18. Ethan

Dark clouds rollin as I secure the last tenting frame over the wimpy little strawberry plants. Eventually I'll admit that Samuel was right about all of this, and that it wasn't too bad having a trio of enthusiastic young people here all week. Today I just want to cover everything before the storm takes out everything we've done so far.

The strawberry cuttings took root surprisingly well considering we're such amateurs. Not even Samuel had anything to say about the quality of our work so far. I hate how disorienting it feels working with something new like this. And why the hell are we going with such a fragile crop anyway? A nice, sturdy soybean crop goes in the ground later and I don't have to worry about this kind of shit. I kick an intact Baabara turd and laugh at the absurdity of it all. Strawberries.

It feels good to have something to occupy my hands right now, though. My brain is a mess, a roller coaster.

Having Lia in my house has been testing every ounce of my emotional strength. I smell her everywhere, think about her all the time. All I want to do is haul her into my arms and kiss the hell out of her, but not only is she in pain, she's dating someone else. Her nearness sets my nerves thrumming. I'm equal parts afraid something terrible will happen to her, turned on, and overcome by lust.

So, I bury myself in my work and do what I can to keep her comfortable. When I installed that water sprayer, I had no idea she'd respond like that … like I was a hero or something. I'm no hero. I'm barely pulling back the lust monster raging inside me at all times. She seems much better than when she left the hospital, but I'm in no hurry to send her back to Asher's place. Hard as it might be, I prefer having her where I can see that she's healing. Where I can make sure she's safe.

Today, I had the overwhelming urge to kiss her, but I don't want to push her like that. She's a guest in my home, beholden to me right now. I already don't like it that she's dating her doctor … I don't want to be another man who takes advantage of her when she's trying to get back on her feet. Literally.

I wipe sweat from my brow despite the cool temperature. I heave a sigh and look at the sky again. I don't feel like working in the rain, so it seems I'm about done for the day. I head over to the big house to check in on my grandmother and Baabara before the storms come. Gran greets me on the porch with two mugs of hot tea.

"Thought you might like to sit and sip a bit." She passes a mug to me, eyeing my weariness with concern crinkling her eyes.

We stare out at the rows of green tunnels covering the crops we've hung our hopes on. "You gonna miss having extra people around now that Samuel's students are gone?"

Gran smiles and pats my hand. "It warms these old bones seeing Lia here." Gran blows gently on her steaming tea. "Even if she'd probably prefer my company up at the big house."

I wave a hand at my grandmother. "I told you, Gran. She can't do the stairs. You should see how weak she is. Huge, dark circles under her eyes." I take a sip of the tea. "She says thank you for the sorbet, by the way."

Gran smiles and sinks into a rocker. She's wrapped in a huge wool shawl and between that and the tea, I'm confident she's warm enough to sit outside with me for a little while. The smell of petrichor overpowers the fragrant tea.

"I still can't believe you grow this stuff yourself."

Gran rocks in her chair and we watch the sky. "Your grandfather wasn't a big fan of my gardening…I think he thought it meant he didn't provide enough. Well anyway, it's been keeping me busy since he's been gone." I feel the loneliness in her words. I'm not sure what to say to her, so I just sit with her and think about how I'm no stranger to loss myself.

"Have you been hanging out with your knitting ladies? They seem to have a lot to say."

Gran shakes her head and rocks, "We're on a bit of a hiatus until the weather is more predictable. Nobody likes to drive in a hailstorm."

I place a hand on her knee. "I'd take you where you need to go. You know that."

She smiles and nods. Thunder rattles the windowpanes as we sip and sit. Gran mutters something about her knitting group having to meet over video, I'm glad neither of us has to navigate through a deluge. The first fat raindrops splatter down, signaling my cue to get on home before I get there drenched. I sigh, my muscles protesting as I stand. Gran squeezes my forearm in wordless encouragement. "You and Lia going to make it up to the house for supper tonight?"

I shake my head, both in answer to her question and at the sight of Colleen barreling down the lane, trying to get to the house before the rains come. I kiss Gran on the cheek and give my sister a wave, jogging through the icy drops on the way to my cabin. Baabara bleats at me from inside her house. I fed her plenty of her fancy hay earlier and she has water in there. I'm not concerned about her right now.

My thoughts are with the woman hunkered down in my house, hopefully cozy by the fireplace. I run up the steps and see her through the window. My breath catches at the sight of her there, drowsy eyed, hair mussed, book on her lap. It takes some degree of trust to relax like that in someone else's home. I like that Lia feels that trust. I like it too much.

She looks up and smiles when I enter the room. "I put the soup on in case you were hungry. I saw you had bread … must be nice."

I chuckle as I pull off my boots and hang my jacket on the peg above the rubber tray I bought to protect the floor from drips. "I'm sure we can find you a decent gluten free bread somewhere around here."

She laughs. "Yeah. Maybe over in Coxsackie."

By the time I hurry through a shower, Lia has relocated to the bed. She's got the door shut but I'm extra careful to be quiet as I inhale the bread and soup. It's been a long, hard day of work and avoiding big feelings, so it doesn't take me long to settle into sleep on my couch.

The storm wakes me. A deafening crack of thunder shakes the walls. Lia must have been torn from her own sleep because she appears in the living room, panic etched on her face. I hurry to her side.

"Just noise. You"re alright." I smooth the blanket she has draped around her shoulders, wishing I could steady her frayed nerves so easily. She clutches my hand as more thunder booms.

"I forgot where I was again."

I chuckle in the darkness. "Right here at my Bedd Bidet and Breakfast."

Lia groans. "Oh my god, did you work on that all day?"

"Been saving it for the right time." I squeeze her hand and use my other hand to rub her blanketed shoulder. "I promise, you're safe and dry, Lia. Why don't you head back to bed?"

The rain is coming down in torrents and it sounds like maybe some hail along with it.

"Will you..." Lia bites her lip, hesitant vulnerability in her eyes. "Will you lie with me awhile? The thunder is worse in the bedroom."

I nod, pulse racing as she leads me into my own room, she crawls in bed. I lie on top of the blankets beside her, feeling the warmth of her body despite the layers of cotton between us. Another crack of thunder comes with blinding lightning and Lia shudders.

I gather her close, tucking her head beneath my chin and wrapping my arms around her slender frame. Slowly the tremors subside as her muscles uncoil against me. Her voice is a whisper as she says, "the thunder sounds so much like the MRI tubes. I woke up and for a minute I thought I was back in the hospital, in the dark, confined by wires…"

"You're here with me, Lia. And if you have to go to the hospital again, I'll make sure you're not alone. Ever." She exhales a jagged breath and I squeeze her gently. Damp tendrils of her hair cling to my jaw, releasing her sweet floral scent. Without thought I press my lips to the top of her head, eliciting a tiny gasp.

We freeze. I was reckless and forward and I took advantage of her in her fear. Heat creeps up my neck until Lia inches back just far enough to meet my gaze, our eyes having grown accustomed to the dark by now. She presses soft lips to mine, and I release a moan, deepening the kiss. She tastes both familiar and new, and so, so right in my arms.

I don't know how long we kiss—just kiss—but finally the thunder subsides, and she pulls back. "Thank you, Ethan, for making me feel safe."

"Always, Lia." I drop one final kiss to her forehead and stay by her side as she drifts away to sleep.