Chapter 7

SEVEN

AMBER

W hen I finish with rehearsal, I head directly to Maddy's nursery.

The door is shut, so I quietly twist the handle and slip inside. My feet are silent as I pad across the room, but either Maddy has a sixth sense, or I make some kind of noise, because her eyes pop open as soon as I reach the crib.

She screws up her face.

Before she can make a sound, I scoop her up and cradle her against my chest. For once, it's the right choice, because she relaxes into my arms with a little sigh.

After a few minutes of cuddling, we head downstairs, where I find Nolan and Mina chatting in the kitchen. They fall silent when they spot us. He has one of the baby monitors sitting in front of him, which means he's aware Maddy was asleep when I went to check on her. The urge to apologize overwhelms me.

"Sorry, I woke her up," I say as I come to a halt at his side.

He gives another stir to the cup of coffee on the counter before turning his head to look at me. "You don't have to explain yourself to me."

"I mean, I kind of do. You got her to nap, and then I went and woke her up." As if making my point, Maddy drops her head onto my shoulder. "Waking her up is foolish and I should know better."

He shifts so he's fully facing me and reaches out to ruffle Maddy's short blonde hair. Then, he takes the spoon out of the coffee and slides the mug over to me. I dart a glance at Mina, but she's rooting around in the fridge. "You…you made me coffee?"

"I saw you on the monitor and figured you might like a cup." He shrugs. "A splash of vanilla creamer, right?"

I stare at the coffee like I've never seen a mug of it before. "Um…yes. Thank you."

"No problem." His lips turn up, causing his dimple to appear. "And you really don't need to apologize. Maddy was asleep for over two hours, and she's obviously happy now. Plus, you're her mother. You can wake her whenever you want."

"Two hours?" This is the third day in a row he's gotten her to take a two-hour nap, and I still can't believe it. How does he do that? "I'll be more careful."

"It's fine. I promise she was already stirring."

I nod, still unused to having someone around to reassure me. "She had a good morning?" I ask as I slide onto the stool next to him and shift Maddy so she's sitting in front of me.

"She did. We had to stay inside because of the rain, so we hung out in the playroom and read a bunch of books. When she seemed tired, I put her down for a nap?—"

"And she just went to sleep?" I interrupt, shaking my head at Maddy. "Why won't you nap like that for Mommy?"

She chews on her fist like she has no explanation for why Nolan got her to nap twice on Friday and Saturday, plus once already today, while she'll barely ever nap for me.

"Well…I gave her a bottle and rocked her a bit," he says, as if that were the difference. He's underselling his skills and we both know it.

I'm happy he's already got her sleeping better, but a small part of me hates that he's already so much better at all this than I am. It seems I owe him more than just a statue. "Good. That's good. I'm glad she's napping well."

"She's probably hungry again. I could heat up a bottle, or?—"

"I should nurse." I've started the process of weaning her, and I'm down to three feedings per day, but it's time for the midday feeding. It isn't comfortable if I miss it, and I'm definitely feeling the heaviness in my breasts.

"Perfect." He hesitates. "Before you do, I should probably tell you that Teddy is out in the pool."

"He's been here since ten." Mina pops out of the fridge as if she had been waiting for the conversation to turn to Teddy. Her visible outrage makes it difficult to believe she didn't interrupt sooner. "He said you told him he could stop by early if he wasn't busy."

"I did tell him that." Six months ago.

When Maddy was born, he asked for a regular visitation schedule, because he was worried he'd forget to come see her otherwise. I told him he could stop by whenever he wanted on Sundays, but he insisted I give him a specific time, and until today, he's always waited until then. Of course, the one day I need to speak to him right when he arrives is the one time he comes early.

"Did you meet him?" I ask Nolan as Maddy squirms in my arms. She gets a grip on my shirt with her slobbery hand and starts to tug it down.

Nolan nods and reaches out to extract my shirt. His knuckles brush the bare skin near my collarbone. I inhale unsteadily and lean closer as he slowly peels her fingers open with one hand and reaches behind him with the other. He smoothly replaces my shirt with her favorite stuffed bunny and then adjusts my collar.

I don't move. I'm not even sure I'm breathing. It's been so long since anyone's touched me in a way that's even remotely intimate, and my brain is having a hard time processing that Nolan was just helping me out.

Seemingly oblivious to my reaction, he settles back onto his stool. "We…uh…chatted by the pool."

"The pool?" I echo vaguely.

"Teddy's swimming now," he says, jerking me completely back to the conversation. "Or, he was when I came inside."

My skin is still tingling where he touched me, but I try to decipher what he isn't saying. "Was Teddy rude?"

"No." His left fingers tap rapidly on the countertop. "He was…rambling."

"Oh." That isn't nearly as bad as what I was expecting. Nor is it surprising. Teddy blurts out every random thought that crosses his mind, especially when he's nervous. No filter. No hesitance. I used to find it charming and authentic. Now I'm aware of how annoying it can be. "I'm sorry I wasn't here to introduce you. I haven't talked to him since I hired you, so I imagine he was surprised."

"Definitely surprised," Mina interjects.

"Don't worry. He was nice," Nolan assures me.

Nice is not a word people normally use to describe my former boyfriend.

Teddy and I met backstage at a music festival the week before we embarked on our first tour together. We were the opening acts for one of the biggest tours of the summer—him and then me—and our connection was immediate. We clicked in a way I'd never experienced. It was heady and exciting, and I let myself get swept up in the magic of collaborating with someone who intuitively played music in the same way that I did.

It didn't take long before our lives became intertwined. We wrote together. Sang together. Performed together. I never consciously decided to start dating him—it just happened. One night after a show we slept together, and then we kept sleeping together. It isn't like I wasn't aware of how casually Teddy approaches sex. He had steadily been sleeping his way through every single person on the tour, but I couldn't resist his charm and I thought that what we had was different.

We started dating, and when the tour ended, we spent the next few months together, and it was amazing. We went into the studio and recorded the three duets we wrote while on the road.

I finished my next album, and he finished his.

Our label planned a joint tour, and when spring rolled around, we were ready. This time it was our show, and our fans, and it was exhilarating.

While we were on the road, we wrote two more duets. We started performing them even though we hadn't recorded them yet, and the fans loved them. They couldn't get enough of us on stage together. Our five duets became the highlight of our show.

Our music. Our careers. Our lives. They became impossible to separate.

Or so it seemed.

It turns out separation comes easily when your relationship explodes.

I cut Teddy out of my life the day I caught him backstage fucking one of my dancers. It was a double betrayal—she'd been with me on my first tour, and I thought we were friends.

The story was breaking news and because half a dozen people were with me when we found them, there were too many witnesses for us to spin a different tale, so we didn't even try.

Thankfully, there were only three shows left.

The fans were furious with Teddy and devastated that we didn't sing our duets, but they didn't expect me to sing about love with the man who had cheated on me.

When the tour finished, I left Teddy behind.

I focused on my own music and released my third album as I tried to forget how much I missed collaborating with him. As my fame continued to rise, Teddy's reputation took a hit. He became a headline fixture on every imaginable tabloid cover. He was photographed with one conquest after another. There have been rumors of wild parties and orgies. For years, I avoided him as much as possible and when I did encounter him, I was polite but distant.

I still don't know exactly why I slept with him that night. I suppose it's because Paris is romantic, and I was lonely. He happened to be staying at the same hotel as I was, and our encounter was like something out of a movie. Our eyes met across the lobby, and he asked me if I wanted to get a drink. Conversing with him was achingly familiar, and I succumbed to a simple craving for connection. I'm aware that is a horrid reason to sleep with someone and I'd like to say it was a mistake, but it wasn't.

Because it gave me Maddy.

Now we're united by our daughter. And our music. And our past.

I've been trying to ease us into a friendship, but it isn't working as well as I'd like, mostly because Teddy is clinging to the hope that we'll get back together. I don't know how to explain it to him, but even though we have Maddy, and I love him, we aren't a good couple. I crave normalcy when I'm not on stage, and he craves the opposite.

"Ha. Teddy might be charming, but he isn't nice. I'll talk to him," I tell Nolan as Maddy twists her torso and starts tugging on my shirt again. She whimpers and if I don't feed her, she's going to have a full-blown meltdown.

"I can handle Teddy." He smiles at me kindly.

It's the smile he gives me every single day and it makes the tightness in my chest unwind every single time. It's calm and soothing and I can't help responding to it. "I guess I'll go out and see Teddy. You can…uh…enjoy your afternoon. I'll see you tomorrow."