Chapter Five

Siren

My ass stings in the best possible way and all I want is to be taken inside and fucked like an animal.

Who knew I needed that so badly? I'd gladly wear all the wrong clothes and piss Perry off for an eternity if it meant coming home to a spanking like that. Of course, only if it's followed by some good girl petting because I'm not sure my clit has ever been this wet.

I squeeze my thighs together and stare up at the giant man next to me. He's greeting my mother with a hug. I should pay attention, tune into this awkward moment that's about to happen, but instead, I'm stuck on wondering what parts of that game Perry and I just played were real.

Did he mean it when he said I was his? Does he really want to own me or was that part of the game? An hour ago, I'd have thrown this man and his aggression into the trash, but now I want it all. Turns out, I'd just never seen it done correctly before.

"Siren!" My mother's voice cuts through my thoughts. "You're so quiet. What's wrong?"

"Oh," I say, glancing toward her, "nothing. I was just thinking about everything I needed to get done before the wedding. What about you? I wasn't expecting you here today. I figured you'd be busy finalizing everything."

She nods and heads back toward her car, opening the back seat door to pull out a bag. "The wedding is off. I can't do it. I can't marry Enrique."

My eyes widen and my heart stalls. I'm not sure which is more shocking. The fact that the wedding is off or the fact that she's pulling out an overnight bag.

Perry helps her with her things. "It'll be nice to have you."

Okay… I appreciate that he's doing the whole act like a gentleman thing, but no it won't be nice to have her. The wedding was going to be hard enough to fake. How do I fake a whole live-in relationship?

I glance toward my mother. "Mom, what's going on? You love Enrique. He's good to you."

She huffs out a sigh and shakes her head as she climbs the porch steps up toward the house. "I need some tea. Can I tell you over tea?" With her hand outstretched, she swings the front door open and steps inside like she owns the place.

Technically, she does own the place. It was a family lake house that she won in the divorce. I'm only staying here while I'm home from college on break.

I glance toward Perry with fear in my eyes. This must be where his hostage negotiation comes into play because his entire demeanor shifts on a dime. His hand lands on my lower back and his gaze is calm and soothing as he looks down at me. "We'll figure this out. It's okay."

I always thought I could reassure myself, and that would be enough. Turns out, I was wrong. Hearing those words from a big, strong, monster of a man is a lot more soothing than that. Maybe it's just external validation. Yeah, that's probably what it is.

I don't want to get too attached to him. The spanking thing was a lapse in judgment on both our parts. A moment in time. A tiny, little, minuscule fraction of my life. It didn't mean anything.

Still though, I can't get it off my mind.

Inside, my mother has kicked off her shoes and helped herself to a cup of tea that she's poured into our nicest cups. The ones with the porcelain tea plates and the pretty floral design that Grandma left for us. They've been sitting there for eons because I was always told not to use them. I wonder for a second if drinking from them makes her feel closer to her mom, but then I realize my mother has never been that deep about anything. It was probably the first cup she saw.

"So," Mom lowers herself into the dining room chair, "he's a lot older than you." She glances toward Perry. "You're a lot older than her. I'd wager to say that you are nearly the same age as me."

"Jesus, Mom!" I gasp, blowing out a heavy breath of stress. "What's wrong with you?"

She leans in. "Honey, I've never met this man before. I'm trying to figure out what he'd want with a twenty something. Then again, maybe that's all men want. A young tart that they can play around with."

Now I'm a tart… whatever that means.

Perry's hand grazes mine in comfort as he looks toward my mother. "You are correct, ma'am, there's a considerable gap in our age." He glances toward me, sending another shock to my uterus. One that screams for all his babies like a simpleton. "However, I've noticed that our age difference has been beneficial to both our growth."

"How?" My mother's tone is dark as she sips her tea.

"Well, Siren needs reigning in, and I need to learn how to let loose. We compliment each other like that."

"That's a personality thing, not an age thing," my mother retorts. She's always been brutally honest. She claims it's an asset to her personality. So far, one husband and an ex-fiancé say differently.

That's mean. I shouldn't think things like that… but it's true.

Perry laughs. His tone is deep, and I swear, every time the man talks, I get hard. I'm so glad I don't have a dick. How do men do it? I'd have had a boner half the night. "As you know, with age comes internal peace." He glances toward me. "I believe Siren finds it grounding." His gaze turns back to Mom. "You seem like you're looking for that right now yourself."

Nice. Good hostage negotiating. Turn it back on her. I'm impressed.

My mother sighs. "I don't need to burden you with my problems."

"We want to know. I mean, you've just called off your wedding. Whatever is going on must be big." He sounds so genuine when he talks. I remind myself that this is part of the act.

It's not real. It's good that this isn't real. I didn't want this in my life. I don't need a man. I don't need someone telling me when to change my clothes. I don't need hard spankings.

My mother raises her cup to her lips and sips the steaming tea before setting the cup down again. "Enrique is cheating on me with a younger woman."

My stomach turns and my brows narrow inward. "Mom, that doesn't make sense. He's obsessed with you. He makes you coffee every morning and takes your dogs for walks just for fun."

"Well," she sighs, "I came home early and saw him in the driveway talking to a woman half his age. More than talking… they were flirting." She glances toward Perry. "Why do you men all regress? I mean, what is it with twenty-year-old girls? Why don't men want a grown woman?"

"Mom! I'm a grown woman."

"Right, to a twenty-year-old man, but to a forty-year-old, you should be a girl." My mom's tone is so aggressive that I'm reminded why I steer clear of her.

"Didn't you cheat on Dad?" I blurt out the words in defense of myself more than anything, but I regret them as soon as they're in the air. "People do what they feel is right. Sometimes that means an age gap, sometimes that means falling in love with someone you technically shouldn't be falling in love with. I'm sorry Enrique disappointed you."

Mom drags in a deep breath. "You're right. I know you are. I messed around on your dad and now I'm getting payback. Deep down, I know I deserve it."

She stands from the table and turns toward the pantry, filing through the boxes and bags to look for something to eat. I feel bad now. I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I just wanted to get the spotlight off me.

"Honey, what's with all this junk? You shouldn't be eating processed foods like this. You've already gained too much weight this year."

Okay, guilt over. This is the mom I know and loathe.

Thankfully, I don't easily get embarrassed. I'm not one of those girls who walks around hating her body. I have a curvy frame and I'm proud of it. In fact, I'd rather look this way than be super thin. No shade to thin girls, I've just found that most of the people I enjoy being around also like pizza and ice cream without shame.

Perry stands from the table. "You know that's not true, right? It's a myth. Carbs are good for you. Your brain needs them." He takes the box of crackers from my mother and pours them into a bowl before carrying them to the table.

I might actually be falling in love with this guy.

My mother rolls her eyes, grabs an apple from the fridge, and sits back down at the table. Now that Mom has said it, I can't help but see how close in age they are. Funny thing is, she looks younger than him. I suppose the face lift helps with that, and the hair extensions. "So, what did you do before you started dating little girls, Perry?"

Oh my god!

He lands his hand on my thigh, and though this is not the moment or the time to get excited for such a thing, my body takes me back to the front porch where he was spanking my ass and rubbing my clit with his big, rough hand.

Okay, I need to get it together.

He acts like an adult and ignores my mother's crude comment in favor of a responsible answer. "I had a full-time military career until about five years ago. Since then, I've been traveling and taking armed security jobs here and there. I moved up here when my brother wanted to start a business."

"What kind of business?" My stomach turns. We're getting too close to the fire now.

"Mom, why don't you call Enrique and ask him what's going on?"

My mother snaps me a look that could stop a flock of chickens in their tracks. "If he wants to know how I am, he'll call me." She rolls her eyes and looks back at Perry. "I didn't teach her to be this needy. Hopefully she doesn't do this with you."

"That's enough, Mom. If you're going to sling a bunch of insults all weekend, I'm going to go stay with Dad."

"I'm trying to talk to your boyfriend, and you keep changing the subject." She redirects her gaze toward Perry. "How did you two meet?"

Fuck! We didn't talk about how we met.

"We met down at goat yoga. I was helping a friend drop off some animals and I bumped into Siren. Haven't been able to take my eyes off her since." I love how calm Perry stays under pressure.

"Is this the same goat yoga that your sister is teaching?" Mom interjects.

I nod and stuff a handful of crackers into my mouth. Perry is dealing just fine with all this. I should just keep my mouth shut and let him work his magic. He clearly knows what he's doing. I make a mental note to ask him if he's played fake boyfriend before.

His hand stretches onto my knee beneath the table and a chill runs up my spine. Is that part of the act? No one can even see this. Maybe that's part of the plan. Maybe, subtle touches are the way to go, so nothing looks too obvious. That, or he really wants to touch me. Maybe he's still thinking about earlier, too. Maybe he needs me just as badly as I need him.

Why is this so damn confusing? Oh, that's probably because I hired him to be here.

"Earth to Siren…" My mother waves her hand in front of my face. "You didn't tell Perry about your volunteer work?"

"What?" I glance toward the giant at my side and then toward my mother as panic flutters in my stomach. Was I in my head that long? God, I have to stop doing that. "Yes, I did."

Perry laughs. "You didn't. I'd have remembered something like that." His gaze is so genuine that I wonder if he really wants to know.

"Oh, I guess I thought I'd told you. I, ugh, I volunteer at the senior center. I have for years now. It's just a day program, but I love going down to spend time with everyone and listen to all their stories."

"She's a crowd favorite." My mom leans in with pride and rubs her hand over mine.

Shit, she's going to say something nice about me. That's a first. She scrolls through her phone to pull up the Facebook page for the center and flips the screen to Perry. It's a photo of me with my friend Marjorie. We're sitting in front of a card table playing Uno.

"She has seven kids and six grandchildren. They all moved off the mountain, so she's alone most of the time. She has these wild stories of how she used to go up to Eagle Rock and jump off the top. It's like a forty-foot drop into the lake from there." I realize I'm smiling as I talk. "I love her stories. She used to be married to this guy who woke her up every morning with a cup of coffee and a kiss. He died ten years ago, but she talks about him like he's in the next room."

"What did you say you're in college for?" Perry's gaze is on mine. "Business, right?"

I nod. "Finance."

"You ever think about caregiving? This is the first I've seen you light up since we started dating."

"Really? The first time?" my mom interrupts, setting her phone down on the table. It's like her to see the one thing in a sentence that discredits everything else.

"Mom, what are you doing here, really? You've never shied away from an argument in your life. Go talk to Enrique. Maybe this is all some big misunderstanding."

She holds her gaze toward me and shakes her head. "It's not, and I deserve it."

"Or… you made a mistake with dad because you two weren't right for each other and now you're hypersensitive about everything Enrique does because you don't want someone to treat you like you treat people."

She narrows her brows and sighs. "Maybe you should get a therapy degree. You've got so much advice to give."

"Maybe," I groan, standing from the table. As I do, her phone screen lights up. It's Enrique.

My mother flips the phone onto its face and goes about her day. I'm sure a sane person would let that go, but I know Enrique. He wouldn't cheat on my mom. He wouldn't cheat on anyone.

I grab the phone from the table and slide the call to answer.

My mother goes ballistic. "Young lady, give me that phone right now."

I grin.

I hate that Perry is seeing this side of me, but he's familiar with toxic hostage negotiations so I assume he'll be fine.

He stands between my mother and I, and though I know I'm in the wrong, he doesn't point it out. In fact, he holds her back away from me. Not physically, but his body blocks me away as I sneak into the bathroom and lock the door. I put the phone on speaker as Enrique talks.

"Evelyn, where are you? I saw you drive by the house. I was getting worried."

"Oh, hey Enrique. It's Siren."

"Siren… what's up? Everything okay with your mom?"

"Yeah, everything is good. Mom saw you in the driveway with a younger woman a bit ago and her crazy got activated. Can you reassure us all that you're the nice guy we know you are?"

My mother is pounding at the door screaming. "Stop this, Siren, or I swear…"

Well Mom, just do it. I'd love to see what happens.

Enrique clears his throat. "I was. I sold my golf clubs today to pay for an upgrade on the honeymoon. I was going to surprise your mom today."

My mother's voice drains, and I hear a heavy thud outside the bathroom door as though she's sliding down to the floor.

"You're so sweet, Enrique. Sorry to bother you. I'll have Mom call you back."

"Please do. Sorry for the confusion," he says. His tone is always so genuine and kind.

"It's all good. Can't wait for the wedding!"

"Me too. Talk to you later. There's a client walking in." The line disconnects and I stare down at the screen. At first, I hated Enrique. I was so afraid he was going to try to replace my father, but that didn't happen. It couldn't happen because they're two really great people.

My dad is the strong, silent type. He likes to work on his motorcycle and avoids confrontation at all costs. When he does talk though, he's really genuine and everything he says is well thought out. Enrique is very much the same, except he likes my mom's crass mouth. I think he finds personal achievement in figuring her out.

I open the bathroom door to see my mom and Perry sitting on opposite sides of the hallway in silence.

Perry shakes his head and narrows his gaze as though I might have another spanking coming. I'm tempted to leave now to get it, but there are more pressing matters… I suppose.

"I told you he wasn't cheating." I slide down onto the floor next to Perry and stare toward my mom waiting for her answer. Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be self-servicing.

She looks away and back again. "People lie, Siren. Why would he ever be honest about it?"

I stare at my mother. We both know Enrique isn't that guy. I can hear it in her voice. "Mom, what's really wrong?"

She drags in a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "I don't know. I was fine until this afternoon, then all of the sudden I saw Enrique with that girl, and I felt sick, like I wasn't worthy of a man like him."

Growing up, my mom was never the sentimental type. Nor was she the type to talk about feelings. She did what needed to be done to raise my sister and I and that's the end of it and nothing more. So, this breakdown of emotion has me feeling off-kilter.

Thankfully, Perry steps in again. He stands and helps my mother up from the ground, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. "The good part is that you define your own worth. If you believe deep down that you're not good enough for Enrique, you won't be. But if you take a minute and think about what you give him, how you show up for him, how you've healed for him, you'll probably find that you've grown into someone worthy of his love. No one is perfect. We're all just learning to be human."

It's a soft, gentle approach to the monster that is my mother, and for a second, I glimpse into the soul of a man who I think might be fucking perfect. He's aggressive and dominant, but he knows when to be tender.

My mom stares toward both of us with tears in her eyes. "I should go talk to Enrique." She reaches up toward Perry for a hug, then rounds to me for one as well. "Thank you both. I needed this today. I guess cold feet is a real thing." She clears her throat. "And… I'm sorry for what I said about the age difference thing." Her gaze goes up to Perry. "You're right. You do round her out. I can see that."

"Enrique does the same for you too, Mom. He's a great guy. You'll be happy together."

She sighs. "I know, it's just… when I think about how awful things ended with your dad, I… I feel guilty, ya know? I feel like I don't deserve to be happy."

"I lived with you and Dad. No offense, but it was clear that you guys were never happy. You needed romance and adventure. Dad needed calm and quiet. And while I don't love how you got there, you both got what you wanted in the end."

"Did we, though? Your sister says your dad is still unhappy."

My tone is gentle as I say, "He was, but he met someone recently and they're really getting along nicely."

I'll never get used to this weird relationship I have with my parents. I shouldn't be figuring out their problems and they shouldn't be asking me to, but here we are.

Mom bites back a grin. "Really? He's met someone? Is she nice?"

I nod. "I've only met her once, but she seemed great. She's a freelance artist. She paints pictures of people's pets. They seem like they'll be a good match."

"Good." Mom drags in a deep breath as though she needed to hear my father had moved on before she could. I'll never understand the way people think, or why anyone would choose an affair over walking away, but I know nothing is ever black and white. Most of the time there's a gray area. A gray area where people don't mean bad. A gray where people are trying to figure things out. Unfortunately, the gray is also where a lot of people end up hurt.

Mom squeezes my hand and turns toward the door. "See you both this weekend, then?"

I glance toward her and then up at Perry. "Mom, I should tell you that Perry and I aren't really—"

"Ready yet." Perry squeezes my hand in his. "We have some shopping to do for the wedding, so we should get moving."

I don't know why he stopped me from telling the truth. I'd feel so much better getting this out in the open. Turns out, the only one I'm confusing with this gray area is me.

"Me too." Mom grins. "See you then."

I smile as she walks out the door and heads toward her car with the overnight bag in hand.

"What was that about?" I turn toward Perry. "I was about to get you off the hook."

He grins and pulls me against his chest, cupping my ass in his giant hand. "I don't want to be off the hook. I want to finish what we started earlier."

I want to follow his lead. I want to ignore every nagging thought and enjoy my life. For once, I want to feel good. Instead, I start talking.

"I really want that too, but not if you're pretending. This… the way you were today, I… I want this in my life, Perry. I know it's—"

He leans into my lips and kisses them gently, cupping my face as he pulls away. "Let me take care of you. I won't let go. Promise."

I smile and lean against his chest. "You want to go get that dinner we were after earlier?"

He grins. "Yeah, I'd love that."

When Perry smiles, my heart feels full. I can't help but wonder if maybe Dot was right. My issue was never with aggression and dominance. My issues were with myself. Because right now, this man could take me over his knees again and again, and I'd gladly let him.