8. Summer

8

SUMMER

I 'm more agitated than I should be today. While Bo slept like an angel, I barely slept a wink. Knowing Nash is on the other side of my bedroom wall will not be great for the lines under my eyes.

"So, how's it going with the brother-in-law? I'm beginning to wonder if you think he's from hell," Lexi asks casually as we walk down the hall of the inn toward the event room. She sometimes visits Holden during the day, but lately she's been decorating the place for fall and Halloween, as she's an interior designer.

My eyes slide up for a mere second then focus again on my list of upcoming events. "Fine. Barely. Okay. Whatever."

She stunts a laugh. "Sounds peachy."

I sigh and give up on trying to work and drop the list, and it hangs by my side in my clasp. "I'm trying to adapt to this whirlwind that my late husband seemed to have insisted he throw my way as a parting gift." Cynicism is my coping method.

"Makes sense. It's just you seem completely, well, almost… I can't pinpoint it, but it's a mix of good and bad." Sh e reviews me then extends her palm up. "I mean, you have total right to feel every emotion under the sun lately."

I throw her a glare because she knows not to treat me like delicate goods. She gawks at me at the reminder.

"Sorry," she apologizes before she presses the button on her watch. "Shit. Sorry to cut this short, but I need to meet the PTA moms for planning a fundraiser."

Ah, I needed to hear that because it makes me burst out with a laugh. "I can't believe you actually had a campaign to be voted head of the PTA."

"There's no shame in using cupcakes and bottles of wine to sway the vote," she defends.

"It's just… I can only imagine what they all think of you. The hot younger stepmom who infiltrated their circle."

Lexi shrugs. "They needed a new direction. Their former committee president wasn't upping her game in school events and was being a total bitch to half the population."

That whole situation has been fun to see. She loves Holden's kids like they're her own, because sometimes a parent comes in many forms. It causes a thought in my head, wondering if Nash will have this sort of feeling with Bo one day in the absence of Zac. The moment I process what I just imagined, I shake it off.

"Oh, hey." Harlow approaches us, and she looks as though she's heading to the gym.

"Bye, you guys, gotta run," Lexi greets her and scurries away.

My smile remains, and Harlow looks over her shoulder and her thumb directs toward Lexi who is turning a corner. "Another kid crisis?"

"Something like that." She hums a sound in understanding. "What brings you here?"

"Wanted to walk on the treadmill and use some tiny weights to stay in shape." She glances down at her protruding belly. "Besides, Stone wanted to meet with Holden and your new houseguest apparently. A Dizzy Duck executive meeting."

I stand in attention. "Oh."

Crap. I must look uncomfortable with the information that she's brought to light.

"Is that a problem?"

I bite my bottom lip as she observes me peculiarly.

Assessing the area, I decide mornings are sometimes too quiet here. That's the tranquility of Lake Spark, right? Guess it's a good time for a sounding board. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

I draw my tongue along my lip and tap the nails of my free hand against my dark fitted jeans. The perks of working at a boutique hotel is we can wear what we want within reason.

"Have you ever, I don't know, thought or known something, and as much as you want to keep it to yourself, you know you shouldn't? But if you do, then it can kind of turn the tide of daily life?"

Harlow exhales deeply and offers me an empathetic look. "I have." I'm an idiot, of course she has; past life events that she doesn't share often because they are just plain horrendous.

"What did you do?" I ask.

"Well, I wanted to keep it in more than anything. It took a while, but then I shared it with someone."

My neck elongates. "And?"

"It all became easier. Life became easier."

My entire body eases from the reality of what I already knew but needed confirmation on. "I was afraid you might say that."

"Then what's stopping you?"

"A further complication that it could cause," I reply.

Her eyes still appraise me, and she reaches out to my shoulder in comfort. "But will it really?"

"Haven't figured that out yet," I admit.

"Deep down you know. A moment will present itself."

"Maybe so."

I know so.

"Here, let me do it." I take over the mouse for the laptop from Stuart as we stand behind the receptionist desk. "Just click here then pull up the reservation screen." My actions follow my words as we attempt to tackle the new software.

"I don't think that helps," he points out.

I grumble and begin to jab the mouse button repeatedly to no avail.

"Go easy, will ya?" Holden says as he approaches the desk.

My eyes dart up to find Holden with a smile walking next to Nash who has an unreadable expression.

I grumble slightly. "Sorry. I'm just…" Nope. Not going to admit that I'm tired. "Forgot to grab my cup of coffee," I lie.

Nash clears his throat. "I can grab you one if you want."

"I don't need you to save the day," I mutter with annoyance, but then everyone darts their attention to me because they heard.

"Well… that's our cue to leave you two. Come on, Stuart, I think a new box of wine bottles arrived," Holden suggests, an d in my side view, I can see Stuart give an odd look and nod in agreement.

It takes a few seconds, but then Nash and I stare at one another, and we're both unsure who should say something first.

It's me. "I forgot that you suddenly have an interest in the hotel." At least my normal voice is back.

"Yeah, thought I would have a meeting with Holden first thing after a run."

I swallow. "I would say that I noticed you gone this morning, but I'm used to having no house guests, so it was a normal morning," I fib. I actually assumed it was avoidance.

"Right, I forgot to ask about the childcare situation with Bo when you're at work." Nash runs his hand along the back of his neck.

My cheeks rise as I laugh silently to myself. "You did mention that your baby skills were a two out of ten, so I'm not surprised." It causes him to ease. "My neighbor's eighteen-year-old daughter mostly watches him since she's taking night classes at the community college."

"Okay. Uhm, just let me know if you need me to watch him."

I'm now entertained. "Are you sure? Because you sound unsure."

He licks his lips that I remember as powerful. "It's why I'm here, isn't it? I want to help. I'll just need to pick up a few baby-whisperer abilities. That's all."

I tap my nails on the desk, debating what to do. I need to make this easier on us, except it probably won't. In fact, I'm about to lead us down a dangerous road.

I skim the lobby with my eyes and see that there is one older guest who is enjoying his cup of coffee while reading a financial newspaper as he sits in a comfortable chaise lounge .

Tucking a few loose strands of my hair behind my ear, I take the plunge. "Perhaps we can talk outside?" I suggest.

"Sure." Nash seems invested in wanting to have a discussion which is a start.

I close the laptop on the desk, perhaps with a little too much gusto. Nash lifts his arm out, indicating that I should lead the way. I offer him a polite half-smile, and he follows me in tow.

Just like the other day, we find ourselves on the inn's dock. And again, we face one another in an odd silence. I glance down at my foot as I draw a half circle on the wood, and I cross my arms.

Nash stuffs his hands into the pockets of his jeans as he rocks on his heels. "We always seem to end up here… past and present."

Our eyes meet with recognition. "Seems so." We linger in a moment that feels too heavy on my chest. "We should probably get over this awkwardness if we're going to be around one another more."

Nash nods once. "I agree."

"We have both been thrown into an unknown realm that Zac set us in."

He scoffs. "He was your husband. You would know him best."

That sets me off like a cannonball. "You really are going to keep throwing it in my face, aren't you? That I had a husband and have a son. And it's with your brother, too."

"Sorry." There is remorse in his tone, and he rubs his forehead.

"I'm not sure that's true." I mosey on past him with my back now facing him. "You're the one who walked away all those years ago. You had me first then let go. "

"And you walked straight into his arms." Now he just sounds bitter again.

I pivot, and my head whips in his direction. " You paved the road, Nash." Anger is now building up. I walk straight to him and push him because I'm furious at the heartache he gave me. "Maybe Zac never realized, but you're the one who pushed me away because of loyalty to your brother. I know I'm right."

"At least someone got their wish." His words are barely audible but not quiet enough. "He got you. The whole reason I let you go. He got the wife who he loved because you moved on from me."

I growl in frustration. "You wanted this!" I jostle him again.

He tenses, and he too is aggravated but does his best to keep it in. "Summer," he cautions.

I step in again, and he steps back. "No. I won't walk around as though I've done something wrong by becoming a wife and a mother."

Nash looks away. "A part of me always thought that you wouldn't return his feelings, but still, we couldn't hurt him. I just didn't think you two would ever happen. But he actually got to put a ring around your finger."

My shoulders puff up, and I do my best to square off with him. "Nash, you have no clue, do you?"

His brows rise. "What? That you were his wife and had a baby with Zac? It's pretty obvious."

My hands form fists as my tongue swipes across my teeth, gathering my strength for this conversation. "I loved him but in a different way."

He shakes his head, not believing me.

"Nash, I wanted to make him happy while he was sick. He asked, and I didn't say no because that's how much I care for him, but that doesn't mean that I was madly in love, you idiot."

His entire body stills as if a bullet just hit him, and for a few ticks, he evaluates my words. "Say that again."

"Our marriage wasn't what you thought."

Nash voluntarily steps back, and my feet follow as I face him, but it causes him to stumble… right into the water.

"Nash!"

The sound of water splashing and the sight of Nash's head appearing above water as he slows his strokes has me instantly near the edge.

I lean down and offer my hand which is ridiculous, as he's too strong for me anyhow. "This wasn't how this conversation was supposed to go."

"Really? Wouldn't have thought." He's sarcastic but reaches up for my hand.

In a flash, he curls his hand around my wrist and yanks me, causing me to lose my balance and plunge into the water with him.

What the hell? Now I'm furious all over again.

I flail my arms until I find stillness. My nipples are hard as pebbles, and I'm already freezing. I'm completely soaked, and my makeup is probably melting down my skin.

"Are you crazy?" I yell. "It's the end of September and the water is cold."

"Oh yeah? Then why did you cause me to fall in?"

I'm stunned. "Are you serious? You tripped!"

"Because you just casually mentioned something quite key to this little set-up my brother has thrown me into." Nash sounds livid.

"Ugh, I'm reminded why I think that I might hate you."

He swims closer to me. "Maybe I hate you too, except you know, that I never could, and I'm sure you know the sentiment."

"Fine! I dislike you with a strong dose of anger."

He pushes water toward me. "Ditto, Summer."

I splash water at him, frustrated. "Well, now you know. I married Zac when he told me he was sick and he had a wish. He was my best friend, something felt right about it. I cared so deeply for him, and I knew he loved me. I'd already been feeling alone for some time, and then he asked. I was overwhelmed."

Nash's nostrils flare. "Why didn't you clue me the fuck in about your marriage situation?"

"Really? That's your concern? You weren't at the top of the list of who to inform. Because if I recall, you sure as hell weren't dropping by for weekly family dinners or expressing an interest that you would come crawling back to me."

"I had hockey, and I had to stay away from y—" He cuts his statement short.

I growl as my legs whirl underneath the water. "Well, I made sure that happened. Besides, some things made sense between Zac and me. We were friends who made one another happy. Just not…"

Deeply in love.

"And Bo?"

"Sue me. We did something a few times, and maybe it was even an unspoken compromise because I've always wanted to be a mom. We ended up with a great child, your nephew."

Nash blinks as everything sinks in, literally.

Now that he knows this, everything is more dangerous between Nash and me.

We shouldn't be around one another. But right now, our bodies are nearly pressed together because I take hold of his shirt.

"Why the fuck did you have you to tell me this?" He nearly sneers.

"What?" My voice squeaks as I look up the sky because now I think Nash is crazy.

"This tidbit of information might have been useful." He's flippant. "Especially when deciding to stay here."

Because it makes it all even more complicated.

I shake my head and shove water his way. "No shit."

He continues to swim in place, clearly agitated. "You are not on the list of people who make me feel okay right now."

"I'm sure your list is non-existent on a normal day."

"Fuck," he barks. "I had the tiniest inclinations that your relationship might have been something like this. I just didn't want the fucking confirmation." He slams his hands on top of the water causing more ripples on the surface.

"What the hell does that mean?" My voice raises an octave.

Nash's eyes laser in, and he looks at me as if I should solve the riddle. "It might make it hurt even more."

I shake my head. "If you rewind the last five minutes, then you would realize we've established that it's you who led us all down this path."

"The past few days you let me think that your marriage was…"

"We started on the wrong foot because you're still a cocky asshole sometimes."

Nash growls then wipes droplets from his face. "The house?" His cheeks rise, and he's trying to keep his temper down.

"Oh, you mean which room I made a baby in?" I mock him, and it only makes him more dismayed .

"Summer," he grits out a warning.

I glance away then slide my eyes back to him. "I only moved in with Bo when Zac was in the hospital. So to answer your very inappropriate question from the other day, no. No, there is not a room where I made a baby in my house. The bed is new, too, you asshole. And while we're at it, no. No, I never told him about us. I made a promise, and I tend to keep those." I'm nearly livid that we're discussing this topic.

Nash stares at me blankly. "Okay," he replies with zero indication of what's running through his mind.

"Oh gee, does my answer appease you? I really want to throttle you right now."

He peers down and back up with a faint chuckle. "Well, you could if you want. Look where we are."

I take a moment to let the surroundings remind me of my setting. "Shit. Why are we still in the water?"

"Because you felt the need to explain important facts here," he says, irritated.

I growl. "Ugh, I need to find a way to live with you. This is ridiculous that I'm in the lake."

He smirks at me, and it's so smug. I remember that look. The one he would give before his mouth would move lower on my body. "What's even more ludicrous is that we can stand here."

"What?" Oh. It's a bit of a reach, but still, my feet touch the bottom of the lake and my head is still above the water.

Then it happens as we both stand. A calmness overtakes us as we stare at one another. A moment where even I can let my mouth ease into a small smile. It's not every day that you can clear the air in cold water. The corners of his mouth stretch up because he must feel it too.

Nash's hand comes out on offer. "A peace offering? No more jabs at one another? "

I think for a moment then sigh. Bo shouldn't be dragged into Nash's and my history. "Yes."

Reluctantly, I slide my hand into his. The connection hits with a jolt and an anger that the water on our skin is an extra layer between us. It rushes through my body, the patter of my heart and the warning that a truth may alter the moments that I'm alone with Nash.

But I won't think too hard as I walk up the slant of the dark sand on the shore.

We both look up to see that we have an entire audience.

Holden's face is puzzled. "Uh… you guys okay? I thought about throwing in the life vest, but when we all heard you two screaming that you hate one another, we decided you have some issues to work out."

While Nash continues his slow walk with a satisfied grin, I look at Holden and a few other staff members with embarrassment.

"How much of that did you hear?" I wonder.

"Nothing except the hate part. Kind of concerning," Holden tells me, pretty amused by all of this.

I hold my hand up, and my breath is heavy. "I think this…" I twirl a finger in the air, "is my cue that I might need to leave early today. I'm freezing, and I think…" I blink, trying to adapt to being back on land.

Holden holds his palms up. He's trying to suppress a laugh. "Say no more."

"What? What was that?" Nash cups his ear with his hand, pretending to try and listen. "Pick up milk from the grocery store since we now have a truce and I need to up my baby-whispering game from a two? You got it."

A rumbling sound rolls up my throat.

Was this a turning point for us? Arguing in the water to have transparency about our current situation…

…except our situation just became more complex. We now have a new kind of tension.