Chapter 10

Shocked,Norah stood immobile in Tearlach's arms for a moment before she stepped fully into his embrace and surrendered herself to him. Memories of their first kiss came flitting back to her, but that had been the first fumbling attempt of an inexperienced boy and an innocent girl. Now Tearlach was a man who had become, over the years, an expert in the art of kissing. Norah had a brief flash of jealousy as she wondered who he had practiced with, because he had definitely practiced with someone, or many someones.

But none of that mattered now. Now his lips were caressing hers, and they felt surprisingly soft and gentle. Surely most men did not have lips as tender as these ones? Norah started a little as Tearlach's tongue parted her lips and invaded her mouth, stroking her own tongue until she began to imitate him, making him growl with pleasure. The beard he had grown was rasping gently against her face, adding to the myriad of new and wonderful sensations she was experiencing.

Tearlach gathered her further into his embrace, holding her so that they were pressed tightly together from chest to thigh. Norah had often wondered how it would feel to be in Tearlach's arms, but her imaginings had not done justice to the sublime experience.

His chest was unexpectedly firm, as were the arms wrapped around her, and the thighs pressed against hers. The pressure of the hard ridge against her belly was unexpected, although she knew what it was, but she had not expected the reaction of her own body to be so swift or so intense.

No one had ever told her that she would feel this warm, molten sensation between her thighs, or that she would experience a pleasant, fluttering ache that was becoming sweeter and stronger by the second. No one had ever told her that her nipples would throb and tingle, or that she would feel the urge to rub herself Tearlach's erection like a wanton, lustful woman.

Tearlach could not have stopped himself from kissing Norah if his life had depended upon it. She was angry with him, yes, and he had disgraced himself, yes, but she was a tender, giving woman and he loved her with every part of himself. As soon as his mouth met hers he was lost in her sweetness. He felt as if he had come home, as if this was the place he was meant to be, and this was the only person he was destined to be with.

She smelled of the wood of the fire, a little fresh sweat, ale, and an indefinable musk that was all her own. Her body was as soft and pliant as he had expected it to be, as were the lips that he was tasting for only the second time in his life. He could feel her hesitation at first, no doubt because of her innocence and inexperience, but he would soon put that right. He would make her want to kiss him again and again until she was dizzy with desire.

Tearlach never wanted to move away from her, but when he felt Norah's body begin to move rhythmically from side to side against him, he pushed her away, breathing hard. He was afraid of what he might do if she stayed in his arms.

"I-I'm sorry," Norah gasped, shaking her head. "Did I do something wrong?"

Tearlach shook his head, smiling at her fondly. "No, love, nothin'," he replied. "The fault is no' yours. I was afraid that I would never be able to stop if I didnae tear myself away. Ye have nae idea the strength of a man"s passion sometimes. Especially this man." He gazed at her pleadingly, begging her to understand.

Norah was hurt at having been pushed away, feeling rejected again. So much for her dreams of being married to Tearlach, having children with him and growing old together. They were nothing but foolish fantasies, and the need he had for her was only for the fulfillment of his bodily needs. She nodded slowly and turned away again, trying to turn her mind to practical matters.

"I must cook you something," she said tonelessly. "You must be starving. Sit down and rest for a while."

"Do you need any help?" he asked, suddenly restless. He needed to be useful, since he did not want to be even more of a liability than he had already been.

"Thank you, no," Norah replied, coolly. "I can manage on my own, thank you."

In his present frame of mind, her answer sounded to him like a rebuke, but he did as he had been bidden and sat down where he had a good view of her. He watched the effortless, capable way she did things with admiration. Norah had been brought up a gentlewoman, and this kind of work was completely outside her realm of experience, yet she was handling it with ease, as if she had been doing it all her life.

When she had chopped the meat and vegetables, she fried them in lard, adding herbs and salt as she went along, then she poured some stock on them and left the mixture to cook.

In the meantime, despite Norah refusing his help, Tearlach had made himself useful by bringing in logs from the woodpile outside to stack beside the fire. Despite herself, Norah admired the play of the bulging muscles in his arms as she remembered the feeling of safety they had given her.

While she was waiting for the stew to cook, Norah kept herself busy around the cottage. She began to sweep the dirty straw off the floor then went to fetch clean dry straw to scatter on the ground, then she began to dust all the shelves on which their food was kept. Lastly, she emptied the bucket with all their household rubbish in it into the midden outside.

She had done everything she could to avoid speaking to or looking at Tearlach, because she did not want to engage him in conversation again, for that might lead to more kissing, and she was not sure if she could resist him a second time.

Suddenly Tearlach could stand the awkward silence no longer. "Norah - dae ye accept my apology?" he asked desperately. "I cannot leave ye knowin' that ye hate me. I know that what I did was stupid, an' I must go back an' make amends to my family, somehow, but I have to know if ye can forgive me."

Norah sighed and passed a hand over her eyes. "Tearlach, the past has come and gone and we cannot change it. I am sorry too, but all we can do now is go forward. You cannot go back to your family because it would put them in danger, and you cannot stay here for the same reason." She paused, gathering her thoughts, then looked up at him.

"It makes no difference whether I forgive you or not, Tearlach. I don't matter here. Your family does. You should be asking them for forgiveness, but you can't." Then, abruptly, she changed the subject. "Go and wash before we eat." She took a rough piece of thick linen from the shelf and threw it at him. "Dry yourself with this, and make sure nobody sees you." Then she turned her back on him again.

Tearlach looked at her with a mixture of helplessness and indignation for a moment, then left. He cautiously crept down to the water, stripped off his clothes, and waded into it, washed every part of himself, and ducked his head under the loch's freezing surface. He had often washed in cold water before, but had never immersed himself in it, yet he reveled in the icy, painful burn, as if he was punishing himself for his sins as a flagellant would with a whip. He deserved the discomfort. He deserved that and much more, he thought, for being the kind of loathsome creature that he was.

At last, he climbed out of the loch and dried himself with the scratchy linen towel, then headed back to the cottage. He was still shivering when he arrived to find that Caitrin had joined them again.

Her old, seamed face broke into a wide smile when she saw him. "What have ye been doin'?" she asked in disbelief. "Tryin' tae drown yourself?"

"Bathin' in the loch," he replied, trying to keep still, even though his teeth were chattering and gooseflesh had erupted all over his skin.

"I dinnae usually put my whole self in at one time," Caitrin chuckled. She whipped the towel out of his hand, pushed him inside the cottage, then unceremoniously shoved him into a seat by the fire and began to vigorously towel dry his hair.

Tearlach gave a token cry of protest then gave up the fight and allowed his thick mop of hair to be thoroughly tossed and tousled so hard that not a drop of extra moisture would have dared to stay in it. When Caitrin had finished, she fetched a bone comb and began to tug it through the knots in his hair left by her previous ministrations. It was so painful that Tearlach had to grit his teeth to keep from crying out, but he endured it, then sighed with relief when she had finished.

"Well, ye look much better, if I say so myself!" Caitrin observed, smiling in satisfaction as she stood back to admire her handiwork. "Does he not, Norah?"

Norah looked up briefly. "Yes. Much better," she said, her voice completely devoid of feeling.

Caitrin frowned and wondered what had happened while she had been away. She noticed that Tearlach was still shivering and dropped a blanket over his shoulders to warm him up, then she went to bring the bowls of stew to the table.

"The village is still full o' talk of the redcoats," Caitrin told them. "But it seems they have got tired o' this place an' gone to bother somebody else. I hope they dinnae come back!" Her voice was a growl.

"It is the most excitement there has been here for a long time," Norah observed. "But we could do without that kind of fuss and bother. Everybody was scared to death."

If her words were meant to make Tearlach feel guilty, they succeeded. "I have caused enough trouble for both o' ye," he said firmly. "I will leave as soon as it's fully dark."

"Don't be stupid," Norah snapped. "You would never be able to cover any distance on foot. There might be a moon, but it's still too dark to see more than a few yards ahead of yourself."

"I will leave at dawn, then," Tearlach suggested. "I have nae wish to cause ye any more trouble, Mistress Caitrin. Ye have been much kinder to me than I deserve, an' every minute I stay here means more danger for you."

Caitrin flicked a frowning look at Norah before turning to Tearlach again. "Ye are welcome to stay as long as ye need, Tearlach," she said earnestly. "You are a true Scot an' I will dae whatever I can for ye. Anyway, it is a pleasure tae have a man about the house again. It feels more homely."

Tearlach smiled warmly and put his hand over hers on the table. "Thank ye, sweet lady, but I cannae do that. If I am found it is no' only me they will punish, but you too. I will leave an' you will both be safe again."

"We will no' be safe until the Sassenachs are gone for good," Caitrin replied grimly, but she nodded slowly in resignation and they lapsed into silence as they ate their meal. When it was finished, Norah cleared away the plates and Tearlach hugged Caitrin. "Thank ye, sweet lady, from the bottom of my heart," he said softly. "I will never forget ye."

Caitrin said nothing, but kissed his cheek tenderly and gave him a tearful smile before she went to her small sleeping alcove in the corner and drew the curtain.

"You will have to sleep on the floor," Norah told him as she unrolled her own straw mattress. "We have no more pallets."

Tearlach laughed softly. "Norah - I am used to sleepin' on the hard ground outside. A wooden floor is like a feather bed to me!" He waited while she gathered together some thick blankets and spread two on the floor, one on top of the other, then gave him the last one to cover himself with.

"Thank you for everything, Norah," he said, as he lay down. "Goodnight." He waited for a moment, but there was no answer. He heard the soft sounds of Norah settling down to sleep, yet still she said nothing. He sighed, rolled over and closed his eyes, but despite his best efforts, sleep was taking a very long time to come. Norah was far too close yet so very far away, and her nearness disturbed him on so many different levels. He wanted her in his arms instead of six feet away from him, and he had to hold himself back from crossing the room to lie down beside her.