Chapter 36

CHAPTER 36

KIERRA

I lay here in the hospital watching Sin sob into his hands, and I don't know what's causing it.

"Did something happen?"

He breaks out into laughter, which only makes me more confused, gets out of his chair and walks over to me, places his hands on my face, "For nearly a fucking month, I thought I lost you. I watched you nearly die in front of me repeatedly. And now your beautiful eyes are open and you're talking to me. So yeah, baby girl, something happened. I love you. Please never put me through this again."

I gasp at his words, "You what?"

He stares at me with a heated gaze and my heart pounds like a machine gun as I worry slightly that the heart monitor will go off. Did he say he loved me? Or did I imagine it? Or maybe I'm asleep and dreaming because he was awfully adamant before that he would not admit to having feelings for me. He moves closer and all the breath escapes from my lungs.

Sin chuckles lightly. His face is close enough I feel his breath on my face. "I love you."

He leans in to kiss me, and I turn my head. "No!"

Pulling back slightly, he arches an eyebrow. "No?"

"No."

"You're killing me right now. Why no?"

A light giggle escapes from me. "I don't even remember the last time I brushed my teeth. I need a toothbrush first."

Sin shakes his head. "They've been cleaning your mouth several times a day, and really, I don't fucking care either way."

Leaning down further, he groans, "I don't want to hurt you. Keep your hands down, you are still healing."

I dart my tongue out and lick my dry lips and he groans again, "So beautiful. Always so beautiful."

He presses his lips to mine in what I know is a restrained kiss. He slides his tongue into my mouth gently, a contrast to the way Sin normally is with me, but I like it.

Never taking his eyes from mine, he grabs the buzzer and rings the nurse and he barks orders when she answers.

"Get the doctor in here immediately."

I roll my eyes, "Ever hear that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar?"

He stares at me like he most definitely has not heard that a little kindness goes a long way.

"You don't have to be rude. Ask nicely and you'll be surprised at what people will do for you."

The smirk on his face is delicious and all him, "I enjoy ordering people around and if I remember correctly you like it too."

His voice comes out deep and gravely and somehow my broken body responds with a need I shouldn't be feeling after what I've gone through. I only remember bits and pieces of nearly being killed, but I know I was stabbed. A lot.

The door to my room opens and a bunch of people come running in. A man wearing a doctor's coat with the bushiest white eyebrows I've ever seen stares at me with amazement.

"Well, look at that," he says.

I smile softly, "Hi."

"Do you know your name?"

That's an easy one. Why wouldn't I?

"Kierra Carter."

He nods slowly, telling me I got the answer right.

"Do you remember what happened?"

I glance at Sin who appears to be anxiously awaiting all my responses then I focus my attention back on the doctor.

"I was attacked. Stabbed."

"Good. Your memory seems to be intact, and that is very good."

He holds a light in front of my eyes. "Follow the light for me."

After he places the light back in his coat pocket, he smiles at me. "It's going to take time to get back to where you were physically. You were asleep for the better part of a month because we kept you sedated due to your injuries. Do you have questions?"

I nod. "Can I go home?"

He chuckles softly, "Not yet. We'll need to make sure you can get around first."

I look at Sin, hoping he'll turn his bossy mode on and tell the doctor that I'm leaving, but he shakes his head.

"The nurse will remove your catheter and IV. We'll see if you can walk a little. I want you to take it slow for now. I'll be back to check on you a little later."

Most of the nurses leave with him, but one remains, "I'm going to remove your catheter."

Her name tag says her name is Jane, and she's an RN. She smiles at me with kind eyes before turning to Sin. "You can wait outside, sir. It'll only take a minute."

With a glare, he tells her, "I'm not leaving the room. I'll turn around. That's the most you're getting from me."

Nurse Jane turns back to me with a questioning glance, and I nod. "It's fine. He will not leave."

"On a scale of one to ten, how bad is your pain right now?" She asks after she removes the catheter.

"Two. It's not really painful, more sore than anything."

She nods her understanding. "Do you want to try a shower?"

My excitement causes both her and Sin to laugh. "Please."

"I'm going to remove your last few bandages and then I'll help you shower."

Sin walks over to the chair and takes a seat. I'm surprised he isn't demanding he help me shower, but I'm kind of relieved.

She helps me out of the bed and my legs feel like jello but slowly I'm able to make it to the bathroom. She helps me out of my gown and turns the shower on and I glance in the mirror. It's not full length so I can't see all the damage but I see enough. They didn't kill me but they made me ugly. Deep red marks on my chest and abdomen tell me everything I need to know about my future with Sin. There isn't one. He has beautiful women always ready to fall to their knees for him. Why would he want this?

Nurse Jane glances at me compassionately, "They'll fade with time but I'm sorry honey, they won't go away. Embrace your battle scars. You survived when we really weren't sure you would."

I swallow past the lump in my throat and force back the tears trying to fall and I don't say it, but right now I wish they would've let me die. I know there's more to a person than how they look, but my body has been butchered, and there's no way I'll ever be able to forget that day. And neither will Sin. Every time he looks at the ugly scars, he'll see it too.

I need to be the one to make the break. It'll be easier for both of us. I'd rather walk away from him on my own than to hear him say he isn't attracted to me anymore. Knowing it and hearing it are two very different things. The pain of those words would shatter me. It's better this way.