Chapter Eighteen

Tess

With breakfast complete, everyone moved along with their day, leaving Tess and Gwen at the table.

Gwen shifted over to her dad’s seat so the friends were kitty-corner and better able to see each other and speak in tones that wouldn’t carry.

“Who the hell are you?” Gwen thought friendship was no-holds-barred. Once a certain threshold of intimacy was surmounted, she took down any mask and said what she wanted.

Take it or leave it; that was who she was. And Tess, for the most part, found it refreshing because it meant she too could relax her social vigilance.

“Why are you acting that way around him?” Gwen pressed.

“Around whom? What way?” Tess knew; she was buying herself some time. She absolutely did not want to divulge her story to anyone.

“Levi, of course,” Gwen turned toward his voice out in the courtyard where a group of children had gathered around him.

As she turned back, Tess raised a sardonic brow in response.

“When you're around Levi, you're stiff as a board, and you avoid eye contact.”

Tess shrugged. “Maybe I'm just embarrassed that I was such a damsel in distress. That I needed to be scooped into this man's arms and carried feels ridiculous, even more so when there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. Yeah, grateful and embarrassed are weird bedfellows.”

When Tess was coming down the mountain, she was ultra-aware that she was in Levi’s arms only for pragmatic hero reasons. He would carry anyone. A guy, a grandma—it was nothing sexy or romantic.

God, he smelled so good.

Lying in her hospital room, unable to sleep with the constant nurse checks, Tess remembered all the times Levi had swept her into his arms and carried her to bed. When he was in that kind of mood, what followed was always amazing.

When he was standing on the platform at the top of the hill before the breakneck descent that had her clinging to him with eyes squeezed shut, his voice caught as he said, “Tessy, I'm sorry if this is awkward, but we did this before. Remember when you sprained your ankle on the hike?”

Did she remember?

Of course, she did. They were new to dating, out hiking for the first time when her foot went in a hole. He carried her down the mountain, took her to the orthopedic emergency center, made sure nothing was broken, ordered her favorite food, and took her back to his place at their shared apartment building. He wanted her to stay at his place on the ground floor so she wouldn't be stuck in a 3rd floor walk-up apartment while on crutches. He’d offered his bed and slept on the couch. He even called Shanti that night, asking her to bring down clothes because Tess’s things were muddy, and she’d need her toothbrush and pajamas.

Shanti arrived, giggled, and left.

And Levi couldn't have been more amazing.

Shanti said that when Levi opened the door to her, he had been such a super alpha hero protector that even she'd gotten a rush.

And Shanti was a card-carrying Gold Star Lesbian.

From Gwen’s behavior this morning, she, like Shanti, had gotten the same kind of tingle when they saw Levi in full go mode.

It was completely understandable that Gwen found Levi appealing.

Who wouldn’t?

“Oh my god, the whole scene was movie-worthy,” Gwen gushed. “The way he lifted you, the way he held you—I mean, he treated you as if you were precious.” Gwen paused and stared over to where he was laughing with the children. “To be honest,” she said softly, “I’d like to be treated as precious at some point by a man who could scoop me up and carry me down the rocky trail, racing to save my life.” She turned back to Tess and forced a smile. “Sometimes, it’s hard to get my date to share his umbrella with me.”

“Wait a minute,” Tess scowled for oh so many reasons but voiced only one, “You wish you were the one that went through that yesterday?”

“Absolutely not. I would like that scene only if Levi wasn't actually racing to try to save my life. But you have to admit, that whole thing was rom-com worthy.” Tipping her head, she added. “You seem embarrassed. That's not at all like you.”

Embarrassment? She was just trying to make it through Gwen’s Levi-gushing.

It hurt. All of it. And yet, Tess had no right to feel that way.

“Obviously, you hadn’t planned for your foot to slip off a rock,” Gwen pressed on. “There’s nothing embarrassing about your actions. So that's not it.”

Still nothing from Tess.

“He knew your name. He calls you Tessy. At least he did on the hill. That seems intimate.”

“I knew Levi a long time ago, back in college.”

Gwen leaned forward. “And he did something heinous? Some frat brother douchery?”

“Levi?” Tess pulled her chin back. “Never.”

Gwen canted her head, assessing Tess for a long moment, gears obviously whirring as she tried to make sense of her clues. “You knew him when you were married to Abraham?”

“Before my marriage. Abraham and I were married during Levi’s first deployment.

“But Abraham knew him?” Gwen was starting to see the picture.

“Yes, they liked each other a lot and got on very well.”

Gwen tipped her head back and forth. “So, is there something going on between you two now?”

“Levi and me?” Tess looked away. “No, why?”

She pushed harder. “He’s fair game then?”

Tess forced her focus to land on Gwen, forced her voice to sound unaffected. “He’s his own person. Why would you ask me about that? I don’t know anything about his life. I haven’t seen him in almost two decades. You should ask Levi if he’s relationship-free.”

Everything in Tess’s body clenched. And it shouldn’t. Tess wasn’t a jealous person by nature. But she hadn’t asked, and he hadn’t said—there very well could be a Mrs. Elliot and their children at home waiting for Levi’s return.

It was probable that was the case.

There was no reason for her to be jealous about any part of his life, and equally, there was no reason to be jealous of Gwen’s interest.

All that was left of Levi and her were memories. Their separation was something she had imposed on him. And now she was a thorn in his side, a moment in time he needed to get through until they could both go on their merry ways, tossing this chance encounter into their memory boxes and shutting the lids.

Gwen had turned her full attention to the yard.

Mojo was outside with Reaper, Levi, Goose, and Enrico. The kids were nearby playing with their jump ropes.

“What are the men doing?” Tess asked.

“See that pole near them?” Gwen pointed. “Enrico uses it to train the puppies to bite the rope and play tug of war. It builds their jaw strength and the endurance of their hind legs as they pull. The working dogs still have fun with that when they’re here making their etiquette rounds.”

“Etiquette rounds,” Tess laughed, relieved that the conversation had turned to something else.

“The K9s need to keep up their people skills. So they come here to hang out with visitors in a domestic setting instead of the kennels.”

“But why is the rope coming out of a pipe?”

“Enrico explained that pipe is chest-high on a man. They want to make sure that they don’t allow the dogs to train too high up for fear the dog wouldn’t just take someone down but catch the neck where they could puncture an artery.”

Tess gave a full-bodied shake.

Levi pointed at one of the kids, and the boy handed over his rope. He pulled out his phone and tapped until a song blared out.

A moment later, there was Levi doing his rope thing. He’d told Tess back in the day that he’d learned to do a hip-hop dance with a rodeo accent with a jump rope because he wanted to impress the head cheerleader at his school. And he had. She was very impressed with his skills. But that didn’t make her any less a lesbian, so he’d put in the work and had this fun skill but never got the kiss. He did gain a friend, though. They were still close when Tess was in the picture.

That song over, the kids were jumping up and down, begging for another dance.

The music changed, and once again, Levi was twirling the rope seamlessly and effortlessly through his dance routine.

Gwen grabbed Tess’s hand, shooting a quick look in Tess’s direction. “Look at him! How is it you’re not drooling?”

You can’t drool when your heart stops beating.

Gwen turned her attention back to Levi without needing an answer.

Now Tess was looking at the back of Gwen’s head as Gwen said, “So there's nothing there anymore. You're sure? It's okay with you if I see if he's interested in getting to know me?”

“I don't understand why you would ask me such a question.”

“You obviously used to be a thing back in college.”

“When I was in college, I married Abraham. I was a loyal married woman. That's all you need to know about my past relationships.”

Knowing Gwen couldn’t see her line of focus, Tess watched Levi showing the children how to do one of his moves and said, “I have loved deeply, and I have lost profoundly. I don't think my heart will ever be whole enough to love anyone else.”

“Yeah, I’m not so sure about that.” Gwen turned to her. “If there isn't something there, why do you act that way around him?”

Tess forced herself to turn away and drop a curtain on her emotions. “What way?”

“I don't know.” Gwen peered at Tess. “Cowed? Ashamed? Vulnerable? Maybe the right word is fragile.”

“You're misreading my emotions.”

Gwen reached out to lay a hand on Tess’s arm. “Then help me understand. Can I help?”

“I'm grieving. You’re seeing me feeling grief for my loss. It bubbles up to overwhelm me at times. All I can do is move through it.”

“I sometimes forget that you were widowed. That's,” she shook her head, “not fathomable to me. That seems like something for much older people. But your husband died like ten years ago.” She squeezed Tess’s arm. “Not to diminish the pain of your loss, but still, there's hope for the future to feel brighter.”

Was it okay for her to let Gwen believe that these feelings were for Abraham?

Did it matter?

Grief was grief.

What Tess decided to say was, “Back in college, Levi was on a gymnastics scholarship. Go ask him to do a dance on that dog rope and see what he can do. It’s amazing.” She stood. “I’m going to go grab a hat for Etosha. You should go enjoy the talented Levi Elliot.”