Chapter Twenty-One

Indya

It is the second week of October; everything seems to be going back to normal for the most part. Amara has been acting weird for the past couple of weeks, she leaves at random hours of the evening, sometimes coming in late from work. Maybe she met someone who knows.

I have been watching the playoffs with Haven, she says it so she can watch Zander pitch, but I know it is more than that. We watch the games even when Riverside isn't playing but when they are playing, it hurts to see Atlas, I want him to be happy, but then again, I want him to be as miserable as I still am.

We are in the last game of the Division Series, if the Legends win this game they will advance to the League Championship series. They have already played two out of the five games set to be played, but if they win three of those, they will automatically advance with three other teams. From what I remember Atlas telling me when we had our study sessions, this is the game they lost last season.

The game starts at four p.m., so I decide on making a grazing dinner for tonight, so we can eat whenever we want and when we want.

The table and what little counter space we have, and coffee table are covered in foods ranging from sandwiches to chili and cornbread. Multiple dips, chips, veggies, and fruits are mixed in with everything to snack on, along with pitchers of juice, lemonade, and tea, with some water bottles thrown into the mix.

"It looks like Super Bowl Sunday is about to happen here," Silas says as he and my sisters walk in the apartment. He is taking in all the food, seeing if it is up to his standards, it's not, but he will keep that to himself.

After appraising all the snacks and food, he kisses my cheek, he tells me he needs to speak to me in private after Haven is in bed for the evening, then he is off to search for his favorite person, Haven. The girls follow me to the living room, claiming a spot on the sectional to watch the game with us.

As the woman sings the national anthem on the television, Silas, comes in from the hallway, with a look of sorrow on his face. When Haven comes flying around the corner I know why.

Haven is in the jersey Atlas had given her when we traveled to visit him, her leggings are a pair with baseballs all over them. Zander had seen them at a store and picked them up for her. Over the leggings is a pink and purple tutu, which has charms of baseball mitts and bats placed in random places on the tulle, which looks self-done, because I remember buying that tutu and it did not have any charms hooked to it at that time. Then placed firmly on her head of curls is the princess crown she received from Maggie. God, it seems like a lifetime ago all those things happened, when in reality, it has been months.

Is it time?

I nod yes to Haven, and she jumps on the couch next to Silas, grabbing his hand to hold, while she watches the game. I doubt she has any idea what is going on, all she cares about is seeing the people she loves.

If she has questions, which she will ask when the game starts, she will ask one of us, usually Silas, they are usually about the game and how Atlas or Zander are playing, or if the Legends are winning or not.

I swear sometimes I forget, she is four, and can't read or comprehend things the way she will when she is older. But Zander and Atlas both have each given her signals through the television that they are thinking of her, every game.

I didn't notice until the last game we watched, Amara was the only one watching it with us. It was the fourth inning, and Zander was pitching, Haven standing so close to the television, like it would make her closer to him. She said he could feel her cheering him on when she was closer to the TV. Again, she is four, so I just let her believe whatever makes her happy.

Then Amara coos, "Awe, that's sweet of him to do," which confused me so when I asked her to clarify she says, "Before every pitch, Zander drags his baseball cleats on the mound, then he touches his bracelet then his chest, he gave Haven her very own baseball signal."

To say I was shocked, would be an understatement. Now, I notice every time he does it, which is every single pitch. I love that he loves her big and open like that. Zander is a good man and will be a great father one day, I just know it.

"They only have to win this game to move forward, right?" Asia asks Emerson, who is sitting next to her with a plate of snacks on her lap.

"Yep, then if they win and move forward, they still have to win four of seven games in the League Championship series, to go to the World Series. I think they are gonna make it all the way. I have been studying all their games this season, since I applied for a training position, that way I know all I need to know about each player and will be prepared for any questions they ask about them and what I could do to help them improve," Emerson explains. Shocking me how she knows so much about the MLB and the Legends.

It is the seventh inning and Haven is standing in front of the television like she is whenever Zander has pitched this game. Her little hands are gripping the tv stand, her nose, inches away from the screen.

She starts bouncing on her toes and keeps looking between the television and all of us on the couch making sure we saw her signal. She is smiling so brightly, it brings me joy, knowing she is so happy right now.

The announcer states it is the bottom of the ninth and gives highlights of the game so far. The Legends are down by one and need two runs to secure their spot in the World series. I am so nervous and excited. Atlas has wanted this moment his entire life, and to be this close and not get it again, will crush him.

Even though I haven't spoken to him in weeks, since the night he came to hold me while I called David back, who I haven't heard from since the call, I still want his dreams to come true. The love I have for him is not going to be fading anytime soon, I am sure of it.

The room is quiet, Haven is standing next to where Silas is sitting, she keeps turning to ask him questions, or she will run to Emerson or Amara and ask them if she thinks they will have a better answer. Never me. She never asks me questions about the game. I understand why, but at her age, she shouldn't have to decide who can answer her questions or who she can talk to about the people she loves, it is unfair to her.

You can see and feel the tension in the Legends stadium through the television set, it's palpable. Simms is up first to bat, stopping on first base. Next is Danny, who is the short stop, but he gets the first out, bunting the ball, but it gets Simms to second.

By the time Simms makes it to home plate, tying the score, we have two outs. I feel as though I am going to be sick, I am so nervous.

Atlas is up to bat, there are runners on first and second, and there are two outs. Everyone in the apartment is standing, Amara is squeezing the shit out of my hand, but I let it keep me grounded and in the moment.

Atlas walks to the batter box, swinging the bat as he goes. Before he steps into the box, he does whatever he messes with on his wrist, I still think it is his glove, then does his practice swing.

This time when he does it, movement catches my eye, I turn to look at Haven and see she is adjusting her bracelet, the one that matches the one she gave Atlas. Holy shit is this his signal for Haven.

"Oh my god, how have I never noticed," I whisper, not really speaking to anyone just needing to get the words out into the universe.

"He still loves you, you know. All the things that have come to light in the past few months have been loads of shit. None of it was real. I wouldn't say this if I thought it would hurt either of you, I swear. You should give him a chance to tell his side of the story. Listen to what he has to say when he comes to say it. If I have learned anything watching the entirety of your relationship with Atlas, it is that he loves you more than anyone has ever loved another person. He loves Haven as a daughter, willing to do anything and everything for that kid. She deserves it. You both do. Don't let the past dictate what is yours for the taking in the future, because if you do, you will be missing something phenomenal," Amara whispers back to me. Is this why she has been acting differently? She found out things about Atlas or spoke to him?

We go back to watching the game, Silas is now pacing, saying something about how the pitcher is trying to walk him so he doesn't have the opportunity to hit the ball. It's hard to tell what he is saying in between all of that for the mumbling, but still I smile. Haven has the same expression on her face and follows Silas's steps, every now and again, she will look up at his face to make sure they are still conveying the same emotion or if she needs to alter hers. She may not understand everything about baseball, but she understands emotions better than any four-year-old should.

"The dude is going to walk him, I know it," Emerson grumbles.

"No, he will get the hit. Atlas won't let him have the satisfaction of being walked, he wants this too bad," I say out of nowhere. Everyone stops what they are doing and looks at me. Silas stops pacing, which causes Haven to look at him questioningly, because no one signed what I said. So, when she looks at me, I repeat it.

He will hit the ball. He won't let the pitcher walk him. He will hit the ball. He wants this too badly. This is his dream.

Her face lights up, and she responds, I get closer to him. Him needs me, mama, him needs me. Then she runs to stand in the same place she watches Zander pitch.

I look at the television, and I swear, Atlas just heard everything we said, because he steps out of the batter's box, touches his wrist, his chest, and holds his arm in the air. His thumb, index and pinky fingers are the only ones in the air, the other two tucked tight against his palm. He may have a signal for Haven, but he is also giving me the sign, I have waited three months for, the sign for I love you.

A tear slips from my eye, he is going to do it, he is going to go to the World Series. All our eyes are focused on the screen waiting to see what is going to happen.

Crack. The ball connects with the bat, the cheers from the stadium can be heard all over the world. He hit another home run, with two other runners on bases, giving Riverside Legends the win 7-4. Tears flow freely from my eyes, I try to swipe them away, but they just keep coming.

He did it. I knew he could do it. He and his team have worked so hard this season to make it this far. I am so happy for him and the rest of the guys. They deserve this win. He deserves this win.

Later that night, Silas is asleep in my bed, Emerson is in the bed with Haven, and Asia is with Amara. I gave up my room to Silas, because I was not ready for bed and told him I could sleep on the pull out, he tried to argue, but as you can tell he lost. I pick up my phone and open the messages and press on Atlas's name.

Indya: You played a hell of a game, Atlas. Congratulations on going to the World Series.

A few moments pass before I get a response, Atlas is more than likely out with the team celebrating, which they all deserve.

Atlas: It was close. Nerve Wracking. Thank you.

Atlas: I am glad you watched.

Indya: I see your texting has improved.

Atlas: Only for you, Indy. Only for you.

I don't know how to respond to that. He still makes me nervous, even though we are no longer together, I still get butterflies

Atlas: Do you think we could talk? In person?

Indya: When?

Atlas: Now.

Atlas: I can come to you or you to me. Doesn't matter.

Indya: I guess it has been long enough. This conversation needs tohappen.

Atlas: I know. Which is it? You coming to me or am I coming to you?

Indya: I will come to you. Let me talk to Amara. I will let you know.

I walk into Amara's room quietly so not to wake Asia. When I ask if she is okay with me stepping out for a bit to talk to Atlas, she jumps from the bed and hugs me.

"Of course, I got her. We all do. I will explain to everyone if you don't make it back before breakfast," she teases, wiggling her eyebrows.

"We are just talking, stop doing that with your eyebrows, it's creepy," I say laughing, but hoping that her way of thinking is the way my night will end.

I walk back into the living room, grabbing my purse, keys and light jacket. After shoving my feet into my gym shoes, I send him a message.

Indya: I'm on my way.

Atlas: I will be waiting.