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The Letters

My Dearest Caia,

It's been months since you walked out, and every day since, I've written you letters, screamed your name into the dark, and imagined your face in a thousand ways. Every time, I begged for forgiveness, for help. Yes, help. It's selfish, isn't it? To make this all about me. But I'm not okay.

In those letters, I begged you to come back.

I cursed you for leaving me at the darkest moment of my life, for making me feel like it was my fault our son is gone.

But the truth?

With each day that passes, with every minute, every second you're gone, the hole inside me grows bigger. The pain—it's unbearable without you.

I'm sorry, Caia. God, I'm so sorry. It destroys me to know how much pain I've caused you. That your dream was shattered in the worst way. You found a love so pure, only to have it ripped from you. And I can't stop imagining how many tears you've cried since Lukyan was taken from us.

Every night since you left, I've prayed—begged—for God to reunite me with our son. If I can't have you here with me, then I begged for Him to show me mercy, to take me too. To let me be with Lukyan in whatever world comes next.

Death doesn't scare me anymore. It's the only comfort I have. Knowing that none of this—nothing I do, nothing I am—matters in the end. One day, maybe soon, the pain will stop. Life will stop. And I'll see our boy again.

But until then, I'm begging you. Please, Caia, come back to me. Find a way to forgive me. You're the only woman I've ever loved. The only one I'll ever love. You're the only one who can fix this broken heart of mine. And maybe, just maybe, I can help heal yours too.

One day, you asked why I always call you moya solnyshka.

The answer's simple—you are. You are my sunshine. You're the only light that pierced through the shadows of my wrecked life. So here I am, asking for another shot—come back, burn through my darkness again. I need your fire, your light, to scorch me back to life, Caia. Please.

For Lukyan. For us. Please.

Yours,

Alexsei

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