Chapter 17

SEVENTEEN

AMBER

W e leave for San Francisco early on Wednesday morning. Somehow the paparazzi catch wind of my travel plans, so we're mobbed when we get to the airport. As is often the case, a crowd of fans appear seemingly out of nowhere. I stop to greet them and sign autographs while Nolan and part of my security team sneak Maddy through the crowd and onto the private charter.

The flight is insanely short. We've barely taken off before we've landed again. We run into larger crowds in San Francisco than we left in Los Angeles. Once again, Nolan keeps Maddy out of the spotlight while I distract the fans. There are little girls, teenage girls, grown women, and a handful of men who want selfies or autographs or simply to say hi. Their adulation feeds me and exhausts me at the same time. Not that I'd ever complain about the latter.

"Everything okay?" I ask Nolan when I finally climb into the SUV to find Maddy asleep in her car seat.

"We're good," Nolan says, studying me carefully. "You signed a lot of autographs and posed for a ton of selfies. Are you okay? "

For a second, I don't have an answer. It's rare for anyone to ask me how I am. They see the image I've created, and they don't question it. In truth, I don't even usually ask myself how I'm doing. "Of course. I'm great."

His brow quirks. "Are the crowds going to be the same at the hotel?"

"Probably. There's a good chance someone at the label is leaking my location to drum up publicity. Unless I specifically tell them not to, they can't seem to help themselves."

He turns his gaze out the window. "Seems exhausting."

"It's part of the job. I know how much I can take," I reassure him.

His attention shifts back to me. "You make it seem effortless."

"Oh. Well. It isn't. And it is." I pause and consider how to explain. "I'm not Amber Hope without the fans, so I try to pay them back for what they've given me. Don't get me wrong, it's work, but it isn't a burden."

"I guess I didn't fully grasp it until now but the Amber Hope you show the world is the real you. I didn't know that was possible. My father and his friends, they're…not fake, but they're false somehow." He shakes his head. "That sounded judgmental. Of them and of you." He smiles sheepishly. "I meant it as a compliment. I'm impressed by your dedication and your authenticity."

I link my hands together in my lap and let myself enjoy the praise. "Thank you. I'm lucky because I never had to pretend to be something else. The world likes me for who I already am. I love my life. The performing. The creating. I even appreciate the fame. So…that part is one hundred percent real."

"But?" he asks as if he suspects there's more.

"I don't let them see when I'm struggling. Or when I'm sad. Or worried. And yes…sometimes even though I love it, it's exhausting."

He reaches over Maddy's car seat and squeezes my shoulder. It's a casual gesture probably meant to offer support or comfort, but his touch makes me think of our kiss.

I smile faintly, and even though I know I shouldn't, I imagine leaning over and pressing my lips to his. It's a pointless fantasy now that we've agreed not to kiss, but the thought is oddly pleasant anyway.

He flushes when he catches my gaze dropping to his lips and looks away.

"Slater," I shout later that afternoon when my best friend appears in the doorway of my suite. I drop my water bottle on a chair and fly across the room, launching myself into his arms. He catches me and lets me kiss both of his cheeks before he sets me down.

"Ellie," I say just as loudly once I'm on my feet. I wrap his girlfriend in a hug, and then drag them both into the room. They're coming to my show tomorrow, but since I'll be busy then, they decided to come by to see me today.

Slater shrugs out of his jacket, and as soon as I see what he's wearing, I can't help bursting into laughter. "I can't believe you're wearing it."

During my last tour, he had a bloody nose and the blood dripped onto his shirt. Brian went to find him something to change into and the only thing that was left at the merchandise vendor was a tee with a huge image of my face prominently displayed.

"Ellie made me."

"Lies," she says as she unzips her hoodie and reveals that she's wearing the same shirt. "Brian sent us a second one."

My grin couldn't stretch wider. "I love it. Thank you for wearing them."

"We thought you'd appreciate it." She nudges Slater. "You still haven't worn it before a game, have you?"

I clench my hands together in front of my chest and plead, "Please wear it to one of your games." I'd get a kick out of being plastered on his chest as he strolls into the stadium. So would my fans. And his fans.

"You do not need more publicity," he tells me.

"That isn't the point."

"I'll try to convince him," Ellie adds with a chuckle.

Nolan enters the room. Maddy is asleep in the carrier that's strapped to his chest. We have the whole floor, so he took her on a walk to explore while I was on the phone a little while ago. He doesn't seem to notice Slater and Ellie as he comes to a halt in front of me. "Maddy was not impressed when Bruno tried to wrap a glittery ribbon around her head. Also, he gave me this for her hair." He holds up a small bottle. "He thinks we need to make more of an effort with her curls."

I take the bottle and toss it on the couch next to my water bottle. "He's obsessed with her curls. Did you know he made me promise that I won't let anyone else cut her hair?"

"Her curls are adorable. I say let them grow."

"Right? Once I let him cut them, he'll concoct a care routine that'll be way too much work."

"Are you going to introduce us?" Slater interrupts, forcing me to realize that Nolan and I are ignoring him and Ellie.

"Nolan Byrne," Nolan says as he spins and sticks out his hand.

Slater reaches out and grips it. "Slater Jones. And this is my girlfriend, Ellie West."

"Lovely to meet you," Ellie says.

Nolan nods. "You too."

And then nothing. No one speaks. It's awkward and uncomfortable and— "Nolan is Maddy's nanny," I reveal a touch too loudly. "We met when I was stranded in that pool parking lot."

Slater and Ellie exchange a glance.

"The good Samaritan?" she asks.

"That's right."

"You hired a stranger to be Maddy's nanny?" Slater turns to Nolan, a frown on his face. "What'd you do before you became a nanny?" he asks suspiciously.

"I was the headmaster of a preschool," Nolan responds calmly. "What do you do?"

"I'm a quarterback."

Nolan nods as if he doesn't know who Slater is. "That's nice."

I blink. "Wait a second. You…don't know who Slater is?" I wasn't aware that was possible. Slater is almost as famous as me.

"I do." Nolan hesitates, before adding, "When someone asks what you do, it's polite to ask them back." He shifts his feet. "I don't like to make assumptions."

"It isn't an assumption that Slater plays football."

"Maybe not. But I like to let people define themselves." He grimaces. "That sounds absurd." He tips his head back. "He could have been vague and said he was an athlete. He could have deflected and asked me another question. Or he could have played the ex-boyfriend card."

"I never play the ex-boyfriend card in regards to Amber." Slater interjects. "Do you have any idea how hard the press salivates for details about her dating life? Do you know what happened when someone snapped a picture of us hugging?" He shudders and snags Ellie's hand. "Thankfully, I have a girlfriend now, so I don't have to live in constant fear, but we still have to be careful."

He's joking, but I still narrow my eyes. "Constant fear?"

"We can't even hug in public," he reminds me.

Fortunately, he doesn't mention that when I found out I was pregnant with Maddy, I begged him to pretend to be her father. I'm beyond embarrassed that I suggested it and quite grateful that he didn't agree and that Nolan doesn't know.

"We could maybe hug now that you and Ellie are serious."

Slater tugs Ellie into his chest. "Not unless we both want to spend the next six months dodging questions about whether we're dating. I don't relish the prospect of being accused of cheating on my girlfriend." He kisses Ellie lightly and then looks at me. "Plus, aren't you already maxed out with all the Teddy rumors floating around?"

"What Teddy rumors?" I ask, no longer joking around.

He snaps his mouth closed.

"Slater," I warn.

"It's nothing." He waves his hand in the air. "In the weight room the other day, one of the guys mentioned he couldn't believe you'd reconciled with Teddy." I gasp in outrage and he rushes to assure me, "Don't worry, I set him straight."

My blood pressure is rising by the second. "Why did he think that Teddy and I had reconciled?" If Mina and Brian have been keeping something from me, I'm going to be so pissed. I have been diligently avoiding social media and haven't googled myself in weeks so I'm feeling rather clueless.

"I guess there was a picture a couple weeks ago of you and Teddy making out."

"What?" Nolan asks, his jaw suddenly tight as if he's jealous. I shouldn't wish he is, but I can't quite stop myself.

"It wasn't me," I rush to say, my attention locked on Nolan. "Brian had her identity released within hours of the photos surfacing."

"I didn't think it was you," Slater assures me. "I'm sorry I mentioned it, I was trying to make a point, and I went too far. I know how much you hate rumors. Forgive me?"

"Yes. Of course. It's fine." I nod and smile brightly as I turn to him even though I'm still frustrated that even offering the truth isn't enough to kill the rumors.

"I'm sorry." Slater repeats as he lets go of Ellie and pulls me into a brief hug. "How are things between you and Teddy?"

"Not great, but I'm handling it." Teddy's been dodging me since Sunday so he's clearly still mad, but I don't want to get into the details of that right now.

"If you need?—"

"I don't. I'm good. I promise." My smile only feels a bit fake as I steadfastly refuse to glance at Nolan. I don't want to see pity in his eyes, nor do I want him to explain to Slater and Ellie that we're pretending to date in order to deter Teddy. Slater is not a fan of Teddy, but I imagine he'd have concerns about my propensity for lying to him. And he'd have questions about Nolan and me. "What about you guys? Did you decide on an vacation spot?"

It's an effective distraction, and we chat about their travel plans until Maddy's eyes pop open. Since she's awake, Ellie asks if she can hold her, and they spend the next couple of minutes fawning over her. Ellie has Maddy in her lap and is chatting with Nolan when Slater lowers his voice and says, "What's going on between you and Nolan?"

"Nothing," I respond far too quickly.

"Are you sure? He was watching you rather carefully when we were talking about Teddy."

I raise my brow. "Pretty sure I'd know if something were going on between me and Nolan."

He studies me. "Would you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You've been uninterested in relationships since Teddy. I'm just saying…he seems like he might be interested."

"And what, you think I should pursue him?"

He sighs. "I understand why you hesitate. I know Teddy hurt you but if you were interested in Nolan, it might be worth exploring a little. He seems like a nice guy." He pauses. "I know I'm not Amber Hope, but my relationship with Ellie is proof that it's possible to balance fame and an honest relationship."

It might be possible, but it's hard to imagine how it would work. I don't know how to be Amber Hope and date. It's one of the reasons why I don't do it.

"Just think about it, okay?" He ruffles my hair like I'm five. "You're one of the best people I know. You deserve happiness."

He's such a sap now that he's in love and I'm maxed out on this conversation, so I say, "I am happy."

He nods. "Maybe so. But you and I both know you want more."