4. Holden

My daughter flops her piece of pizza onto her plate, her frown never fading. "So, she's just going to stay here?"

I set another piece of pizza onto Harry's plate while Lexi observes everyone, not saying much. Fair enough, I've dragged us down a hole.

Something snapped when she showed up yesterday at my office. An immediate inkling to push her limits, and there is nothing to rein me in. I didn't lie, I'm desperate for a little help when it comes to Lori and Harry. Losing another nanny created a total shuffle of my schedule, and I'm struggling to figure out the little things, such as what the hell goes into a lunchbox, because that was a lie when I told Lexi that of course I know how to. But, truthfully, lunch-making is my nemesis, and it's such a simple task too.

"Lexi will stay here for a little bit. She has to work on the Dizzy Duck, but we're short on rooms there, and now the water in the guesthouse is off. We're lucky enough she can give us a hand or two, and she isn't a stranger to us."

"But I'm not a nanny," Lexi chirps, then sinks into her seat in case she's out of line.

Lori and Harry shoot her a stare as if they forgot she was here even though we've been talking about her.

"It's cool. She seems nice." Harry isn't fazed as he enjoys his pizza. My son has a kind heart, and even if he pulls a prank, it's because he wants to make someone laugh and not out of vengeance… but if it pushes a nanny away, then he doesn't mind that either. He has a softer personality than I ever had. Sports don't really seem to be his thing, and sometimes I'm not entirely sure if I'm getting it right in trying to relate to one another.

He continues to speak with a full mouth. "It'll drive my teacher crazy when a not-ugly nanny shows up to pick me up." God, his single teacher who lays it on thick at parent-teacher meetings.

"Not a nanny," Lexi reminds us all again, her tone now exhausted from her repeated memo to the table.

Lori shakes her head and grabs her cell phone that somehow made it out of my discipline attempt. I said it was only for communication to text one friend for the night before taking it back. But that plan went to hell when every kid her age uses their phones for everything, and it's my lifeline to connecting with her.Lori is perhaps my biggest challenge as of late, but she's also not, because her stubbornness and independence are good attributes as she grows older. It's just… can't she give me one clue that we're alright? At least before boys enter the picture? Give me an opportunity to save up a little energy before we have to deal with the teenage chapter?

Lori doesn't even part from her screen. "As fun as this little conversation is, I'm sure our guest is aware that my room is off-limits."

Lexi quickly answers, "Of course. Besides, I have no plans to be here every second of the day, so do your thing. I'm only sitting here right now because pizza seemed like a way to refill my strength and hopefully bring back reason."

I'm on board with Lexi's humor, it means not a dull moment that isn't exhausting. My hand slides across my face, not allowing myself to think any more about Lexi as I deal with my daughter. "No, Lori? Can't even be polite for maybe three minutes?"

She studies Lexi up and down, then she grumbles before sliding off her chair. "I'm going upstairs. My nail polish color doesn't match my outfit for tomorrow." Off she goes with her signature hair flip as a statement. I hate it, as much as I try to suppress a smile that wants to form. My daughter has a backbone.

"Great conversation," I call out and unenthusiastically give myself a little fist pump. Glancing to Lexi, she offers me a pained sympathetic look.

"Will you make me a peanut butter sandwich for school lunch tomorrow but use cashew butter?" Harry plays with the cheese on his pizza.

"Why cashew butter?" I'm confused, he loves peanut butter.

"Because Mrs. Crawl said it's a new school rule in the email you should have read that we need to use cashew or almond butter because of allergies."

I snicker as I see Lexi contemplate that logic. "Sure, let me dig it out of the pantry."

"What a bummer. They're ruining a classic American sandwich," he groans.

I reach over to nudge his arm with my fist. "How about we make peanut butter and jelly cheesecake soon?"

His face instantly lights up. "Really?"

"Yeah, it's the only thing I know how to make, and lucky for me, it happens to be my son's favorite." I smile because it does the trick every time. It's a pain to bake because it takes hours, but I always knock it out of the park. Not even sure how I found the recipe in the first place, but it's my golden ticket. "Anything else?"

He shakes his head, still smiling. "No, I'm going to go read my book now."

"Sure, kiddo." I'm both relieved and sad that we're past the whole storybook and tuck-in phase. It was a time drain, but now I'm wishing I could turn the clock back. Those were guaranteed moments of bonding. I watch Harry leave as I recall it all.

It's only when I hear a stifled laugh that I turn to see Lexi desperately trying to suppress a laugh.

"Yes?" I wonder what the hell could be so amusing.

"No offense, but your kids are hysterical and are totally giving you a hard time because they can. I even have a feeling that one of them will add something awful to my morning coffee, and still, it's kind of funny."

"Are you serious?" Lexi nods up and down in response as she stands to collect plates. "You don't need to do that."

"Oh yeah? You know where the dishwasher is?" Her joke causes me to break out in a smile. "By the way, what is this sorcery of peanut butter and jelly cheesecake of which you speak?"

I follow her in clearing the table and head straight to the sink with pride on my face. "It's my gateway to happiness for children and adults. If you haven't had it yet, then your life isn't complete."

"It sounds delicious and the last thing that would have been on my radar of what to expect from you. But peanut butter squishes all doubts."

"As it should. You know, I… have no clue why I'm dragging you into this."

Maybe it's a game? Everything in my life might feel like a mess, but this is a fun escape I still deserve. Except I'm not sure where our blue line is. Flirtation is okay, but crossing the lines, probably not.

Lexi clears her throat, breaking me away from my thought. "Can I ask, Holden?" She seems to hesitate, and I think I know where this is going. "I know that you were married and the divorce was kind of ugly, but…"

Grabbing a kitchen towel, I turn to lean against the sink. "It was more than ugly. Michelle was, well… a bitch, to put it bluntly, and I don't use that word lightly."

Her lips roll in then her boldness returns. "Was it always that way between you two?"

I scoff a sound and stare ahead of me at the wall. "It was. Lori was an accident, and I will always be grateful it happened. But marrying because of an unexpected pregnancy isn't always the right move. I learned that the hard way," I reflect.

"But you stayed together long enough to bring another child into the world."

"Damn, Lexi. You're not afraid to be forward. But to answer your question. We always lived separate lives in our marriage, as in even separated. Michelle didn't have much interest in being a mom, but I still wanted it to work for Lori's sake. Still, it got to the point when divorce was the only way, but one night I had a thought of pure desperation that we could try one more time to make it work for Lori, and then Harry entered the picture. And I'm 100% sure that Michelle planned it that way to string me along. After Harry was born though, I still asked for a divorce, especially when she…"

She gently touches my elbow. "You don't have to say. You've already shared a lot."

Why am I? I don't really talk about this. Especially with a woman who dropped into my life. Still, intuition has me knocking down a block. My eyes whip to hers. "You're easy to talk to."

"It seems so."

"Michelle didn't want to be a mom. Simply said, she got pregnant with the hope that it would bring her the life of luxury she wanted. When motherhood hit, then reality came crashing down. How someone can walk away like that, I don't know. But I had hoped co-parenting could still happen. So, yeah… that divorce was fun." My head drops, and I bite my bottom lip from the recall of events. "Funny how people are. She has no interest in being a mom, yet she wanted a hefty settlement in order for me to have full legal custody of the kids. I thought that would at least keep one door open if she asked or made an effort to be involved."

Lexi winces at my story, and her hand slides up my arm to land on my shoulder to give a few squeezes to show comfort. "That never happened," I state somberly.

But even though I'm talking about the misery of divorce, a weightlessness comes over me, and I think it's because of her touch. I can't help but follow the path of where her palm traveled.

"I'm sorry that happened. Lori and Harry?"

A long exhale escapes me. "Harry was too young to remember, and Lori was almost four. Maybe it's why she's a little extra… difficult."

Lexi smiles gently. "Oh, I assure you that it's pre-teen angst too. You're not the only parent to be going through this. I was rebellious and utter hell when I was her age… well, until now too, but you know what I mean."

I chuckle and enjoy that her hand hasn't left my arm, even if it's platonic. "I'm sure your dad loves that."

Now she lets go, and her gaze circles to the floor. "I think we can all agree that hockey is number one for him, and I'm a distant second. My dad, I mean sure, he loves me and is protective, but his time is consumed by hockey."

"Protectiveness, for sure. The first pep talk of the season was always for everyone on the team to stay away from you. It's supposed to be a lifetime oath." A small grin forms on my lips.

Her mouth slants halfway up as our moment holds from my words. "Well then, oaths are not meant to be broken." It feels like she is testing me.

I'm not sure what to say except, "Want more wine?"

Lexi softly shakes her head. "Nah, it's okay. I'm going to go use a shower that actually works and get some shuteye. The carpet guy is meeting me at nine tomorrow."

If my kids weren't here, then I would storm right after her to help her undress and join her in the shower so I can get a little relief. I'm not immune to having someone on call for physical gratification, but it's been a solid few months since I got laid.

Attempting to gather some composure, I decide to be the exemplary older one. "Of course, and thanks."

"Anytime. Communication isn't breaking an oath… even if it's dirty. Night-night." She wiggles her fingers at me, pleased with her closing sentence.

The moment she's gone, my upper body collapses over the counter, desperate to do everything to her that's in my mind right now.

* * *

Walkinginto the Dizzy Duck after school drop-off, I debate if it's good for morale for my staff to see me carrying coffee from another establishment, but I think they understand the need for real caffeine.

I glance at Stuart behind the reception desk as he's typing away on the laptop. "We're going to switch to tablets soon to give this place a sleeker feel."

Stuart looks up. "I know, but some things only really work on laptops."

"Solid point." I have to agree. "I'll be in my office," I say.

Starting my walk, I only manage to get a few steps before I backtrack to look at the empty spot on the wall. "What happened to the moose?"

"Lexi had it taken down. You know, she really has great ideas. She should have her own television show. She's hot enough for—" I shoot him a sharp glare, and he must get the sentiment of my scowl. "Or not." He swallows.

Pursing my lips, I decide to find the woman of the hour. It doesn't take long, as she's in the hall that leads to the private reception room. I missed the detail that she's in skinny jeans and heels, since she left before I made it downstairs this morning. The carpet guy is getting a gift to his eyes since Lexi's ass is in the air as she leans over to check two swatches against the wood.

She's completely unaware. "No, let's still do wood. The carpet doesn't work."

For some reason, a wave of protectiveness hits me. Partly because I am a territorial motherfucker when it comes to a woman that I shouldn't pursue but probably will anyhow.

Clearing my throat, carpet guy looks at me and meets my warning glare. He adjusts his posture and slides his eyes away from Lexi.

"Lexi." Saying her name seems to surprise her, and she looks over her shoulder from the samples that the man way below her league is observing.

"Oh, hey." She stands up to greet me with a smile.

I crook my finger to gesture her over. "A word."

Lines form on her forehead. "Excuse me for a second," she tells the guy. Her saunter to me is nearly in slow motion. "Yes…" she leans in quickly, "Master," she whispers her taunt.

My face remains stoic, trying not to let her have the upper hand. "The moose is gone."

"Yeah, because you said it could go."

"Where is it?"

"A closet, why? Does it deserve a ceremonial funeral or something?"

I'm being absolutely ridiculous. "No…" I just need a reason to bother you. "Let's just save it for sinking it to the bottom of the lake or something when the Dizzy Duck is all remodeled."

She nods. "A good idea. We could even get a special buoy to mark his resting place." Is she teasing or is she serious? I can't tell.

"The room warm enough for you? Enough bounce to the mattress for your special time? The drawer the right size for your supplies to get you through the moments when you have some frustration to work out?"

Lexi's face flushes red, with her eyes blazing as I stand in front of her casually drinking my coffee.

"Uh…"

"The old first-floor guest room of the inn for your designing stuff, of course." Absolutely not. "You wanted to keep your supplies and samples there. I can imagine you just use the bed as a shelf and probably tuck some scissors and tape measures in the drawer. Naturally, being a good boss, I wouldn't want you to freeze in there. Why? What did you think I mean?"

She attempts to avoid my gaze, but I only step closer. "Do I make you nervous, Lexi?" I speak so only she can hear. The tension between us causes a shiver for us both, but we try to keep our bodies in check.

Lexi partly opens her mouth but only a croak escapes, then she gathers her thoughts. "No."

My voice turns rather chipper. "Thought so, considering you were spying on me yesterday when I went to take a shower." I get to enjoy a second of her jaw dropping before I turn to leave on that note.

Because yeah, I've been holding onto that fact.

My phone dings with a reminder, and I swipe my screen while juggling my coffee. Lucky me, each of my kids are at a sleepover with friendstomorrow.

Oh, look at that. Seems to mean I'll be alone with my house guest.