Chapter Eleven

Atlas

I don't make it off the second floor; I only make it three feet from her door. For the past thirteen minutes, I have been staring at the welcome mat in front of the door, letting the evening's events filter through my mind. Indya is a mother. She has a daughter. Haven is the most spectacular little girl I have ever known. Not that I know a lot of four-year-old girls, but you get what I am trying to say. She is so smart that if she weren't so tiny, I would think she was older, just from her mind alone.

While Indya was making dinner, and we were making bracelets, Haven, Amara, and I played twenty questions. I think I have gotten to know each of them pretty well. Amara wants to move up in her company, so she has been taking online courses to get her degree. She says she still has a ways to go because she enrolled in an online course three months after they moved here. Apparently, she applied, interviewed, and accepted the job offer before they even got here. It's cool to know that being at the company for such a short amount of time as the receptionist made her want bigger things for her career.

Haven was all over the place with her questions to me. Some were about my family, if I had a dog, and how she would probably like me more if I did have a dog. That I laughed at, because somewhere in the back of my mind, I was thinking about if it would be feasible for me to get a dog right now, in the middle of the season.

She asked questions about the game and why I thought it was the greatest game ever played. Her questions were wiser than her years. I thought she would ask me about what color I like, what I like to eat, basic things, you would think a child would ask you. Nope, she blew my mind, even going as deep as if I had a girlfriend or any kids of my own. Amara just translated like she was not witnessing the same intellect coming from this four-year-old little girl.

I shake the thoughts from my mind, I need to see Indya one more time, just for a moment. I am heading out for eleven days for a stretch of away games, so I won't see her for probably twelve or thirteen days, because the coach sometimes makes us stay an extra night, so the drivers are not tired. We could have flown, but the teams we are playing are not far from one another and it makes more sense to take the bus this time.

I step up to the door, my heart pounding in my chest. I give it a few light taps, not wanting to wake anyone if she went to bed after I left, like Amara and Haven had done. The night is still, the only sound is the soft rustling of leaves in the gentle breeze. My breath catches as I hear footsteps approaching from the other side. The door creaks open, and there she is, standing in the dim light, her eyes meeting mine.

Before she can say a word, I close the distance between us in a heartbeat. Our eyes lock, a silent connection sparking between us. I reach out, my hand finding the back of her neck, pulling her towards me. My lips crash onto hers with an urgency that surprises even me.

Fireworks.

I'm twenty-six years old and have kissed my fair share of women, but never in my life has a kiss made me see fireworks. It's as if the world around us fades away, leaving just the two of us at this moment. I tilt her head, deepening the kiss, my tongue tangling with hers. I can feel her responding, giving as much as she's taking, and it's intoxicating.

I want more.

I press her closer, my hands roaming to the small of her back, pulling her flush against me. Every touch, every movement, is filled with a desperate need to convey everything I feel for her. The kiss is a dance, a symphony of passion and longing, and I lose myself in it.

If I didn't know I was in love with her before, this kiss just cemented it. It's a realization that hits me with the force of a tidal wave, leaving me breathless and yearning for more. I pull back slightly, just enough to rest my forehead against hers, our breaths mingling in the cool night air.

"I love you," I whisper, the words slipping out before I can stop them. But I don't regret it. Not for a second. Because it's the truth, and in this moment, I want her to know it.

I pull back with a groan, not wanting to stop touching her, kissing her, but I need to get home, because I have to be at the clubhouse in just a few hours.

At this point I may as well spend those last few hours here, with Indya, and that sexy mouth of hers. I scan her from head to toe, hair mussed from my hands, chest and cheeks flush, pupils blown, breathing hard, her pulse at her throat is fluttering fast. It is good to know that I affect her as much as she does me—just that thought has me puffing my chest and standing a little taller.

"Wow." Indya breathes out. Her eyes are wild, wanting me to stay, but needing me to go because we both have responsibilities to take care of tomorrow.

"That was some first kiss, Indya. If I had known that this is what it is like to kiss you, I don't think I could have been as patient as I was, even though, I know now, the reasoning. But fuck, Indy, please tell me you felt it too. That you feel the same way I do, because if you don't, I am not sure I can continue this relationship, because it would destroy me being with you and you not feel the same about me," I plead. Even to my own ears I sound like a pussy, and if the guys could see me right now, they would never let me live it down for as long as I live.

"You called me Indy and not Indya." Her voice is soft, almost a whisper, but it carries the weight of her emotions. The gentle hum of the refrigerator in the background and the distant sound of traffic outside creates a cocoon of intimacy around us.

"Atlas, I know we have a lot to discuss and talk about," she continues, her eyes searching mine. "I know you want to know my past and be my future, and I do feel the same as you." Her hand reaches out, fingers brushing against mine, sending a shiver up my spine. "That kiss was mind-altering. I didn't realize that kissing would make me feel as though I was floating through the universe."

Her words hang in the air, and I can almost taste the lingering sweetness of our kiss. The scent of her perfume, a delicate blend of lavender and honey, fills my senses, grounding me in this moment.

"Maybe we can talk about everything when you get back," she suggests, her voice steady but her eyes betraying a hint of vulnerability. "Taking the time you are away to let everything sink in. You just found out I had a daughter, Atlas, maybe your emotions are running high."

She takes a deep breath, and I can see the resolve in her eyes. "I have more hearts to protect other than my own. I can't deny the things I feel for you, deeply, very deeply, but I want to make sure this is something you are prepared for."

Her gaze shifts slightly, as if she's looking into the future. "She is always going to be deaf, and I am always going to want to make this world a better place for her. Are you prepared to be second, to Haven's first?"

The room feels charged with electricity, every word she speaks resonating within me. I can hear the faint ticking of the clock on the wall, each second stretching out as I process her words. The warmth of her hand in mine is a reminder of the connection we share, and I know this moment will define our future.

I get what she is saying, I do. But why is this all coming out now, after the most amazing kiss of our lives? I guess that means I am not getting the rest of the way through the door for our mouths to get to know one another a little more.

"That is what makes me say you are a great mother," I begin, my voice steady but filled with emotion. "You are putting your child before anyone else. How could I ever fault you for something so selfless?" I reach out, gently brushing a strand of hair from her face, feeling the softness of her skin under my fingertips. "I care for you, and my feelings for you run deep, but even just meeting Haven, I have given her a piece of my heart too."

I take a deep breath, the cool night air filling my lungs. "I will go along with your plan, for now. Just know, I am not giving you up without a fight, so don't go to bed overthinking our entire relationship." I can see the worry in her eyes, and I want to ease it. "There is no time limit on when you should feel certain emotions. Sometimes, our souls aren't really whole until we find our other half. When that happens, you don't get to think, this is going too fast or too slow. What works for us may not work for others, and that's okay."

I step closer, my hand cupping her cheek, feeling the warmth of her skin against my palm. "Like I said, I know what I feel, and I am never letting you or Haven go. The faster you realize that, the faster we can start living." I lean in, pressing a tender kiss to her cheek, the scent of her perfume enveloping me.

Without giving her a chance to respond, I turn and make my way to my truck in the parking lot. The gravel crunches under my boots, and the cool breeze rustles the leaves around me. As I reach my truck, I glance back, seeing her standing in the doorway, a silhouette against the dim light. My heart aches with the distance between us, but I know this is just the beginning of our journey.

***

We have been on the road for four days now, we have played in Portland, Boise, Salt Lake, and Denver. Now we are making the long stretch to St. Louis, the game starts at seven, so we are going to be cutting it close. We have won all the games so far, and our goal is to keep winning them until we are at the World Series. Winning the series is what will make all this worth it.

The Legends have made it to the playoffs every year since I have been drafted, but we never make it to the actual World Series game. Last year, we were two games away from our goal and ended up losing by two runs.

I am sitting next to Simms, as usual, and he has been telling me about the "chicks" he has been seeing.

"So, you are telling me, you are wining and dining, five different women, and none of them know about each other, but they all live in our town. Don't you think that eventually you are going to run into one of them while you are out with another one? Fucking hell, man, how can you not realize this is going to blow up in your face?" I can't even fathom looking at another woman, because I have Indya, and this mother fucker over here is with five women from the same town we live in. I am anxiously waiting for the moment that he meets his other half, and she knocks him off that pedestal that his ass is perched on.

"Dude, that will never happen. And before you ask how I know; I will tell you. It's simple really, I just don't take any of them out," Simms says smugly like he just found the cure for cancer and can't believe no one else figured it out.

"What the hell do you mean you don't take them out? Not even to dinner in another town, anywhere?" I am completely shocked by his response. How does he consider dating them, if he isn't dating them? It makes absolutely no sense to me. But I am definitely going to laugh my ass off when this blows up for him, I hope I have a front row seat to watch it all implode.

"They come to my house, where I order food, and we chill there. Being in the MLB has advantages you know, I tell them the PR team said not to go out alone, less risk of being hurt, or being chased down by mobs of fans, or paps. The girls love that I am well known in baseball, makes them feel superior to all other women or something, I don't know, but I do know it does things to them. So yeah, they come to my house on different days, we eat, we watch some television, we fuck, shower and they leave. I am living my best life right now, brother, you should join me."

The way that he says I should join him makes my stomach tighten.

"I don't need or want any of that, Simms. You know how I feel about Indya. She is it for me, man. No one will ever measure up to what she and I have, and they never will, guarantee it."

I turn my head to look out the window, it's kind of cloudy out, looking like a storm is heading our way. Hopefully it doesn't cancel the game, because then we would have to make it out here again.

"How is Indya today, anyway? Have you talked to her? The kid? Do you think her hot friend would want to even me out and be my number six?" Simms wiggles his brows, and I burst out laughing, fucking dumbass.

"Indya is great, I am assuming. I haven't talked to her since after the game. I told her I would call her when we got to the hotel, since we are staying over in St. Louis before heading to Chicago. Also, ‘the kid' has a name and you know it, but no I haven't talked to Haven since I left their house when I had dinner. I am going to see if Indya will let me talk to her the next time I call, but she might be in bed, but I am still going to ask. As for Amara, that woman will chew you up and spit you out. She is definitely out of your league, I honestly don't think you would survive her, I really don't." I say the last part as I am chucking, because I would love to be there if he ever tries to make a move on her. Amara would destroy my boy's self-esteem, confidence, and game, if he tried to do whatever the hell it is that he does to get any woman to fall for his charms. I am positive about that.

I look over at him because he has gone quiet, the look on his face is the one he has when we are coming up with strategies for the upcoming games. Fuck me, he is coming up with a plan to approach her and ask her out. He is so screwed.

I go back to looking out the window, again, thinking over the words Indya had said to me the night I left her apartment. Does she really think that a four-year-old little girl, with dark, tight, bouncy curls, gray eyes, and cutest little face I have ever seen, and already has me wrapped around her petite little fingers, is going to change my feelings for her? She has a lot to learn about me if she thought I would strike out just because she is a mother. Hell, it turns me on more and makes her even sexier to me.

But I have done what she has asked and have been thinking about everything she told me to think about. How my life would change if I added in Indya and Haven, well and Amara. I am fine with that, even Amara's bluntness and backhanded compliments could not change the way I feel about Indya. I think she is scared of what she is feeling. When I get home, I am hoping I can convince her to give us a chance. I know she loves me as deep as I love her, she just hasn't said the words. I don't know if she knows what the feeling is because if it is anything like what I feel, that shit is powerful.

We got to St. Louis about three hours before the first pitch, everyone is checking into their rooms, trying to relax and stretch before the game.

Bus rides are the worst, given it is a luxury bus with all the bells and whistles, but being on it for almost twelve hours will take a toll on a person's body.

Steam rolls out of the bathroom as I step into the room I'm sharing with our pitcher, Zander. He is star fished on his bed, staring at the ceiling. I chuckle and grab my clothes that I am wearing to the ballfield, I will change into my uniform when I get to the locker room, where we dropped off our bags before coming to the hotel.

"You good, man?" I ask Zander.

"Just thinkin'. We are getting' so close to the World Series, and each step we take, puts us even closer, makes me feel the pressure a little more, ya know. We all want this so bad, comin' close every year but not gettin' the prize sucks big fat ass donkey dick."

I burst out laughing, Zander is being so serious, yet still throws in the random sayings and quotes that can go one of two ways. You can get one like I just got with the donkey dick, or you can get the ones where he says things like, ‘If you drink all the Kool-Aid there won't be any left.' No shit, because if you drink all of it, there literally will be none left, leaving you to make more. He thinks that most of us don't have common sense, so that's when he pulls those words of wisdom out. Ask his roommate, Bailey, our catcher, he is the one that got the zinger about the Kool-Aid.

Leaving Zander to his thoughts, I decide to go in search of a vending machine, kitchen, or something that has some snacks. I need to put something in my stomach before the game, or I will be starving before the third inning. I call Indya as soon as I step out of the room, into the hallway.

It only rings once before her breathy voice answers with a sexy, "Hello."

"Hey, Indy. Just thought I'd call before the game, see how everyone's doing. And I missed your voice, so I wanted that fresh in my mind before I took to the field," I say as soon as she answers.

"You're still calling me Indy instead of Indya. Are you ever going to tell me why you decided to drop the ‘uh' off the end of my name?" she laughs, a light, teasing sound. She's determined to find out why I shortened her name, and I think it's hilarious.

"You're never going to get that reason out of me. I'm taking it to the grave. Besides, it's not as romantic as you might think. When I think about it, it's probably unattractive why I started doing it in the first place, so no, I'll never tell you," I laugh, and she joins in, calling me an ass.

"I miss you, Indy. So much. Is it weird that I miss Haven too? I even miss Amara, and I've only met them once. I hope this next week flies by and we get home as scheduled," I tell her, my voice softening.

"What do you mean you hope you get home as scheduled? I thought you'd only be gone for eleven days?" Indya questions, her voice tinged with panic and a hint of melancholy.

"Sometimes the coaches make us stay an extra night in the last city we play in, so the drivers are well rested the next morning. Our last game of this leg is in Spokane, Washington, which is a little over six hours from home, so we shouldn't have to stay. He usually does it if it's more than a ten-hour drive. I did want to ask you something, though." I feel a knot of nerves tightening in my stomach.

"Ask away," Indya responds, curiosity in her voice.

"We'll have a little downtime between the next few games because they're so close together. I was wondering if I could fly you out to Chicago, and you could come on the bus with me, or I could rent a car for the games in Chicago and Minneapolis. We get a free day in between, and I thought we could spend the day together. I'd get you on a plane in Minnesota to go back home." Silence greets me on the other end. "Indy, you there?"

The long silence is killing me. Did I go too far by asking her to join me? I'm willing to pay for Haven and Amara to come too. I just wanted to see if she'd be willing to come first before inviting them along.

"Yeah, um, I'm here. When will you be in Chicago? Do I have time to think it over and get back to you?"

"We're leaving here in the morning around four because our game starts at one. But yeah, if you can let me know at least after the game tonight. I'm going to go ahead and get the tickets all squared away, so I know I can get them booked, okay?" I know she can hear the disappointment in my voice, but I didn't want to tell her that three airline tickets and three game tickets have been reserved for the next three games since the day I left. I just didn't want her to feel obligated to come. I want her to want to see me and spend time with me. I want to see her and Haven more than anything.

"Okay. I'll let you know later tonight, and I promise to give it some serious thought. I've never been away from Haven, so I apologize if I sound hesitant. Don't think that I don't want to see you. I do. I miss you more than you realize. But I have to go; Haven is waiting for me for another knitting session. Have a great game, Atlas. Bye." The phone clicks off. The only thought in my head right now is she's going to say no, and what four-year-old wants to learn to knit?