Chapter 13

Cameron did not make a quiet entrance into the Struthers's homestead. He galloped Jimmy right up to the house and dismounted, then looked around to see if there was anyone in the yard or inside the house. There was no-one, but the cottage was unlocked, so he sat down and made himself as comfortable as he could, considering the fact that he was both furious and sad at the same time.

He was aware that he was neglecting the work he had promised to do to repay his debt, and that he was not working his own land either, but what else could he do? Ava was more important than either of those things. Without her, life was not worth living, so why should he bother to care for his land? He ran his hand over his cheeks and his chin, aware that he needed to shave and wash. He knew that he was not taking care of himself properly, but at this moment nothing really mattered but the woman he loved.

Ava was collecting hay and bringing it inside the barn in a barrow when she saw Jimmy, Cameron's horse, grazing outside the door of her house. Cameron could not be here at this time of the day, surely? She knew that he worked twice as hard as she did, especially during the day; he had to, because he was doing the work of two men at the moment. Where was he? She looked around the kitchen garden and could not find him there. That only left one place.

Ava approached the cottage and went inside. Her eyes flew open at the sight of Cameron sprawling across one of the chairs, staring at her as she opened the door.

"Cam - what are you doing here?" she asked, puzzled. "Should you not be working?"

Cameron stood up and walked across the room, then pulled her into his arms and laid his cheek on top of her head, before hugging her so tightly that she thought her ribs would break.

Ava relaxed into his hold, loving how their bodies fitted together perfectly, how she could hear his heartbeat thudding against her ear, and how he warmed her both inside and out. He always made her feel so safe.

Cameron sighed, feeling his body responding to the woman he loved in its usual primitive way. He wanted her desperately, and he would have thrown her up onto his horse and ridden away with her if he could, but first he had to remove the biggest obstacle to their being together - James Henderson.

He put her away a little so that he could look into her glorious golden eyes, and then, unable to help himself, he kissed her, not passionately, but with all the tenderness and love that he could pour out to her. Her body moulded to his even more tightly and he groaned with desire. He wanted her so badly.

Ava tightened her arms around him and gave him her lips for a second kiss, this time hungrier than before, and she felt his big hands cupping the cheeks of her backside and squeezing her gently. Her body responded at once with a flood of moisture between her legs and she moaned softly with need.

Eventually they drew apart and she looked up into his blazing blue eyes. Oh, god, what a beautiful man he was, and how much she loved him!

Then, suddenly, it all came rushing back. This was the man who had betrayed her with another woman, who had declined to even come to pay his respects to a man who had almost become a father to him. Ava might desire him, but she could not afford to love him. Not anymore. Love was for people who were generous and kind to one another, not those who used others for their own ends.

Abruptly, Ava pushed him away, and he stepped backwards, almost toppling over a lantern that was standing on the table. He caught it in time, then turned to Ava again, but she had whirled around and was across the room before he could catch her. They stood staring at each other for a short while before Ava sat down, carefully keeping her distance.

There was a long, tense silence, which Ava broke by saying: "I thought we told ye no' to come here again?"

Cameron gave a cynical chuckle. "Ava, I did not see ye turnin' me away. I received a very nice welcome." He bowed his head. "An' I could no' stay away."

"I was confused," Ava said, angry with herself. "I was -"

"Glad to see me?" he supplied hopefully.

"Get out! Get out, Cam!" She stood up and advanced towards him threateningly. "We told ye no' tae come back here."

"Make me leave." He stood with his arms spread out, inviting her to move him. "If ye can't, I will stay here until ye talk to me. I mean it, Ava. If ye don't talk to me I will sleep on the floor tonight."

"The others will be in soon, then we will get rid o' ye," Ava warned him. She did not want him to see all the tears that were gathering in her eyes, for this was much, much more difficult than she had expected.

"I doubt it," he remarked. "Ava, why do you no' just talk to me?"

She sighed, then sat down. He tried to sit on the seat beside her, but she held up her hands to stop him. She leaned her elbows on her knees and put her face in her hands.

"My father loved you like a son, Cam. Why did you no' come to say goodbye to him?" she said.

"I wanted to, Ava, but when I reached the church, the ceremony was over. The minister had told me the wrong time an' I got there too late." He ran his fingers through his blond locks and sighed angrily. "The minister told me that James Henderson had threatened him if he did no' move the time o' the service. I went there afterwards but the cleanin' lady there told me the service had finished. It was three hours earlier than I had been told. I am sorry, love, but it was no' my fault. Blame Henderson. He is a wicked man."

"I would no' say wicked," Ava replied. "But this would no' have happened a few weeks ago, Cam. you would have asked me about the funeral, an' there would have been no harm done. There was goodwill between us then. We were close."

"We can still be close." Cameron picked up Ava's hand and kissed it, and for a few moments she allowed him to hold onto it before snatching it away.

"We used to tell each other everything, Cam," she said sadly, "but no' any more."

"We can be like that again, Ava," he said softly. "But someone is trying to ruin our friendship, an' we cannot let him succeed. Look what he did to me this morning, Ava. it was my dearest wish to come an' say goodbye to your da, but he ruined it, an' he did it on purpose. He is a bad man, Ava. He told me he asked ye tae marry him, an' that ye said yes. Tell me he is lyin', Ava. Tell me ye have no' said yes."

Once again, Ava buried her face in her hands. "I told him to give me some time," she answered, sighing wearily. "But Cam, I am likely goin' tae say yes."

She watched his face flush as he took in the news, then his brows drew down in a thunderous frown. "But why?" he asked, baffled. "Why would ye do such a thing, Ava?"

"Because I need to feed my sisters and myself," she replied. "Another harvest like the last one will ruin us."

"But I will help you," Cameron pointed out desperately. "You do not have to do this, Ava. Say no. Tell him you have thought it over and you are refusing. You don't even have to give him reasons."

Ava shook her head. She looked at the man she loved more than life itself and her heart ached. Once they were married to two different people they would be separated forever. Cameron's work would keep him busy, and he would likely fall in love with Davina Henderson. She was, as Ava had seen, a very beautiful woman who wore silk, satin and velvet day dresses, and smelled of exotic perfumes.

"But you still have to marry Davina," she pointed out. "Otherwise you will not inherit the estate."

Cameron leapt to his feet. "Damn the estate, Ava! I don't want it! I never did!" His voice was trembling with rage. "An' I don't want Davina either! She tried to drive a wedge between us, but she did no' succeed, an' she will never succeed, because I love you. You are the love o' my life, Ava Struthers! There will never be anybody else in my heart, an' I would marry ye in a second if only there was some way we could stop Henderson from using both of us to get what he wants, but I cannot let you an' your sisters die a slow death because o' me." He turned away and pushed his fingers back through his corn-colored hair in a gesture of extreme agitation, something Ava had always found extremely appealing. Now it merely made her feel worse.

When he stopped his tirade he tried to pull Ava into his arms again but she pushed him away, even though it was the hardest thing she had ever done. He could have held onto her, since he was strong enough, but he let her go.

"Forgive me, Ava, for a' the wrongs I have done ye," he said sadly, his shoulders slumping. "If I could only think o' some way out o' this. I would take it."

Ava nodded and gave a deep sigh. "If I marry you, you will have to give up the estate. If that happens we will both be the worse for it. You would no' be able to provide for all o' us. At least this way we each get somethin', if no' everythin'. I love ye, Cameron, an' that is why I am goin' tae marry James, even though I don't want to, because I love you an' my sisters. Now, please go."

Cameron could almost hear his heart shatter as he looked at Ava, standing in front of him. With her river of chestnut hair hanging down her back, her deep golden eyes and luscious lips, she was the loveliest woman he had ever met, and neither Davina nor any other woman could hold a candle to her.

Cameron gave her one last pleading glance, but she turned away. All of a sudden, he had to get out. He could not breathe the same air as Ava any more, for it was just too painful.

Ava watched him as he jumped onto Jimmy and urged him into a gallop, then they disappeared around a bend in the road. She flopped down into a chair again and began to weep silently, and it was like this that her sisters found her a short while later. Nothing could comfort her.

Cameron had had the half-empty bottle of whisky for a long time, but had never felt the need to drink it. Now, he took it from the shelf where it had been resting for years and looked at it carefully, wiping away the dust that had settled on it with his fingertips. The last person who had drunk out of the bottle was his mother, who had found it full, outside a local tavern. She had drunk it very sparingly, which was why there was still so much of it left.

He flopped down onto his bed and looked into the darkness for a moment then tipped the bottle to his lips. The first sip was so fiery that it made him cough and splutter furiously for a moment, as it burned its way down his throat. He lay for a moment, breathing heavily, and tried to make his mind go blank, but recurring images of Ava kissing James Henderson passed before his eyes. It was torture.

At least, kissing was how it started, then it moved onto him fondling her breasts and running his hands over her body. All the while Ava was moaning and shuddering with passion, and seemed to be enjoying every minute of James's sensual assault, until finally they were making love. Cameron roared with anger and frustration, and resumed his assault on the whisky.

After the second sip, it had lost the worst of its bite and it slipped quite easily down his throat. The pain in his mind and heart had eased a little, and as the contents of the bottle dwindled, Cameron found himself drifting downwards into a soft, pleasant haze before sleep claimed him.