Chapter 2

TWO

I found Xavier pacing impatiently at the periphery of the party, rendering a tall and admittedly intimidating shadow by the lights hanging above. Kate left to distract Lea and Nonna, but I’d been unable to shake my two younger sisters, who insisted on escorting me to the “sexy gargoyle,” as Joni called him.

He wasn’t dressed for a wedding, but more for travel, in jeans, an Arsenal T-shirt, and a black jacket that hugged his broad shoulders and trim waist, plus a pair of colorful sneakers from the collection I happened to know took up a full wall in his London closet.

Chef.

Duke.

Sneaker addict.

I loved every iteration of this man.

But right now, I was furious no matter what form he took.

And terrified of what he must be thinking of me.

“Holy smokes, I forgot how hot he is.” I heard Joni’s heated whisper to Marie as we all approached.

“You’ve already said that like ten times. And he’s not hot,” Marie replied, though she didn’t sound very convinced. “And don’t be gross. That’s Frankie’s man, not yours.”

I whirled around. “He is not my man.”

Both my sisters gave me the same expressions they wore whenever they said “Okay, boomer” to Nonna.

“He’s here, isn’t he?” Marie countered.

Joni was back to eyeballing Xavier over my shoulder. “Didn’t you say he has a brother?”

“Stepbrother,” I hissed, horrified that this conversation might be overheard. “They’re only very distantly related, and they look nothing alike.”

“Still.” Joni licked her lips as if Frederick was the equivalent of a slice of Nonna’s cheesecake. “If he’s got half your man’s attitude, I’d climb that baby duke like a damn tree.”

“He is not my man!”

“Francesca?” Xavier called. He was waving a big hand, trying to get my attention.

I waved back, then turned to my sisters.

“Ooooh, Fran ces ca,” they tittered at each other. “Fancy!”

“Do you mind?” I snapped. The two of them really were as bratty at twenty-four and twenty-five as they had been as toddlers. “This is kind of important. Take the peanut gallery somewhere else.”

Joni gave me a quick salute and then somehow managed, with Marie’s help, to skitter back to the party on crutches.

I needed to get out of here. The festivities were slightly derailed by more than a few cousins whispering about “Frankie’s man.” I could already see Kate talking to Lea and Lea pointing my way. Sofia was with her cousins, all of them dancing around Matthew and Nina while they were still wrapped in each other’s arms. But that wouldn’t last long.

Then I caught Xavier’s hypnotically blue gaze fixed squarely on me and nearly forgot to breathe. I had to admit, Joni was right. Six weeks apart hadn’t exactly dimmed Xavier’s inherent shine, which would only make him that much more attractive to the gossip fiends around us.

“Ces,” he said, reaching out as I exited the cordoned-off wedding area. “I found you.”

How could three simple words speak so deeply? Even his frank, open expression made me stumble. It had been so long since I’d seen that expression. Well before all the drama with his family, before he’d transformed from a charming, tattooed chef into the Duke of Kendal.

My heart squeezed at the thought. Lord, I missed that Xavier. I wasn’t necessarily looking for the carefree twenty-something cook I’d met five and a half years ago, but the man who’d welcomed me to London in July would do just fine. He was still richer than Croesus, but that Xavier loved jeans better than suits. His idea of a perfect evening was dinner with his family, snuggling on the couch while he watched a soccer match, then sweeping me off to bed to score a goal of his own. He was a far cry from the besuited aristocrat I’d left in August, who was more concerned with wealth and politics than the mental health of his own family. Who went around kissing the local viscount’s daughter when he was sad.

The familiar knot of anger and nausea tightened in my belly again at that particular memory. I grabbed it like an apple and held fast. Yes, that was what I needed to remember here. Not the way I wanted to swim in those deep blue eyes or how that growl turned me into a different kind of animal.

I needed to remember that Xavier Parker was a liar. A cheat. A complete and utter thief of my heart. And no matter how charmingly bereft he looked, how long he searched for me, how many times he found me, he couldn’t have it back again. Ever.

“Here I am,” I said shortly. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I got your email.”

When I didn’t respond, he gave me a look, which I didn’t need to be Sherlock Holmes to decipher. It was a very clear “What the fuck, Frankie?” kind of expression. I got it a lot from my siblings.

I sighed, then glanced behind me, where even more people were taking note of the appearance of a six-five, half-Japanese Englishman glowering at me. My audience now included Nonna and the rest of my siblings on the far side of the piazza, and even Matthew and Nina had stopped dancing to look our way. Sofia had yet to stop playing ring-around-the-rosy with a bunch of other children, but when she saw her daddy again, it would all be over.

We needed to have this conversation in a private place, or this wedding was going to turn into the “Frankie and the Duke” show real quick.

“Come with me,” I said, grabbing Xavier’s hand, ignoring the little pricks of electricity that flew through my skin at his warm, solid touch. The black tattoo that wound around his torso, shoulder, and left arm was peeking over his wrist, threatening to lick my fingers.

No. I wasn’t going to think of that now.

His fingers curled around mine and squeezed, and I ignored the way my heart seemed to do the same in response.

I pulled him through the smaller crowds of tourists at a few other restaurants until we reached the road traversing the other side of the harbor. Xavier followed my brisk steps down Via Visconti until we had passed the village and were striding by boats tied to the jetty. When we could walk no farther and were primarily surrounded by the winds and water of the Mediterranean, I turned to face the shadow who had come to call at last.

“So,” I said.

But Xavier did not speak, simply folded his arms across his broad chest and waited.

I pressed my lips together. “I know you didn’t stalk me all the way to Italy just to stare at me, Xavi.”

The divot between his brows grew deeper. “I didn’t stalk you. You and Sof both told me about the trip last week when she and I FaceTimed. And you sent me a note about the time change too.”

I opened my mouth to argue but found I couldn’t. “Fine. Okay. But you didn’t want to have whatever conversation this is by phone? You had to come here and disrupt my brother’s wedding? Put on a show for the whole family? You’re not exactly someone who blends in, and now there is an entire piazza full of Zolas ready to eat up this gossip like it’s the world’s best tiramisu.”

He tipped his head like a raven. “It seemed…important to do it in person.”

For a moment, I imagined this wasn’t about the bomb I’d dropped on him via email only three days earlier. I imagined he was here for a completely different reason. That maybe he was about to beg for my forgiveness, declare his undying love, maybe even get down on one knee under this starry sky with the music playing in the distance…

I shook my head violently. No. Those fantasies were silly girlish ideas that had earned me this broken heart and dashed dreams in the first place.

No more silly fantasies for this girl. No more unreasonable expectations.

It was time for me to come to terms with who Xavier Parker really was. A cad. A rake. My children’s father, yes, but never again would he be the master of my heart.

Xavier took a step forward and captured my hand with his. “So, it’s true, then?”

I blinked down at my hand, engulfed by his broad, warm palm. “I?—”

“We’re going to have another baby?”

I looked up, and the vulnerability I saw in his sapphire eyes nearly sent me to my knees. Was it possible he wasn’t angry?

I knew that expression well. It was the same one I’d seen in the mirror both times I ended up with a positive pregnancy test. The same one that haunted me whenever I got a call from Sofia’s school or heard that particular scream when she scraped her knee.

Pure. Parental. Terror.

Honestly. You don’t really know the meaning of fear until you love someone more than you love yourself. Parenthood is like walking a bridge without a guardrail. You’re always a little bit certain someone might fall to their death.

“Yes,” I said quietly, squeezing his hand, if only to let him know he wasn’t alone in that feeling. “Yes, I’m pregnant.”

His eyes flew over me, a man taking stock. “You know, I think I can see it.”

I yanked my hand away. “You cannot. I’m only eight weeks along. Not showing at all.”

Xavier’s wide mouth curved into that wicked smirk I loved so much. “Maybe not to other people. But I know that body, Ces.”

I hated the way my skin warmed at the reminder. As if said body knew that to be true, even if I mentally insisted it was not.

“It’s different,” Xavier continued. “Your cheeks are fuller, a bit more pink in the apples. Curves just a bit more distinct, ’specially round the backside.”

“You cannot possibly see that in a dress,” I argued, though I was already twirling around like a puppy chasing its tail to see if I could spot the difference he mentioned.

“And your breasts, babe. Come on. Obviously I’d notice when they’re that big.” Xavier chewed on his lower lip appreciatively in a way that made my stomach flip. “All in all, you look like an impossibly ripe peach, ready to be picked from the tree.”

His eyes drifted over each body part as he spoke, and by the time he was finished, goose bumps covered my skin. There was no hint of nausea anymore, just the distant taste of peach juice in the back of my mouth. And a distinct desire to be plucked, as promised.

Dammit. Yes, that was another pregnancy side effect I was really hoping to skip this time around. With Sofia, I had worn out two vibrators for want of a partner. One partner in particular, who was standing in front of me, looking like I was something he wanted to eat.

Oh, lord .

Xavier blinked, and when his gaze met mine again, his desire vanished, replaced by concern.

My heart gave a strong thump. When I’d sent that email, it was only out of the desperate knowledge that this time, I couldn’t make the same mistake. I might have been angry at Xavier, but I wasn’t going to rob him of his child’s birth all over again. Nor could I rob this child of their father. Not when I knew what a wonderful one he could really be.

“So…what now?” I asked. “I know it’s not exactly convenient. Especially after how we left things in Kendal.”

“You mean after you left things in Kendal.”

Something flashed in his eyes, and it was clear Xavier’s famous temper wanted to rear its ugly head. Yell, insult, maybe break something while he did it. It was a good reminder that his poor time management and wandering lips weren’t the only reasons I was better off without him.

Besides, we’d done enough fighting after I’d returned to New York in August. Shouted at each other from across the Atlantic and traded angry texts while Sofia slept. I’d thought initially—maybe even hoped—that he would have gotten on a plane to follow us. But things with his family were too difficult. And now that his uncle had finally passed, I couldn’t imagine they were any easier. Xavier was basically a lone mouse in a pit full of snakes.

And so, eventually, the shouting had stopped. We’d come to an uneasy ceasefire, if not full acceptance.

“I might regret a lot of things when it comes to us, Ces,” Xavier said heavily. “But I could never regret our children.”

Again, my heart squeezed when he said “children.” As in, not just the one, but both, including the little cluster of cells multiplying inside me. Xavier felt the same way I did, that already this little being was a part of our family.

It gave me no end of relief.

“Anyway, we can grapple through what you did when you come back.”

My brows flew up. “Come back?”

Xavier paced back and forth in a tight formation while he spoke. “Well, obviously you’re returning to London. We’ve got better hospitals. We’ll go private, of course, but NHS is still there if you need it. Sof can do her last year of nursery in London, and meanwhile, we’ll get her into the best primary school the year after. No need for you to work or do much of anything unless you want. But there’s loads more to get done—set up a new nursery at the flat, to start. I’ll call Elsie, have her get in touch with the decorator. Ces, what is it?”

He stopped moving to inspect me with interest. I must have looked like a ghost, because with every item he listed, it genuinely felt like a pint of blood drained from my face. By the time he was finished speaking, my mouth was fully agape, and I had grabbed hold of a post to steady myself.

“Ces, what’s wrong?” Xavier scanned my body again, this time in a completely un-lascivious manner. “Are you all right?”

“I’m—I’m fine.” I finally managed to regain control of my features and stand up straight. “I’m just wondering what fairyland you’re living in right now where you think any of that is actually going to happen.”

All the hope on Xavier’s handsome face was immediately replaced by his trademark scowl. “Come again?”

I took a deep breath, then gave a great sigh, counting to ten as I did. This was not the place to lose my temper with him. “Xavi, I hate to disappoint you, but we’re not moving back to the UK. You can be a part of this child’s life as much as you like, same as with Sofia, but none of us are leaving New York.”

A storm was brewing on his face, the same as it might off this very coastline. His fists curled into tight mallets at his sides.

“That’s absurd,” he said through his teeth. “You can’t just make that decision on your own.”

“What, like you just did?” I countered. “That was a lot of planning you made without consulting me.”

“Ces, I realize you have connections in New York?—”

“If you call living there my entire life ‘connections,’ then sure.” If he hadn’t been blocking my path down the jetty, I would have marched back to said connections right then, gossip fest be damned. “I have ‘connections.’ Personally, I would call it a family. Friends. Literally everything that makes me happy. People who don’t abandon me with strangers and run around behind my back and break my heart. But, sure, ‘connections.’”

Xavier looked like he’d been slapped.

“I have an entire business to run,” he continued as if I hadn’t even spoken. “Two, actually, if you count the dukedom and Parker holdings. Not to mention my uncle just died?—”

“Yes, and I am sorry for that, but?—”

“Leaving me to manage a thousand-year-old estate without anyone else to replace him,” he finished. “Even if I wanted to, I can’t just uproot everything for you. It’s bloody unreasonable!”

He couldn’t have hurt me worse if he’d tried.

I wasn’t being unreasonable. Some things had to matter more than money. Things like my kids. My family. My job, even if it wasn’t the one I wanted right now.

I knew I had already pledged not to take Xavier back, but there was obviously still some part of me that wanted Xavier to put me first in a meaningful way, just once. Otherwise, hearing him so clearly do the opposite wouldn’t hurt so damn much.

Why was I the only person who understood these priorities? Why was I the only one expected to be flexible and mold my life around my family’s needs instead of taking care of my own? Why was he allowed to prioritize his job and businesses and career while I was supposed to leave everything important to me?

I wasn’t asking for anything out of the ordinary.

Scratch that. I wasn’t asking at all.

Besides, we weren’t that couple anymore. The one that would do anything for each other. If we ever were. I might have been carrying his baby, but that didn’t mean my life belonged to Xavier Parker. That didn’t mean I had to put his personal interests before my own.

Not anymore.

And the truth was, I couldn’t wait for a man to put me first anymore. Kate was right. I needed to take care of myself. And that did not mean leaving everyone I loved for someone who had already proven he did not have the ability to put anyone first but his stupid, gorgeous self.

“That’s all up to you,” I said between my teeth. “But I’m not leaving my support system. Not after what happened this summer.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? After what happened this summer, exactly?” The storm clouds in his eyes flashed as if struck through with lightning. “Are you talking about how I provided for you and Sofia completely while I managed a family crisis? Or where I introduced you to every part of my life without asking a thing in return?”

“I am not doing this with you again,” I informed him, though my jaw was grinding, holding back a shout. “We’ve had this fight too many times to count already.”

“Maybe it’s the moment you walked out on me without a word that you’re referring to?” Xavier rambled on. “Maybe that’s what you’re trying to avoid, eh? Actually owning your own mistakes. Taking real accountability.”

“You can’t tell me what to do anymore, Xavi!” I cried. Lord, the tears were coming fast, thanks to the fact that I had fully transformed into a Francesca-shaped ball of hormones. “We’re over! I’m sorry, but that’s the truth. So you don’t have the right to dictate my life—not that you ever did!”

“Well, I do have a right to be there when my child is born!” Xavier thundered right back. “And you’re not going to take that away from me again either!”

“No one is saying that.” I swiped viciously at my face. It wasn’t nausea, though this was almost worse. “But I’m not willing to uproot everything because you say so. Sofia and I have friends in New York. Family we actually love, who have been there for us since the beginning. I have a job. She already has a school. We have a life , Xavi. You don’t get to come in here with your wads of money and your arrogant grin and take our world away just because you knocked me up again!”

“He what ?”

Xavier and I both jumped at the sound of my brother’s voice, then turned to find him, plus the rest of my family, striding down the boardwalk toward us.

“Dammit,” I muttered.

“Fuck,” Xavier spat.

Matthew approached with a face as black as the night sky. “Frankie, is it true?” He turned to Xavier. “Did you get my sister pregnant again ?”