25. Nina

25

NINA

There’s only one way to know for sure whether what I fear is true, but I can’t exactly walk into a drugstore to buy a pregnancy test when Yakov won’t leave my side. I can’t risk this getting back to Anton.

At least, not until I know for sure what the situation is.

Me: I need a favor… A big one.

Emma: Hit me

Me: I think I might be pregnant…

The three dots appear, telling me Emma’s typing, but then they disappear.

I stare at my phone shaking in my hands as I wait for her to reply.

Part of me wonders whether I would have been better off just coming clean to Anton about my concern first, but a baby complicates things, a lot.

Especially when my father has such horrific plans surrounding any potential Koslov offspring I might bear.

Thankfully, Emma replies before I can sink too far into the what-ifs. Say no more, I’ve got you!

I get to school over an hour before my class actually starts, but Emma is already there, bouncing up and down on her feet as she clutches her bag to her chest like it’s evidence in a murder trial.

I think of the pregnancy test, and my heart starts to pound.

Her eyes immediately flick to Yakov, and she grimaces.

“You’re being obvious,” I mouth as we approach, and she nods, quickly moving her bag to her shoulder.

“Come to the bathroom with me?” Her voice gets a little high-pitched.

I don’t have a chance to reply.

Emma just links her arm through mine and all but drags me toward the bathroom. “We might be a while, Yakov, got girl talk to discuss away from prying ears.”

Yakov grunts and moves to stand outside the door to wait for us.

Emma doesn’t let me go until we’re safely on the other side of the bathroom by the hand dryers.

“Want to tell me what the hell is going on?” she half whispers, half hisses as she sets her bag down on the counter and pulls out a CVS bag.

“Think it’s pretty obvious what’s going on,” I mumble as I take the bag. “Did you buy the whole stock of tests?”

There are numerous boxes inside.

“I thought it’s better to have a few backups, just in case.” Emma brushes her curls out of her face. “Now, what do you need here? Moral support? Lecture on safe sex?”

My lower lip starts to tremble as I set the bag back down and take a breath.

“Oh, Nina…” Emma pulls me into a hug. “We don’t know if there’s anything to be upset about yet.”

“I know.” I wipe my eyes. “This is just… This is a lot.”

“I’m happy to hold your hand while you pee on the stick. I’d say it’s a pretty good bonding moment, one I take very seriously.”

I let out a watery laugh as tears start streaming down my face. “Come on, let’s get this over with.”

Emma grabs one of the boxes and follows me into the farthest stall.

I thought she might be joking about holding my hand, but she locks herself inside with me as I pull down my leggings and settle myself on the toilet.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

She hands me the stick. “If it makes you feel better, I doubt you’re the first girl to pee on a stick in this bathroom.”

“No, it doesn’t,” I mutter as I position the stick between my legs.

We’re both quiet as I do my business, and then Emma takes the stick out of my hand and unlocks the door.

“Now, we wait.” She pulls out her phone to set a timer. She puts the pregnancy test face down by the sink so neither of us will be tempted to check.

These next two minutes will decide my entire future.

“I think I might be sick.” My stomach twists with nerves.

“You’re definitely pregnant.” Emma chuckles.

“So not funny.”

“Part of me wants to applaud you for locking down the rich man but seriously, Nina, what are you going to do if it’s positive? What about ballet?”

I hadn’t even thought of that…

I’d been so caught up in what my father would do if it turns out I was pregnant that I hadn’t stopped to consider what this would cost me.

“I…” I swallow the lump in my throat as my future starts to slip away.

If I’m pregnant, there goes my chance at a lead role in the spring, or of graduating at all. “Oh god.”

It was all too good to be true. I should have known better than to think that life would work out okay in the end.

“Is this not even a little bit of a good thing if it ends up being positive? I mean, you and Anton seem seriously loved up. The way he looks at you… It’s something out of a movie, Nina.”

I nod, wiping my cheeks with the back of my hand. “I love him, Emma.”

Emma’s mouth breaks out into a huge smile, fist-bumping the air. “I knew it!”

I cringe, my cheeks burning red.

“Have you told him that?”

“No…”

“What? Does he know about any of this?”

“I didn’t want to say anything until I knew for sure what was going on. I was a bit nauseous this morning, but I’ve played it off as having bad period cramps.”

Emma rolls her eyes as she places her hands on her hips.

“You won’t be able to use that excuse for much longer. I know men know fuck all about women’s bodies, but I think even Anton knows that a period doesn’t last weeks.”

“It won’t get that far. I-I’ll tell him tonight one way or another.”

“So, he’s coming home to an ‘I love you’ and a baby? Big day for Anton.” Emma chuckles. “He’s going to be one smug daddy.”

“Can we not start with all the daddy jokes just yet?” I run my hands over my face. “I can’t even comprehend that a baby might actually be in my future?—”

I’m cut off as the door starts trying to open, but Emma hurries over to shoulder it shut again.

“Occupied!” Emma yells as someone starts banging on the door.

“There’s five stalls?—”

“I will personally tackle each and every one of you bitches that tries to come in here, so you better fuck off!”

I almost laugh as I imagine the terrified look on the face of whoever was trying to get past Emma, but it comes out as more of a sob.

“I can’t do this, Emma.” My pulse quickens as panic starts to set in.

Surely, the two minutes are nearly up?

“You are not alone, Nina.” Emma crosses over to me, placing her hands on my shoulders.

I stare into her crystal blue eyes and almost crumble as I realize how sincere she is.

“You’re a good friend.”

“I know you’d do the same for me.” She shrugs.

Emma’s phone buzzes, and we both freeze.

“I can’t look.” I cover my face with my hands as Emma reaches for her phone.

This is it.

There’s no going back now.

Emma picks up the stick, and I wait for a cry of joy, but it never comes.

Emma is deathly quiet, which only means one thing.

“It’s positive, isn’t it?” I peer through my fingers.

Emma bites her lip before showing me the stick with the two very prominent pink lines.

“I’m pregnant,” I whisper, dropping my hands to my side.

“Yeah…” Emma hands me the test.

“I’m pregnant.” I’m hoping that if I say the words enough times, it might actually start to sink in. “How did this happen?”

I perch on the edge of the counter.

“Well, I take it that you and Anton did the deed without a condom?”

“Yeah, but I’m on the pill. I thought I was covered…”

“But what?”

“I was taken to his house when I wasn’t expecting, and I think I might’ve missed a day. Besides, A few weeks back, I was sick. It was right after we slept together. Either of those could be the cause of this.”

“It’s like the universe wanted you to have a baby.”

My father sure did. But this is something I can’t bear to think about.

“So, how are we feeling about this?” Emma perches beside me on the counter.

“I have no idea. This is…a lot.”

I can’t tear my eyes away from the two pink lines. At this very moment, a tiny life is growing inside me that is part of Anton—the man who has turned my life upside down in the best way.

A tiny flutter of excitement sparks at the thought of telling him.

I saw the way his eyes lit up the other night as his cousins shared pictures of their own kids, and I know he’s desperate to have a family of his own.

“The way I see it is you have three options,” Emma pulls me out of my thoughts.

“Three?”

“Plan A is the happily ever after package with Anton where you move into his huge mansion, and you have tons of babies and grow old together surrounded by your pots of money and stunningly beautiful grandchildren.”

“That sounds like a fairytale.” I can picture it all so clearly, that life that I could have with Anton. One that would bring us both so much joy and happiness.

But that life is one built on a lie.

“Plan B is Anton fucks off, and this kid ends up being raised by four slightly unstable, completely broke dancers who will give this kid a raging alcohol problem and an eating disorder by the time it’s fourteen.”

“Fourteen? Seriously?”

“Comes with the territory.” Emma shrugs.

“And plan C?”

“Plan C is I make you an appointment, and we can pretend like this never happened. Anton never has to know.”

I shake my head.

“That’s not an option. I can’t do that to Anton. He…he has a right to know the truth.”

The weight of my deceit starts to settle on my chest once more.

“Perhaps… But it’s ultimately your decision, Nina. This is your life we’re talking about here. You’ve dreamed of being a ballerina since you were a child, and you’re so close to living that dream. Are you sure you’re ready to give that all up?”

“I-I have no idea. I’m so confused.”

“Well, whatever happens, you have me, Allie, and Bea. Your baby couldn’t ask for better godmothers. I know I don’t know Anton very well, but from what I do know, he seems legit, so I know he won’t be going anywhere too, whatever you decide.”

On one hand, the idea of having a baby with Anton sounds more like a dream than a nightmare. He would make the most wonderful father, and I know he would love this child unconditionally.

Our baby would have the life I always dreamed of, surrounded by love and family?—

I plan on slaughtering the child right in front of him.

I barely make it to the toilet in time before I vomit.

The truth is so much bigger than just me now. It could mean the difference between life and death. It might cost me Anton, but ultimately, he is the only one who can truly protect our baby from my father.

The choice has been made for me.

Tonight is the night I tell Anton the truth, about everything.