Chapter 14

FOURTEEN

NOLAN

T he room next to Maddy's has a queen-sized bed, an attached bathroom, and a comfy looking armchair. Amber told me I could use it anytime, but I didn't have a reason to until tonight.

After I get Maddy to sleep, I put the baby monitor next to the sink in the bathroom, strip down, and climb into the shower. The warm water washes the sweat from my body and the tension from my muscles, but it doesn't do much to quiet my thoughts.

I've been on edge since Amber kissed me and the strain between us is not sustainable, especially since we're about to hit the road. We need to clear the air, but I'm not sure how to do it. I turn the water off, rub a towel over my body, and shuffle out of the bathroom.

It's after midnight, but the house remains quiet.

I probably ought to get some sleep, but I'm restless and agitated, and I know I'll toss and turn for another night if I don't talk to Amber so instead of climbing into the bed, I pull on a pair of shorts and a well-worn shirt.

I head downstairs and putter around the kitchen, mindlessly wiping the spotless countertop and wondering when they'll be back. I open the fridge to grab a bottle of juice when I hear a clambering from the front of the house. With the juice in my hand, I exit the kitchen to find Amber and Mina in the foyer.

Amber is hanging her bag on a hook and kicking off her shoes. Her cheeks are rosy and she still looks stage worthy, but she's moving slowly. She's probably exhausted. I consider delaying until the morning, but hopefully talking will help her relax too. She spots me and quickly averts her gaze. I have the inexplicable urge to give her a hug even though I'm frustrated with her.

"How's Maddy?" she asks without looking up.

"Oh…uh…she's good. She went right to sleep when we got home."

She chews on her lip. "But she hated the show?"

"Sort of. I mean…she didn't see much of the show. We didn't stay in the wings for long. But she was good leading up to showtime," I remind her.

She slowly turns and leans against the wall. "Mina says she was really fussy before you left."

"She was, but it was late, and she was tired."

"All the shows go late." Her shoulders sag while a weak smile appears.

"They do." I hesitate and then cautiously add, "It might make sense for us to plan to leave shortly after the show begins."

She frowns. "I don't want to agree with you, but I don't see how I can disagree. Babies need consistent rest."

I nod in agreement. "I didn't expect you to concur so easily."

Her gaze flies to me. "I'm not an asshole. I want what's best for Maddy."

She's defensive and I hate it. I'm not trying to be critical. "I know you do." I pause to shore up my courage. "I…uh…think we need to talk."

"Sure." She darts a glance at Mina who is blatantly staring at us. "Mina, I'll see you tomorrow."

Mina hesitates and then nods and disappears into the house, probably heading for her rooms toward the back of the main level.

"I could use a snack. Join me in the kitchen?" Amber asks.

I trail behind her as I attempt to organize my thoughts. I've had two full days to figure out what I'd like to say, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be eloquent. She gets yogurt out of the fridge, grabs a spoon, and then leans against the counter.

"I'm sorry," I tell her.

"You're sorry?" she asks, her brows drawing together.

"I told you I'd be your fake boyfriend and then the first time we had to pretend, we completely overdid it and then I flaked out. Did I ruin the scheme?"

She sets the yogurt down on the counter behind her without opening it. "Ruin it?"

"Umm, yes." Why does she seem confused? She was there, and she's been actively avoiding me since. "Our kiss was…unexpected, and I kind of panicked. I left when I should have stayed."

"You're serious?" she asks. I nod and she shakes her head. "I can't believe—I'm not mad at you , and you didn't ruin anything. You heard Teddy. He's completely convinced that we're dating. He might be annoyed about it, but he definitely believes it."

"Oh." If we did what we set out to do—"Why are you avoiding me then?" What if she hated kissing me and hasn't wanted to tell me?

She squeezes her eyes shut and then peeks at me through the left one. "I panicked too." She rubs the spoon against her palm. "Our kiss was…hot?" I almost groan. It really was, but that is not what I expected her to say. "For a second there, I forgot it was fake. But I'm not…you're not…we're not supposed to be confused. I overlooked where we were. I ignored who I am, and who you are, so even though it was great, we probably shouldn't do it again."

"Right." My head agrees with every word, but my heart is crushed. It's not necessarily that I thought she was avoiding me because she didn't like it, but knowing she feels the same way that I do, and yet doesn't want to kiss me again, is a blow. "No kissing. Got it."

She frowns. "It isn't that I don't want to. In fact, my mom suggested we kiss more. Just kiss, kiss, kiss until forever, I guess." She told her mom? I'm not sure what to make of that. "She made some valid points when I talked to her, but when it comes down to it, I have to be responsible."

"Responsible, yes. Of course." It's the responsible response.

"Okay. Good. I'm glad we're on the same page." She pauses. "I'll try to be less weird from now on."

"Great. Me too." An awkward silence falls. What now? "How was the show?"

She smiles. "It was perfect. Thanks for asking."

"Good. Great." I need a new word. Silence falls again.

"So…Russell Gage, huh?" She nudges me with her foot. "Why didn't you tell us?"

I scrub my hand over my face. "I guess it isn't the sort of thing I usually share with people."

"That makes sense, but we're not"—she pauses like she doesn't know what we are any better than I do—"just people."

"I almost mentioned him when we were talking about Maddy."

Her eyes widen. "Oh wow. I didn't consider that you have practical experience with a famous father. I bet your childhood was interesting." She hesitates and then adds, "He's kind of a piece of work, isn't he?"

"He is. I'm sorry about…pretty much everything he said to you."

She laughs softly. "I can take a bit of good-natured ribbing."

My gaze dips to her mouth, and the urge to kiss her again overwhelms me. I haven't forgotten how she tastes. Or how she felt pressed against me. I swallow and look away. "I guess I should head to bed. I'll get up with Maddy in the morning if you want."

"Oh…that's super sweet, but I'll get her. If I don't get up early, I'll barely see her tomorrow."

"Sounds good. I'll start the coffee when I get up," I tell her and then leave as quickly as I can so we aren't forced to make the trek to the bedrooms together and then part in the upstairs hallway. I'm not sure my heart could handle it.