25. Griffin

25

My heart pounds the entire way to the highway where I lead us. We left Gregory behind, but he’s with his people, so he’ll be fine. I only hope that he waits until we’re far enough away before telling them we killed his friends. Well, I guess they weren’t really his friends, but still. Would the other people there even try to do anything about it?

The two guards out front suspected nothing when we ran by them. They only hollered after us to watch our asses out here. I don’t know how much they’ll risk getting payback for him when he wouldn’t join them in the first place, since they do nothing for free, but I can’t risk it. We need speed on our side to guarantee our safety right now.

Emily runs with fervency. It’s not until we reach the highway that I pull out the small cooler bag I’d grabbed along with the insulin for her to keep the vials cool on her way back to her friend. “Oh, thank you. I was worried about how I could transport these without them going bad before I get there. The only plan I had was to travel fast.” She excitedly unloads the vials from her pockets and places them inside the cooler, and we all do the same with ours until it’s stuffed full to the max. There’s barely enough space left to include the small ice pack I’d snatched. I can’t tell how many we all collectively grabbed, but I’m glad nobody counted. Then Emily zips it shut and frowns at the side of the bag.

“What is it?” I ask, worrying that something might be wrong with the bag. Maybe I was wrong, and it’s not a cooling bag like I’d thought. If it’s not, then I’ll find her one. I’ll go back inside that place and figure out how to get one from them.

She shakes her head and slings the bag over her shoulder. “Nothing. I don’t know.”

“That’s not convincing, princess.” My voice turns hard. Something is wrong here and I need to know what it is so I can fix it.

Her fingers pick at the strap before falling to her sides. “Something seems familiar about the bag, but then again, I’ve scavenged so much that I’ve probably seen the logo somewhere else. And it’s not like it’s the only bag with this logo to exist in the entire world. That would be crazy to think. I just had a weird moment, is all. Let’s get going. I’m too wired from this accomplishment to stay still.”

Good, there isn’t anything wrong with the bag after all. Name brand logos are common. Now, with that out of the way, I need to tell her something before we head to wherever she tells us to and then disappears. I need to do it now.

“Emily,” I say, clearing my throat. She turns her bright amber eyes on me. Max and William step in close, sensing how serious this is about to be. “I know we can’t go with you and whatever reason you have for that must be a good one, but I want you to know that we won’t join their colony here. Not if they can’t accept Zoey without using her health against her.”

“You won’t?”

I shake my head. Of course not. “I know damn well what it’s like to be denied acceptance because of something out of my control. That’s not something I would ever allow to happen to someone else if I could help it.”

She reaches up and touches my scar, and I push against her hand, letting her feel every raised spot. Every time she touches it, it feels even better. As though all it takes to heal is her touch alone.

Emotion fills her eyes. I can’t tell exactly what emotion, but it’s raw, and she throws her arms around my neck. My arms wrap around her waist and I lift her into a hug. Holding onto her like this, I never want to let her go. It’s going to be pretty damn hard to watch her drive away, but it’ll be worth it as long as it helps her and Zoey. I set her down before I can allow myself to have second thoughts and reach for the handcuffs. Regret is already consuming me.

“We should get going, princess,” I rasp into her ear when she lowers to her feet.

“Thank you, Griffin. You deserve so much more than you’ll ever know.” She unwraps her arms, sliding one finger up to trace the scar once more before turning away so I can’t see her face.

“Come on, let’s see if the car is still in one piece,” I say, heading toward our abandoned car. I grab Emily’s hand and lace my fingers through hers. We never got to have our moment earlier before we were rudely interrupted. I want to fix that.

“It’s likely in two pieces if we never got the new tire on,” Max says, and I roll my eyes.

“Shouldn’t take long to fix,” William adds, and he’s right. When we reach the car, it doesn’t take very long to find the right tire, even in the dark, now that we’re able to work undisturbed without a herd of rotters roaming through and interrupting us. There’s even enough light in the nighttime sky to work under. It’s like the world has lit up for us.

I give her a piece of paper where I’d written the directions back to the city where we found her. If she won’t take us with her, then at least she’ll be able to get home.

William is attaching the new tire onto the car while Max watches him, but I only watch Emily. There’s something different about her. She seems to be avoiding us somehow, but I can’t understand why. Unless it’s because she’s not very good with goodbyes.

I shove my hands into my pockets to make sure I gave her every vial of insulin I grabbed, when my fingers brush against something I forgot I had and I pull it free to study in the moonlight.

Mere hours ago I finished carving the rose I’d been working on, inspired by the new pot of flowers we have waiting for us back in the town. I even found some purple paint to match the deep lavender roses she’d found. I don’t know if she’ll want to go back to the town first and take the flowers with her before she heads out, but I can at least give her this. She brought back my love of woodcarving, so it’s only fitting that she takes it if she wants it.

“Emily,” I start, my voice thick with what I’m about to do. My tongue feels so heavy in my mouth.

She looks up at me, worry and indecision etched across her face, and I pull out the key to the car, pressing it into her palm. Her mouth forms an oh.

“Take the car and whatever supplies are in it you want. Get back safely to your friend. And someday, if you want to, you’ll know where to find us. You’ll always have a place here in our little colony. You’ll never have to be on your own, like we’ve all been for two hundred and seventy-five days.”

Her eyes water and I worry I said something wrong. I gently grab her wrist and hold her hand palm up, closing her fingers around the small wooden figurine next. “But if you choose not to, take this to remember me by.”

She looks down into her hand and gasps. “Did you…”

“Yes.”

“But I thought you didn’t carve anymore.” She holds the lavender rose into the moonlight to study it. “The detail is incredible. It’s almost exactly like the ones we found.”

“If you have the time to go back and get it, then we can, otherwise I’ll keep it safe for you.”

She looks up at me with water in her eyes. A single tear falls down her cheek and I reach out to wipe it away. She doesn’t need to cry. This goodbye doesn’t need to be permanent…unless it is. “Griffin I—I don’t know what to say.”

Say you’ll come back, is what I want to say, but when I open my mouth to say that, the sound of crunching leaves has me turning around with my knife drawn. I expect to find a rotter, but I’m even more surprised to find a human standing in front of me. I don’t recognize him, but if he followed us from the school, then it can’t be for anything good. “Can I help you?”

Emily stands closer to me and looks at the man. He’s standing in the shadows, so I can’t make out anything else about him.

The man steps out of the shadows and into the moonlight and grins, long dark hair falling around his shoulders. Emily gasps, and I hear Max unhooking his morning star from his back. “What the fuck do you want?” he growls. It’s a tone he reserves for the worst people we’ve come across. Even the dregs we last encountered didn’t get to hear that voice.

“Long time no see, brother,” the mystery man responds.

“Nate,” William says, tossing the car jack into the back of the car and drawing his own knife.

Emily shakes beside me with a little gasp. I’ve never met Max’s brother, but I’ve heard enough about him to want to kill him on sight.

“You survived. Good to know.” Max’s words are dry and I can tell he’s really holding himself back.

“So have you. I thought you were a goner for sure.”

“Because you left me for dead,” Max says.

A sudden rustle to my side jolts me, and I catch sight of Emily nervously inching backward. Nathan’s grin grows even wider, his eyes sparkling with delight as the movement captures his attention. Max’s jaw clenches as he steps in front of her, his fist clenching the morning star, and his gaze piercing with a fiery intensity. “Are you two an item?”

“None of your business,” Max growls out through gritted teeth.

Nate laughs. “I hope you like my leftovers, little brother. I’m surprised to see she’s alive, too.”

Max frowns. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh, but haven’t you told them, lover?”

“Wait…” William says.

“How’s the rest of your colony? Anyone get bit?”

“Colony…” I echo.

“Lover?” Max spits the word out, turning his attention to the girl we’re all crazy about.

My head snaps to the side to look at Emily and I see her panicked expression. The urge to be protective of her is at war with the realization that’s washing over me like a bucket of cold water. “Is that why you don’t want us going with you to help your friend? Because you don’t want us in your colony?”

“That’s—that’s not…that’s—” she stutters.

I turn to face her fully, my body shaking with a mixture of anger and deep, intense hurt. My mind is a mess. Everything we’ve talked about, all my deep insecurities that I shared with her. That I trusted her with. Was it all a lie from the start? “I gave you everything. We gave you everything. Protection, weapons, food, shelter, even killed other people for you. We walked into a possibly dangerous situation to get medicine for your friend, who we might never even meet. You know our weaknesses, deepest desires, know how badly a colony means to me, and you kept this from me? From us?”

Buddy moves to stand in between us and growls.

Her eyes are as wide as saucers and a tear leaks down her cheek. I don’t brush it away like I would have wanted to, because at this moment I don’t know what I would do if I were to touch her. My pain is so deep that I can’t trust myself. She tore open my deepest wound, tossed salt into it, and laughed. She might as well be dancing on my grave.

“Tell me it’s not true, pet. Tell me you haven’t been with my brother all this time,” Max says, his voice filled with such an intense hurt that I haven’t heard since the day William and I found him.

Emily turns to face him and opens her mouth, but no words come out.

“Is this true, Emily?” William asks next, his face crestfallen. “Have you been orchestrating a grand performance this whole time?”

She shakes her head and backs away, her eyes filled with sorrow. “I’m so sorry,” is all she says. She repeats those words while backing up to the car. Her hand falls to her side in defeat, and the wooden rose drops to the ground, but she doesn’t seem to notice. She looks like she’s given up. I guess she doesn’t have any fight in her after all, when her grand performance comes crashing down.

“Get out of here,” I growl.

My heart shatters into a million pieces. I exposed every inch of it to her, to the first person outside of our little group since the dead rose, and she took it and laughed. She probably laughed herself to tears after I’d fallen asleep after telling her my stories. She made me—all of us—fall for her. We constantly risked everything for her.

“I’m so sorry,” she repeats.

My hands clench into fists. My head swarms. She needs to leave before I become the monster she thought me to be.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispers again before jumping into the car with Buddy, turning the ignition, and peeling out of here. The wooden lavender rose snaps in half when a rear tire crushes it.

Nathan’s laugh fills the night air while we watch the taillights disappear. It rings in my ears with a mocking tone that rattles my heart. Only after she’s gone does that laugh remind me who this man is. The things he does, how he twists things in order to toy with people. His revelations that make others turn on the people they trust most.

What he did to Max was the exact thing he did to her. And I punished her for it.

The headlights disappear.

What have I done?

***