Chapter 28

Eight Weeks Later

With shaky hands, I take the top off the syringe and stare down at it, a huge grimace on my face. I’m far from scared of needles—hence why most of my body looks like a canvas—but my wife hates needles. Which makes it even worse that in a few seconds, I’m going to drive this one into her skin. Even though I know this signifies the start of something beautiful, I still feel bad about doing it to her. We could have opted for a nurse to do it, but I hated the idea of that even more. I knew that if she was going to get stuck by someone, I wanted to be in control of it to make it suck less.

Besides … one day, we’ll look back and remember this as part of our voyage. I hope that when we do, we can smile. Whatever happens, come hell or high water, these challenges we have faced have only brought us closer.

After a lot of visits with the fertility specialist, we have a plan in place. A plan that includes shots and maybe egg retrieval at some point. Hopefully, it will one day lead us to having a baby of our own. I think we’re both trying not to get too excited because there never is a guarantee. Even though we talked before we decided to start this journey, it’s impossible not to get our hopes up. We’ve both been waiting for this for so long, and now … we’re taking real action to get there.

“It’s okay,” she promises, her brown eyes looking up at me. “Just like you practiced at the doctor’s office, okay?”

I look at her eyes and back to her bare stomach. This will mark the very first step in our fertility journey. While the nice people at the doctor’s office taught me how to do this correctly, that was on a fake slab of rubber skin.

“Are you sure?” I say, clenching the syringe tightly. “I know you are scared of needles. Maybe you should sit down.”

“I’m too excited to be scared,” she whispers, peeking up at me with reassurance. “And if anyone is going to stick me with a needle, I’m just glad it’s you.”

Her confidence gives me reassurance, and I swallow.

“On the count of three?”

Blinking slowly, she nods. “One …”

“Two …” I murmur.

“Three …” we whisper together.

Pinching her flesh between my fingers, I stick the needle into her skin and push down on the plunger.

Once I pull it from her body and set it down, a rush of emotions floods my body, and I cup her face and bring her lips to mine.

“I love you,” I whisper. “I love you so much, baby.”

Tears well in both of our eyes as we stand in the bathroom, holding on to each other.

“I love you too,” she whispers as her lip trembles. “No matter what.”

“No matter what,” I say back softly, meaning it.

I don’t know what our next chapter holds. I don’t have a crystal ball to see that far ahead—even though some days, I wish I did. But I know one thing to be true: wherever this trip leads us, I’ll stand by her side. Win or lose. Always.

Whatever is written in the next chapter has Paige and me in it. Together. And really, that’s all I can ask for.

I found someone to have and to hold. To fight for and to sometimes fight with. A person who makes my darkest days hurt a little less and my sunny days even brighter. I’d never sit on a soapbox and pretend we are perfect—we aren’t. We’ve swum in some rough seas and felt like we were drowning too. We had to fall apart to come back together, but that’s exactly what we did, and we’re better for it now. Our story is flawed, but whose isn’t?

At the end of it all…

Here we are.

Fighting for us. Fighting for our future. Fighting for our dreams.

And as much as it sucked, losing Paige taught me a valuable lesson. And that’s …

I will never stop fighting for us.

The End