Chapter 4

A Year and a Half Later

“ H ow was your date last night?” Jill says, sipping her iced coffee and winking. “Did you … stay the night? You’re looking a little tired today.”

My mouth hangs open. “No, I didn’t stay the night, you weirdo.” I scoff. “Do you know what he wanted to talk about for the entire dinner? Protein shakes. Which ones are good. Which ones suck. Oh, and his workout regimen. And his favorite gym.” I widen my eyes at her. “And then, when I ordered French fries with my steak … he gave me a disgusted look.”

“I mean, I didn’t say he was the smoothest guy. But I’ve seen him doing pull-ups at the gym, and let’s just say … the snake was doing some swinging.” She grins, bobbing her head up and down. “I might be a happily married woman and all, but even I can appreciate a king-size dong when I see one.”

“Oh my good God. Something is not right with you, girl.” I shake my head, taking a swig from my coffee, knowing it’s not going to fix me. “Anyway, I need to go over my schedule, so if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go before you mention the word dong again.”

“Well, that’s the issue. You aren’t getting any!” she blurts out before I get the chance to gather my things. “It’s been, like … two years.”

“A year and a half,” I correct her. “That isn’t even that long.”

“Paige! That is not healthy!” she scolds me before standing up and grabbing a broom. “You might need this. You likely have cobwebs up your cooch.”

“On that note, I am going to my office.” I walk away from her, holding a hand up. “Let me know when my first patient arrives.”

“A year and a half is, like … a zillion days too long!” she calls behind me, but I keep walking.

Jill has been my assistant since I opened my office six months ago. And before that, we worked in another office together. She’s hilarious, but not when she’s talking about my vagina.

Walking into my office, I close the door behind me and sigh. I know damn well the last dong I got was my ex-husband’s. And as much as it pains me to say this, he left some big ol’ shoes to fill. It wasn’t only big. He also knew how to use it.

And now, my vagina is tingling. Awesome.

I’ve been on some dates, sure. But every one of them annoyed me. And technically, I’m still married to Kolt because the fucker has never signed our divorce papers—I’m sure, out of spite. So, I don’t want to hook up with anyone.

One day, when the right guy comes along, I’ll force Kolt to sign the damn papers. But for now, I don’t have the time or energy to deal with that. I own a physical therapy office, and that keeps me busy in itself. Besides, I’ve had my lawyer resend the papers a total of seven times. All of them have gone unanswered. I’m not ready to go face him because even a year and a half later … my feelings for him are very much alive. I need to wait until the place in my heart where he resides is cold, dead, and mean. That way, he can’t try to sweet-talk me.

Not that he would. After all, he pushed me away. I left, and he never came after me. Not once. I’ve seen the tabloids too; he certainly didn’t wait for me to come back before he jumped on the first few puck bunnies to tell him how awesome he was.

One day, I’ll have my life figured out. And when I do, I hope the thought of no longer legally being Paige Kolburne won’t feel like I’m being stabbed in the chest.

But let’s be real; deep down, I know as long as he’s not signing the papers … that means he can’t marry anyone else either. Selfishly, I don’t want Kolt to ever be married to another woman. Even if that makes me screwed up.

I watch Logan walk out of the hospital with Amelia in his arms. Maci, the nanny, follows close behind, and for weeks, it’s been clear that Logan’s in love with the woman. The way she interacts with Amelia makes it clear they are a family now. I’m happy for Logan because for over three years, he’s raised Amelia solo, and even though I know that dude loves being a dad more than anything in the world, the smile on his face when Maci is around is undeniable.

Lucky fucker.

Watching the three of them makes me miss Paige even more than I already do. Something I didn’t think was even possible. When I’m not missing her, I’m consumed with guilt. Not only for how I treated her, but also for not telling her before she left that I was the reason why she wasn’t pregnant yet.

For a long time after she was gone, I was in a dark place. One I’m not proud of. But, fuck, it felt like I was dying. When Logan talked some sense into me, I went to her parents’ house to be honest with her, only to find she’d moved on. After that day, all I had left was hockey. And my Bay Sharks family. Both got me through the worst time of my life. Because since I had been seventeen years old, Paige had been my favorite person on earth.

Bending down, I pick up the huge bullmastiff stuffed animal I ordered for Amelia. Days ago, she was rushed to the hospital with RSV. I have no idea what those three letters stand for, but judging by how much medicine and tests the girl had to go through, I assume the shit is bad.

I don’t have any nieces or nephews of my own, so Amelia is the closest thing to a niece for me. I love that kid.

As the live-in nanny, when Maci moved in with Logan and Amelia, she brought her bullmastiff, Clyde, along with her. Since then, even though Amelia is obsessed with Highland cows and excavators, she’s taken a liking to bullmastiffs too. And if I hadn’t been sure Logan would cut my balls off and feed them to the thing, I would have gotten her a puppy instead.

“Dude, you always have to do this shit,” Ryder says, appearing at my side. “Every single time.”

“Do what?” I grumble, not in the mood for his dramatics today.

“Don’t play dumb with me.” Ryder points to the stuffed animal. “You little one-upper you.”

“Like a ten-upper, I’d say,” Tripp adds, glancing from Ryder’s bouquet of flowers to my gift. “Sorry, Ry. But Kolt is for sure winning this time. Amy is going to lose her shit over that dog.”

Smith walks up to us and holds up a card. “You all suck. I got her money. What kid doesn’t love money?”

“A kid whose dad is one of the highest-paid players in the NHL,” I mumble, looking straight ahead.

“Yeah, what he said.” Ryder jerks his chin toward Smith. “Fuck your cash.”

“Whatever,” Smith murmurs. “What the fuck is she supposed to do with that thing anyway? Besides, don’t you know anything? Kid likes excavators and Highland cows.”

“Nah, lately, she likes bullmastiffs,” I say gruffly. “Sorry. But like Ryder said, fuck your cash.”

Amelia makes her way toward us and rushes to me, looking up at me with her big blue eyes. She’s feeling better—that’s obvious. But she still looks weaker than normal. “Uncle Kolty, is this for me?” She points to the life-sized stuffed animal.

Kneeling down, I nod. “You know it, Super A. Whatcha think? Is big Clyde going to be okay with this guy?”

“Probably will become his newest mistress,” Logan mutters, running his hand up the back of his head before he notices Maci shooting him a glare. “What? Have you seen your dog with the pillows?” He drops his voice low. “Fucker gets after it. My dog is a pillow pimp.”

“So, your dog’s basically a perv, like you?” Ryder grins at him. “The perfect match.”

And even though we gave Smith shit for giving her money, when she tears the card open, she’s fucking pumped.

“Maci, look!” she squeals. “We can go to Target tomorrow!”

Maci smiles, laughing lightly. “Yes, we will!”

“Daddy, can you carry my new Clyde?” Amelia asks her dad, unable to even put her arms around the dog. “Thank you, Uncle Kolty. I love it.”

I might be known as the grumpy dick to most of my team, but something about the way she calls me Uncle Kolty melts my heart into a fucking puddle. Sterns has the coolest kid, hands down.

“You know it, Super A. Hey, tell you what. For your birthday, I’ll try to get you an even bigger one.”

“How big do you think Sterns’s house is, Kolburne?” Ryder shakes his head at me before winking at Amelia. “I’ll get you the real thing.”

Logan gives Ryder a look that screams are you fucking serious before he lifts Amelia. “All right, babe. Let’s get you home. There’s someone there just drooling on himself, ready to see you.”

As he turns to face the complete New England Bay Sharks team gathered outside the hospital, I can see the emotion all over his face. “This week has been rough. And it’s been scary as hell. But I can’t thank y’all enough for checking in on us, dropping us off food because … this hospital’s food sucks, and for coming here today for Amy.” He kisses her cheek and smiles. “This team is our family, and we’re lucky to have you.”

As they wave goodbye, we all cheer and wave them off. These guys might drive me insane a lot of the time, but we are a family. And Amelia has a lot of “uncles” who are always ready to protect her fiercely.

I watch Logan put Amelia in her car seat and buckle her in carefully. He has the entire world right in his hands, and he knows it too. The dude is such a good dad, and I’m so happy for him and Amelia both.

“Want to go get a beer?” Ryder says, stepping next to me. “I don’t know about you, but I could sure use one.”

Ryder knows enough about my life to know I’m separated from my wife, but that’s it. Logan is the only one who knows—in depth—why we’re separated. Even though Ryder knows only a little about it all, he still tries to be a friend whenever he senses I need one.

“Yeah, but you’re buying,” I utter and turn away from the truck. “After all, you can afford it now that you’re all over my damn television screen with your dick.”

“I’m in boxers, you fool,” he calls after me. “I can’t help I’ve got that good bulge going on.”

“Ha.” I smirk. “It’s called a sock, Ry. You aren’t fooling anyone.”

He looks genuinely appalled, but then shrugs. “If you say so, Kolburne. I’d haul it out right now to prove that I don’t need a fucking sock to show out. But I don’t want to make you jealous or anything. Not everyone can be hung like me.”

I shake my head before reaching for the door handle of his truck. “For the love of all things, keep your dick in your pants, man.”

Like I said, my Sharks family has gotten me through some shit. I wouldn’t tell the guys that though, knowing it would go straight to their heads. Especially Logan.