13. Holden

Ikissed her like it matters.

I know I did.

But it's not a complication. Is it? Now I need to focus on Lori who is about to come down the stairs for breakfast. I remind myself to stay calm and collected. Play it cool. Lexi is near, casually sipping her tea, and Harry pulls out a donut from the box.

The sound of Lori's steps approaching feels daunting, but I've mentally been preparing myself for this all night.

She looks at me warily, but I decide to jump right in. "So… it's morning." I have no clue why I just said that, but if it sounds like I'm nervous, it's because I am.

Lexi gently touches my elbow. "I think she knows that."

Lori grabs a donut from the box. "Why do we have donuts? Normally we have donuts on Saturdays."

"I know, but two days in a row is fine. I went this morning to Jolly Joe's to pick them up, they're fresh." Because I couldn't sleep. I clap my hands together. "You know what? Today we'll make peanut butter and jelly cheesecake."

Harry perks up. "Awesome, donuts and cake in the same day."

"Well, the cheesecake needs to be in the fridge overnight, so not exactly all today," I correct him.

Lori stares at me blankly, waiting for whatever blunder might come out of my mouth next.

"How about tomorrow? I'll just let school know that you'll be off for a few days."

The flare of fury erupts on my daughter's face. "Stop acting weird." I try to get us back to normal morning routine, and I drink my mug of coffee. "I'm a woman now, okay?" She's defensive, and I nearly choke on my hot brew.

Lexi intervenes. "Well, I think Harry and your dad can make that cake and you and I can get out of the house while your dad… adjusts." She gawks at me as a warning to get it the fuck together.

Harry's eyes dance between us all. "Why is everyone acting strange?"

I pinch the bridge of nose, miserably failing at this morning. "Doesn't matter, buddy."

Lori bites into a donut with glaze, her favorite. "You know now. I'm fine. Let's move on. I want to just lie on the couch anyways, I feel ugh."

I swallow, hating myself right now. A woman's monthly supplies don't scare me, but when it comes to my daughter, I'm a basket case.

"Sounds like a plan. I'll join you. Grab some nail polish and snacks, I can grab you a blanket, and we'll probably binge on some bad reality television," Lexi offers.

It grabs my attention when it dawns on me. "Don't you have the flea market today?"

She shrugs. "It's okay. There's another one next weekend."

My lips twitch from her thoughtfulness, and she recognizes it.

"Thanks, Lexi," Lori says softly and throws Lexi a look that seems to be a sort of understanding that only they have. I guess the name houseguest went out the window.

It occurred to me a few times that there isn't a woman in Lori's life to prepare her for the years ahead. My mom and sister are a few hours' drive too far to play a role. I just never figured out an answer of how to deal with a daughter and only her dad in her life.

I guess Lexi paid me back more than a favor.

* * *

Lexi's mouthgapes open as she watches Harry and me prepare a cake. "You really swirl strawberry jelly into the cake, that's a heaven of cream cheese and peanut butter?"

"It's the best." Harry is in his element.

I carefully swirl the jam with the blade of a knife. "It's delicious. The graham cracker crust is essential, though. We tried it once with chocolate cookie crumbs, and that was just an insane tastebud explosion on that one. We all mutually agreed that we needed to take it down a notch and go traditional with this recipe," I explain.

Despite the start of the day, it's been relaxing spending time with Harry and Lori, although quiet. Lori nods her head in agreement with my assessment and has a new glow on her face that might even connect us more. The snark went down a level.

And then there is Lexi who observes us all with joy. Maybe she's doubted me and parenting, but today she seems in awe.

"I feel, as the houseguest, that I should get the first piece once it's done." Lexi is dead serious, and Harry and I smile.

"Nuh-uh, I always get the first piece," Harry is quick to inform her.

She brings her hand to her heart. "Then I shall not break tradition."

We're going into the final stretch as I slide the cake onto the wire rack in the oven. Once it's out, then we have hours of cooling off the cake before it goes in the fridge. "Okay, negotiations over then. What are we doing for actual dinner? Stir fry?"

Lexi raises her hand. "I could try to make Sloppy Joes… or rather, find a can of it. But seriously, I can make it from scratch."

"Yes, can we have that?" Harry asks me.

"Yep. Lexi has to prove her cooking skills," I agree.

Our eyes catch, and we're becoming even more relaxed around one another, with Lori and Harry too. Why isn't there a red warning flare in my head yet?

* * *

After cleanupof delicious sloppy joes and with the cheesecake now in the fridge for overnight, I do what I know I shouldn't. I find myself knocking on the guest room door.

It's only a few seconds before Lexi greets me at the door in a tank and pajama pants. "Hey there, stranger. Is this the part when you tell me that someone has food poisoning?"

I chuckle. "No. It's the part where I yet again thank you."

Her demeanor leaves her sarcasm behind. "You did good, Holden. I imagine it can't be easy."

My lips roll in because I agree with her but also appreciate her support. "Yeah, but you were there. Unplanned. But you were there. That's maybe the real favor that I needed. So, thank you for writing that IOU on a napkin way back."

I feel like we both have a giddy look on our faces because this conversation calls for emotion that can't be hidden behind jabs and teasing.

"I wouldn't consider it a favor."

I step closer, but she doesn't budge nor back up into her room. It's better that way since my son and daughter are upstairs. But it doesn't matter where she stands because I cup her face and bring her lips to mine, an instant murmur from her mouth before she kisses me back. We won't get to strip off a scrap of clothing right now, but I still want to kiss her.

It's not even from a debt that I owe her. It's because it isn't a debt to her at all.

We light a fire when we drown in our simmering sexual tension, but there is more to her that is underlying and deserves attention. The combination of attraction and personality opens a weakness within me.

I should run. Close the door and move on.

But her forehead rests against my nose when our mouths part, and she stays put. I smell her flowery hair, and my heart quickens. Lexi should retreat, but she doesn't. There is a wind around us; it should blow us in all directions, but it takes us only in one.

"Hey, Lexi," I whisper.

"Hmm."

My words are lost when all I can think about is asking for a weekend, just us. But something stops me.

"Nothing. Just good night and sleep well."

"I will." She smiles softly as she creates space. "Actually, tomorrow, can we meet? I mean at the Dizzy Duck?" My eyes nearly bug out, and she giggles. "Bad host of the house, I was purely indicating that I wanted to show you a few rooms that I'll finish tomorrow morning."

"Sure. Just find me when you're ready." I tense when I realize how our brains are wired and where our imaginations are going. "The meeting, about rooms and designs."

"Bedrooms. Not just rooms. Guest bedrooms," she replies with a husky tone, very well aware that we're both acting odd. My only response is to groan as I pivot to walk away.

When I hear her door close behind me, I'm relieved, because tomorrow means that I'll be closer to her again. Me and her.