27. Nina

27

NINA

When my mother died, my heart broke. I swear I could actually feel the muscle start to shred and my body begin to bleed out internally.

Maybe I was going crazy with grief, but the pain I felt was so real. I remember wondering if it was true… If you could actually die from a broken heart. Because surely, death was inevitable? No one could be in that much pain and not be dying.

Over time, my heart started to stitch itself back together.

It wasn’t perfect. There were still cracks, which sometimes meant I would be hit with a wave of grief when I least expected it. When I heard the music that she used to play on the piano when walking around a store or caught a waft of someone’s perfume as they passed by and realized it was the same one she wore.

I thought grief was something that would eventually pass, but it turns out you just learn to live with it. That is, until something cracks you open once more, and you wonder if this time will be the final time. If this will be the one to finally break you for good.

I keep waiting for Anton to turn around, to tell me he understands, and that he’ll hear me out. But then the front door slams, and all the air leaves my lungs as I realize he’s not coming back.

“Oh god,” I sob, clutching my throat as my legs give out beneath me, and I have to cling to a chair to stop myself from falling.

He’s gone .

If I had told him the truth earlier, would it have made a difference? Or would he still be just as hurt as he is now? Either way, it’s not going to change the fact that he found out, and what makes it worse is that I wasn’t the one to tell him.

He deserves so much better than this.

I don’t know where he got that photo, and I don’t want to know. All I care about is the fact that my own cowardice has just cost me everything.

“Katerina? Why are you crying?”

I freeze at the sound of Maria’s voice. She is the last person I should be speaking to.

“I-I’m not.” I wipe at my cheeks, forcing a smile. “I’m fine, Maria.”

Maria doesn’t look convinced. She has a deep frown between her eyebrows as she looks at me curiously.

“Have you and Anton had a fight?” She puts her hands on her hips, giving me that typical motherly look.

“Um…” I don’t know what to say to her without upsetting her.

“Come here.”

I’m frozen as she suddenly wraps her arms around me and hugs me tightly.

“You and Anton are meant for each other, Katerina. Whatever it is that is forcing you two apart now, I promise you will work through it.” She gently strokes my back, and fresh tears start to pour down my cheeks.

“I’m not so sure,” I choke.

Maria pulls back and cups my cheek, her face filled with kindness as she looks at me. It’s the look my mother used to give me when I couldn’t nail a particular ballet move and would be inconsolable as I feared my dream would never come true.

“This feeling will pass. One day, you will look back on this and realize you had to go through this pain in order to find what is meant for you.”

“I think I’ve ruined it.”

Maria laughs softly. “Anton can be stubborn. But he will come back. He always does.”

I wipe my cheeks on the back of my hand and force a smile.

“I hope you’re right.”

“I know I am. Now, I need to go and finish making pelmeni for Nikolai.”

My heart aches as I watch her shuffle out of the kitchen in her slippers, knowing that Nikolai isn’t coming.

Is it a blessing that she’s unaware of the truth? That she spends her time living inside a fantasy world where her son comes over for dinner and her husband has only popped out to grab the paper?

Perhaps… Though I hope for her sake, she doesn’t wake up to realize that the world has turned dark and those she loves are no longer at her side.

When I can no longer hear her footsteps, I decide it’s time to head upstairs to pack up my things.

My body feels heavy as I move around my room.

The memory of Anton is everywhere, from the clothes that I’ve worn to the very bags he packed when he went to my apartment all those weeks ago. I never thought that I would experience some of my happiest memories in this house, and I will cherish them for the rest of my life.

I might hate my father, but I’m grateful that I was given the opportunity to know Anton, even if it was only for a short time.

As I pack up the last of my toiletries and shove them into the overnight bags, I decide that I can’t just leave, at least not without proving to Anton how sorry I am.

Gathering my bags over my shoulder, I head out of my room and back down the stairs and into Anton’s study.

Grabbing a notebook, I tear out a piece of paper and start writing.

Anton is a good man, and I know he will hear me out, but he just needs some time to process first.

In the meantime, I hope he can hear the sincerity in my words as I pour my heart out to him.

Anton,

I know you’re hurting right now, but I want you to know that I’m sorry. For all of it. I hope you can believe me. I never planned on falling for you, but you’re very easy to love.

You have made me feel more loved in these past few weeks than my family has in my entire life, at least after my mother passed. It’s made me realize that a chosen family can be just as good, if not better, than a real family.

I hope what I’m leaving for you will help to prove that I’m on your side.

Use this list to bring him down.

Nina

I transfer all the names and numbers from my phone onto the back of the note, hoping that even if Anton decides never to forgive me, some good can still come out of this mess.

My father deserves what’s coming to him.

I look at the time. My hour is almost up.

Anton wants me gone, and I have to respect that. It’s the least I can do after what I’ve put him through.

Folding up the note, I rest it against the framed photo of him and his family. As I nudge the frame, it falls over, and the back comes undone.

“Oh no.” I glance anxiously at the door.

I quickly gather the frame and try to set the backing back on, but then I notice that there’s another photo lodged behind the one of Anton and his cousins.

Curiosity gets the better of me, and I pull the small polaroid free, and when I turn it over, it’s like I’m looking at a picture of myself gazing up at a teenage Anton.

“What on earth…”

The girl has the same long, dark hair and soft, delicate features.

Anton is reaching out to cup her cheek, and my chest tightens at the look in his eyes. It’s one I’ve grown to cherish myself.

You can see the love in their eyes as they gaze at one another, and I can’t help but feel a pang of jealousy as I stare at the photo, unable to take my eyes off of the girl.

“Katerina…” I whisper.

I understand now why Maria mistook me for her, considering we have such a similar appearance.

She looks a lot more than just a friend of the family, but I’m hardly in a position to be angry at Anton for hiding the truth.

They look happy together.

“Maybe you weren’t destined for me after all…” I whisper as I stroke my finger over Anton’s handsome face.

It doesn’t change the fact that I’m now carrying his child.

My heart aches for the life my baby should have had if I had just had the courage to speak the truth.

Will Anton want anything to do with this child now that he knows who I am? I can only hope that he will.

I head out of Anton’s study with my bags over my shoulder, my vision blurring so much from the tears that I almost walk straight into a side table.

I don’t have a car, and Yakov is no longer tied to my side, ready to drive me wherever I need to go. It seems his protection is only reserved for people who aren’t daughters of rival bratva dons.

“Uber it is,” I sigh as I pull out my phone.

Heavy banging sounds on the front door, and I jump, my phone slipping from my hands as I look up to see the outline of a man standing on the other side of the door.

“Anton?” I call out as I stagger forward.

My legs wobble, and I realize I’ve not eaten in what seems like days, not since I realized I might be pregnant.

The door bursts open, one of the hinges pinging right off the frame, and I cry out.

“What the fuck—” I gasp, my hand going to my heart as Akim appears, looking extremely pleased with himself.

“Going somewhere, Nina?” He eyes my bags suspiciously.

“You broke the fucking door.”

“You should be grateful it’s not your neck,” he snarls.

“Enough,” my father growls, appearing behind Akim.

I freeze as I watch him step over the threshold into Anton’s house. There’s nothing but cold fury in his eyes, and I know he’s not here for a friendly catch up.

“What do you want?” I fold my arms over my chest to try and hide the fact that my hands are shaking.

He shouldn’t be here. If he somehow learns that Anton’s mother is nearby, there’s no way he would leave here without sending Anton a message.

“You need to come with us. Now.”

I glance nervously over my shoulder, trying to weigh my options.

Does my father have more men waiting outside ready to storm the place? If he hurts Maria, Anton will never forgive me, and I wouldn’t expect him to. I would never forgive myself either.

I need to protect her. But I also need to protect my baby.

“It wasn’t a request, Nina,” Akim scolds.

I frown. “What are you planning?”

“That’s none of your fucking business?—”

Igor holds up a hand to silence Akim.

“I won’t ask you again, Nina.” His voice is chill as ice.

“I’m not coming with you. The deal is off.” I tighten my hold on my bags and start to head for the door when my father lunges for me, wrapping his hand around my neck and slamming me back into the wall.

I grunt at the impact, and my eyes start to water as I fight to breathe.

I grip his wrists, sinking my nails into the faded tattooed skin, but that only makes him tighten his hold on me.

“That’s not your decision to make,” he growls, his hot breath hitting my face. “The deal is done when Anton Koslov is dead.”

Akim is sneering as he watches on, pure delight on his face as black dots start to dance in front of my eyes.

He’s going to kill me.

“N-No.”

“You’re proven yourself to be a liability, Nina, and you need to be dealt with.”