Chapter 24

TWENTY-FOUR

“ M ama, stop .”

Sofia batted my hands out of her hair for what was probably the fifth time that morning.

I couldn’t help it. I was nervous. Not just for myself, but for Matthew, who was taking a very, very big step today.

I’d known about it for a couple of weeks. Honestly, I’d tried to dissuade him. Bringing a woman home to attend church with his family was a big enough deal. It was basically declaring his intentions to all of us—that this was someone he wanted to be family too. Maybe someone he wanted to marry.

That might have been acceptable. Unfortunately, the one he was bringing home was already married. And every person in this family was acutely aware of it.

Three months ago, Matthew had returned from Italy a changed man. He had pretended it was nothing, that he had just had a nice break from reality. But I knew better. My brother had been depressed for more than a year, and suddenly he was prancing around Brooklyn like Gene Kelly.

Then, a few weeks back, Matthew had finally confessed that he and Nina had been seeing each other for months. I had smacked him on the head and said, “No shit, you idiot.” I’d heard his phone calls late at night to the girl he called “doll.” I knew whom he was rushing out to meet at ten o’clock at night and whose lipstick was smeared on his collar when he returned the next morning.

I was lucky, really, that Matthew was too preoccupied with his own love life to pay much attention to mine. Or, I should say my daughter’s. Because over the past few months, Sofia had also fallen deeply in love with a man she still didn’t know was her father.

Our plan had been working like gangbusters. Xavier had been back and forth between New York and London, showing up every few weeks to take Sofia to a park, a movie, children’s museums, or whatever else he had come up with to spend time with her. It was always something she would talk about for days, but luckily Matthew was so distracted that he barely noticed her chatter, much less put together that “Xavi” was, in fact, my ex, Xavier Parker.

But I couldn’t ignore the fact that Xavier’s name was on Sof’s lips every other sentence. One way or another, the cat was going to jump out of the bag. As easy and comfortable as it had been to let them get to know each other, a decision was coming. It was time to tell Sofia. And everyone else.

First, though, Matthew had news of his own. Because today, as we drove the final blocks to Nonna’s for Sunday Mass a few weeks after Easter, Nina de Vries, my brother’s obsession, sat primly in the front seat of Matthew’s Corolla while he parked outside the old house off Arthur Avenue.

There we were, the secret keepers. Me, Sofia, Matthew, and his Upper East Side princess.

Nina de Vries was everything I wasn’t. A bona fide socialite who had literally graced the covers of magazines. She was reserved, as still as a statue, someone who wore her breeding and wealth like a mask.

But when she looked at my brother, something in her icy demeanor shifted. Her eyes shone with pure, absolute love. I didn’t need to ask if she would do anything for him. It was etched into every crystalline feature.

That alone was enough for me to give her a chance.

The service was just starting as we slipped into the second row of our family’s customary pews. All of my sisters were present this weekend. Not surprising, since Matthew had informed us all in a group text that he had an “announcement.” For that, I had received another four texts from our sisters asking me what the hell was the big secret.

I wouldn’t say. I had a newfound respect for secrets, and Nina wasn’t mine to tell.

Now, as we crept into the pew behind the rest of them, Lea predictably turned around, eyed Nina with suspicion, and hissed at Matthew. “Nice of you to show up.”

“Eyes front, ladies,” Matthew snapped back in a whisper. “God hates a gossip, you know.”

I snorted. Lea always acted like the oldest, but Matthew had her by several years. It always gave me, one who had borne the solid brunt of her henpecking, satisfaction when Matthew put her in her place.

“Hush,” was all Lea could come up with.

“Yeah, hush, Zio,” Tommy, her eldest, parroted.

“Psst!”

We all sat up a little straighter at Nonna’s familiar hiss. Above all, she hated when we misbehaved in church. That hiss was the one that threatened a spanking when we got home, no matter how old we were.

“Hush,” Sofia whispered next to me, though she wasn’t quite brave enough to admonish her cousin in the middle of church.

I smiled encouragingly. When it really came down to it, Sofia just wanted her cousins to like her, bozos or not. Unfortunately, since they were all boys except for the baby, it was harder than she would have liked.

She caught me watching her, then reached up and tugged on my sleeve so I could bend down.

“What’s up, bean?” I whispered.

“Mama, can we bring Xavi to church with us sometime?”

I blinked, then glanced toward Matthew, who was busy whispering something into Nina’s ear that made her smile. I looked down at my daughter, whose blue eyes shone as brightly as any stained windowpane.

“I think so,” I told her. “Someday. Maybe soon.”

She smiled, and the warmth of it filled my heart.

“Good,” she said. “I think he’ll like it.”

The sermon was one I had heard before, a retelling of part of the book of Daniel. It started with the more famous story of Daniel and the lion’s den, but switched quickly to one of my favorite parts, where the king sees a disembodied hand writing a message on his wall during a feast. Nothing like a good ghost story on a Sunday morning.

Even the kids listened, rapt, as one of the deacons read the story aloud, going through the threats that Daniel interpreted, all the king’s sins, one by one. How he betrayed God. Did not heed His warning, honor His temple, forsake all other gods, only glorify the truth of the one true God.

The deacon was a good reader, and by the end, everyone in the church stood stock-straight, as if they themselves were being condemned. On one side of Matthew, Nina clasped a hand over the gold encircling her wrist, as if she were the one glorifying gold idols. On his other side, Sofia’s mouth had dropped while the deacon read the message on the stone:

Mene, God has numbered your kingdom and put an end to it;

Tekel, you have been weighed on the scales and found wanting;

Peres, your kingdom has been divided and given to the Medes and Persians.

Then, by order of Belshazzar, they clothed Daniel in purple, with a chain of gold around his neck, and proclaimed him third in governing the kingdom.

That very night, Belshazzar, the Chaldean king, was slain.

He finished with “The word of the Lord,” and everyone in the church repeated back, “Thanks be to God.” I, however, sat in my seat like I was made of stone. The story wasn’t about me. I wasn’t worshipping idols or desecrating temples. But the message I had always gotten from passage like this wasn’t necessarily about gold or jewels or temples. It was about truth. The importance of acknowledging the truth, speaking it, knowing it, honoring it.

I was ignoring the truth and had been for years. I’d hidden my daughter’s identity from her and everyone else. Even now, I refused to tell my family, my friends, hardly anyone about what was really going on in my life. I was constantly living lies in the name of my daughter, but right there, it occurred to me that it wasn’t out of fear for her, but for myself.

I couldn’t help feeling that the writing of all my secrets was indeed on the wall, waiting to be revealed.

And when they were, would I be ready for them?

Everyone behaved themselves through the service—mostly. The boys were predictably squirrelly as Lea and her husband, Mike, herded them up to take communion and back to sit quietly in their pew upon threat of dismemberment and loss of video games. Sofia trotted up with me and I tried not to look guilty while I drank from the chalice. I was a sinner. I had sinned for years and I was sinning now and I had absolutely no right to be up here pretending I was absolved and even allowed to take the holy Eucharist.

Sinner, sinner, sinner.

It was once the priest and the rest of the procession had formally left the church that things really went haywire. The organs were still playing when Lea whirled around in her seat, looking like the wrath of God embodied.

“What is she doing here?” she demanded.

At first, I wondered if she saw right through my little act.

But then I realized she was glaring at Nina, who, in turn, looked like she wanted to bolt.

Matthew immediately leaned in front of Nina, a warrior defending his maiden. It didn’t matter that the enemy was his sister.

“What the hell, Lea?” he snapped.

“Matthew!” Nina’s admonishment was quick.

“Sorry,” he said, a bit more quietly. “But seriously, Lea, what the hell?”

“Zio!” Sofia piped up, always aware of her uncle’s penchant for profanity. I had to laugh. She’d started policing Xavier too and had a solid fifty dollars saved up in a separate jar hidden under my bed from Matthew.

One more pang of guilt as I remembered yet another secret I was keeping.

Lea’s kids all immediately chimed in, as eager as ever to join the fray.

“Dad, Zio said ‘hell’ in church, so why can’t I?” asked Tommy.

“Lea, come on.” Mike rubbed his face wearily, then grabbed one kid by the collar and the other by his sleeve. “Let’s not do this here, huh?”

I had a feeling Lea had been gearing up for this moment with Mike behind closed doors. Sometimes I wondered if Mike enjoyed sparring with his wife. Lea had always been the type to boss people around, and he generally didn’t seem to mind it. She’d been doing it since they were kids, when Mike was an apprentice mechanic in Nonno’s shop and Lea helped balance the books. But right now, the guy just looked exhausted.

“Take the boys back to the house with Sofia,” Lea ordered, handing their fourth baby, Lupe, to Mike. “And for God’s sake, don’t let Father Deflorio hear them talking like that on your way out.”

Sofia’s face dropped with irritation, but I shushed her with a look and nodded my head, indicating she should follow her uncle and the boys back to Nonna’s.

“I told you this wasn’t a good idea,” I said to Matthew after they were gone. Church was never going to be the best place to introduce his married girlfriend to the family.

“Stop.” His reply was curt and not to be disobeyed.

Nina, however, wasn’t about to be overshadowed. Instead of allowing Matthew to shield her from the rest of us, she pushed around him until she was facing Nonna. Smart, that one. Nonna hadn’t even uttered a legitimate word, but Nina knew exactly who was in charge.

“Hello, Signora Zola,” she said with a polite wave. “It’s nice to see you again.”

Nonna, however, wasn’t a pushover. Lea was louder, but she took every cue from our grandmother. And every grudge.

Sofia Zola, the elder, stopped in the middle of the church and examined the speaker as if she had only just realized Nina was there. Her dark eyes looked almost as black as her dyed hair, fixed on Nina like she was a speck of dust that needed to be cleaned up. It was an expression my sisters and I affectionately called the Look of Death. We had practiced it in the mirror since we were little. But only Nonna’s original masterpiece could stop people in their tracks and impart infinite words without a single one spoken.

To her credit, Nina didn’t cower or flee. She looked like she wanted to. But she didn’t.

Then, instead of answering, Nonna turned to Marie and Joni, pushing lightly on Joni’s back so they would start moving out of the church. The rest of the pews were nearly empty. We all filed out in a jumble. I, for one, was eager to get a little fresh air, for more than one reason.

“I love your fascinator, by the way,” Kate pushed ahead of me to tell Nina. “Very Jackie O.”

Nina smiled. “Thank you.”

“Doesn’t make it all right for you to be here, though. Not after everything you’ve done to my brother.”

My jaw dropped. Kate was never this, well, Lea-like.

Joni and Marie immediately started giggling.

“Yo!” Matthew’s voice reverberated around the church, hinting of the thunder of God.

“Maybe I should go,” Nina murmured to Matthew.

“What?” He whirled back to her. “No. I asked you here. I didn’t know the vultures would descend the second we showed up. In a church , for God’s sake.”

“Why?” snarled Lea. “Wasn’t she married in one?”

I swallowed. Matthew had never been violent toward any of us, but at that moment, I really thought he might smack Lea for her smart mouth. He and Nina were trapped in the middle of all of us, and we were no better than harpies, ready to peck out her eyes for what? Existing?

Matthew glanced at me. I didn’t know what to say. But the way my brother’s shoulder fell broke my heart a little.

“I’m sorry,” Nina tried again. “I don’t understand. Did I do something?—”

“Yes, you did something wrong,” Lea mimicked her cruelly. “You took my brother for a ride. You wrapped him around that little lacy finger of yours and made him fall in love with you. And then you ruined his life. He lost his job because of you. Did you know that?”

The memory of hearing that Matthew’s leave had turned into him permanently losing his job washed over me, as did my own anger. Aside from the recent bad news, I’d been living with happy Matthew for the last few months, but before that, he’d been more depressed than when he’d come back from Iraq as a broken Marine. This woman had been responsible for that and more. And she might do it again.

Matthew glared at me like he knew what I was thinking. But I only raised my chin. I wasn’t going to feel sorry for loving my family.

“So, he lost his whole career, everything he cared about, not to mention you wrecked him for other women who could actually make him happy,” Marie piped up. She was more than a little bitter about the last one. Only last year, Matthew had completely thrown over her good friend, Annalisa.

“And every time he thinks he’s rid of you, somehow you come waltzing back to stick your claws into him all over again,” Joni ended, for once on the same page as Marie.

They nodded at each other with satisfaction, as if to dare Matthew to argue.

“I think that covers it, don’t you?” Kate asked.

“I—I—” Nina turned between each of us, landing on Matthew, eyes pleading with desperation. “Matthew, I?—”

I wasn’t having it. I’d felt for them in the car, but after having all her sins counted for us, my sympathy had vanished. I was with my sisters on this one.

“It’s not just that,” I pointed out. “He’s been moping around this city for almost a year at this point, pining for a woman he can’t have.”

“No offense, Nina. You’re fabulous and everything. But you shouldn’t be here,” Joni added.

“Ever,” Kate finished.

Nonna, for her part, stood on the outside of our little circle, arms crossed, but watching us like she was our puppet master. Her lack of interference confirmed one thing: that she approved of every word.

Matthew looked helplessly between us, but eventually, my brother’s broad shoulders drooped in defeat.

My fury vanished. And suddenly, I found myself in his place, and what was happening scared the hell out of me. Every fear I’d ever had about introducing Xavier to my family as Sofia’s dad was being confirmed right here, right now. They couldn’t even handle Nina, who, while cold, had been trapped in a legitimately awful marriage for years by no fault of her own. Anyone could see she was crazy about Matthew, and they were doing everything they could to move forward.

If they couldn’t give her a chance, what hope did Xavier have?

“That’s how you feel? Fine, then. We’re going. We don’t need this.”

Matthew grabbed Nina’s hand and shoved past me and Kate, pulling her toward the front of the church.

My sisters and I all watched, somewhat dumbfounded. Matthew was stubborn, yes. And clearly in love. But I don’t think any of us really imagined he would completely abandon his family for…her.

Then again, I realized as he didn’t look back, why wouldn’t he? We were absolutely horrible.

I was about to rush forward to tell him so, and the look on Kate’s face told me she was thinking the same, when I noticed that he and Nina had stopped again at the entrance of the church. My sisters and I crept forward, and eventually, I was able to see who they were speaking to.

Sherry Alvarez. Matthew’s ex-girlfriend. The woman who had cheated on him while he was fighting in Iraq. The woman who had absolutely shattered his young heart.

If there was anyone my sisters and I hated more, I couldn’t say. This one, in particular, had been wished into the bowels of hell on more than one occasion.

Kate and I led the pack, ready to jump in to protect our brother from Sherry’s acrylic-nail-shaped claws. But to my surprise, Nina had beaten us to it.

“I know you’re the kind of woman who cheats on the best possible man there is,” she was saying as we came within earshot. “I know you’re the kind of woman who lets her lover go to war and cheapens his sacrifice by opening your legs to any other man who comes your way.”

“Oh, listen, now,” Kate whispered in my ear.

I nodded.

Lea pushed ahead, as ready as ever to intervene. “Mattie?—”

“ Hush .” I found myself pulling on her arm.

This was Nina’s fight. I wanted to see how she would fare.

“I also know you’re the kind of woman who regrets it,” Nina continued in a voice as crystal-clear as any of her porcelain features. “So I’ll say this to you nicely the first time, but next, the gloves will really come off. You don’t deserve him. Now, in case you’ve forgotten, he also has an entire family of fierce women who don’t take kindly to people who hurt him.”

“No, we do not ,” Joni whispered, though no one paid her any heed.

“Nor do I,” Nina finished. “Like Matthew, I come from a family who will do absolutely anything to protect the people they love. And I do mean anything. I suggest you don’t test me on that point.”

For the first time, I saw—really saw—what Matthew saw in Nina de Vries. She was as strong as any one of us in her own refined way and was ready to defend my brother against anything.

That alone was worth giving her a real chance. And just maybe, maybe , made her his equal.

Sherry flipped her over-blown hair, eyes dancing between Matthew, Nina, and the rest of us behind him. Then, with a few more shuttered words, she turned and slowly made her way out of the church with all the dignity of a maimed dog.

“Oh my God ,” Lea mumbled in front of me, so low I was the only one who could hear it.

“What?” I whispered, unwilling to break the silent satisfaction while Sherry moped her way out of the church.

But Lea’s eyes were fixed on something else. Something shiny that was only just evident through the prim lace gloves Nina had been wearing throughout the service. Now that I saw it, though, I couldn’t ignore the gleaming, if modest diamond, shining through the delicate material.

“You’re engaged ?” Lea squawked, unable to keep it in anymore.

Matthew froze, then made a grab for Nina’s hand. “This wasn’t really the way we were planning to tell you, but yeah, Lea,” he said. “I asked Nina to marry me. And she said yes.”

I gaped, right along with the rest of my sisters. What was happening? Months he’d been back from Italy. Months he’d been whistling around the house like he was one of the freaking seven dwarves. And all the while, my brother had been engaged to be married.

And he hadn’t told me.

Hurt vibrated through my entire body. I knew I was just one of many here. One of the gossips. One of the hens.

But Matthew and I lived together. We took care of each other.

Didn’t we?

“Signora Zola.” Nina broke the awkward standoff, turning her attention back to Nonna once more.

My grandmother stood behind us all, arms crossed firmly over her conservative wool sweater, the gold crucifix she always wore on Sundays swinging lightly across her chest. Nonna’s creased face was as made up as ever, cat eye in place, cheeks rouged, mauve lipstick perfectly applied. But she was unreadable—perhaps in fear. Perhaps in fury.

“I realize it’s a surprise,” Nina ventured, “but I would very much appreciate the chance to…explain everything. Please.”

Matthew looked more in love with her than ever. But even he managed to tear his gaze away to speak to Nonna. “Please, Nonna. Just give her a chance to say her piece. Fair’s fair.”

We all turned to Nonna, waiting for her to make her judgment. This was it, I realized. If she said no, it was over. Matthew would leave. He’d already made that clear. And the rest of us would be expected to treat him as if he’d never existed, at least in our grandmother’s house.

My heart already felt like it was breaking. Was this what it meant to love someone your family didn’t?

What if he loved your daughter too?

But then, Nonna spoke.

“Yes,” she said. “I think so. We need to talk. With Matthew and you.”