Chapter 28

I walked into Transformation determined and focused. I had only been at The Dome for a few days, and rather than concentrating on catching up on the material, which I drastically needed to do, I'd let myself get distracted by the two hot guys fighting over me to avoid facing my feelings about Mom.

Well, I got it out of my system, and now I was ready to put my attention where it should be, on school.

I entered the locker room, resolved to ignore any and all looks from the other mers. They didn't like me, and that was fine because I didn't need them to like me in order to learn to be a mermaid. Worrying about what they thought was a complete waste of time, and I had more important things to do.

I opened my locker and pulled out my swim top, just as three people passed behind me in animated conversation. I glanced at them out of curiosity, then instantly rolled my eyes and went back to what I was doing when I realized the girls were Cora, Adina, and Letti.

"Come on, Cora, that's not fair," Adina was whining too loudly for me to ignore as I got changed. "I didn't mean it, and I'm so sorry."

"Sorry isn't good enough," Cora snarked back. "As far as I'm concerned, we're done. Don't talk to me."

I heard two pairs of footsteps stomp out of the locker room, followed by what I could swear sounded like sniffles. Was there trouble in mer-bitch paradise?

Tugging my top down past my hips, I stole a glance down the row of lockers. Adina was slumped over on a bench, softly crying with her head in her hands.

What was all that about?

I didn't know much about Adina, as far as the mer-bitch trio went. Cora was the queen bee, and Letti was her mouthy second-in-command. But Adina had always been kind of quiet, following Cora around like she was her shadow. I couldn't help but wonder what kind of fight could make Cora cast her away like that.

Adina sniffled loudly again, and before I could let my growing sympathy get the better of me, I closed my locker and strode out of the room. I didn't need to get wrapped up in whatever they had going on. I had my own problems to deal with, and right now, mastering transformation was at the top of my list.

I spotted Celeste and made a beeline for her. She had told me that she'd work with me one-on-one today, and I was grateful for the chance to improve.

"Hi, Celeste," I said as I approached.

It felt super weird calling a teacher by her first name. But everyone did. Same with Caesar. I guessed it was because they wanted us to feel like equals. It made me respect them, but the very act itself felt disrespectful to them. It was confusing.

"Hello, Arya," the stunning redhead greeted. "Now that you've had some time to get used to your sea legs, so to speak, I would like you to practice controlling the shift. See how quickly you can change back to human after leaving the water, then try to keep your legs from changing when you get back in."

"Okay, I got this," I said with confidence.

I stepped into the pool, and the scales under my skin reacted instantly to the salt water. I found it hard to imagine actually being able to stop the shift. My tail was out in seconds, the sharp agony of the transformation mercifully brief.

Celeste stayed at the edge of the pool, dangling her perfectly creamy and unshifted feet in the water to prove to me that it was possible.

I still hadn't quite figured out how to keep my gills closed and had to submerge my face after only a few seconds so I wouldn't suffocate. I took a deep breath under the water and held it, so I could resurface and await further instruction.

"Having trouble breathing?" Celeste guessed as she took in my pursed lips.

I nodded stiffly.

"Then we'll let that be the first lesson—keeping your gills closed when you want to breathe above the water. Class won't be very productive if your brain is suffering from oxygen deprivation."

She giggled in an I'm-laughing-with-you-not-at-you sort of way, but I still felt slightly mortified for it.

"First, exhale and let all the water out of your windpipe," Celeste instructed.

I breathed out, feeling the water pour out of my gills.

"Good, now focus on your neck and command your gills to close. It can feel kind of like trying to make your ears move at first, like a muscle that just wasn't meant to move voluntarily, but once you've found those small muscles, you'll be able to control them with ease."

I nodded and, still holding my breath, closed my eyes and focused on my gills. I concentrated on my neck, becoming very aware of the exact spot where the gills were slit open. They felt dry and parched, like lips that were chapped and needed constant licking. They stung from the open air.

I strained just about every muscle in my neck trying to close them, until finally I had to take a breath and dunked myself under the water to inhale sharply. I coughed from the burning draught in my throat and gills, grateful that the cool water I filled myself with relieved it quickly. After I caught my breath, I inhaled deeply to resurface and try again.

I didn't know how many times we had gone through this exercise, but eventually, I managed to hone in on those tiny muscles and got them to close my gills. I let out the breath I'd been holding and let the naked air fill my lungs. The unfiltered air burned my throat, making me swallow several times to soothe it. It was uncomfortable but tolerable.

"Very good, Arya!" Celeste praised. "The sting will take some getting used to, but after a while, you won't even notice it."

I cleared my throat in vain. "It feels like I have strep." I grimaced as another swallow made my throat ache.

"I promise, it will get easier," Celeste said. "We'll take a short break and let you adjust before we start on controlling your shift."

I nodded and allowed my breathing to return to normal. My throat hurt so much that I wanted to chug the entire pool. But I was afraid that if I let my gills open, I wouldn't be able to close them again.

I looked around the room, trying to distract myself from the discomfort. The other mer students were just lounging about, gathered in groups, and chatting as they floated. It was a stark reminder of how far behind I was. All of them had been in water their whole lives. They'd learned all these things I was struggling to figure out in the cradle.

I had tried so hard not to blame Mom for keeping me from growing up as a mermaid, but at this moment, I couldn't help but feel resentment, which only made the guilt that much stronger.

Why couldn't Mom have at least told me what I was? Whatever she was running from, I could have understood, if given the chance. Why keep this whole part of who we were from me? From herself? While keeping me in the dark, she also gave up shifting. Now that I knew how freeing it felt, I couldn't imagine giving it up, especially for two decades.

What were you hiding from, Mom? What was so bad that you were willing to give this up?

"Feeling better?" Celeste asked when she came back my way.

Nope, not even slightly.

"Yeah," I lied. "Let's do this."

"Good! Okay, we'll take this slow. First, I just want you to practice changing your legs back as quickly as you can when you get out. Once you've shortened that time, we'll work on keeping them from changing at all."

I nodded and lifted myself out of the pool, once again pushing my thoughts to the side.

***

Not counting my meager accomplishment with closing my gills, the rest of Transformation continued with little progress in controlling my shifting.

I tried to remind myself that this was only my second time in Transformation class, and that expecting myself to learn this stuff any faster was just setting me up to fail. But it was hard to keep things in perspective when I wanted so badly to master all of it. I could tell that Celeste and Caesar expected me to excel at being a mermaid, and those expectations weighed heavily on me, too.

When the hour was over, I sat on the edge of the pool, waiting for my tail to dry enough for me to get my legs back. My failure made me anxious to leave, and the damn salt water wasn't evaporating nearly fast enough.

"Hey, how's it going?"

I gritted my teeth at the other reason I didn't want to stick around.

Kendall sat next to me on the glossy tile floor, apparently unphased by the lack of enthusiasm on my face when I glanced up at him.

"As if you didn't see the train wreck that was me learning to be a mermaid," I deadpanned.

"It wasn't that bad," he said with a shrug. "We all struggled at one point. You're just a little behind, that's all. You'll catch up in no time. And then you'll be bored in this class like the rest of us."

"Even if that does happen, I'll still be the outcast nobody wants to swim with." I didn't mean for that to come out. I was actively trying not to care what they thought, but in the wake of my failure to control my shift, my resentment was flaring up like an old wound.

"That's not true. I'll swim with you any time. So hurry up and learn this stuff so we can kick back and float." He chuckled encouragingly, but I didn't join him. "You know that was a joke, right?"

"Yeah, I'm just not really in a laughing mood," I said, looking down at my slowly drying pink fins.

"Well, why don't you let me cheer you up," he said. "Sneak out with me tonight and we'll see a movie in town."

I pursed my lips. Apparently, he couldn't see the giant "fuck off" sign I had stamped on my forehead. And maybe that wasn't fair. I wasn't even mad at him anymore for what he'd said yesterday.

He couldn't help the prejudices he'd grown up with, especially when everyone else in his world shared them. And he had grown above most of them, which said a lot about his character. So it wasn't exactly fair of me to hold his values against him. Besides, did I really want to shun one of my friends in this place?

"I can't, not tonight," I said, lowering my hostility level. "I have some more studying to do for my Shifter Bio essay."

"Okay. Well, would you like a study partner? I tested out of that class." His chivalry was working its charm on me, but I was determined to establish some boundaries.

"I already have plans to study with Ashlyn today, but maybe some other time?" It wasn't a complete lie. I really did have plans to see Ashlyn later. We just probably weren't going to spend much of that time studying.

"Alright," he said with a curt nod.

He started to get to his feet, then paused and hovered in a kneeling position. "Look, that stuff I said about Ashlyn, please just totally forget about it. She's a cool girl, and I'm glad that she's a good friend to you. I overstepped yesterday, and I'm sorry."

He smiled a smile that could melt panties clean off, and I forced myself to look away so I wouldn't get drawn in by it any further. Kendall was going to stay in the friend zone, at least until I figured my shit out.

"Thanks," I said. "Maybe the three of us can go see a movie this weekend."

"Sure, sounds fun. And in the meantime, if you need more help studying, you know where to find me."

I climbed up to stand and he waved at me before disappearing into the locker room.

Finally, my tail dried enough for me to retract my scales and begin the shift back to legs. The bones adjusted, drifted and separated, peachy skin replacing the shimmering pink scales until I had my pale legs back.

I got to my feet and went into the locker room to finish drying off and get dressed in my uniform.

Before I could open my locker, an aggressive hand shoved me into the blue-painted metal.

"Stay away from Kendall." I knew that voice. The self-absorbed tone of elitism, and with only half the venom of Cora. It was Letti.

I turned around to face the raven-haired mermaid. Letti was glaring at me so fiercely that I almost feared I might burst into flames. Luckily, only phoenixes and dragons had that power.

"Not that it's any of your business, but Kendall and I are just friends," I said in a voice that was just as assertive. "What do you care, anyway? You two aren't dating anymore. Wait, did he dump you?" I gave her a mocking pout.

"That's none of your business," Letti snapped.

Clearly, I struck a chord.

"Yeah? And what your ex and I do is none of yours. So back off. I'm not in the mood to humor you today." I turned my back on the privileged mermaid, almost daring her to come after me.

"Don't turn your back on me." Letti grabbed my shoulder and yanked it to make me face her again. "You're not worthy of him. You can't even transform like the rest of us. You're not a real mermaid, and you never will be."

The insult sliced deeper than I expected. But it just made me more pissed off.

"If you ever touch me like that again, I'll show you how top-siders throw a punch."

"Girls, do we have a problem here?"

Celeste entered the locker room and sauntered over with her arms crossed over her chest, her long red hair looking like a halo of fire around her head. As nice as Celeste could be, she could also be a strict disciplinarian, and I was seeing that side of her very clearly right now.

"No, ma'am," Letti said, instantly straightening her back and putting her arms at her side. "Arya and I were just reaching an understanding about boundaries, weren't we?"

She sneered at me, then spun on her heel and walked away, flipping her black locks over her shoulder.

I kept my features neutral as I watched her walk away, half tempted to storm after her and put my new defense skills to use.

Celeste gave me a concerned look. "Please tell me if any of the girls are giving you a hard time. I won't tolerate bullying."

"Nah, nothing like that." I waved my hand dismissively. "Just the usual teen drama. It's all good."

It absolutely wasn't, but I was so not about to be a snitch. My popularity was low enough without throwing that in. Besides, I could handle this crap myself.

"Okay," Celeste said, both her tone and the crease in her brow saying she didn't believe me. "Well, have a good evening, Arya."

She left the room, and I turned back to the task of changing.

"She's just jealous," said a soft female voice behind me.

I looked over my shoulder. Adina was sitting on the bench in front of the opposite row of lockers, hugging her shoulders, telltale streaks on her cheeks.

"Kendall dumped her right after you showed up," Adina continued. "She's convinced it was your fault, even though they were having problems well before that." She wiped her nose with her hand.

I wanted to ignore her, to finish changing and get on with my day. But she was talking to me without any of the usual poison, and she was clearly distraught. Damn my caring nature!

"Are you okay?" I asked.

She sniffled loudly. "Not really."

Don't do it. Don't do it.

But I couldn't help myself. "What happened? I heard you and Cora fighting earlier."

Her face puckered up, and she seemed to be fighting her body's reaction to whatever emotion she was feeling. Then she hung her head toward the ceiling and took a deep breath.

"Cora found out that I've been seeing Jackson for a few weeks," she admitted like she was confessing something horrible.

"The hound?" I asked. I wasn't sure if there was another Jackson. And I had never seen the two in the same room together.

"Yep," Adina said with another sniffle. "She thinks I'm a traitor for seeing a guy who's not a mer."

I frowned. "And just because of that, she turned her back on you?"

She shook her head and looked away. "You wouldn't understand."

I should have taken that as my chance to go back to minding my own business and leave. But I knew what it felt like to be shunned by those bitches, even if Adina had been one until very recently. And Adina herself hadn't hassled me like Cora and Letti had. If she was open minded enough to date someone from a different species, maybe she wasn't so bad.

And no one deserved to be treated like this.

I closed my locker and went to sit next to her. "I may not understand everything about mer culture, but I do understand that they like to keep everything to their own. Probably better than anyone."

She nodded but didn't look up at me.

"I, for one, don't think it's bad that you have feelings for someone who's not a mer," I said. "You can't always control who you fall for."

Tobias popped into my head, but I shoved him right back out.

"Like in Shifter Bio, we learned about imprinting," I continued. "Surely that happens with mer, too. Mrs. Sharp said it has nothing to do with species, that it can happen across species. If a mer imprinted on a hound, wouldn't the mer community have to respect the match?"

Adina snorted a sad laugh. "Probably not. The elders would probably conduct experiments to remove it."

The way she said it made me laugh, too. She was probably right. Which, yikes.

"Look, I'm not doing anything for a few hours until dinner. Do you want to hang out?"

Adina looked up at me, and I suddenly felt very foolish for being so nice. I was sure she was about to tell me off.

"You want to hang out with me? After the way we treated you?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Sure. Everyone needs a friend."

And then, she actually smiled. "Okay. I'd like that. You know, you're a lot nicer than we gave you credit for."

"Thanks, I guess." I just hoped my niceness wasn't going to bite me in the ass later.