ice.

What?

"Did she say anything else?"

My heart felt like it was ready to tear itself apart, pounding so hard I could feel it echoing in my chest. The weight of Lukyan's death was crushing, suffocating. This was my fault. It was all on me.

I'm so sorry, Lukyan.

I failed you.

Caia's grip on my hand tightened. "She said she'd burn you alive... just like you did to him."