Chapter 12

TWELVE

“ W ithout knowing who sent it, there’s not really much we can do,” said Derek Kingston at about six thirty that evening, just before he shoveled an extra bite of pasta into his mouth.

Upon receiving the creepy letter, Xavier’s first instinct had been to call the police—preferably the chief or at least the Brooklyn DA, i.e., someone he perceived was possible to bribe. I, however, calmly took out my phone and called Derek, my brother’s former investigative partner with the NYPD, best friend, and a known and trusted ally to my entire family.

And, sure, yes, someone I briefly dated.

A fact that Xavier appeared to remember the second Derek arrived, looking far too dapper in a button-down shirt and slacks, with his NYPD badge sitting on his hip next to a holstered gun.

The detective glanced around the dinner table stacked with Zola siblings and a scowling duke as if he was unsure about whom to address this comment to but seemed to settle on me.

“Derek, come on. There has to be something we can do besides sit around with our thumbs up our butts,” Lea pressed as she refilled his wineglass in the practiced, automatic way she could have only learned from Nonna.

Right after I’d called Derek, I’d sent Kate a quick text about what happened. I should have known better. An hour later, she, Lea, and Joni arrived with baby Lupe and a tray of lasagna like a cavalry called to arms. The Zola clan loved nothing, if not drama, and I was serving heaps of it these days. Lea was more than happy to play family protector now that she was the de facto eldest with Matthew in Boston.

To be honest, I was more than a little annoyed with the entire situation. It was a letter. I was kind of surprised I hadn’t received more, given the number of times my name had been in the papers over the summer, and right now, I had bigger things to worry about than some idiot who didn’t like Xavier.

Derek, thankfully, was reasonably used to our chaos. The only thing that seemed to be making him uncomfortable was the six-foot-five duke who had been glaring blue murder for the last thirty minutes.

“I wonder if the NYPD can do anything at all,” Xavier mumbled. “It might be more useful to ask a neighbor’s dog to help guard the place. I think the couple across the street has a Pomeranian.”

I elbowed Xavier in the stomach. His scowl disappeared for a moment when he turned to me.

“Be nice,” I mouthed.

One side of that broad, full mouth rose, but the scowl resumed its position when he turned back to Derek, who was used to all measure of things much more intimidating than Xavier’s smart mouth.

“Just keep track of things going on here,” he told me. “Be smart, you know. Don’t go out by yourself late at night, see if you notice anyone following you. That sort of thing.” He must have caught my forlorn expression when he set down his fork. “Frankie, you know I care about you guys. You and Sofia are like family to me.”

Beside me, Xavier’s entire body tensed.

“Is there anyone you can think of who might have a motive?” Derek asked.

“Besides every woman who has seen Xavier’s face in the Post ?” Joni asked, then shrugged when she found everyone looking at her. “What?”

Lea rolled her eyes and turned back to me. “Anyone treated you weird since you came home?”

“Stuff like this usually comes from people close to you,” Derek said.

I blinked, glanced up at Xavier, then back at Derek. “I—well, there is a, um, a colleague at school.”

“Adam,” Xavier growled. “Of course, it’s him.”

I winced at his obvious vitriol, then turned back to Derek and recounted the last few conversations I’d had with Adam—including his obvious obsession with Xavier.

Derek listened carefully, taking notes.

“Could be,” he said. “Worth a try, anyway. I’ll take the letter with me and dust for prints just to see if something comes up in the system. See if I can’t get something with his prints from the school while I’m at it. But your mailbox was wiped, so I doubt anything will come up. I’m sorry. I wish I could do more.”

“Don’t we all,” Xavier muttered, then got up from the table as if he couldn’t stand to sit still one second longer.

“You should come back to Belmont,” Lea said as she resumed her seat at the table and took baby Lupe back from Kate, who was at the end. “That’s what you should do. Come stay at the house with Joni and Nonna when she gets back from Italy.”

“Excuse me, and what if I don’t want to get murdered in my bed if Frankie’s stalker follows her there?” Joni demanded before seeming to realize how it made her sound. “Sorry. I just meant?—”

“I know what you meant,” I interrupted a little too sharply. “And don’t worry, I’m not moving back to the Bronx.”

“Why not?” Kate asked. “It’s not like you have a job down here anymore.”

“You got laid off?” Lea demanded.

“Thanks a lot,” I said to Kate.

From where he stood behind her near the screen door, Xavier just shook his head and scrubbed his forehead with a fist.

Kate made a face. “Sorry.”

I turned to my older sisters. “They let me go because of all the press. I don’t want to get into it.”

“Well, you should definitely move back to Belmont,” Lea said. “There’s room for you and two kids with Marie in France. You can take the attic again with the new baby, just like you did before, and then Sof can take Marie’s room, and?—”

“I’m not going anywhere,” I argued. “Sofia’s still in school. I’m not pulling her out in the middle of the year because of a single letter. I can find temp work until the baby comes, and I’ll still have my salary until then anyway. We’re going to be fine.”

“But what are you going to do about money after that?” Lea sputtered, rocking Lupe as if to comfort herself more than me. “I’m sure Mattie would give you a few months off paying him back, but what about food? Daycare? Bills? You have the equivalent of three car payments in student loans every month!”

“Lea, I really don’t need you to contingency plan for me right now!” I was almost shouting with her by this point. With every item on her list, my own anxiety rose exponentially, and the fact that I had another mouth to feed growing under my sweatshirt wasn’t helping things.

“She’s going to be fine,” Xavier said bluntly, his deep voice shutting down the entire argument. He turned from the screen door, arms folded across his chest. “She has me.”

“Oh, because you were such a help this summer?” Lea said.

Kate snorted, and Joni said, “Oooh,” under her breath.

“Stop it,” I hissed at her.

“I wasn’t the one who left,” Xavier countered in the dangerously low voice that told me he was very close to losing his temper.

“No, but you were the one to neglect her for weeks,” Lea said. “You basically pushed her on that plane, so let’s not get all high and mighty now, Mr. Duke. And be real. She wouldn’t be in this situation if it weren’t for you. No one would be coming after her. She wouldn’t have lost her job. And she wouldn’t be unemployed with yet another baby on the way.”

“Lea, stop,” I said again, conscious of Derek’s bewildered glances between all of us and the fact that Sofia was just upstairs with her cousins and could come down at any time to hear this drama.

But my sister was on a rampage. “She needs more than a fancy man with a brooding stare who lives three thousand miles away. These are real problems. What are you going to do, throw a few dollars at her and go back to your castle? She needs real support. She needs her family.”

“She has a family!” Xavier seethed.

“Yes, she does!” Lea snapped right back. “We are sitting around this table, you overbearing dick. And we do not include you!”

“That’s enough!” I exploded out of my chair, surprising even myself. “Lea, I appreciate your defense, but you don’t get to talk to Xavier that way. Like it or not, he is a part of this family now, so you’re going to have to deal with that. And you?—”

I turned to Xavier, who was watching me with an expression like a lion facing its tamer. I found, though, there was nothing really to tame. He wasn’t the one being rude. He wasn’t saying anything wrong at all, actually.

I sighed and shook my head. “I don’t even know what to do with you. But Lea’s right. Making a fuss over things and being an inconsistent presence isn’t helping either.”

Every person in the room was staring at me by the time I was done, clearly astonished. I understood why. I was no pushover, but I wasn’t prone to this kind of outburst. I didn’t yell. I didn’t shout. I kept my cool, always, because that’s what I was supposed to do as a mother, middle child, teacher, everything.

I took a deep breath and stepped around my chair. “I’ve had all of five seconds to process the landslide my life has become over the past few weeks. None of it is going to get sorted out in the next five minutes, so I’m going to take some time to myself without any of you breathing down my neck.”

Vaguely, I registered my sisters nodding while Xavier just frowned, clearly unsure of what to say or do.

“Derek, thank you for coming,” I said woodenly. “I appreciate it. Really.”

“No problem,” Derek muttered, clearly happy to be freed, though he did have another bite of lasagna.

“As for the rest of you,” I said, pointing a finger all around the room. “I’m going downstairs to think. Do not follow me.”

I made my way down to the basement that, until now, Matthew and I had kept locked for the privacy of our tenant. Pete had left last week, however, and now the place was empty.

It was odd, really. I’d never actually been down here other than when Matthew had finished the kitchenette the week before Pete moved in. It was a nice space. A small, clean living room with a sliding glass door that opened onto a patio, plus a bedroom in the back and the kitchenette made for one. A good place for a single man. An even better space for a single mother who needed a room of her own.

I sighed as I walked around the living room. One day, maybe.

When Pete had told me he was leaving, I’d been scared, but then I’d considered the alternatives. I’d made enough as a teacher to handle his “rent” to Matthew, as promised. I could have turned the basement into a refuge for myself. A primary suite where I could go when the kids were asleep.

“‘A woman must have money and a room of her own,’” I murmured to myself, remembering the famous essay by Virginia Woolf.

Not yet, I supposed. Not quite yet.

“What’s that from, then?”

I turned from the screen door to find Xavier entering the apartment. He looked around the basement, hands shoved casually into his pockets.

I scowled and did not answer his question. “I’m sorry, did you not hear me say I needed a minute?”

“Sure, and I gave you ten. Generous, I think, since your sisters are about to eat me alive.”

I chuckled in spite of myself. I could imagine that all too clearly, with Lea leading the charge.

“You can think about it all you want, Ces, but your sister is right about one thing. You and Sof can’t stay here alone. Not with someone out there looking to harm you. Even if it is a soft sock, otherwise known as Adam fucking Klein.”

“Well, I don’t need you playing caveman with me either,” I said, defensive all over again. “I realize I’m vulnerable, but I’m really not as breakable as everyone seems to think. It was an effing letter, not a death threat.”

“Oh?” Xavier’s black brows knit together. “You don’t think saying ‘before I get rid of you’ is a threat?”

“I think it’s child’s play,” I said. “I think it’s not worth one iota of my energy when I have to find a new tenant, get a new job, and figure out how I’m going to raise a second baby in another several months. Honestly, I think you’re all freaking out over nothing.”

“It’s not nothing when it’s threatening my everything.”

Xavier looked like he wanted to yell, but again, he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and managed to recompose himself.

I watched curiously. He’d been doing that a lot lately. The breathing. The resetting.

“You’re not on your own here,” he said in a calmer voice. “That offer for the house in the Village, or really wherever else you’d want to go—it’s still on the table.”

“I don’t need your charity,” I said lamely. “Or your mansions.”

“It’s not charity when it’s my own family. You just said it up there.”

“Sofia is your daughter, yes, but I do not belong to you, Xavi. You don’t need to lock me away in a fancy cupboard to keep me safe. I can figure this out on my own.”

Xavier groaned loudly. “For Christ’s sake, why can’t you just let me give this to you?”

“Why?” I demanded. “Why would you want to do that? We aren’t together, we don’t live together, and while I will certainly accept some amount of child support, I’m not looking for a free ride, Xavi. So, why? Why do that?”

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!” he practically exploded. “Like I keep fucking saying. Stop being so dense about it, Francesca. I love Sofia, I already love the little creature you’re growing, and I love you more than life itself!”

“Stop it,” I croaked. “Stop saying that.”

“Why?” Xavier prowled toward me. “Because you’re scared? Well, I’m scared too. I am. I was frightened the day I met you. Even more when I met our daughter. And now that we’ve got another one on the way, I’m fucking terrified, but not in the way you think. I’m scared the mother of my children might never love me again. I’m scared I’ve ruined everything.” He shook his head like he couldn’t believe it himself. “But in the end, it doesn’t matter, because I’ll tell you one thing, Ces. I’m not leaving you here to deal with all of this alone.”

“Oh, please,” I said. “I’ve heard that line before. But you can’t control your own life, Xavier. You have a business, a family, practically a whole kingdom to run on the other side of the pond.”

“And yet my heart resides here.”

“Your heart,” I spat. “Please. Spare me the platitudes. When push comes to shove, we come last after all the rest of that.”

“Careful, babe. That sounds awfully bitter.”

“Maybe that’s because I am,” I said, unable to stop the tears from choking my throat. “If there’s one thing I learned this summer, it’s that I’m not worth any of this insanity. I’m average, completely mediocre, the opposite of special. There is absolutely no reason for anyone to make such a damn fuss.”

It wasn’t until I actually said it that I realized why it all hurt so much. Deep down, I’d always thought that maybe that was the case. Maybe that was why my mother had left us, why our father had loved alcohol more than his kids. Maybe that was why Matthew had left for Boston or no one besides very few men had ever really been interested in me.

Xavier had made me believe otherwise. He’d given me hope.

Until he’d ripped it all away and proven my worst fears to be true.

I was worthless. Or, at the very least, not worth his real love.

“You’re wrong,” Xavier said, his voice hoarse. “You’re so, so wrong. You’re worth everything, Francesca.”

And then, before I could stop him, he crossed the room and kissed me.

Warmth. The solid, warm tower of him cornered me against the glass, hands cradling my face like I was more precious than gold while his lips found mine, caressing, nipping, sucking, licking until finally I opened to him and let him feast as fully as he liked.

Oh, it felt good. He felt good. Tasted so, so good. I couldn’t deny that this was what I’d been craving for months, years, really. The way he encircled me completely, blocked out the rest of the world and made me feel like I really was the center of his universe the way he proclaimed.

But I wasn’t. He’d already shown me who he was, and I was determined to take Maya Angelou’s advice and believe him the first time.

“Stop it!” I protested against that delicious mouth, though I wasn’t sure if I was talking to him or to myself. “Stop—I can’t think when you do that.”

“When I do what?” Xavier asked with a sly grin against my cheek. “This?”

He kissed me again, and it almost worked. I sank into it a little more and moaned at the feel of his hands when they reached down to take a firm grip of my backside. But then I got a hold of myself.

“Yes!” I said as I placed two hands on his chest and shoved him away. “Xavi, I told you, we are over .”

“You keep saying that, babe, but that kiss told me otherwise.” He shook his head. “Not really sure I believe you now.”

“Well, believe it!” I yelped, scampering out from under his arms and across the room into the kitchen.

“Believe what?”

We both turned to find Kate now entering the apartment.

“Bloody great ,” Xavier murmured, though he did nothing to hide his swollen lips or the remnants of my lip gloss on his cheek.

“Why doesn’t he just stay here?” Kate asked as she looked around the empty apartment.

Xavier smiled. I just gawked. What in the freaking hell was my sister doing?

“Katie…” I started.

She just continued inside like I hadn’t said anything. “Pete’s gone. Xavier can have his place. If he’s willing to stay, like he said. If not, maybe install a bodyguard when he’s out of town again?—”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Xavier interrupted. “She won’t need another fucking man living with her.”

“Oh, yes, you are,” I snapped back. “Did your family drama just evaporate when I got pregnant? Are your restaurants failing? I didn’t think so.”

“It’ll hold,” Xavier said evenly. “It’ll all hold.”

“Since when?” I asked. “Since when did the great dukedom of Kendal ever just ‘hold’ for the rest of your life? I haven’t seen it happen yet.”

“Since my uncle is no longer on death’s bloody door, Francesca!” His voice cracked with strain, but once again, he closed his eyes immediately and took several deep breaths.

My mouth shut tightly at that. Well, that was true. And brutal.

I was a horrible person.

“Well, er, that makes it easier,” Kate remarked after a few awkward moments.

I sighed. “Kate…”

“Well, it does,” she said. “Listen, I’m thinking this solves your problems for the time being.”

“What are you doing?” I whispered when she came close enough for Xavier not to hear.

But my sister just shrugged, then turned and leaned against the counter so she could face Xavier. “What do you think, Your Grace? Will these accommodations serve your royal requirements?”

Xavier rolled his eyes, clearly needled by the titled approach. His blue eyes, however, lasered onto me over her shoulder. “Will you come back to London?”

I bit my lip. “Absolutely not.”

“And will you allow me to move you and Sofia to a more secure building?”

I bit my lip harder. That was more tempting. But little or not, this house was home. And it belonged to me. There was something to be said for that.

“No,” I told him. “I might let you install a better alarm system, though. And get us a big dog.”

The look on Xavier’s face told me exactly how compelling he found that idea. “You don’t need a dog when you have me,” he said. “I’m staying. And that’s final.”

“Good,” Kate said. “I’ll tell everyone else we figured it out.”

“But—”

“Don’t tell me I can’t protect my family, Ces,” Xavier said. “It’s not an option.”

I stared at him for a long time, long enough for Kate to disappear up the steps, humming something that sounded oddly like the children’s rhyme, “First comes love, then comes marriage…”

In the end, I didn’t say anything at all. I found I couldn’t argue with the truth.

“Fine,” I said. “You’ll stay. But no more kisses, Xavi. Promise.”

His blue eyes narrowed, and the side of his mouth rose again with the promise of a smile that never came to be. But at last he nodded slowly.

“Fine,” he said. “No kisses.”

He walked back to the stairs and up to the main floor, but not before he left me with a few final words called over his shoulder:

“Until you ask for one, that is.”