Chapter Nineteen

Indya

I wake up, slightly confused. What the hell happened? I take in my surroundings, I am in my room, but why is it so hot? I reach my arm out to turn on the lamp next to my bed, almost smacking Amara in the head. What the hell is she doing sleeping in my bed? I then realize Haven is snuggled tightly between us, but she is sniffling in her sleep, as if she was crying extremely hard before exhausting herself. Why was she crying?

I decide there are too many questions I need answered, so I give Amara a shake and say her name to wake her.

"How are you feeling? Do you remember what happened? Do I need to take you to the emergency room?" She jolts up when she sees I am awake and begins her own version of twenty questions.

"I get to ask the questions first, but I will answer yours now. I feel fine, but a little tired. I remember Samantha being here and reading the engagement invitation, but nothing after that. No, I don't need a doctor." She seems to accept all my responses, so I start in on my questions before she thinks up anymore.

"What happened and why are you both in my bed? Why was Haven crying? She has the sniffles, and she only gets those when she cries hard."

"You passed out. I don't know if it was stress or shock. But I got you to bed and laid a cool washcloth over your forehead like google said to do. Haven was crying hard, that is why she has the sniffles. She wanted to lay with both of us, so we had a slumber party in your bed," she explains.

"What happened that caused her to cry so hard? Oh my god, did she see me pass out? I am such a terrible mother these days. I am going to fuck her up before she hits double digits," I respond.

"Well, don't get mad, but I made a parental decision without you. I will tell you, but first you have to pinky swear you won't get mad," Amara says as she holds out her long, elegant pinky.

I hate it when she does this, she knows I don't like to break promises. Anytime she makes me pinky swear, it's for something that pisses me off, and I have to get mad in another room, so no promises or swears are broken. Still, I link my pinky with hers, taking turns kissing our fisted hand, sealing it.

"I went to see Atlas at his condo to see what the deal was with the whole engagement invitation. The longer I thought about it, the more I was convinced it was fake news. I have seen how Atlas is with you and Haven and even if he was getting married to that whorish woman, I don't think he would invite you to anything that is celebrating the two of them. When I was leaving, Haven asked where I was going, so I told her. Indya, I could not tell her no the way her eyes lit up at the mention of his name. I stopped at the neighbors and asked them to sit here until I got back, so if you woke up, they could explain how you passed out," she explains.

Before I even open my mouth Amara continues.

"I know I am a sucky friend for leaving you in your time of need, but you did wake up once and drink water, pee, and say you were going to bed. That was why I had the neighbor sit here until I got back. But we were not gone very long because of what happened."

"Amara! Don't stop the story there, what the fuck happened to make my baby cry so hard she is still sniffling in her sleep hours later?" I yell, getting irritated she isn't just spitting it out.

"So, we get to the building, and I was waiting in line where the security people were, because that is where you have to get a pass or something to go to his floor. Something about the elevator being his door, I don't know, that is what the receptionist told me. As I was waiting Lyra walked in, spotted us and said we could just ride up with her. When the doors opened, he wasn't alone. He was with that Mallory bitch. As soon as he heard us step in, he pushed her way and ran toward the elevator. Haven seen him kissing another person that wasn't you. He shattered her heart with one action," saying the last part in a whisper, Amara lets a tear fall down her cheek.

"Surprisingly, I am not mad you took her with you. Maybe she understands why I don't want him coming around now. It still hurts to hear he moved on so fast though. An engagement party, Amara, I really did think he loved me. I know I love him, and still do, but I need to try to untether my heart from his, so I can do what I need to do for my daughter. We will get through this. Together."

I check the clock, and it looks like I slept most of the day, I must've been extremely exhausted, add in the stress of this past month and a half, yeah, that is the reason I passed out.

I wake Haven when dinner is ready, she is acting differently than she ever has. When I first broke up with Atlas, she was mean, hateful, even spiteful, but this version of her, I don't know if I will be able to handle it. She looks broken, sad.

We only get nods, shakes, and should shrugs, nothing else. Her little face still has red patches scattered around her swollen eyes and nose from the crying she had done. I look into her eyes and hold her gaze. What I see brings me to my knees. My little girl is heartbroken.

It is almost October, our house smells of fall, spiced pumpkin and cinnamon and caramel apple candles lit throughout the apartment . It has been two full months since the breakup, and he still hasn't tried to reach out. I guess the engagement is real. The party is tomorrow, I don't want to go, but Amara says I need to, so I can have closure.

I think I am doing fine holding it together nowadays. Yes, I still cry when something makes me think of him, or when Haven does something or says something funny or cute, I grab my phone to text him, only realizing he is no longer part of our lives.

It took Haven about three weeks to get out of her heartbroken funk. I was at the point where I was researching therapist who were accepting new patients and had access to a translator. Her bubbly personality is coming back a little at a time, but I will take what I can get. I am just glad she is smiling more.

Haven comes into the living room standing right in front of me, I raise a brow waiting for her to ask her question.

Can I invite people to my birthday party? I don't want a princess party.

I pause, she wants a princess party every year, even though we asked her if she wants to have a different kind of party, she always says no. But now, for her big number five birthday she is switching it up. She stills has a couple of months until her birthday, so she must have been thinking about this for a while.

Of course you can invite your friends to your birthday party, baby. What kind of party are you wanting to have?

She looks nervous, like she doesn't want me to know, but needs to or else she will not have the party. She must give herself a mental pep talk because she nods her head to herself then responds with one word that makes my heart stop. Baseball.

The next evening, I tell Amara about the party theme change and she said she was expecting that, and it doesn't surprise her. Baseball is how she stays connected to Atlas, since she gets to see Zander when she wants, as long as someone is with her.

I allow her to video call Zander, no more than three times per week. I explained to both of them if Atlas is mentioned, I will cut off all contact. They both agreed.

Zander doesn't pry or try to get information from Haven, he shouldn't. I stay in the room with her while she is talking to him, or Amara does, in case he needs me to translate. She is doing great with her sentences, facial expressions and body language, she is also signing faster. Sometimes she fumbles a little, but she will get the hang of it.

I have told her many times to go slow when talking to Zander, so he can understand what she is saying, I don't think she understood what I was trying to say.

My phone rings and an unfamiliar number pops up, I don't answer because I don't know who it is, waiting to see if they leave a voicemail. They do and when I listen to it, my stomach drops out of my body taking my heart along with it.

"Indya, I know this is your phone number. We need to make arrangements for joint custody. Sonya and I talked, and she has forgiven me for my past faults. My wife tells me there needs to be real role models in that kid's life and not someone who was in the system and knows nothing about life. Call me back soon. If you don't, I will show up at your house."

"Amara!" I scream. How did he get my number and why has he waited this long to acknowledge her? When Amara comes running into bedroom, she gasps.

"What happened? Are you hurt? Is something wrong with Haven? I thought she was already in bed? Did something happen to someone we know?"

Her questions come at rapid speed, not giving me a chance to respond. I know I am as white as a ghost and can feel the panic and anxiety knotting in my chest and stomach. I cannot speak at the moment; I call my voicemail once more and hand her the phone. She loses the color in her skin as well, her eyes welling up with rage and tears, but not allowing any to fall.

"How did that piece of shit get your number? I swear on everything I love, if it was Silas, Emerson, or Asia, I will ruin them all. I hope it wasn't them because I love them like they are my siblings, but I will destroy them if they did. Are you going to call back, or do you want me to call Silas?" She asks. Now she is getting into planning mode, removing her personal feelings and only focusing on what needs to be done.

All I can do is shake my head no, I am too shocked and scared to speak. Afraid if I open my mouth, everything becomes real.

I know I need to call David because I know he will show up, that is just the kind of person he is. He will do it to see the fear on my face and how skittish I am around him. He said that was what turns him on the most.

"Oh shit, I think I'm going to be sick," the words come out muffled as my hand is covering my mouth and I am running towards the bathroom, emptying the contents of my stomach.

I grab a washcloth and wet it, wiping my face and neck. I miss Atlas. I want him to be here with me and comfort me, telling me everything will be fine, that we will get through this together. I need him with me for this. I don't think I will be able to get through it without him.

I unblock his number from my phone and send him a text. I curl up on my bed as the tears stream down my face. I don't want that monster anywhere near my daughter. He knows nothing about her that I am aware of, unless his kids said something to him about her. I honestly don't think Asia, Emerson or Silas would do that to me though.

Amara walks into my room with a sleeve of crackers and a bottle of water, letting me know she left Silas a message to call her as soon as he can. When she leaves my room, she closes the door silently, my phone pings. My pulse quickens, what if it is David again?

I look down and see I have one message on my phone from a name and number I haven't seen in months.

Atlas: omw

No questions asked, he is coming to be my strength, even though we are no longer together. His message makes me smile, the shorthand, no punctuation, just quick and to the point. If only he wasn't marrying someone else.

I must have fallen asleep and started dreaming of Atlas, because I can smell his woodsy scent as though he is right next to me. I can even hear him saying my name. I am just going to stay here for a while with Atlas. Then everything around me begins to shake, I open my eyes, and they are met with the blue eyes of my best friend. She doesn't say anything, just looks next to me and then walks out of the room.

I turn my head to find Atlas sitting in a chair he must have brought in from the dining room. His eyes have dark circles around them, and he looks as though he hasn't been sleeping. What is even more confusing is as our eyes lock, I can still see the love he has for me. I see pain, sorrow, and hurt as well, but the love is shining through, warming me from the inside. I wrap my arms around his neck, and let out all the pain, suffering, frustration and anger I have been holding in.

"It's okay, Indy, I'm here. I've got you. You're okay. I'm here," he keeps repeating while rubbing slow comforting circles on my back, hugging me just as tightly as I am him.

"I'm sorry if I took you away from anything or anyone important. I just really needed you here to get through what I am about to do," I tell him between the sobs and tears soaking his shirt.

"I will always come when you call, Indy, no matter what. No one is as important to me as you and Haven. Nothing will ever be more important than the two of you. Ever. No matter what, you get me? Now tell me what has you so upset, so we can get through it together," Atlas says the words I knew he was going to say, making me smile a little, then I lose that little smile because I remember why I needed him to begin with.

"I received a call from a number I didn't know, and they left a voicemail when I didn't answer it. It was my foster dad, David. I would rather you just listen to the message he left, I don't want to say it out loud," I say, giving him my phone so he can listen.

His reaction is very different from mine or Amara's. Instead of being petrified of what the outcome will be, he is angry, so angry his face is beet red, and his veins are protruding from his body.

"How did that low-life piece of shit get your phone number? Please don't tell me it was one of your siblings, Indy, I will lose it if it is one of them."

"I don't think it was them, but I don't know how he would have gotten it. I wanted you to be with me so I can call him because I never want him around Haven. If I put it on speaker phone, will you sit in here with me, please?"

I am nervous he is going to say no. I feel bad he is here and not with his soon-to-be wife, but I don't believe I can get through this call without him, whether we are together or not.

"Of course I will. I'm here, I've got you, okay? You can do this, not only for Haven, but for you. Slay the dragon of your nightmares, Indy. I will protect you the entire time," his voice is so sincere, it makes my breath catch and pulse quicken. I can't get lost in the feeling I have for him right now; I need to get it over with.

I don't respond to him, I press call on the number that called and left the message, switching it to speakerphone and set the phone on the bed between us.

We are sitting against the headboard, but right before the call is answered, Atlas picks me up, sitting me between his legs, arms wrapped around me like a cocoon of love and protection. I relax into his warmth, it is just until the call is over, then he will no longer feel this way.

I stiffen as David answers the phone just as I thought he would, being an asshole, thinking he will always be the one calling the shots. Not today, asshole. Not when you are threatening my daughter, and not when I am drawing the strength from the man holding me tightly.

"I knew you would call. Don't you miss me, Indya. I sure miss—" I cut him off before Atlas goes off on him. I shake my head to him, he doesn't look happy, but he does so anyway.

"What do you want, David? Why now? She is almost five years old, and all of a sudden you and Sonya want to be a part of her life. Please explain all this to me because I am truly at a loss," my voice is strong, confident, but my body is shaking like a leaf.

"Found you a backbone throughout the years did you, girl. Good for you, but you can put that right back where you found it and play nice like the good girl you are for me."

I stiffen at the way he says good girl, I think I am going to be sick. Atlas must sense my unease because he turns me around, my legs around his waist, his hands cupping my face.

"Don't let him get to you, Indy. Stay strong, don't let him in your mind and make you falter your own course in life. You are strong. You can do this." Atlas whispers. I don't know how David didn't hear him, but if he did, he says nothing about it.

I turn back into my position, between his legs and arms holding me close, breathing in through my nose, then letting it out through my mouth. I'm ready to slay my dragon once and for all.

"Why don't you just tell me why and what you want and then we will go from there, David, I don't want to be on the phone with you longer than I need to be." My strength is back and so is a confidence I did not realize I had.

"Sonya and I want joint custody of the kid. We have thought about it and we have decided the kid needs better role models than what they are getting. We can do this the easy way or the hard way, it is up to you. I would suggest the easy way. We could come up with our own terms without getting the courts involved. The hard way is one I don't think you want to deal with. Because if this is the path you take, we will go to court for full custody with once-a-month visitation. Go ahead make your choice," he gloats.

Does he really think I believe he wants Haven or anything to do with her? No, he is just placating his wife like always.

"I don't think I want either path. But I have a solution to this problem. But first, how did you know my phone number and how do you know where I live? I am really curious," I say.

"Sonya saw you in a magazine at the grocery store with that baseball player. We looked him up and I contacted his family. His mother was nice enough to pass along your information. Who wouldn't want the foster family who cared for you like you were their own, who hadn't been able to contact you for five years? Took her a few days, but as you can see, she came through. Now what is this so-called solution, because I am leaning more toward the hard way." The way he says ‘hard' makes me sick to my stomach, but I hold strong.

"Well, the solution is easy. Lose my number and address, I don't want you around my daughter. You lost all of your rights when you molested and raped me for almost two full years. You lost those rights when you and your wife kicked me out at seventeen, pregnant, scared, and still in high school. You lost those right for not owning up to what you did to me," I can feel the tears falling from my eyes, but my voice is still strong.

"That is not going to happen, sweetheart. My wife wants another child in our home to raise, and I have one. So, I guess I will be getting with my lawyer and letting him know to go ahead and proceed with the case. We will win, because we have everything you don't—a healthy relationship between a man and wife, a good paying job, money in the bank, we own our home and vehicles. I would venture to say, you have none of those," he sneers.

"Do you know ASL?" I ask. Holding my breath, hoping and praying he didn't grow up signing to a relative.

"What the hell is that? Why would I need to know whatever it is? We can provide a safe and happy home for the child better than you can, besides you no longer have the excuse of a rich boyfriend. I hear he left you for someone else, which doesn't surprise me in the least."

This time I feel Atlas stiffen; I can feel the heat coming from his body. I start talking before he can say anything to David.

"ASL is American Sign Language. And yes, you would need to know this, fluently, because the kid or child as you keep calling HER, whose name is HAVEN, is deaf. So, in order to care for her you will need to know and understand what she is trying to tell you. So, I guess that is all I have to say about all this. If you want to take me to court, go ahead, I don't care. I will win, then what you did to me all those years ago will be public information. Since you have my address, you can go ahead and send the papers to me. Goodbye, David." I hang up the phone before he has a chance to speak.

I try to move from between Atlas's legs, but he tightens his hold.

"I am so proud of you, Indy. You were so brave, slaying the dragon like the queen you are. I do want to say, I am not seeing anyone. I'm not with anyone. I don't know where he got that information, but I have an idea. I was going to see if you wanted to talk about everything before I left, but I think you have talked enough for the night. I just have just one request," he takes a deep breath before continuing. "May I see Haven for just a moment? I know she is asleep, I just wanted to lay eyes on her and be around her, I promise not to wake her," he asks nervously.

"Of course, and you could never wake her for two reasons, one she wouldn't hear you if you made any noise and two, she is a really hard sleeper, she can sleep through anything."

Atlas follows as I get off the bed and head towards Haven's room next to mine. I open the door, and let Atlas walk in, while I stand in the doorway.

He walks over to her bed and notices her bedding is no longer pink, the canopy no longer holds a princess charm. Her room is now a mashup of baseball and princess. It is quiet the scene when you step in.

He leans over her and kisses her forehead, I hear him whisper, "I love you so much, princess. Don't ever forget that."

After we leave Haven's room, I walk him to the door. He doesn't say anything else, not even if we can discuss everything that has happened, or why I have an invitation to an engagement if he isn't with anyone else. I am baffled by everything.

Opening the door, he turns and leaves a whisper of a kiss on my cheek, a silent promise lingering in the air, closing the door behind him.

What the fuck just happened?