Chapter 33

Chapter Thirty-Three

Eddie

"One more push," the nurse says for what must be the fiftieth time.

How many damn "one more" pushes can we have? I think to myself.

"Look at all that hair!" exclaims the midwife.

Hair, what hair? Holy crap, that hair. Holy fuck, it's gross and I shouldn't have looked. Oh damn, I looked again. It's like a train wreck, when you want to look away, but you can't.

"Do you want to feel?" the midwife asks Callie.

Now they want her to touch this furball-looking object that's coming out her hoo-ha, covered in blood and mucus. Everyone I spoke to in birthing classes said what a beautiful experience birth is, but I think I've aged ten years watching. It's not beautiful; it's almost like a murder scene from some freakish alien movie. I have gotten lightheaded more times than I can count, and we won't talk about the times I have passed out.

Callie crushes the bones in my hand as the nurse counts down this so-called last push from ten. "Nine, eight, seven, that's it, Callie. You can do this. Five, four, oh look, the head is out."

"Have a look," Jen says to me.

"Oh, I'm all good up here. I don't need any more visuals I can't erase from my mind, thanks."

The nurse has stopped, and something is happening. I turn to Jen. "Why is it still stuck in there like that?"

"They wait for the next contraction and for the shoulders to turn. Here we go. Are you ready, Dad?"

I lean over and give Callie a kiss on her forehead. "This is it, baby. I'm so in awe of you right now."

Within seconds, the baby is out and placed on her chest by the midwife. All my hang-ups about the blood and mucus are so far from my mind as I stare at the perfection I helped make. I shift my focus to Callie, and even after the hours of childbirth, she gazes at our baby with a love so pure. All her pain and all her demons have been forgotten in this moment. I let my tears fall, not caring who can see. This is the single best moment of my life. Seconds blur into minutes as I reflect on how inconsequential my life has been up until now. After they quickly take the baby to check it is healthy, it is placed back on Callie's chest, and I realise I don't even know if it's a boy or a girl. We never found out, we decided—and when I say we, I mean Callie decided—it would be better if it was a surprise.

"What did we have?" I ask, and everyone looks at me.

The nurse thinks she's funny and says, " A baby."

"Eddie, meet our daughter," Callie says with a sweet smile.

"Daughter," I repeat, and she nods. Holy shit, I have a little girl. I look down at her and take in her pink chubby cheeks. "Hi, baby girl, I'm your daddy." I lightly touch her hand and her skin is so soft and perfect.

Once Callie is cleaned up and has done something called "skin to skin" while feeding the baby, the nurse sets me up in a big chair and I get my first hold. She shows me how to support her neck and head right. We learnt this in classes, but holding a plastic doll is nothing like this; they should have given us fathers those expensive, antique china dolls. I can't help but stare at her, and it all feels so surreal.

The nurse eventually shows Mickki and the others into the room, and I call out, "Everyone, come meet our daughter—Milly Dean Diamond."

I look over at Callie and see her glance up at Sasha, who's standing next to her bed. Sasha smiles and leans over to hug Callie. We never knew the baby's gender, but we did have names picked out. We wanted to honour those who have passed on, because without our past we never would have met. So, Milly is short for Amelia, while also sounding like Billy after Callie's brother. Callie said she wanted the baby to have the same middle name as Beau, which is also Callie's last name—until we get married next year, anyway.

Milly starts crying, and Jen takes her to Callie for me and I follow, sitting next to the special girls in my life. Mickki lets me know he and the girls rescheduled the trial run for next week. I'm glad he did, because it hadn't even crossed my mind from the moment Callie's waters broke.

"Thank you," I say to Callie, as I watch her watching Milly settle into sleep.

"What for?" she says, looking up at me.

"For changing me, for believing in me, and for making us a family. Right now, I'm the happiest man alive, and it's all because a stubborn woman waltzed into my life, kicked my bed, and didn't take any of my shit."

"I'm glad I really needed the money," she says with a smile.

"Oh, woman, how I love that mouth."

As I gaze around the room and look at everyone, I realise it was just over a year ago that I thought I had nothing and no one besides my brother. Now I have enough family to fill a room. They might not be blood family, but they're my life, and my reason for living. I have avoided all feelings and hidden behind my lifestyle, but now I realise feeling is how we get through the day. I want to feel again, the good and bad. It will make me stronger, allow me to become the man I want to be, a man I now know I can be.

It surprises me how one single event caused two people to take two different life paths. The day Amelia died was the day Callie became sober, and the day I threw everything away and started on my downfall. I also like to believe it's she who brought us together in some weird way. I'll never forget my past, but now I'm stronger than before. And I'm strong enough to move forward with my family. Callie still has a lot of healing to do after losing Beau, but I know she'll be an amazing mum to Milly, and now I accept that I deserve her love and the love of my daughter.

It's amazing how much your life can change by meeting one person, a person who changes your outlook on the world for the better. Back then, I was Eddie Diamond, fucking rock god. I had everything I thought I wanted—money, sex, and rock and roll. But today, I realise I'm the Eddie Diamond who's a father, fiancé, brother, and friend, and those titles make me the richest man in the world.