Chapter 35

35

PATRICK

Thursday, 24 April

M y heart pounds as I stand on the edge of the Cliffs of Moher, staring out into the endless sea all the way to the Aran Islands off the western coast of Ireland, the dramatic cliffs in front of me dropping off into the Atlantic Ocean. While the Cliffs of Moher attract many tourists with its admission fees, paved pathways, stone safety fencing, and huge visitor center, it is truly breathtaking.

Oliver and Reese are wrapped around each other a few meters away, and Ethan and Stella are taking a selfie with the background of the sun beginning to set. Maddie’s somewhere on the other side of them, the two of us sad slices of bread to a sandwich of happiness.

This is possibly the most romantic spot on earth. A marked contrast to footgolf, our activity in Galway earlier today. And this time, my heart’s not pounding because of a competitive game of golf with soccer balls, but because of what I’m about to do.

This is the place where I will tell Maddie I’m in love with her. It’s the perfect location, wild and beautiful, just like she is. I told Oliver my plan, and he’s going to make sure I get her alone.

Is confessing my love for her now the best idea, since there’s no escaping each other for another three days?

No, probably not.

But I can’t wait any longer. I can’t risk time slipping away and not getting to tell Maddie how I feel. I can’t make the same mistake Oliver did and assume it’ll work out, like it did for him.

My best friend steps next to me, gripping Reese’s hand. Stella and Ethan disappear into the visitor’s center.

“We’ll meet you inside,” he says quietly. Oliver reaches out and briefly touches my forearm. “Good luck.”

Then they’re gone, and I’m alone with Maddie.

She’s gazing out at the fiery sunset, the colors orange and yellow and red. There are a few other small groups around, but the crowds are thinning, since it’s almost dark. We still have an hour drive to our hotel in Limerick, so I better do this so we can all move on with our lives.

I swallow and stride toward her, my feet feeling light as air. I don’t have many expectations for how she will react to this conversation. But she needs to understand how she makes me feel.

“Madison.”

Maddie turns to me and offers a surprised smile, her hair streaming out toward the sea with the chilly evening wind, her dress pressing against the back of her legs, also seeking the water with billowing fabric.

“Are we back to that again?” She crosses her arms on her chest, only a thin sweater on her shoulders.

“Maddie.”

“Better.” She looks around, seeming to just now notice that we’re alone. “They all go inside?”

“Yes.” I keep my eyes trained on her. “You must be freezing.”

Maddie tilts her head. “I think we’ve established I’m not great at dressing for Irish weather.”

“You got here in the literal winter and mostly brought short dresses.” I slip off my lined windbreaker, stepping closer to wrap it around her shoulders.

“Hey, I bought some appropriate clothing eventually.” She shrugs her arms in the sleeves without argument. “Thank you.”

Now’s the moment, and a wave of terror hits me in the chest, making it hard to breathe. What were the words I was going to say? I forget every single one.

Except I love you.

“Should we find the others so we can get on the road?”

“No.” I shake my head firmly. “I want to talk to you first.”

Maddie blinks at me. After a beat, she says, “Okay.”

“I have something to say.” I run my hand along my chin, letting the stubble prickle my palm. “When you got to town, I thought you were just another tourist.”

“I kinda was.”

“You were never just another tourist, Maddie.” I don’t know what to do with my hands, so I clasp them together. “And when I found out who you really were, it scared the shite out of me.”

She opens her mouth but doesn’t speak, so I keep talking.

“I’ve been avoiding women for years. Since Cara and I broke up and I moved back to Dingle. Since I tried dating Noreen and it was clear I would destroy every relationship I was in.”

“No, Patrick, it wasn’t?—”

“Wait. Please. Let me get through this.”

She nods.

“I swore there would be no more.” I separate my hands and clench my fists at my sides. “No more serious relationships. It was safer that way.”

“You deserve more than that.” Maddie steps forward and grabs my balled hands, entwining her fingers with mine.

The warmth of her hands. The electricity running between our bodies. I missed this. I missed her.

Miss her.

“But you. You were dangerous.” My voice is raspy. I clear my throat. “Deep down I knew it right away. I fought it. When you kissed me that night at the pub?—”

“Which time?” Her mouth quirks.

I squeeze her hands. “Both times, really, but definitely the second time. When Cara was there. That was the beginning of me truly healing. And when Cara came to talk to me at the brewery? That was the closure I needed. It took me a while to realize it. And by then, you were already gone.”

“I shouldn’t have run like that.” Her forehead creases, and she bites her bottom lip before continuing. “I proved that I’m too impulsive, that I don’t give things a chance to work out. I should’ve stayed and talked to you.”

“Luckily, you’re here now. You’ve made me realize that I could miss out on someone like you by continuing to hold on to the hurt from my past.”

“When did you realize that?”

“Just now, actually.”

She laughs.

“Maddie.” I drop one of her hands and touch her cheek with the back of my finger, caressing her soft skin, letting my touch slide down along her hair, the orange light of the sunset reflecting on the dark strands. “You make me feel like I’m worth... something.”

I almost said loving. But I can’t imagine she loves me.

“You’ve changed everything in me since you showed up and pulled me against the wall in that dark hallway.”

She laughs, a light, airy sound, and her eyes are wide and bright.

“Maddie, you’re perfect as you are.”

She shakes her head. “Definitely not perfect.”

“To me, you are.” I push her hair back from where it flies in front of her face. “For me. You brought the light back into my life. You made me understand that I can’t only live for my parents, my sister, my nieces, the business. I need joy for myself.” There’s a bursting inside of me as I understand all the truths I’m voicing.

“I feel like I just mess things up for you, Patrick. Things have gone better since I left. You got that deal with Wellington, right? And released the IPA? I heard you talking to Oliver and Ethan about it. I’m happy for you.” The spot between her eyebrows crinkles and I want to wipe the worry from her face. From her life.

“Never better without you.” I catch her hair again and she huffs out a laugh, smiling. I love seeing her like this. Wild and free and happy.

“Really?”

I let her hair go and cup her jaw with my hand. It’s so personal, so intimate, but she leans into my palm and sighs.

“I could’ve used not having to speed to the hospital after you almost took down a flock of sheep, that’s true.”

“Sorry about that.” She barely suppresses a smile.

“I know you came here for a break from your life. So you could heal from your breakup with the arsehole from Ohio before starting over back home.”

“Yeah. All true.” Her face is now serious, following my words carefully.

“And dropping out of the program made you feel like you were letting your family down. But I bet they weren’t mad when you told them.”

“No. They weren’t.”

“You bring joy and light wherever you go. Whoever you are around will be so very lucky.”

“Whoever, huh.” Her shoulders sag and she closes her eyes.

“Maddie, I don’t want this to be goodbye.” My voice catches in my throat. I must be clear.

“You don’t?” Her eyes fly open.

“I love you. I’m in love with you. I think I was from that first kiss, and definitely by the second one.”

She breathes in deeply, the pain falling off her face.

“You love me?”

“Yes, Madison Elizabeth Hart. And it’s okay that you don’t love me back. I’m not telling you for any kind of reciprocation?—”

Maddie leaps at me with her full body and throws her arms around my neck, her legs wrapped tightly around my waist, stealing the air from my lungs. She buries her face in my neck and her hot breath warms my entire body.

“Jaysus, Maddie,” I say once I can breathe. But I’m laughing through the words. She feels so right in my arms.

Maddie leans back to look at me, her brown eyes sparking with flames from the setting sun.

“I love you too, Patrick McNulty. I figured it out for sure in London, but I think it happened before I fell off that damn bike. The week I spent at your cottage was the best of my life. It was everything. I fell even more in love with you and your family and your sheep, even though I’ll forever be a tiny bit terrified of them.”

My heart explodes with love. Our lips are mere centimeters apart. I cup my hands on her arse to keep her firmly against me.

“When we were together, you made me feel like the only woman in the world. Like I was the most important thing, no matter how giggly and cheerful and annoying I was. You made me feel like I was doing a great job at O’Brien’s.”

“Why else do you love me?” I know I’m being greedy, but I’m intoxicated by her words and don’t want them to stop.

“Well, you look pretty hot in a soccer uniform. That’s basically it. Thick thighs and killer abs. That’s all I need to fall in love.”

“You’re quite shallow.” But I smile and squeeze her arse until she squeals. “But I’m happy to wear my soccer kit for you whenever you want.”

She grins and it reaches her eyes, but I need to know what she thinks whenever means. I can’t bear the thought of her going back to New Jersey.

“Patrick, you’re my adventure.”

I don’t even flinch at the word.

“And you’re mine,” I say back.

Her intense gaze flits from my eyes to my lips.

She moves one of her hands onto the back of my head, burying it in my hair. “You deserve so much love. Your nieces, your parents, your sister... I love you, and I love Dingle, and your life there.”

Is it possible? Can this work? Fragile hope springs from my center.

“I want you to come back to Dingle with me, Maddie. Will you? I will beg, if needed.”

What will I do if she says no? I’d have to follow her wherever she goes. I’ll follow her to the ends of the earth, if she lets me, family and business in Dingle or not.

“Yes. I’ll come back to Dingle with you. I can’t imagine going anywhere else.”

“What about your family?” The words come out as a whisper. That fragile hope strengthens.

“Reese is moving to Scotland, remember? Stella lives in London. I’ll go back to see my mom. And honestly? You’re thinking too far ahead. Just kiss me.”

And I do, our lips joining gently at first, then pressing harder together. I can’t believe I get this. Forever? It better be forever.

“You can move in with me at the cottage,” I say against her mouth, pulling away slightly. “There’s plenty of room...”

“I think we should take it slow.” She looks at me thoughtfully. “Think your flat is available?”

“Aye. I’ll make it available for you if you want it. We can take it slow.”

“As slow as moving to another country for a man is, anyway.”

“But for the record, I don’t want to take it slow.”

She kisses me again and I feel her smile against my lips.

“One question.” She pauses and kisses me again, sweetly, gently. “Do you think I can have a job?”

“Of course. O’Brien’s would love to have you back.”

“I was actually thinking about Slea Head, although I’m happy to help at the pub. I have more ideas. Marketing, events, promotions...”

“Like your Dingle passport idea? Or book club nights at the pub?”

“Yup. Those. And more.”

“I could use a marketing person to work with Lola. We can start there.”

“That’s perfect.”

“You’re hired. Now I have one more question.” I adjust her body, still wrapped around mine. I never want to set her down.

“What’s that?” Maddie glances down at my lips then up into my eyes.

“Can we share a room tonight?”

She laughs and kisses me again.