Chapter Seventeen

Indya

I cannot believe he would do something like this to me, to Haven. I thought he loved us, but apparently, the love and affection I craved from him was nothing but a pitstop, a fleeting distraction before he settled down to start his own family. It's hard to fathom that just this morning, everything seemed perfect. Now, as evening falls, the weight of his betrayal crushes me like a relentless storm, drowning me in despair.

The darkness inside me grows, a black hole consuming every bit of light and hope. The rage and hurt are like venom coursing through my veins, poisoning every thought. I feel like I'm suffocating, each breath a struggle against the pain that threatens to engulf me completely.

I knew I shouldn't have let him in, I should have listened to my head and ignored my heart. Fuck him for making me break my own heart. Fuck him for making me love him so hard. Fuck him, fuck Mallory, and fuck his fucking mother.

I push everything off my nightstand, pulling random things from the closet and hurling them with all my strength. The anger and hurt inside me, the betrayal, is like a storm raging through my soul, tearing apart everything in its path. It's like a wildfire, consuming every bit of trust and love I had for him, leaving nothing but ashes. My heart feels like shattered glass, each piece cutting deeper with every breath.

My door swings open and Amara steps in, shutting the door.

"What is going on, Indya? Why are you throwing shit around your room? Did one of your sisters or your brother do something to upset you before they left?" I know Amara is worried, I haven't had a chance to talk to her alone.

"I broke up with him. I messaged him and told him not to contact me in any form, and after I sent the message, I blocked his number, so I didn't have to hear whatever excuse he came up with. Did the girls show you the article? How could he do this to us, Mar? Why? Am I such a horrible person I deserve to have the worst luck when it comes to anything in my life? My parents die, then foster care, did the universe not think that was hard enough for me to deal with? Then the bitch of the universe throws in some molesting and rape, that ends with me pregnant, seventeen, in high school, and then kicked out to where I had to live in a group home."

I am trying so hard not to let this rage and hurt take over, but it seems like no matter what I do, there it is, building, ready to erupt and cause chaos in its path. It's a beast I can't tame, a darkness that swallows me whole.

"I thought I found something amazing with Atlas, I thought, finally, something good is going to happen. Do you know the only things that have been good in my life are you, Haven, and my siblings? Don't I deserve more love than that, Mar? Don't I deserve more, period?" I am full on sobbing, Amara wraps me in her arms, saying nothing, just letting me vent and cry.

I don't know how much time passes before I finally lift my face from her chest. Her shirt is completely soaked, but she doesn't seem to care. My face feels swollen and raw from crying all day, my eyes burning and my throat aching from the sobs.

"Go get cleaned up before Haven sees you like this. You don't want her asking questions you're not ready to answer. I'll order pizza for dinner since I can't cook. It's safer this way. Go, I've got Haven. Take a bath, relax, and clear your mind of this mess for a while. I love you."

Amara's voice is soft and soothing, a stark contrast to the chaos inside me. She leaves the room before I can respond, her footsteps fading down the hallway. The emotional pain is overwhelming, unlike anything I've ever felt. Even with everything that happened growing up, nothing hurt this much.

I grab some shorts and a tank top to put on after my bath, the fabric feeling cool and soft in my trembling hands. I reach for the lavender essential oil from my closet, its calming scent already beginning to fill the air. As I head to the bathroom, the cold tiles under my feet send a shiver up my spine. The sound of running water is almost hypnotic, a temporary escape from the storm inside me.

***

A week. It has been a week since I last spoke to Atlas. Every day, Haven asks when he is coming to see her, and each time she does, it feels like my soul is being torn apart. I tried to explain that he hasn't been around because of baseball and family commitments. It's not entirely a lie, but it's far from the whole truth.

It's Saturday evening when I hear Amara yelling from the hallway. I rush to see what's happening and find her and Haven in the midst of an all-out argument. I've never seen Haven sign with such anger. Her movements are stiff and jerky, her small hands slicing through the air with force. Her face is flushed, and her eyes are blazing with fury. The usually soft and gentle expressions are replaced with a mask of rage. Her body is tense, every muscle coiled like a spring ready to snap. The air is thick with tension, and I can almost feel the heat of her anger radiating off her.

What is going on with you two? Why are you fighting? I ask, flicking the light switch in the hall to get Haven's attention.

I asked Aunt Mar if I could play on her phone, and she said yes. Now she is mad at me, Haven says, her little hands moving quickly.

I don't know whether to laugh at the absurdity of Amara arguing with a four-year-old over a phone or to be proud that Haven is now signing in complete sentences.

Why don't I tell her the entire story, Haven? I am not mad you were playing on my phone when I gave you permission. I am upset because of what you did while you had my phone. Do you want to tell your mom, or should I? Amara's voice is calm but firm.

Curiosity piqued, I look at Haven, who immediately averts her eyes. My heart sinks. This means I'm going to be really upset with her. She only avoids eye contact when she knows she's done something wrong. I turn my gaze to Amara, and the look of disappointment on her face aimed at my baby hurts my feelings.

Since you want to be quiet now and not speak, I guess I will just tell her what happened. Haven asked to play on my phone, I asked her what she was going to do on it. She tells me to play some games. I didn't think anything of it, because she has played on my phone many times. I go to grab the phone from her because I need to make a call, and guess what the princess is doing? Not playing a game, she is on facetime. How the hell does she know how to work phones better than we do?

I start to laugh, because she has known how to facetime since we moved here, so she could talk to Silas. She even has an app on her tablet that works the same way as facetime. Then, Haven jumps in to defend herself.

Excuse me for not being rude to my friend. I was talking on my tablet, and it died. I needed to call my friend back; we were in the middle of a game. So, I did not lie. I telled the truth.

She crosses her arms, juts her hip to the side, and raises both eyebrows in defiance. Her stance is so fierce and confident that it takes me aback. Jesus, if this is her attitude at four, she's going to be a force to be reckoned with as a teenager. I can already see the battles we'll have, and it sends a shiver down my spine.

"She was talking to Atlas, Indya. How the fuck did she get his number and contact him? She can't read letters or numbers and unless it is her name, so how did she manage that," Amara says, not signing this time.

I am shocked, again, because I don't know the answer to any of those questions. I tell Haven to go to her room and wait for me on the bed so we can have a conversation. I apologize to Amara for Haven not listening, and she brushes me off, saying she is just trying to look out for me.

I sit next to Haven on her pink and purple themed princess bed, canopy and all.

How did you get Atlas's phone number, Haven. Tell me the truth, I promise I won't get upset.

She takes a deep breath like she is unsure she wants to tell me, which worries me, because I want her to feel comfortable telling me anything.

His number in my tablet. I missed him so I called and asked if he wanted to play a game with me. He said yes. While we were playing the matching game, he asked if anyone knew I am talking to him. I said I don't know, but I missed him and wanted to play. Then my tablet dies. I used Aunt Mar's phone to call back. I know what his numbers look like, so I pushed them, and he came back on the video. Why can't I talk to him? He is my best friend, mama. Atlas looks sad.

My heart is now in my throat. Maybe I should just tell her I broke up with him, so we are not going to be hanging out with him or the other players anymore. If she can understand just by looking at him and talking to him that he is sad, which he brought on himself, maybe she will understand this.

Atlas and mama are no longer together, Haven. I broke up with him. That means we are not boyfriend and girlfriend any longer, and I can't be his friend right now, because what he did hurt my heart. I know you miss him, and he is your best friend, but no more calling him, okay? When your tablet is charged, I will need to take him out of the list of people you can talk to. Just until my heart stops hurting.

She is shaking her head no, tears falling from her eyes so hard, my heart breaks all over again. Fuck you, Atlas, for making me do this to her, I think to myself.

I try to comfort her, but she jerks away from me, not wanting me to touch her. Then she does the one thing I will never come back from and will remember for the rest of my life.

I hate you, mama. I wish I had a daddy so I could live with him.

Tears fall from my eyes, I don't respond, I know she doesn't mean it, she is just hurt, upset—she doesn't know what to do with all those emotions. So, I leave her room, my entire being shattered, how could I make my own child feel this way?

Two days pass and Haven is pretending I don't exist. I let her have her moment in the bedroom that night, but this has gone on far enough. She is four years old for fuck's sake. I am the adult; she is the child.

I find Amara in the kitchen making tea and ask her to meet Haven and I in the living room for a family meeting. I go to Haven's room, where she has been for two days unless she is in the bathroom or eating. She doesn't speak to me or Amara.

Family meeting. Living room, now.

I don't give her an opportunity to throw her sassy attitude around and leave the room. A few minutes later, Haven comes in and sits on the very opposite end of the sectional. She is as far from us as she can get, while still sitting on furniture.

I'll be the only one speaking for this family meeting. There are a few things that need to change in this household. First off, Haven, you are the child here, and Amara and I are the adults. We are the ones who will protect you, no matter what. It's time you start acting like a four-year-old, not a fourteen-year-old.

Amara, I'm sorry I've seemed different lately. I'm just trying to keep my head above water. This breakup has been hard on me, even though I was the one who ended it. I'm going to try to be stronger and not let this sadness take over my life. Also, I can't seem to find work. The schools no longer need me, and my current clients only need me occasionally. So, I'll be looking for other work in the meantime.

Haven, I'm sorry you miss Atlas. I do too. But I can't let him get away with breaking my heart. If you don't understand, then you're too young to worry about it. I need time to heal. I hope you understand because I know you're hurting too. I know it's hard to give your heart to someone and have it broken. But I need you to listen: no more tantrums, no more silent treatment, no more attitude.

If this behavior continues, I'll treat you the same way you're treating us. I'll give you the night to think about everything before I make my final decision. If you're not willing to go back to your loving self and continue being mean to those who love you, then you'll get the same in return. No more princess anything, no more electronics, no more fun trips to the pond with the ducks. Nothing bright, happy, or fun. You'll have a bed, blanket, clothes, and food. Do I make myself clear?

Do you understand everything I just told you?

She nods her head solemnly and goes back to her room.

***

A month has gone by since our family meeting and Haven is not completely back to herself, but she is being more respectful. I will take that over what she was giving us, any day.

It has been a month and eight days since I have seen or spoken to Atlas. Amara said she has seen him around when she is out with the people from work, but he doesn't approach her, he just gives her a nod.

"You know what I don't understand about the whole breakup?" Amara randomly asks while I am cooking dinner.

"What is there not to understand? He made it seem like he had nothing to do with Mallory, like she was a thorn in his side. All of a sudden, they are having family dinners, laughing and having a great time, and I am supposed to be okay with that?"

"No, not that, I would have done the same thing as you, well minus the text message. I would have found Mallory first and made her eat curb, then I would find Atlas, and cut off his genitals and feed them to him. But that is beside the point, I mean, why did he not fight for you, or make you hear his side of the story? I'm confused on his part in this, it's like he just gave up because you said so. It does not make one lick of sense," she explains.

I stand there, stirring the sauce for the spaghetti we are having tonight, that thought never occurred to me. He didn't even try that hard. I have seen enough movies and read enough books to know even if the girl says forget everything about me, they don't. They send flowers, packages, show up at their homes, call their family, everything they do is to get the girl to listen. Then in dawns on me, in all those movies and all those books, it was always a misunderstanding. So, since he didn't do any of that, does that mean, I understood what I saw perfectly?

"He did come by a couple of times, but I didn't buzz him up. I just waited in my room, listening to the sound of the buzzer and the muffle of his voice. He couldn't call me because I blocked him immediately after messaging him. Maybe he just didn't love me like he thought he did. Perhaps he wasn't ready to be a father figure to Haven, even though I would never have pushed that on him. I don't know, Amara. That is something only Atlas could answer."

The buzzer sounds and Amara goes to answer it, the voice on the other side freezes me where I stand. Samantha. Atlas's mother. What the actual fuck is she doing here?

Amara gives me a questioning look, asking if she should let her up, regrettably, I nod yes. Moments later there is a knock at the door.

Samantha is sitting on the very edge of the sectional, as she looks around our home, she seems almost offended, yet disgusted. Well, fuck you too, Samantha.

"I just wanted to drop by to give an invitation to a party we are hosting. Since you didn't get to enjoy the gala, I thought this could make up for it."

She reaches into her oversized designer bag and pulls out an envelope that looks just as expensive as her purse. The envelope is thick, with a luxurious texture that hints at its contents.

"It is being held at our vineyard. It will be a beautiful backdrop for the entire event, but I must be going. I am going out of town, and I have a lot of work to get done," Samantha says, her voice hurried as she rushes out the door, barely giving us a chance to respond.

"Open it up, I want to see what kind of shindig she is throwing this time," Amara says, her curiosity piqued.

I open the envelope and pull out the invitation. The paper is heavy and embossed, exuding elegance. As soon as I see what type of invitation it is, all the blood drains from my face. My hands start to tremble, and my vision blurs. The room spins, and I feel a cold sweat break out on my forehead. All I hear before I pass out is Amara's voice, saying, "Is that bitch serious? Indya are you—"