Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Brooke

Christmas morning never felt so lifeless, so colorless. The lodge was dressed up to the nines in decorations, but it felt like a fake Christmas tree with nothing on it. The chatter of the Carstons and the Livingstons and the lodge guests all around as we crowded in for breakfast was a sensory nightmare, and I sat in the middle of it all with my head throbbing. Nicole sat next to me as always, but the smile she gave to everyone was plastic, not the beautiful blossoming flower of a smile I always saw on her, and the air between us had never felt so awkward.

Maybe this was the price to pay for all the bliss we’d had the past couple of weeks. I knew I’d only be breaking Nicole’s heart, but her eyes… those eyes and that smile drew me in until I had no choice but to fall into her arms.

I tried to keep up with conversations around me, but there was too much happening at once, and I couldn’t keep straight who was talking. Everyone who said a word to me, I had to ask them to repeat themselves, until it got to the point they just talked around me. I think they could tell I had a miserable aura around me.

The moment we finished breakfast, I stole away to the entrance hall, breathing in the relative quiet like it was water in a desert. Everyone else was moving already to the gift-opening in the next room over, but I just needed one minute to sort out the million different strings in my mind that had gotten tangled in all the noise.

“Are you okay, sweetie?” my mom’s voice said from next to me, and I jolted at the sound, turning to her and rubbing my temples.

“Sorry. Just got a little loud in there,” I said, and she squeezed my shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Brooke. Do you want me to—”

“No, it’s really okay. I’d hate to ruin everyone else’s celebration telling them to all be quiet.” I dropped my arms by my sides, feeling the pressure on my skull alleviate. “I’m okay. I just needed a second.”

She gave me a sad smile. She looked so beautiful today in her favorite red dress, all her evening makeup done, and it sent a guilty feeling through my stomach knowing how much today was special for her and how I was just staining it with worrying over me. “Is everything okay with you and Nicole, dear? You two barely said a word to each other. You didn’t have a fight, did you?”

“No… nothing like that,” I said. “I’m really sorry. I’m just not feeling well today, but I promise I’ll be okay. I don’t want to interrupt the celebration.”

She put her hands on my shoulders, turning me to face her, looking me in the eyes. “Brooke Louisa Carston, Christmas is just a day. You are a human being—and my daughter, at that. You are a hundred and one times more important than any Christmas celebration.”

Dammit. I was not going to cry here. I forced myself to look at the tree, where I could see Daniel’s silly little bird ornament I’d bought him dangling from a low bough. “I know,” I said, quietly. “But I’m okay. Really.”

“Oh, are you,” Daniel’s voice said from next to me, and I jumped, because I could not deal with two people sneaking up on me one after the other. I turned to where he stood in that same hat and corduroy jacket as always, giving me a studying look. “Because a little birdie told me you made my sister sad.”

I frowned, folding my arms. “Merry Christmas, Daniel. Who was the birdie in question?”

“I’m not about to rat out my sources.” He paused. “It was your little niece Ella. She said you made your girlfriend sad.”

I put my hands up. “She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Oh, darling,” Mom said. “She really is, though. Do you think it’s subtle when you two are sneaking all around Mountain Crossing together? You really underestimate the gossip networks here.”

I rubbed my forehead. “Are we doing a Christmas confessional? I’m pretty sure people are waiting for us to join them for gifts…”

“Oh, no worries, dear,” Mom said with a big smile. “I told them all to hold on just a second and to get some tea and make themselves comfortable. This is Mountain Crossing, so I’ll bet a bar of chocolate they’ve all gotten so cozy sitting around with tea they’ve forgotten all about the thing we said we’d do.”

“Attained the superpower of stopping time, I see,” I said.

“Time works a little differently in Mountain Crossing,” Mom said. “It’s a bit more of a gentleman. It’ll stop for you when it sees you’re having a hard time, pull up a seat, brew a cuppa joe, read the newspaper while it waits.”

“Are you describing time, or Dad’s approach to the grandkids throwing tantrums?”

Her eyes twinkled. “They use the same approach for fussy little kids. And we’re all fussy little kids when it comes to love.”

“And don’t tell her I told you,” Daniel said, “but Nicole at least is just about head-over-heels in love. All she ever talks about is Brooke Carston, Brooke Carston. I’d think you’re a celebrity.”

“Very funny, Daniel Livingston,” I said. He put a hand on my arm.

“Let’s go check the water,” he said, and I stopped, furrowing my brow.

“Oh… right,” I said, nodding quickly to Mom. “We’ll be back in a second.”

He led me outside, where the sky and ground were both white—sure enough, though, once again, no snow was falling. The weather here in Mountain Crossing really was temperamental.

Daniel leaned back against the front wall of the lodge, the porch creaking underfoot, and he stared out at the sky. I leaned against the wall next to him.

“Still with the same codes, huh, Banana?”

“It worked, didn’t it, Code Red?” He looked down. “What happened with you and Nicole?”

I scratched my head. “I forgot how nosy this town was.”

“I want my sister and my old best friend to be happy. Nothing wrong with that.”

“We just talked about… you know.” I looked down at my boots in the snow that dusted the front porch. “What comes after this.”

“Getting married and having three kids?”

“You are hilarious. I don’t think I could handle multiple kids.”

“Getting married and having one kid?”

I kicked at the ground. “Look—I love this place. But I love my career, too. Maybe moving back here and throwing away my work would make me more comfortable, but I don’t think I’d be fulfilled in the long run.”

“You always made everything so… either-or, Brooke,” he said. “You can pursue your dreams from a place like this.”

I glanced over at him. “Maybe so. Speaking of, how’s your book coming along?”

“It’s not bad, actually,” he said. “Getting pretty close to wrapping the thing up. It’s been a while.”

“No kidding?”

“I’ve just about driven Georgia mad talking about it all the time, but talking with her, I think I’ve got it figured out what I want to happen next. Just a few more chapters and I’ll wrap it up.”

“Look at you.” I elbowed him lightly. “Proud of you. You always did want to go for it, make it work as a writer.”

“Longest time, you know, I told myself I’d work on it when I had more time.” He chuckled. “That just means never working on it. I was so busy working at my nine-to-five job—which, you count in commutes and work you gotta take home with you, it’s really more of a seven-to-eight job—I just kicked it on down the road. Wanted to save up a lot of money, eventually go on a really long writing retreat, and then just write the damn book.”

“Did you end up going?”

“Yeah, I did. Worked six years before I finally got to head off for a cabin retreat with some other writers. That was the best thing that ever happened to me as a writer.”

I looked out at the old country road in front of us, rows of evergreens across from us and an old wood fence strung with lights and garland. “Got a lot done, then, huh?”

“Oh, no,” he laughed. “Spent the whole trip writing and rewriting the same sentence. But I met Georgia there. Probably why I didn’t write much, because I was chatting with the pretty lady at the cafeteria instead. She’s the only reason that silly old trip was any good for my writing.”

I was quiet for a long time before I said, “I’m glad you have her to help with your writing.”

“She’s invaluable, but you know what she really did?” He chuckled, looking up to the boughs of garland strung over the patio enclosure. “She found out about my family back here in Mountain Crossing, and she about shook me by the shoulders and she said, why the hell are you spending thousands of dollars booking a remote lodge in the mountains when you have a family that owns a remote lodge in the mountains and wants you staying there?”

I paused. “Smart woman,” I said.

“Man, Brooke, I tell you. I got the fiercest tunnel vision on my goal—working enough I could take this long retreat and write my book there—that I didn’t realize there was an easier way staring me right in the face. I don’t think it’s even that I didn’t see it. I think I just… felt like I had to take the harder route. I really think if someone had shown up and offered me a million dollars to just leave everything behind and write my book, I still would have found a way to make it harder on myself.” When a cold wind picked up, bringing that smell of crisp mountain air, he hugged himself tighter. “We humans aren’t very smart sometimes. I think sometimes we just gotta stop… getting in our own ways and trying to take the harder way out.”

I let out a long, slow sigh. “This is a ham-handed parable telling me to just stay here in Mountain Crossing and find my own way through music, isn’t it?”

“Oh, you saw through me?”

“Daniel, you’re as transparent as rice paper. You always have been, Banana.”

“Well, I’m an honest guy. I’m not built to lie.”

“Why’d you pick banana, anyway?”

He shrugged. “I was hungry. Wanted a peanut butter and banana sandwich, pretty sure.”

“I don’t know why I asked. Frankly, the answer was right there.”

He chuckled. “Isn’t it always, Brooke?”

I wondered about that. Sure, it sounded nice to just… stay here in Mountain Crossing, stay with Nicole, and write music. Maybe I could have gone Daniel’s route, lived with my family and taken my time pursuing my independent career. Maybe I didn’t have what it took, but maybe there was no way to find out unless I tried.

And maybe my career back in Charlotte would still be waiting for me if it didn’t, anyway. Mountain Crossing had a funny way of making time stop for you when you needed it, after all.

I pushed away from the wall, heading down the stairs and towards the parking lot at the side. Daniel followed me halfway.

“Where are you running off to now, Brooke?” he called.

“I’m just… doing something,” I called back. “Feel free to start opening gifts without me. I’ll be back, um…” I shrugged wildly. “Hell, this is Mountain Crossing. I’ll be back when I am. That counts for timekeeping out here.”

I trudged across the snow towards my car, something swirling in my chest as I went.