Chapter 28

TWENTY-EIGHT

AMBER

N olan's in the shower, Maddy's still asleep, and I'm staring at my phone. It's early enough that it's still dark. I could've rolled over and gone back to sleep when Nolan slipped quietly out of bed, but instead I sat up, rubbed my eyes, and opened my browser.

I know I shouldn't type my name in the box at the top of the screen. It's foolish for me to even care what strangers are saying, but that doesn't stop me. I type it in and then hit the little blue button that says go.

After Russell called, I wanted to read a few headlines, but instead I confessed to Nolan how risky it is for me to idly search for comments about myself. Telling him kept me from succumbing, but now that I'm alone, I can't resist taking a quick peek.

There are lots of positive headlines. Dozens. I scroll right past them.

Then I stop and click on a photo. I'm smiling widely at a small crowd of people, and over my left shoulder, Nolan is in the process of turning away from me. He has Maddy in his arms and is using his body to shield her from view. His jaw is tight. His lips are pressed together. The headline says, How long until he cheats on her?

I slam my phone down on the bed and squeeze my eyes shut.

The words are burned into my retinas.

Why do I let myself look?

The water shuts off and I scramble to lay back down, rolling onto my side so my back faces the bathroom while I try to breathe steadily. My phone is lost somewhere in the sheets, but I don't make any effort to find it. The door softly clicks open, and Nolan quietly rummages in his clothes. A minute later, he drops a kiss into my hair and sneaks out of the room.

He always wakes early and tries to be quiet so I can sleep. Too bad I chose not to this morning.

I keep my eyes squeezed shut long after he's gone. There's no part of me that believes he will cheat on me, and I hate that someone has suggested that he will.

The urge to dig my phone out and keep looking is strong, but I resist because I've already seen too much. I wish I'd refrained in the first place.

I know better.

When I hear Maddy start jabbering through the wall, I swing myself out of bed. Nolan is in the hall when I pull open the door and his eyes light up when he sees me. "You're awake."

I give him a light kiss. "I'll get Maddy."

"I'll get her bottle ready."

We part and he moves away. I remind myself that it doesn't matter what is posted on the internet and go get my daughter.

The penthouse floor of our hotel has a private garden and since we've rented the whole floor it's empty except for Maddy and I.

Nolan is out for an afternoon run. Maddy is sitting in the middle of a soft blanket and babbling to herself as she takes one toy at a time out of a box. I'm doing a modified yoga routine next to her. Nothing too advanced or demanding, just focusing on my breathing and flexibility. I'm balanced on one foot, with my torso and other leg creating a perpendicular line when my phone rings with a FaceTime call from my mom. I drop to my knees, click accept, and then flip the camera so it's facing Maddy.

My parents' faces fill the screen.

"Hello darling," my mom says.

"Maddy's sitting up by herself," my dad adds.

"She's been sitting up by herself for weeks," my mom reminds him as Maddy reaches for my phone. I pull it back a little so she can't get it. She has an uncanny ability to hang up when she touches it.

He chuckles. "I know. I'm still impressed."

"Amber? You there?" my mom asks as if someone else might be holding my phone and facing it at her granddaughter.

"I'm here." I swivel the phone so they can see me.

"Let me look at you," she says so I keep the phone in front of my face. "The interview was lovely. Nolan seems like such a sweetheart." She hesitates. "It wasn't fake, was it?"

"Mom. I told you we…uh…that he is my boyfriend."

"You told me last week." Her voice quiets. "It looked like you were in love."

"I am."

She gasps and nudges my dad with her shoulder. Maddy had gone back to her toys, but she looks up at the sound and tries to grab my phone again as my mom says to my dad, "I told you." I shift so that both Maddy and I are in the frame but my phone is out of her reach.

"I wasn't doubting you," my dad tells her. He looks back at the screen. "When we were at the grocery this morning, one of the papers had a picture of you and Nolan next to a picture of you and Teddy."

"And?"

My mom frowns. "It was a tabloid. Nothing to worry about."

"You don't have to protect me," I tell her even though she absolutely should.

She keeps frowning. "I don't remember exactly what it said but it insinuated a love triangle. Old love versus new love. The flashy pop singer versus the staid nanny. A bunch of nonsense if you ask me."

"Nonsense. Of course." I attempt to smile.

My dad frowns too. "It isn't a love triangle though, is it?"

"Dad," I say at the same time my mom says, "Peter."

"Just confirming you won't rekindle things with Teddy. You can forgive him, but don't forget what he did to you."

I sigh as my mom pats my dad on the shoulder. "She isn't going to date Teddy again."

"The heart wants what the heart wants," he says.

My mom shakes her head. "She just told us she's in love with Nolan."

"It never hurts to remind her that Teddy treated her abhorrently."

"Dad. Mom. I'm still here."

"Sorry, dear," he says as they both grin at me.

"We're just so happy for you," she adds.

"We want to meet him." He moves off screen, but I can still hear him. "We're considering visiting while you're on your break."

My mom nods. "We can see Maddy and get to know Nolan. What do you think?"

"You're always welcome. You know that."

We chat a bit more about the logistics of them visiting, then they blow kisses to Maddy, and hang up.

Before I go back to my yoga, I do a quick search of the internet for anything mentioning Teddy, Nolan, and me. There's too much. The love triangle thing is gaining traction. I start to scan and then before I click on anything, slam my phone down on the blanket.

I'm not going to look.

Nope.

Not today.

Between worrying about what people might be saying about Nolan and I, trying to stop myself from looking, and performing three sold-out shows, I'm exhausted when we leave Nashville and settle into the compound I rented outside of Chicago.

Earlier in the week, I made it abundantly clear to my label that I would hold them responsible if I saw a whiff of press or fans outside the gates, and thankfully, they seem to have taken me seriously. Mina and Brian are with us, of course, and it's also our first scheduled meetup with Teddy. I thought about canceling, but even though I'm still pissed at him, I couldn't do it.

He's been surprisingly subdued since he arrived. Even though I'm stressed, and it's been awkward at times, we're navigating our new reality and I've been able to relax more than I expected.

Nolan has leapt headfirst into helping Teddy bond with Maddy. He's bossy, and not always patient, but Teddy thinks he hung the fricking moon. He listens to everything Nolan says like it's the gospel, and it's more endearing than it ought to be. I've never seen Teddy dedicated to anything except music and it's a little unsettling to witness—in a good way.

It feels like we've finally turned a corner. Like all the bad shit is behind us.

We're cuddled on a lounge chair in the shade on Wednesday afternoon while Teddy zooms around the pool with Maddy in his arms. Brian drops onto the lounger next to us, his brow wrinkled. "I have news."

"Good news?"

"Sort of," he responds.

"Are we off the front page?"

He nods hesitantly, and relief floods through me. "Who do I need to thank?"

I expect him to name a random celebrity, but his gaze darts to the pool.

"Teddy?" Nolan asks.

"Yep."

My heart stops. "Oh no. What did he do?" There are too many possibilities to guess. Brian grimaces and switches his attention to his shoes like he doesn't want to be the one to tell us.

"Is it bad?" Nolan asks.

"Bad for him, at least."

"Tell us," I demand.

"It's uhh…a sex scandal, I guess." He glances at Teddy. "About an hour ago, someone leaked photographs of Teddy taken in the restroom of a bar in New Orleans with two guys. They're mostly undressed and clearly hooking up. There isn't any video—at least not yet—but the pictures are graphic enough to require some strategically placed stickers. It's enough to distract the gossip rags—and the legitimate press. We've already fielded a dozen calls asking for a comment or a statement from you."

"You're serious? There are multiple pictures?"

Brian nods again.

It isn't out of character, but other than the girl who looked like me, Teddy has been discreet since Maddy was born so the timing of these photos is suspicious.

"What do you need from me?" I ask.

"Nothing. Just thought you'd want to know."

"Thanks." I stand and walk over to the edge of the pool as Brian heads back into the house and Nolan trails after me.

I put my hands on my hips and Teddy's smile quickly slides off his face.

"Damn it." He grimaces, straightens, and stumbles backward until he reaches the opposite side of the pool while Maddy splashes wildly, spraying water into his face. He shakes his head and says, "The pictures weren't supposed to leak until after I got to Minneapolis."

"They were taken on purpose?" Nolan asks. He moves closer to me, like he is lending support, which is sweet but unnecessary. I'm not upset. I'm shocked. Teddy said he was sorry about exposing our relationship to Annabelle, but I didn't expect him to do anything about it.

"I did a shitty thing when I told Annabelle about your relationship. I'm used to people thinking I'm an asshole, but this time, I went too far." He shifts Maddy so she's splashing away from him. "How else was I going to distract them other than giving them a juicier story?"

I blink still not fully grasping his plan. "You staged a threesome as a distraction?"

"Staged is a bit of a dramatic interpretation." He makes a face. "More like planned. And it sounds like it worked. Is the story taking off? Is Brian getting calls? Is everyone talking about me instead of you?"

"I mean, yes, but you didn't have to do that. We're weathering things just fine without you orchestrating a scandal."

"I stressed you out. I forced you to give an interview you didn't want to give. You want to keep your private life private." He crosses the pool. "Listen, I know you think I'm a dumbass. I don't even blame you for it. I've wronged you in lots of ways." He wades closer. "I owe you. More than I can repay. And now I owe Nolan, too." He shrugs. "It isn't like I care about a couple of mostly naked pictures."

"Seriously?"

Teddy shrugs again. "Ultimately, this isn't a big deal, because let's face it, getting photographed with two guys isn't even in the top ten of most shocking things I've done. Plus, Clint and Benton are trying to grow their following, so this is free publicity for them."

I can't stop myself from asking, "Their following?"

"They make sex tapes and the competition is fierce. They're doing well, but this will launch them in a big way."

My mouth drops open. "There's video?"

"Of course not. We weren't making a sex tape—I'm not an idiot." He glances at Nolan, pauses, and then adds, "Not that there is anything wrong with sex tapes. Your dad is actually the one who gave me this idea."

My jaw drops and Nolan sputters. "He what?"

"He contacted me. I almost died when my assistant told me that Russell Gage wanted to talk to me." He waves his free hand around. "Anyway, he suggested that sex tapes can be a useful tactic for distraction. I heard what he was saying, and I heard what he wasn't saying, but it turns out I have limits to what I'm willing to do publicly. At least on purpose." He grunts. "Not that I'm judging. I just couldn't go full sex tape when I was sober."

"I don't…" Nolan shakes his head. "I'm so sorry. He shouldn't have done that."

I take a deep breath. This was a better option than a botched kidnapping, but not by much. Between Russell and Teddy, I'm not sure we're ever going to get any peace.

"Nothing to be sorry about. The man's a genius." Teddy grins and lifts Maddy so I can grab her as he continues, "I've been going about this wrong for years. He's the most popular actor of the past four decades. He has a billion children, a dozen ex-wives, multiple sex tapes, and no one cares. People still love him. Do you know why?" He flings his arms outward. "Because he's charming. And likable. And he never hides or shies away from who he is."

Teddy pulls himself out of the pool. "I'm charming and likable, too, but I've always pretended like I'm embarrassed about who I am. I'm sick of pretending. I like sex and I'll absolutely hook up in a bathroom if I can."

Nolan tips his head down and pinches his nose between his fingers. It's safe to say he's annoyed. After my initial surprise, I feel surprisingly calm. Maybe I'm finally becoming numb to Teddy's particular brand of mayhem.

"Are you mad?" Teddy asks hesitantly, his gaze darting between Nolan and me.

Nolan straightens and runs his hand down his face. "The gossip and drama is never going to stop if you keep feeding it."

"You are mad," Teddy says.

"I'm not happy." Nolan shakes his head. "Amber is actively looking for negative press about us. And now you're inciting a sex scandal. Where does it stop?"

"We…I…" I want to defend myself, or explain, but I had no idea he knew that I've been sneaking internet searches about us, and I certainly didn't expect it to come up now.

His eyes drill into me. "You told me it makes you unhappy to read the headlines. Should I tell you to stop? Should I remind you that I don't care if strangers don't vote for me as your perfect match? I've never been in this kind of situation before and I'm unsure of how much I should intervene."

"You saw that poll?" I grimace. Last I checked, Slater was leading. It's preposterous because we haven't dated since high school!

"You left it open on your phone last night." He pauses. "I hate knowing it's making you upset. And that I don't know how to make it better."

"I'm sorry." I whisper, clinging to Maddy, not even caring that she's getting me wet. "I wasn't going to look, but people keep giving me hints. My parents. Your father. I couldn't resist and then once I did—" I shrug.

Nolan reaches out, pulls us into his chest and repeats, "I don't know how to make it better."

"You can't," Teddy interjects.

He's right, but that isn't helpful. "I thought you don't want to know what people say?" I ask Nolan.

"It doesn't matter if I want to know. We can't avoid it entirely and you care. I've been trying to figure out how to help while I've been waiting for the gossip to die down." Nolan glares at Teddy. "Now you'll have to endure the conversation returning to Teddy's philandering alongside conversations about whether our relationship will survive."

Teddy winces. "Sorry about that. I was trying to help."

Nolan rubs his eyes. "What if we stop hiding? Take the mystery away. Amber. Teddy. Nolan. All together. In public. No drama. No artifice."

"You don't want to be in the spotlight," I remind him.

"I don't have to be in the spotlight. I simply have to be there. If we're all together, they'll stop wondering and speculating. And then you can stop worrying. About me. About us."

"I'm not worried about us. Not really. I'm worried about the pressure on us. And that the speculation will never stop."

"Maybe it won't. But it will slow down eventually. Last night, I found those pictures of you hugging Slater that he was talking about. There was a ton of speculation even after the world found out you were pregnant, and that Teddy was the father. Then Slater started popping up all over the place with a girlfriend, and the speculation slowly died. Other than that stupid poll you're tracking, you and Slater haven't been linked romantically for over a year." He studies my face and sighs. "It's just an idea."

"It's a good idea," Teddy says. "Although, I'm not sure you should be seen with me after those pictures?"

"It is a good idea," I agree. "And as much as it pains me to admit it, the pictures can be used to confirm there's no chance of Teddy and I reconciling."

Teddy brightens and Nolan nods slowly, so I continue, "If Teddy stays tonight instead of going to Minneapolis, he can go to the show with us tomorrow. We can let everyone see him climb out of the same car as us, and then during the concert, he can join me onstage. We can sing a duet or two about moving on. Or being happier apart. Not our songs. Something else. Something famous. While we're singing, Nolan can be in the audience, fully visible to the crowd. We'll give them what they want. The three of us together. No love triangle. No drama. It's a stunt, but also not."

The plan is building steam in my head. The prospect of confronting the rumors and speculation directly is almost cathartic. Maddy squirms for me to put her down, completely oblivious to my enthusiasm.

"You'd let me sing with you?" Teddy asks as he barrels forward. He wraps his arms around all of us, blubbering words that I can't understand. We let him cling to us, and it's like a burden has been lifted. We're all suddenly on the same page, ready to face our problems.

Maddy still wants to get down. Apparently she doesn't like being smashed between three adults. She lets out a wail, and flings her tiny little fists above her head, bashing them into each of us. It doesn't hurt, but it does cause us to spring apart.

Teddy retreats, sinking onto a lounger, and putting his face in his hands like he's in shock.

I drop to my haunches and set Maddy down on the ground. She leans forward, lands on her hands, sticks her butt in the air, and starts crawling toward her father.

"Holy shit," I say with a gasp. "She's crawling."

She's been rocking on her hands and knees all week, but she hasn't managed forward motion until this very moment. Teddy's head whips up, and we all watch as she steadily makes her way across the pool deck. She stops, pushes back so she's sitting on her heels, and claps her hands.

Laughter bubbles out of me. Crazy, almost hysterical laughter.

For some reason, seeing her crawl strengthens my resolve. I want to do it. I want to face the fans and the haters on my own turf in a way that makes it impossible to misconstrue. "You guys in?"

Teddy and Nolan both nod.

"We'll have to figure out the right?—"

"Whatever you want," Teddy interrupts. "I'll sing whatever you want."

My brain stutters. What song will convince the world that Teddy and my story isn't a love story or a tragedy? It's just part of our journey.