Chapter 16

16

MADDIE

Boyfriend Disaster #5 : Todd the Married Manager

Job Location & Length : Another Soulless Chain Restaurant, 2 years

My Age : 24

At my next job, I kept my head down and worked my ass off, and it finally paid off when I got promoted to assistant manager after a year. Finally, I was making progress. Maturing. Figuring life out.

So it caught me off guard when Todd kissed me.

He was my tall, blue-eyed manager who was hired six months after I got promoted. Todd was older—early thirties, but not really inappropriate like it was when I was twenty and Jonathan the line cook was thirty—and had a great, easy laugh.

One night, as was normal for us, we’d stayed after a shift to catch up on schedules for the upcoming week. No one else was around when he slid a hand on my thigh and leaned forward to bring our lips together, so tenderly. Maddie , he’d said, I’ve wanted to do that for ages .

And with that, I was right back to my old ways.

We’d kiss in the break room or sneak into the storage closet. It was exciting, and fun, and I felt so wanted. Did I know I was fucking things up, but worse this time since I had more to lose with the promotion? Yup. Could I stop the absolute garbage train wreck from happening? Nope, sure couldn’t.

A woman came in one day, double rings stuffed with sparkling diamonds on her left ring finger, looking for Todd with a clenched jaw and narrowed eyes.

He was married. That’s why we never met up outside of work. Cue my resignation, effective immediately.

Breakup Reason : He was a liar and a married cheat.

My Distress Level : 5

Lesson Learned : I am a horrible judge of character. This one threw me. I swore to myself I was done messing things up.

“ I had the best idea ever for the road trip.” I drink from the bottle of Harp lager Patrick brought, feeling warm and cozy in the hot flat, but also basking in the delicious scents of pre-made lasagna and garlic bread in the oven.

I’m trying not to make it obvious I’m thinking about the last time Patrick and I were on this couch twelve hours ago. My cheeks heat at the memory of waking up to find him draped around me in boxers and a t-shirt. The way he grabbed handfuls of my ass and raked me over his...

Now I’m really sweating.

“Go on.” Patrick swigs from his bottle, hazel eyes locked on me.

“I’m going to give the road trip a theme. I’m already working on a list of weird things we can see on the trip—with very little help from you, I might add. What about if we put a few brewery stops on the itinerary? Won’t Oliver like that?”

Patrick nods. “Aye, he and I went to quite a few breweries while he was here. As research, of course.”

“Perfect. So is that something you can help me with without rolling your eyes?”

His mouth twists. “I suppose.”

“And I was thinking of calling it Quirks, Brews, and Views.” I wave a hand in front of me, as if I’m revealing something on the wall.

“Quirks?”

“Yeah, like quirky things. We’re going to go see a giant salmon statue in Belfast, Patrick. Ian’s suggestion.”

He presses his lips together and raises his eyebrows.

“Where are we stopping again?”

“I have a list—no thanks to you.” I pull out my phone and scroll to the notes app.

Patrick scoffs. “A simple internet search?—”

“Hush. Here. This is what I got so far from my online research. Oh, and from your sister.”

“Could’ve been done from New Jersey.” He tilts his head and drinks, and I try not to stare at the way his lips wrap around the neck of the bottle.

“No, it definitely could not have. Just listen. We’ll start in Dublin and do things like Temple Bar, Guinness Brewery, and go see your Hungry Tree?—”

“It’s not my tree.” He groans. I ignore him.

“Then we’ll head to Northern Ireland, first stopping in Belfast, where we’ll see the giant fish statue. Then drive through the Dark Hedges, which look amazing. Giant’s Causeway and the Carrick-a-Rede rope bridge to finish off Northern Ireland. Then we’ll stop in Donegal, where your sister told me about some hole in the ground that’s the gateway to hell, so that sounds delightful?—”

“Christ.”

“Shhh. Then to Galway, Cliffs of Moher, stay in Limerick for the night, then end up in Dingle. We’ll find some tiny stone houses along Slea Head. Thank you, Saoirse.”

“I could’ve pointed them out on our bike ride.”

“But you didn’t.” I give him a withering look. “When we leave Dingle, we need to stop by your favorite: Blarney Castle, where we’ll kiss the rock while hanging upside down for good luck.”

“That is a disgusting, dirty stone that thousands of other people have put their mouths on.”

“Yup.”

“Don’t expect me to participate. No self-respecting Irishman would do such a thing.”

“You suggested it.”

“I was joking.”

“Noted. Then we’ll head toward Dublin, and everyone will go their separate ways.” I gulp at the idea of flying out of Dublin at the end of the road trip. “I need a few more ideas for quirky things.”

Patrick doesn’t answer right away, but there’s a shadow of a grin on his tempting mouth.

“I think it’s a good list, but we might have to adjust a few stops to make it work within our twelve-day timeframe,” he says finally.

“Yes!” I pump a fist in the air. “I knew it was brilliant.”

“Did I say brilliant? I don’t think I said that.”

“Shut up.” I reach over to push his biceps and let my hand linger there for a second, scooting closer, tucking one leg beneath me so that my knee is touching his thigh. I love being this close to Patrick. There’s an energy that radiates off him, and I want to be near it. A crackling between us. He’s a magnet and my body is made of iron.

“I like it. Really.” His voice is softer, and his arm hardens beneath my hand. He shifts his body so it’s turned to me, our knees now touching. “In Limerick, we can take an easy hike to a beautiful waterfall in Clare Glens forest.”

“Sounds lovely.”

“And I know a brewery in Donegal.”

“Perfect. And in Dingle we’ll obviously go to... New Dingle Brewing. I hear they have a great tasting room.” I remove my hand from his arm.

He shakes his head and closes his eyes. “Jaysus help me. Please, never step foot in that place.”

His accent is intoxicating. How did I never realize the Irish accent is so hot? Reese is always going on about Oliver’s Scottish accent, and Stella’s boyfriend has a sexy English one... but I hadn’t even had Irish on my radar.

Or maybe it’s just Patrick.

“Fine, I promise. And see? This part definitely couldn’t have been done from New Jersey. The inspiration is here.” I throw a hand in the air. “In Dingle. Also, you wouldn’t respond to my emails, so...”

“Whatever you say, Madison.” He’s opened his eyes and is fighting a smile. I know I got him. He’s finally interested in the road trip.

“We’re back to Madison again? Do you only call me Maddie when you kiss me?”

His eyes widen. “No comment.”

“Why?” My eyes flit to his lips. “For some reason, we said last night was a one-time thing. That must have been your idea. Was it? If so, not your best one.”

He studies my face, his expression serious again.

“You are not like most women I know.”

“Not like the other American tourists?” I swallow.

His mouth twitches, but he doesn’t deny it.

Is being here in Ireland on this couch with Patrick my one-third life crisis? Where I figure out what to do next, reflect on the past decade, and decide how I want to live the next one? Yeah, I think it is. And this time, I will really transform my life, like Aunt Evelyn told me to.

I promised myself I wouldn’t immediately fall for someone the way I have before. So if I go for this thing with Patrick, I’ll see it for exactly what it is. I’m in touch with my feelings about him. I know exactly where I stand. I’m his best friend’s fiancée’s little sister who’s here bugging him about a road trip.

Who he might have had sex with just once to get it out of his system.

And I like him. Yup, sure do.

I won’t let that get out of hand. He can’t dump me for the next American tourist that comes along because there’s nothing real going on between us.

Still, the way he’s looking at me right now—his eyes hooded and dark—makes me wonder, but I shove that thought away.

I feel safe with him. That’s what I want right now: to spend time with someone I can trust. I want to know they can handle all my over-the-top cheerfulness and non-mysteriousness and still want to hang out. I want to know they won’t dump me or abandon me, even if it’s only because there’s nothing to dump me from.

A friend.

Perhaps a friend with benefits. Because the things he did to me this morning? My face flushes with heat at the thought of him yanking my hips to his face.

“Listen.” I take his bottle and slide it with mine onto the coffee table. I grab both of his hands.

“Yes?” His eyes are questioning, but he doesn’t pull away, not one inch.

“There’s no hope for a future for us.”

He chuckles. “Are you breaking up with me?”

I shake my head and laugh with him. “No. I’m just saying, we can’t be together, even if we wanted to.”

“I never said I wanted to.”

“Good lord. I know! You don’t have to rub it in.”

“Sorry,” he says, and looks like he means it. “But you’re being weird. And for me to say that is a big deal.”

“I am weird. So are you. And that’s okay. Can I finish now?”

“Mmm-hmm.” He stares at me with that assessing gaze and a smile just beneath the surface.

“We’re friends, right?” I take a deep breath.

He nods and cocks his head.

“Friends and mature adults. We had sex and it was... kinda hot. Like, really hot.” If possible, my face gets even warmer. I’m sure it’s scarlet.

“It was your idea, by the way.” He moves his thumbs ever-so-slightly on the backs of my hands and tingles shoot up my wrists.

“Whatever. I say tomato...” I bite my lower lip.

“What’s your point, Madison?” But his voice is lower, and his gaze drifts down to my mouth, making me want to lick my lips.

“Can I trust you?” I’m not sure I have the nerve to say what I want to. I bite my tongue to distract myself.

“Yes.” Patrick’s eyebrows crease together.

I swallow the nerves dancing in my throat.

“I’m thinking...” I lean forward, placing his hands around my waist and sitting up on my knees just a bit so I can put my mouth within reach of his, pausing before our lips make contact, giving him every single chance to pull away or push me away. “Maybe what we did doesn’t have to be just once?”

Patrick makes a guttural sound, and his fingers tighten around my waist.

“We probably shouldn’t.” But he closes the space between our mouths by half, and the warmth of his lips radiates onto mine. The opposite of pulling away. “You promised me.”

“What a stupid promise. And I forget why. Can you remind me?”

He closes the gap between us and kisses me gently on the lips, then with a pretty impressive maneuver, gets me to straddle him.

“I actually don’t remember, Maddie.”

I wiggle on his lap, trying to ease some of the need coursing through my veins. He breathes out sharply and runs his hands over my ass, pressing me down onto him in a repeat of this morning.

“We’re going to have to keep doing this so you keep calling me Maddie.”

It’s hard to figure out if I’m digging a deeper hole for myself, or if I’m digging out of the hole I was already in. But right now, as Patrick presses his lips against my neck, I’m not sure I care one way or the other. I breathe out and throw my head back to give him full access.

This place—Dingle—while cold and dreary and not exactly what I expected, is also kind of intoxicating.

Or maybe it’s Patrick.

Either way, I feel safe here with him. And I’m desperate to trust someone again.

But no matter how I insist I won’t, I can feel myself falling, and the only safe landing place is with Patrick.